Savant Appius "Zappius" Wight vs. Battlemaster Von Ricmore

Savant Appius "Zappius" Wight

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Force Disciple, Sorcerer, Mandalorian
vs.

Battlemaster Von Ricmore

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Vizsla
Male Skakoan, Sith, Defender, Mandalorian
Comment

Many thanks to both of you for your extreme patience with this match's judging, both through the vendetta and the tumultuous months before and after it. There is no excuse for how long this judgement has taken from either assigned Judge, and you both have our formal and public apologies for that. Thank you so much for competing in and championing the ACC, even through such lapses on the part of the staff.

That said, we are here for a judgement, and I will get right to it. Your comments on this battle are somewhat briefer, but I would like to say that you both made good showing of Appius and Von's reunion exploding into hurt both physical and emotional. I'm not sure if you both had a deal to disarm Von, literally, but either way it was an engaging read. While you both brought combat and conflict to the table, though, some Realism errors held Von back, and we can only have one winner. To that end, I declare Appius "Zappius" Wight the victor of this match.

Well done, to both of you, and I hope to see you competing again in the future...perhaps for round two, say, on Mustufar? We have to see how this story ends, after all.

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Savant Appius "Zappius" Wight, Battlemaster Von Ricmore
Winner Savant Appius "Zappius" Wight
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Savant Appius "Zappius" Wight's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Battlemaster Von Ricmore's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Crait: Former Rebel Base
Last Post 1 June, 2021 10:51 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
High Inquisitor Hector Von Ricmore High Inquisitor "Aequitas" Anderson
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: Numerous errors throughout, particularly in second post. Rationale: Repeated errors throughout, but did not detract from readability.
Story - 40%
High Inquisitor Hector Von Ricmore High Inquisitor "Aequitas" Anderson
Score: 2 Score: 4
Rationale: Combat is present, but little is done to contribute to the story meaningfully, and some points become confusing. Rationale: Engaging set up and conclusion, emotional all the way through.
Realism - 25%
High Inquisitor Hector Von Ricmore High Inquisitor "Aequitas" Anderson
Score: 2 Score: 4
Rationale: Multiple Major and Minor detractors concerning the use of Telekinesis along with Slow. Rationale: Minor Detractor concerning equipment.
Continuity - 20%
High Inquisitor Hector Von Ricmore High Inquisitor "Aequitas" Anderson
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: No mention of injuries accrued in first post in either subsequent post. Rationale: No errors found.
High Inquisitor Hector Von Ricmore's Score: 2.55 High Inquisitor "Aequitas" Anderson's Score: 4.2
Posts

Crait Former Rebel Base

The planet of Crait, known mostly for its salt covered red soil and minerals, became the setting for the reborn legend of Luke Skywalker. The tale of the First Order's siege upon the remnants of the Resistance and Skywalker’s solitary last stand spread like wildfire throughout the galaxy. The scars born of the siege still remain, alongside the breached and empty carcass of what was once a rebel base. After what became known as the Battle of Crait, the planet now sits forgotten by the First Order and Resistance alike. Which makes it the perfect place for scavengers and adventurers.

The crystalline flats extend far into the horizon until the distance ceases to hold meaning. The scorched salt mingle with the red soil, forcibly fused together by the violent discharge of heavy artillery fire. Old rebel speeders lie as skeletal reminders of the toll that the Resistance had paid in staging their last stand. Most of the parts have already stripped of what parts survived.

Standing opposite the endless flats is an expansive mountain side that stands almost completely vertical. Climbing it would be a difficult, if not impossible prospect. Tall, heavily armored doors—now breached—are built into the mountainside itself and mark the entrance to the abandoned base.

The approach to the base is lined by fallen turrets and crumbled trenches. Once inside, various crates and shrapnel litter the ground and offer nothing of value, save for cover when in need. The cave system expands outward from the entrance in a winding maze of crystalline pathways. If traveled long enough, and with some luck, an unmarked exit lies to be found. The hangar itself is divided into purposeful quadrants, with a command station situated deeper inside that leads to supply rooms and barracks.

Standing on the salted ground gives even the least perceptive a sense of gravity. The weight of what transpired is undeniable, with the visible reminders there for all to see if they care to look.

