That was stupid, Jinius thought after sending out the concussive blast. Even the most logical minds faltered under stress. People lash out when desperate.
The attack had given him a moment. Jinius seized that moment and scampered away putting a few strides between him and the Aedile. Jinius resumed a defensive stance with his blade in front, gripped in two hands, and tilted slightly towards the other Dark Jedi. Lightsaber combat was a skill that he still had a great deal to learn. On top of that, dueling was hard.
Panting and nervously awaiting the next seconds, Jinius spoke. His words came out labored and strained, mostly due to the exhaustion, "You ask as if my leaving were by choice. You ask as if I knew where I left to… and why. I don't."
Jinius didn't have much chance left. His mind raced, searching for a solution – an out – to his predicament. He searched for hope.
The words of Jinius's mentors popped into his mind.
Control the battlefield.
Press the advantage.
Never give up ground.
Those were the words of Sith. Sith reveled in power. They believed in strength and power above all else. Jinius wasn't a Sith. He did not believe that power was his sole connection to the universe. He believed in balance. He believed in control. Attacking would put him at a severe disadvantage. It would be his doom. Jinius wanted more distance between him and the Aedile as more distance was more time. More time allowed Jinius the opportunity to think.
The room was nearly silent with the crowd having dispersed. Unfortunately, with the crowd gone Jinius lost any chance for distraction. Jinius would have to face the Augur head-on. The difference in skill between them was staggering – Jinius a lowly Knight not even into his Equite ranks whereas Locke was at the top of the Equite ranks.
"Continue," Locke commanded. He was tracking with Jinius, matching him step-for-step. He had the advantage. He savored in the knowledge that he was in control, and he wanted Jinius to know it.
Jinius continued searching for an advantage. Every plan that entered his mind fizzled immediately when weighed against the situation. Again, the words of the Sith boomed in his mind.
Never surrender.
This time he agreed. His chance wasn't through conventional Sith tactics. No, the Aedile would expect traditional tactics. Locke would best Jinius with ease using traditional Sith tactics. Jinius chose a different move. Something truly unexpected.
Jinius tensed his muscles and allowed the life energy of the universe swell within him. He had one chance. Pivoting and with a brief advance, Jinius moved forward less than a stride. The motion was quick and deliberate – a feint. As Jinius expected, Locke tensed bringing his blade into a traditional parry. Every form built on something, even the alien form that Locke used. The Sith words in Jinius's mind told him to attack, strike, and destroy. He ignored those words.
Instead of attacking, Jinius released his lightsaber allowing it to tumble impotently towards the ground where it died before landing. The hilt of the lightsaber, now a quiet metal cylinder, clinked against the durasteel. Jinius held his arms at his sides, palms out. His gamble was to talk. Unfortunately, talking was another one of the skills he hadn't quite mastered.
"I found… something," Jinius said with uncertainty. As he said the words, he could see the holes in his plan explode into existence like pinpricks in a black cloth. His only chance was to commit to the plan. Hope was a surly mistress at times.
"I found something," Jinius continued trying to pour more confidence into his words, "I cannot remember what I found, but I do know I pursued it. Beyond that, my memory is blank. Erased as far as I've been told."
Locke shook his head in unbelief and glared fiercely at the Knight. "Wrong answer," he said coolly and dashed.
The Aedile continued, "You cannot give me something as weak as 'I cannot remember' and expect me to believe it." The Aedile cleared the short distance between the two of them in an instant.
Jinius had expected the attack. He didn't see it coming, like some master Dark Jedi would have. No, he had anticipated the Aedile's reaction. As soon as the last word left the Aedile's mouth Jinius thrust out a hand and commanded his lightsaber return. He poured his desperation into the command. The cylinder jumped into the air, spinning as it moved, and landed in Jinius's hand. The desaturated blue beam came to life once more. He brought up the saber waiting to catch the Aedile's attack. The Aedile was only a few steps away.
