She took a deep breath.
In...one, two, three four.
Hold. One, two, three four.
Out...one, two, three four.
Just like he'd taught her.
The Chiss stepped out from the ballroom doors, open to the courtyard for seemingly no other purpose than to let light and air into the empty chamber beyond. It was just the sort of thing Cora and Ruka would do, and it made the massive halls feel just the littlest bit less chill and haunted stone.
But they were good stones. The stones of her home, now. She had a home.
A family.
With her hands folded neatly in front of her, the Envoy walked over the cobblestone paths with a stately posture, mindful to keep her chin up. Cora said that, chin up, dearest heart, and she tried to abide by it. To not demure or fix her eyes downward automatically in obsequiousness.
Chin up, breathe. She was safe. She was strong. She owned herself. The advice of so many who cared about her, as a person.
She was a person.
And she knew what she wanted to ask.
Her hands were perfectly still as she walked up to the largest and tallest of the grand trees surrounding them. They didn't reveal a hint of her churning anxiety. But she knew it would be obvious in the Force, and struggled to shut off the emotions; struggled with the instinct to shut them off, instead of allowing them to be felt, because she was allowed to feel now.
Because no one would punish her or judge her here.
Because she was a person, and she was allowed to ask for things.
And Ruka would say yes. She knew he would, and she knew he would say it wasn't any bother and probably even be happy to help her. But still she felt as if she was walking over a pit, deep and black with no bottom. As if a cold wind was blowing. As if her heart would stop. All because she was asking something of him, and he was already so stressed and burdened, and she didn't want to be a burden anymore than she already so obviously was--
You're not a burden, Siva.
We love you.
You're family.
You own yourself. Delete 'owners' from vocabulary.
Chin up, dear. Oh, lovely girl, it's alright, I know, I know, it's alright.
You're not alone, lora.
I love you.
So many friends, brothers, sisters, family, and her love. She tried to listen to them.
She took a deep breath, and looked up.
Carmine eyes skimmed up over the rich bark and into the boughs. Ruka's robes actually blended rather well up against the trunk, for all they were black with gold accents, and the rest of him was nearly chameleon to the green of the leaves; even the silver shocks in his hair now only provided a bit of contrast that could've easily been gaps to the sky. But the Chiss knew he was up there, could sense him, and even if they hadn't been family, the Proconsul's habits were well known around the Citadel. He was very given to meditating for some hours a day in the highest places possible, but favored the foliage here.
She spied him eventually, watching him a moment. He seemed utterly still, and a butterfly perched in his hair, his posture loose and tense at once. His eyes were closed. Only looking long enough did she see his chest rise and fall.
...one, two, three four...
Just like he'd taught her.
Sivall licked her lips, her hands spasming tightly once, and then made the words come out.
"Vacmi?" she called the Chiss phrase for her father softly, knowing he'd hear without her shouting. Violet eyes opened slowly, already looking her way, as if he'd just been waiting to see whether or not she would engage. "Could-- could I have a moment?"
The Mirialan smiled down at her, giving a little two fingered salute, and then unfurled from his pose with pantherine grace and just stepped off the branch.
He fell straight down, barely rustling leaves, and landed with nearly no sound. His bare feet kissed the grass, most of his armored robes folded neatly there at the base of the trunk with his boots on top, his crystal weapons sparkling in the cool mountaintop sunlight.
His scarred face stayed in that smile for her, soft and encouraging at once, though there was the ever-present tightness around his eyes, shadows that never faded.
"Kollaceciami," he greeted in turn, my little cookie, Mirialan she knew well now after determined, frenetic study. "What's up, ay?"
"Do you...have...time right now to help...me," the Chiss began, each word difficult and carefully chosen, inquiring as if she hadn't asked Cora for Ruka's schedule for the week and memorized it days ago. "With something?"
"'Course I do, sweetheart. Anything you want, ay." He made an affirmative set of hand signals to the Armed Forces guardspeople assigned to him today, sitting over on a bench a ways, water canteens out, likely on a break he'd ordered them to take. Sivall recognized them both, and knew she would be recognized as a listed member of his household. Her red eyes moved back to him as he rotated his neck, popping it. She frowned at him, and his smile turned sheepish. "Sorry, sorry, doctor. I promise I'm stretching, ay. Yes, I have time. And I'm really happy you're asking me, Siva, good job. Thank you."
The gratitude was so genuine, she felt the sudden urge to cry. She would not, but it was there as it often was. Her breath was deep and then blown out on a count. She stood straight.
"I thought I could stand to learn more about saber forms. About...some other ways than those I was trained in. And I hoped you could...teach me?"
Ruka looked surprised, and then there was something else, a dark cast over his expression, but he nodded quickly and it was gone.
"Sure, ay, I'm down. You wanna grab some training blades? I built mine with a default stun setting."
Sivall flailed somewhat internally. "I just...just have mine." Why hadn't she thought of training blades?
But the Mirialan only flapped a hand. "Ay that's fine. Don't worry about it, we can use those."
"But-- what if I hurt you?"
That's what her purpose had been. A tool to hurt. She didn't know anything else.
Violet eyes met her stare with a look of absolute love she surely didn't deserve.
"You won't hurt me, kollacecia. And even if accidents happen, it's accidents. Ay, okay?" Without a glance his lightsaber was summoned to his hand from behind him. He nodded to her, turning onto a side stance, knees bent, two hands on the hilt of the swordlike hilt. "C'mon, come at me. Whenever you ready."
"Just... Like that?"
"Gotta get a feel for each other first." There was something sad in his tone. "You ain't had to see me fight. I were grateful for that. But is what it is. And I gotta see how you do too. We can figure out adjustments as we go, yeah?"
"Yes, alright."
Taking several paces back, feeling exposed in the daylight, the Chiss drew her blades from her robes and activated both beams, her reverse grip holding them ready low to her sides. Her medic's hands, killer's hands, were completely still. Only inside did she tremble.
"I trust you, Siva," Ruka reminded her. "Breathe with me, ay? One, two, three, four..."
She breathed in.
Held.
Out.
And then between one heartbeat and the next he was in front of her, and a blur of blue was slicing right for her chest.