The planet is also known for its native crystal critters—Vulptex—which can leave the safety of their underground tunnels to investigate new visitors to their terrain.

Crait was like looking upon the tears of the galaxy in one place. The famous last stand of Luke Skywalker remained in pieces, just like the old Resistance vehicles that scattered across the crystalline terrain. Their hero was now long gone. The bright mid-day sun beamed down from above and reflected against the silvery surface, giving it a vibrant sheen as Battlemaster Von Ricmore's boots crunched across the soft salt. A gentle breeze rolled past, bringing with it a much welcome reprieve from the warm sun as his footprints left red footprints on the ground.

The gargantuan Skakoan glanced upon his surroundings. Whatever remained of anything valuable had been long since picked clean. Vulptices observed him from a cautious distance, tilting their heads curiously as the masked man passed them by. The place was deserted and isolated.

"It's perfect!" Von jeered excitedly as he turned his head towards a man that approached from the nearby abandoned Rebel base. "Wouldn't you say so, Appius?"

The man in question was heavily armoured and wore distinct, red Mandalorian armor. The most distinctive feature, and perhaps most glaring, was the golden lightning bolt on his chest. The Sorcerer was tall by Human standards, yet nowhere near Von's towering stature.

"You're late. Didn't I ever tell you tardiness is unbecoming of you, Von?" Appius teased, which caused the Skakoan to rub the back of his head sheepishly. "Anyways, you said you had something to discuss with me in private over an urgent matter? An offer I couldn't refuse?"

"Are you aware Dracaryis returned to Vizsla as the new Consul?" the Sith suddenly inquired.

"I am aware, yes," Appius responded with a slight tilt of his head. "Is he here? This place seems tailor-made for him."

Even Von couldn't deny the amusing thought and chuckled to himself.

"Nice. Salt Lord. Very funny, Appius," the Vizsla member commended. "He opened up the Deathwatch leader position pretty much as soon as he sat in Roark's old seat."

"Good for him," Appius muttered as he reminisced over the Battleteam that he created.

"It could be good for you too. How would you feel about leading Deathwatch again? It'll be like old times! What do you say?" Von asked like the answer was obvious. The Skakoan was uniquely positive, his arms out wide ready to embrace his friend again and call him a comrade once more!

"No."

Appius' answer sent any amount of elation Von had crashing into the pit of his gut. The Skakoan dropped his arms to his sides and forced himself to utter one word.

"Why?"

"I'm not in Vizsla, Von. I'm a Taldryanite, and the new Proconsul to boot," the Sorcerer explained.

"But you left Vizsla for Taldryan!" the Defender interjected. You could easily come back! I could talk to Dracaryis. I'm sure there are no hard feelings! You were a great asset to us back then and you could be now!"

"Von, I left for a reason. I'm not going back. I belong in Taldryan now. I'm a Proconsul now, and you know what? I'm happy where I am. I have a position of power and people I care about. Aylin, Dasha, and Ankira just to name a few. They need me and… I need them. I really need them. I'm sorry, Von, but my answer is no."

Silence descended upon the two men again with only the slight howl of the wind for company. Von clenched his fists before retrieving both of his lightsabers from his utility belt.

"Von, what are you doing?" Appius asked lowly, his body tensing at the Skakoan's actions. Crimson-red blades ruptured out of both hilts as the Defender bent his knees and brought his weapons close to his body.

"If you won't come with me willingly, then I'll just have to take you by force," the Skakoan answered bluntly.

The Taldryanite's eyes hardened under the threat, his heart beat faster in his chest as his right hand grazed over the cylindrical object at his hip.

"I'm warning you, Von. Don't…"

The Force went off like a klaxon at the back of the Sorcerer's mind and alarmed him of imminent danger. Von coiled himself like a viper before springing himself at Appius with a devastating lunge, both blades poised towards the Human's arms. The Taldryanite retaliated by activating his jetpack and leaping back out of the way of the attack, kicking up a storm of red mist from Crait's crystalline surface. Appius landed ten feet away as his feet skid across the salty earth.

If that's how you want to play, Von. Then fine! The Taldryanite screamed in his mind and gritted his teeth.