In the time between breaths as the Aedile's feet padded the last few steps, Jinius watched as Locke killed his lightsaber. His plan hadn't included that. Jinius had no intention of killing a fellow Shadowian if he could prevent it. That was not how he wanted the fight to play out. Jinius quickly withdrew and stepped aside as the Aedile closed the last few centimeters. It was a mistake.
As Jinius sidestepped, Locke's fist slammed into the Knight's chin. The impact snapped his chin to the side spinning Jinius around and off-balance. Crimson droplets of blood splattered along the wall in a gory arc from the impact. Jinius dropped to a knee to stabilize himself. He was dazed from the blow. He had planned on dashing away using the Force. Instead, Jinius heard the Aedile's blade explode to life and felt the heat of the blade blister the skin on his ear.
"Last chance, Knight Jinius," Locke snarled. Waves of anger poured off the Aedile. His anger had substance; it was nearly corporeal. Jinius could hear spittle boil on contact with the blade as the Aedile spoke. "Where were you?"
That escalated quickly, Jinius thought in his daze.
Jinius forced himself to look towards the Aedile. The blade's intensity raked at Jinius's vision as his gaze fought against the agony of the brilliant amber hue. It was like trying to stare past the sun. It was enough to shock him out of the daze.
Taking in the gravity of his position, Jinius could not help but feel hurt. Not physically hurt but mentally and emotionally ruined. The hurt didn't last long, however, as defeat entered. Jinius was weary. He wasn't only tired from the battle. He felt alone. Abandoned, even. Standing over him was a mentor – a leader in the clan. This man had years more experience in the Brotherhood. Maybe, if fate had played a different game this man would have helped Jinius through his ordeal. Unfortunately, reality was a slave to fate, and Jinius a slave to reality. Jinius met the intensity of the Aedile's gaze. Nothing could hide the man's raw fury. He meant to end Jinius right at that moment.
"I don't know," Jinius answered quietly. His voice was weak and worn. "They stole it."
Jinius looked away to stare at the floor. He didn't allow his eyes to focus. He was tired of being prodded by doctors and analysis droids in hopes of uncovering the gaps in his mind. No one understood what had happened. He was tired of not knowing.
"Who stole it?" Locke demanded. His rage was building. With each passing moment, the current of fury blossoming off the Aedile grew.
"I don’t know," Jinius replied. His voice was deflated.
"That is a lousy answer, Knight," Locke chastised.
"It is what it is."
Locke spat. "You expect me to believe you don't know where you've been or who supposedly stole your memory?" The Aedile had bafflement in his voice. Jinius didn't notice it.
A second later, Jinius felt the heat leave his ear. The Aedile was preparing to end the fight. Jinius couldn't tell if he cared anymore.
"Do it," Jinius encouraged. His voice was broken and somber as he spoke. He closed his eyes to see his mind's eye cast in a crimson glow. Jinius tried to pretend he was home meditating in the sun. He tried to feel the warmth. It was far better than the truth and he could afford the lie of peace right then.
"What?" Locke asked. Confusion broke through the fury. Jinius didn't notice.
"If you judge my words to be insufficient. If you judge me to be a traitor, nothing I can say adds credibility to my words. If the ignorance, my ignorance, of my past is enough indictment to damn, then so be it," Jinius said. His tone was calm and resigned. He embraced the warmth of the coming sunrise.
Jinius again dropped his lightsaber. The hilt's sound on the floor was lost. It too knew what fate remained for the Knight.
"Strike me down. End it," Jinius said with a final defiant shake of his head. He was fighting his own will to live. His body was at war with his mind. It wouldn't matter much longer. He readied himself to become one with the Force.
"So, you're giving up?" Locke asked incredulously. His tone had evolved into disgust. Warriors hated nothing more than someone who gave up.
"No," Jinius answered simply, "I am not giving up. I do, however, accept my judgment. I am loyal to Naga Sadow. I am loyal to House Shar Dakhan. I am loyal to the Brotherhood. If any of those deem me unworthy, then I am unworthy."
The Knight's words came with the finality purpose. It was something greater than acceptance. Jinius had thrown his lot in with the Brotherhood. He would reap what he had sowed. Even if that meant reaping the Brotherhood's justice for something he didn't understand. Jinius would own it. He'd own it the end.