The tendrils of the dark side of the Force poured through the Sorcerer's body as he drove the hot, burning sensation to the tips of his fingers. Streaks of white and blue soared towards the Defender and hissed like a violent, sparking wire. The Vizsla Sith felt the attack coming through the red mist thanks to the Force, and crossed both of his lightsabers in front of him. The lightning crashed into his weapons seconds later before dissipating into the blades.

The mist vanished at last, and Von could gaze upon Appius again. Though the Skakoan was alarmed when he saw the Sorcerer's arms reach out to the broken down remains of a nearby Resistance speeder bike. With the painfully loud shrills and grinding of steel against steel, the large, heavy object lifted into the air and was hurled towards Von at a high speed. The Sith hurled his right-hand saber towards the approaching metal in response, slicing cleanly through the bike like a hot knife through soft flesh as both pieces crashed by either side of the Defender. The lightsaber arched through the air and returned to the Skakoan's large, bulky hand whilst the surrounding vulptices scurried away in a panic.

"It's come to this, has it, Von? I thought you were my friend!" Appius cried out over the distance.

"Friends don't betray each other!" Von responded with a hurt tone in his voice. "You abandoned me and all your friends in Vizsla. You were more than just my friend, you were my brother! Brothers don't do that to each other!"

"Vizsla betrayed me," Appius retorted. "I HAD NO CHOICE!"

"YOU LIAR! YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD A CHOICE. YOU ARE JUST TOO WEAK TO SEE IT!" Von retorted.

"THEN YOU ARE NO FRIEND OF MINE!" Appius roared and activated his jetpack again. The Human Mandalorian summoned his lightsaber to his hand with the Force as two jade-coloured blades erupted out of both ends of the hilt. The dark Force Disciple launched himself at Von as the Skakoan braced himself. When Sorcerer swung towards Von, the Vizsla member narrowly sidestepped out of the way and used the opportunity to quickly swipe at the jetpack on Appius' back.

Got it! the Defender celebrated to himself.

The Sorcerer briefly lost control before he deactivated the thrusters, skidding and rolling across the ground until eventually coming to a stop. Appius slowly rose to his feet and carefully dusted himself down. That landing hurt. The fuel line to his jetpack was severed and made it no longer usable. The Human tossed it aside and sputtered coughs from behind his visor as tried to shrug off the pain. His ribs weren't broken, and it was a huge plus considering how hard he had landed, but damn it all! It still hurt like a rancor just smacked him.

"There. No more flying around for you. Your mobility is now severely limited," Von declared confidently.

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 1 September, 2021 1:04 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

"Friends don't betray each other!" Von responded with a hurt tone in his voice. "You abandoned me and all your friends in Vizsla. You were more than just my friend, you were my brother! Brothers don't do that to each other!"

As usual, you did a good job setting up the premise of the conflict here, particularly in building in not just the feelings of betrayal across Clan lines, but between two former comrades and friends, making it a touch more personal in the violence. I appreciated that it was basically both of them shouting that they were the wronged parties. The combat worked between the arguments well.


Can Be Improved

You had a couple minor syntax errors here and there, though nothing that made reading a struggle. What you did stutter a bit on, we concluded, was the lightsaber blade cutting through a fuel line not causing ignition of the fuel itself. It was cool to see the jetpack foiled like that, but the plasma making contact with the liquid fuel ought to have caused ignition, and we're left head scratching as to why it just...doesn't, save for plot convenience. I was torn on whether to make this a minor Story detractor or a Realism one and landed on Realism because of how we're dealing with the operation of equipment. So, just be careful in the future there.

“That may be so,” Appius replied. He deactivated his saberstaff before hooking it to his belt.

Reaching out to the Force, Appius felt the power of the Dark Side flow through him. A cold sensation flowed through him, a familiar companion eagerly anticipating the coming violence.

“But let’s see how you handle this.” The sorcerer proclaimed. He held both hands outward. The ground began to tremble and crack as a massive slab of salt was torn from the surface of Crait.

The Force cried out in warning, sending a chill down Von’s spine. Whatever Appius was attempting, allowing him to finish would surely be bad for his health.

Reaching out to the Force, Von felt the inky, cold, bottomless depth of the Dark Side eager to answer his call. He shaped it, gave it form, and projected it towards Appius.

The Sorcerer paused in his action, body freezing up in fright for a brief moment. Recognizing a foreign Force intrusion, Appius quickly steeled himself against the artificial fear. The brief pause was enough to disrupt the Human’s action. The rock of salt had fallen back to the surface of Crait.

Von knew he could not afford to let The Sorcerer recover. The Skakoan grit his teeth behind his mask as he allowed the Dark Side to flow through him. His limbs felt lighter yet more durable and his thoughts began to cloud as an unnatural anger overtook him.

“APPIUS!” The Sith exclaimed in a primal anger as he began to sprint towards his opponent.

The human was unphased by his opponent’s newfound rage. He calmly raised both hands. A stream of electricity shot from each hand, slamming against Von’s dual blades.

The impact began to drive him back, boots sliding across the salted ground. He gave himself even further to the darkness; boots began to dig a trench in the ground as he forced himself towards Appius, inch by inch.

The Force Disciple scowled behind his helmet as he watched Von march closer.

“This may be a problem after all.” Appius muttered to himself. “But it’s nothing I can’t handle. Von can’t possibly hope to measure up when it comes to mastery of the Force. The Force is my ally, and a powerful ally it is.”

With Von practically upon him, Appius resigned himself to another round of saber combat. Emerald blades ignited from each side of his saber staff as he prepared to engage the beserker.

He called upon the Dark Side to infuse his body with the speed to match his foe, but not nearly enough to cloud his mind with anger.

The human gave ground, content to block and parry Von’s blows as he waited for the rage to subside.

Seeing the Skakaon begin to slow in his movements Appius raised his right hand, wrapping Von in the Force like molasses. The Sith slowed even further, his movements practically a crawl.

Content that the danger had passed for now, Appius turned off his saberstaff and placed it back upon his belt.

Splitting part of his concentration to maintain the slow on his enemy, Appius focused his remaining efforts back on the salt boulder. He raised it into the air where it began to crumble and shatter. The boulder was worn down by the Force, transformed from a massive rock to a myriad of salt particles which orbited around Appius.

Von could only stare in awe at his foe who stood in the middle of a self made storm like an angry God. That awe quickly became pain and fury when the storm was launched into Von, grinding against his armor and pushing him towards the ground. He tumbled and scraped along the ground before plummeting into one of the many trenches left behind by The Resistance.

Sitting up slowly did not seem to bring excruciating pain. The Skakoan assumed that nothing was broken, but he was hardly an expert on the matter.

His armor was ripped to shreds, mere scraps of fabric and leather covered the metallic pressure suit he wore to survive. The suit seemed intact and his breathing was fine; it appeared that he would live for now.

Von drew on the Force to block out his aches and pains. Hauling himself out of the trench, he made his way over to where he was fighting Appius.

A set of red salt covered footprints leading away from the battle stood out against the white ground.

“This isn’t over yet, Appius.” Von vowed to himself as he began to follow after his enemy.

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 1 September, 2021 1:16 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The Sorcerer paused in his action, body freezing up in fright for a brief moment. Recognizing a foreign Force intrusion, Appius quickly steeled himself against the artificial fear. The brief pause was enough to disrupt the Human’s action. The rock of salt had fallen back to the surface of Crait.

I was actually highly impressed by this very good depiction of high Terror with the associated Feat vs equally high Resolve. Terror is one of the easiest Powers to write poorly, but you balanced it so well with showing the gathering of the ability in Von, then the pause in Appius as he feels and then dismisses the fear.

Generally speaking, you did well carrying on the conflict set up in continuing the combat. Most of your Syntax was also fine.


Can Be Improved

That said, you did have a few Syntax errors, specifically in dialogue punctuation, which occurs in both your posts. I'll touch more on that later.

The focus herein was what caught you in this battle, which was the Realism detractors garnered with the use of Telekinesis on Appius' part for his dramatic move with the salt. You're essentially carrying a Major Detractor for the overall Telekinesis use and a Minor one for doing it WHILE performing a sustained use of the Slow Power for simplicity's sake (rather than breaking down the TK errors). It boils down to this: Appius cannot rip an entire chunk of ground from the earth with Telekinesis, and he cannot create a sandstorm (or a salt one) with Telekinesis and then direct it. The former applies to the general strength of TK, which can certainly lift large objects, but isn't generally able to tear something so large out of something so much larger. That is to say, lifting a boulder might be okay, but making a boulder, less so. The latter applies more to how difficult it would be to concentrate on every single particulate/grain in order to throw all of them at a person at once, nevermind swirling or otherwise controlling them in a complex manner. We see an instance in TCW where Dooku and Anakin (two of the more "main character power" features) fling sand at each other, but it's more akin to our Telekinetic Wave Feat, where they're just pushing up some dust, not controlling it, and it does not have enough force to throw either of them back.