Seconds ticked by in silence. Finally, Jinius felt the heat move away from his ear. He opened his eyes to see the Aedile stood over him. He'd backed his lightsaber slightly.
"Swear to it," the Aedile demanded.
"Every word," Jinius said simply. His mind rushed to make sense of what was happening.
Locke lowered his blade. "I don't trust you. I do believe you in any case. Here on, you need to earn your keep. I will report back to the Clan Summit with what I've learned. Your fate, Knight Jinius Griffin, is still to be decided."
Positive Takeaways
I loved this moment and many moments. This entire post has many great things going for it. It was a very solid set up plot-wise, especially with the fantastic back and forth of both the dialogue and the chase in sync to establish the tension. You set up the whole introduction, engaged me as a reader with stakes, and handed your opponent plenty to work with.
I took particular notice in how you expanded your venue in a new way and interwoven it into the battle, both in defining this apparent medical section and in making the crowd an obstacle and the avenues a way to mount further tension in their chase. You had some nice alliterative descriptors and paid good attention to each character's Aspects as well.
Can Be Improved
A few grammar issues surrounding your punctuation brought your Syntax score down slightly. The most common one for this post was a lack of proper comma usage at verb tense changes, like so:
The rule is that whenever you change verb tenses, you have to add a comma before the change. The same tenses may be used in sequence, but a change needs that pause. So, for example, these could all be correct:
You most commonly see this in the type of writing we do with past tense and present progressive tense changes, eg. -ed or -ing. Just make sure to find that comma between them and you'll be fine.
Your main issue, though, and what very nearly cost you this battle if not for how well you pulled yourself up by your Story, was Realism, specifically in your use of the Precognition Force Power and in use of Athletics and/or possible Amplification.
This post had lots of strain on disbelief with Jinius' precognitive ability and executing action, to the point of breaking it in both his dodge of the thrown saber and in his dodge and slide for a Minor Detractor. You repeated this issue in your second post, so I'll talk about it slightly there as well, but to focus here, the sections in question are:
This one raised an eyebrow because, according to the text of Precognition at +1, "The Force User is able to sense imminent danger to their person, but often only a heartbeat or two before it occurs." A heartbeat or two is about a second at most, depending on the speed of the heartbeat, and that is not a lot of time to do anything. Notably, Precog's further ranks specify that the time is enough to counter; that's baked into the Power for you. Even at just +2, the text dictates, "..they can sense danger within two or three heartbeats before it happens, affording them the opportunity to react." If you look at each rank's description on the Force Powers wiki linked above, you'll see how each further rank elaborates on this. But at +1? It's really only the sense of the danger, not the ability to react to it. Because of that, specifying that he has time to dodge in "a moment" becomes unrealistic.
This section was more of an issue because of how much was happening and how it happened. The usage of Barrier is written beautifully here, but the timing of your action sequences and their business muddies it. Even at +3 Barrier, when a barrier can form instantaneously, the second of warning of +1 Precognition wouldn't allow Jinius time to do so when he was already just charging at Locke, getting closer, and then Locke shot blaster bolts at him. While blaster bolts are slower than bullets, being plasma shots...they're still plasma shots. They're fast. If you had written this as Jinius erecting his barrier from across the space, without them running at one another, that would have been fine. With the addition of how each combatant was coordinated, it became unbelievable.
Similarly, there came the issue that Jinius has Athletics at only +1 and Amplification at +1 as well. This sentence reads as if it could be either of those or both in use, but if that is the case, he would not be able to use Amplification like that without concentration and that quickly, in combat. If it's not the case, then it reads as though Jinius is just running at a much faster speed than should be possible according to his Character Sheet. Don't get me wrong, +1 is better than me or the average human, but +1 Athletics isn't the sort of thing where one can run forward at a spinning plasma projectile thrown at them telekinetically at high speed and then dodge under it. Be careful to read over the Power and Skills descriptions and gauge what can be done at each level before writing your character doing certain things; if the two don't match, something has to change.