The long and short of it is, it's a very cool image and idea, it just breaks Realism.

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 1 September, 2021 1:47 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

"I… Ugh… Erm… Come on, Appius. THINK!!!" the Sorcerer panicked. "I didn't mean to do it. I swear, I promise. Damn it, Von. You had to make me do it, didn't you!? This is your fault. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

Narrator voice: It was, in fact, not Von's fault. Tsk, tsk, Appi, regressing. Delicious angst.

You did well in remembering and acknowledging/using your own previous injury in this post, as well as resolving the story altogether with quite the dramatic flare and a rather emotional tug for Appius' displayed regret. Poor Von. He met with Appius, the one stop limb chop shop (yes, I've read your other battles, you're making a collection).


Can Be Improved

You had the same Syntax issues in this post as the last. I'll remind you that dialogue punctuation rules apply to thoughts as well, so be careful of your closing punctuation on them!

There was some strain of disbelief and additional confusion in the writing over how drained Appius is in your combat sequence. You specify that, after a whole battle while bruised and battered, he can barely manage to focus for the Telekinesis, as if it's his last move...then you go right on about using Force Lightning in a sustained attack. It left the reader wondering how he pulls that off, when he's already done all those instances of Telekinesis in your post AND in Von's post, along with Slow, more Telekinesis, and then finally Lightning after saying he's too exhausted. Be careful you don't contradict yourself in these dramatic moments (I've done it too).

Finally, and this is more a comment than a detractor because it doesn't change the outcome of the battle at all, but we did get to ponder a bit at how Von wasn't instantly dead via the suit breach the size of his arm when it got severed. At first reading I thought his mortality would be over bleeding out from the lost limb, but then I remembered he's a Skakoan in a pressure suit. It was especially puzzling for your ending because you actually specified worry over how Von wouldn't "last long" but that there was help from House Wren coming for him and Appius' anguish of leaving him behind and over what he'd done...and it's all just a bit odd next to, "but...isn't he supposed to explode without a pressure suit? Or suffocate instantly?" But our Wiki doesn't actually specify timing in how long they can live without a suit, only that they need it to live, so it's a little bit up in the air.

And there Appius was, waiting, watching like he'd somehow heard Von's words across the vast sea of red between them. The Skakoan approached, chest heaving and looking like he'd been smashed through several glass windows.

I can't fail. Von thought to himself. I will not fail! You are coming with me, Appius, whether you like it or not!

The two Force user's stood apart from one another, the Crait sun beating down upon them with a lack of mercy to their violence. Von gripped his lightsabers in his hands, which had become deactivated in his fall and switched them back on.

Snap-Hiss!

Two crimson blades erupted out of the hilts in the Defender's hands. The Skakoan placed his dominant foot forward into the salty, red-stained earth and bent his knees before placing his lightsabers horizontally in front of him, yet he held them close to his chest.

"So, this is what it comes to, is it?" the Taldryanite called out across the short distance between the two. "Two former friends locked into a battle until one of them relents?"

"Or you can surrender," Von answered.

As much as dual-blades provided significant strengths, they provided flaws in other areas too. Appius knew of these strengths and weaknesses, it was just a matter of how to exploit them. The Sorcerer's biggest problem was his fatigue. The Force may have been his ally, and indeed, a powerful ally at that, but Appius' reserves weren't infinite. The Sorcerer's grandiose display of power was beginning to take its toll on him. On top of this, the bruising in his ribs became more and more apparent as time went on. Not to mention the fact he wasn't completely familiar with Von's lightsaber techniques. They were unconventional, showed shades of Niman and something else, but he couldn't pinpoint what.

I need to end this quickly. The Force Disciple mused to himself.

"I'm not coming with you, Von," the Proconsul started. "Firstly because you are wrong, and secondly, and let's face the facts here, you can't beat me."

Von involuntarily winced under Appius' taunt.

"You're just goading me," the Sith answered more for himself than to his opponent.

"Think about it Von, every single time we have fought, what has been the result? You've lost, every single damn time. Face it, Von! You know it is true!" Appius continued to prod. The Skakoan lowered his head and pondered what the Taldryan Proconsul had stated.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Von exclaimed. Memories came flooding back from their time together in Clan Vizsla, to the formation of the Deathwatch and even Appius' eventual departure from the Clan. It was true. Every time they fought, trained, challenged each other, the Human had come out on top.

And it infuriated the Sith.

The Sorcerer went wide-eyed, this was the exact opening that he was looking for! In his moment of anger, the Sith allowed himself to lower his defense. Appius stretched out with the Force and wrapped it around Von like a viper coiling around its prey. The Sorcerer strained as he did so, fatigue setting in, but he pulled the Skakoan towards him with as much of his power as he could muster.

The Defender soared across the salty plains like a black hole was pulling him into its centre. Appius inhaled, pulled back his right arm, clenched his fist tightly, and swung it directly into the Skakoan's face. An audible crack was heard from the mask as parts of it splintered, revealing the Skakoan's pressure suit behind it. Von dropped to the ground on his back with a hard thud, covering his face with his forearm. The Vizsla member opened his eyes when he heard a distinct, yet familiar hissing sound above him.

"Kark!" Von swore as he felt the Force warn him of imminent danger. The Vizsla member raised his sabers to block the stream of lightning that thundered out of Appius' hands. The Skakoan grunted and held firm for a few moments. As the electricity faded, the Defender could see his opportunity to end the fight. The Sith defender waited a few seconds for the electricity to stop before he seized his opening.

"GOT YOU!" Von swung both his sabers at Appius' thighs, intending to sever them from the Human's body. Yet, they didn't. They scraped across the surface of the Mandalorian Force User's shins and reflected Von's attack.

Beskar! The Sith remembered. It was a material sought out by many in the galaxy. In particular, Von's fellow clanmates in Vizsla. He knew Appius had it, and even planned for it just in case. But in the heat of the moment, it left the Defender's mind.

Appius attempted to stomp down hard on Von's skull, but the Skakoan narrowly avoided the giant boot as it threatened to plant his head into the salt. The Sith forced himself up onto his feet. Tired, battered, near-broken and his face throbbing, Von was nothing if not defiant. A defiance that cost him dearly.

The Skakoan raised his sabers, his arms burnt and his lungs cried for reprieve which slowed his movements significantly just enough for the Sorcerer to retrieve his weapon. Emerald blades ruptured out of either side of the saberstaff, and with one haphazard swing, Appius capitalized. The Taldryanite's lightsaber cut through Von's left arm at the shoulder and severed it from his body. Appius dropped to the ground, his ribs burning with pain.

The severed limb dropped to the ground with a soft thud as the effects were immediately heard. Von released a blood-curdling scream as Appius recoiled at what he'd just done.

"Appius… Why?" Von suddenly whispered weakly as he dropped to his knees and curled over in shock.

"Von!" the Sorcerer shouted as he crawled over to the Skakoan's side.

"I… Ugh… Erm… Come on, Appius. THINK!!!" the Sorcerer panicked. "I didn't mean to do it. I swear, I promise. Damn it, Von. You had to make me do it, didn't you!? This is your fault. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

No matter how much Appius tried to shift the blame to Von, it didn't help cure the guilt. The Skakoan's pressure suit was now compromised and exposed Von to the atmosphere of Crait. The Skakoan would be fine for now, but he couldn't stay that way.

Suddenly, Appius was alerted by the sound of several crafts bursting into the air above them. The Taldryanite glanced up to an oddly eerie sight. A group of Kom'rk Class Fighters soared up ahead, no doubt looking for Von.

"House Wren…" Appius muttered. "Frakk…"

The Sorcerer glanced down to his friend before hanging his head lowly. If he stayed, he knew he'd likely be captured or killed on the spot. For Taldryan, no, for Ankira, Aylin, Dasha, he couldn't let it happen.

"I'm sorry," the Human said shamefully. The Mandalorian Force User knew if he had any chance of escape, he needed to take it now. So that's exactly what he did. Appius rose to his feet, shot Von one last look and left clutching his chest, hoping somehow, someway his old friend would survive.

As he walked Von felt the after effects of his rage set in. His body felt heavy like lead. But the Skakoan marched onwards; he knew his body had plenty of fight in it yet.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” He muttered to himself. Appius was a poor matchup for him, even without the Jetpack. Von preferred to fight defensively but that was suicide against someone who would sit back and pressure him with the Force.

Von decided that he would have to take a gamble. Try to surprise and overwhelm Appius while he was still recovering from that massive usage of the Force.

Mind made up, Von arrived at the end of the trail, to a massive durasteel building. He could see Appius inside, striding towards a Lambda class shuttle marked with the symbol of Clan Taldryan.

“Leaving so soon?” The Sith called out in the hopes of preventing Appius from leaving before the matter was settled.

The human, visibly startled, turned in surprise.

“Quite honestly I’m surprised you survived that. Perhaps there is a small bit of worth to you after all. Why don’t you come over here so I can put you in your place?” Appius taunted.

Von grit his teeth as the Dark Side swelled within him. His mind began to cloud but his limbs felt lighter and stronger. He sprinted towards his opponent with crimson sabers ablaze.

His eyes widened as instead of backing up to use the Force Appius rushed to meet him.

Dual blades clashed against saberstaff as both combatants began to move at an unnatural speed. Crimson and Emerald blurred together as the masters of Niman fought, evenly matched.

While Appius may have been faster normally the power of the Dark Side allowed Von to match even his enhanced speed, but not without cost.

His form began to slip, his saber work becoming sloppy as he tried to overwhelm his opponent.

A smirk blossomed on Appius’ face behind his helmet; he sensed an opening.

Raising his right saber a bit too high to grant it more power, Von was out of position.

Appius sidestepped the swing, leaving the Skakoan overextended.

With a wave of his left hand Appius pulled Von’s left leg forward.

As the Sith tried to regain his balance Appius struck.

His saberstaff swung down, cleaving Von’s left arm which separated at the shoulder.

Von collapsed screaming in pain as he clutched the stump with his one good arm.

A combination of guilt and annoyance swelled within Appius.

“I didn’t want to do this Von. But you left me no choice. Acting like a rabid animal. I thought you were better than that.”

The human turned his back on his former ally and walked towards his ship, leaving Von to his fate.

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 1 September, 2021 1:37 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Von grit his teeth as the Dark Side swelled within him. His mind began to cloud but his limbs felt lighter and stronger.

A nice tidy depiction of Rage to finish off the battle. You did well getting the combat in and the battle concluded. I can only assume due to the short nature of this post compared to your last that you might have been just trying to get it done, and it's always commendable to finish a match. Be proud of that.


Can Be Improved

There's not a lot to be said here other than I would've liked to see more. You have the potential, and I hope in other matches that I get to read more from you through the battles. It seems like you both had fun and did what you came to do though, which was lop off Von's arm, very nice.

I did promise you I'd touch on dialogue punctuation though, so if you're interested, here's some notes on that:

“Leaving so soon?” The Sith called out in the hopes of preventing Appius from leaving before the matter was settled.

When punctuating dialogue, the simplest explanation I can give is that you must treat dialogue as either part of the sentence or removable from it. That is, whatever action is connected to the dialogue is either standalone, in which case you can use a period inside your quotes and capitalize outside it, or it's connected, and the text would be a fragment if it didn't have the dialogue.

So it looks like this, if we pretend that Von said nothing: "The Sith called out in the hopes of preventing Appius from leaving before the matter was settled." Called out what? We've got a verb, and we've got a subject in "The Sith," but we don't have the object. We don't have whatever it is that's been shouted. We're clueless. The sentence doesn't make sense on its own because it is missing half of it.

  • “Leaving so soon?” the Sith called out in the hopes of preventing Appius from leaving before the matter was settled.

This would be a complete sentence.

Some examples of several other ways dialogue can be punctuated correctly, just so you can see the differences:

  • "We were brothers," cried Von.
  • "Vizla betrayed me." Appius lit his lightsaber.
  • "You're the one that left," Von countered, raising his blade. "You made that choice!"
  • "Not cool, bros!" Atty shouted at the two, adding, "now hug it out!"