KP Kordath Bleu d'Tana vs. OT Uji

Krath Priest Kordath Bleu d'Tana

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Ryn, Krath, Shadow
vs.

Obelisk Templar Uji

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Human, Obelisk, Shadow
Comment

This was a messy but enjoyable battle. While not perfect on any account, it was a lot of fun to read and Judge, and it feels like the combatants felt the same way about it.

I’ve added individual notes to each of the combatant’s posts. In the end, Kordath won it for me mostly due to a stronger story and slightly clearer writing.

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 6 out of 6
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants KP Kordath Bleu d'Tana, OT Uji
Winner KP Kordath Bleu d'Tana
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
KP Kordath Bleu d'Tana's Character Snapshot Snapshot
OT Uji's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Selen: Arcona Citadel - Throne Room
Last Post 9 April, 2015 1:27 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Consul Ikarri Itinen General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: Rationale: You have slightly more issues than Kordath does, but not enough to put you down to the next level despite persistent issues with quotations. If it had been done a few times it would have been okay, but it becomes grating when done this consistently, especially when one of your posts consists of just about half dialogue. Rationale: There are some general proof-catchable errors, as well as issues with wordiness and an amusing but somewhat bland style.
Story - 40%
Consul Ikarri Itinen General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: Your writing was good and even occasionally funny, but fairly safe and had the odd moment where I felt the need to scratch my head. The way you casually went into this was alright, but not nearly as good as Kordath’s, and your ending was not only far too short, but seemed rushed and light on action. Rationale: Your opening was one of the most bizarre things I have ever read in the history of the ACC (at least intentionally). Well done! Your second post let me down a bit, with some clever tricks used but otherwise too great a focus on description over plot advancement. Your final post did improve matters considerably, but the second post keeps you from perfection.
Realism - 25%
Consul Ikarri Itinen General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No major issues, and actually some pretty interesting use of your respective aspects, adhering to them (as far as I can tell) perfectly. Rationale: I question Kordath’s ability to tie up Uji with his sash as he apparently did. Skilled martial artist and advantage of darkness or not, Uji is quite frankly a lot stronger and more agile than Kordath is. Otherwise, however, stats and aspects were well maintained, so it’s a minor quibble at worst.
Continuity - 20%
Consul Ikarri Itinen General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: The end of your second post just confuses the Hell out of me. What is Kordath talking about, and to whom? I mean, what is this I don’t even? Otherwise, continuity seemed fine, but this one really had me scratching my head. Rationale: The scene where Kordath ties up Uji with the sash is a bit unclear. The reason I’m counting this as a continuity error is mostly that this relates to your story’s consistency with its own prior events and narratives. Not mentioning the sash, then later acting as though it is obvious that Kordath’s sash was used to tie up Uji is inconsistent with prior writing and therefore counts as a continuity error.
Consul Ikarri Itinen's Score: 3.5 General Stres'tron'garmis's Score: 3.85
Posts

citadel
A pair of massive, ancient doors loom at the entrance to the throne room. Upon opening, they give way to a large chamber with a high ceiling carved smoothly into stone. The chamber itself is the size of a professional holo-ball court but the hard-tile flooring has been sand-blasted to perfection and patterned symmetrically throughout. Tall, rounded pillars frame a center dais that forms an elevator platform. Perfectly centered on the low platform is the heart of Clan Arcona's power--the Serpentine Throne. The ornate throne stands several feet above the head of even the tallest Shadow Lords. The dais is back lit by an ever glowing wall of flame that attunes itself to the order-color of the current Consul. A sable carpet trimmed with white lays down over the shallow steps and continues all the way towards the entrance doors. throneroom
The Throne Room is completely sound-proofed, and almost feels like entering a vacuum. Voices carry easily, but never leave the chamber. A combination of alchemy and engineering allow the room to be shut off from the rest of the Citadel while maintaining proper ventilation for the unique curtain of flame. It maintains a steady room temperature, ignorant to the climate outside and throughout the Citadel's ancient walls.

The Ryn was trying to remain still and keep his breathing slow as he strained to hear any sound whatsoever. A thick bag covered his furry head and obscured any kind of light that might be in the room he was in. It was also unbearably hot, making his scalp sweat and itch. They’d come for him in his sleep, while he was cradling a bottle of whiskey on his narrow bunk surrounded by datacards and random scrolls. It had been a brief struggle, the Ryn disoriented and slightly drunk still, awoken by the men who bagged him. He was almost certain another person was in the room with him, since he could hear breathing.

Not far from the Ryn sat an ex-Jedi by the name of Uji, who was similarly sacked and bound.. Uji was not a happy Obelisk, having been snatched up on his way back to his rooms from the gym. It was disconcerting that the former Jedi hadn’t even sensed the intent of those who came up behind him and put the bag over his head. From the amount of time it’d taken them to drag his thrashing form to this room, he had the sense that he was somewhere in the Citadel. Where was anyone’s guess, but the Templar was sure he heard someone whimpering nearby. It sounded familiar. He hissed in surprise as the thick weaved bag was pulled from his head. Smoke and heat assailed him and blurred his vision as a set of low braziers came into focus.

Kordath was similarly unmasked and let out a long curse in Huttese as he shook his head and blinked, trying to clear the purple and black spots from his vision. Eyes watering, he glanced to his right, where he saw his Team Leader and friend shackled to a chair much as he himself was. The Human gave him a quizzical look which the Ryn replied to with a shrug. A throat being cleared brought both of their heads slowly forward, to the figure sitting upon the Serpentine Throne. Copper skin and blindfold, as well as a smile far too wide for anyone with the title ‘Shadow Lady,’ marked her as their Consul.

“Hello, boys!” The Miraluka’s cheer was unsettling in the circumstances, and the Ryn tried to give her a smile that looked more like a rictus of fear. Uji remained impassive, watching their former Aedile with wariness. “Do you two know what this is?”

The woman held up a bundle of flimsiplast, clipped on the corner before tossing them down the short steps. Kordath glanced at the papers for but a moment before his heart tried to leap out of his chest. On the creased and marked cover page he could just make out the title ‘Blind Chicks’ in bold letters.

“I...I can totally explain that. I...ummm…”

“Oh? Do tell, Bleu, I’m all ears. Obviously,” spoke the Consul. Kordath winced at the dripping sarcasm.

“Well...umm...it’s a work of fiction, right? Nothing serious or anything, just something I was working on in my own spare time!”

“Really? Curious, since it appears to be a draft of a short book, one that I understand is already selling down near the starport. You were foolish enough to put your own name on it, even. Very brash. I do hope you’ve made a good amount of credits off of this affront, Bleu. It would be a shame if you couldn’t help restock the medical supplies afterwards.”

“Med...medical supplies?”

“Is that...is that the idiotic story you were asking me for pointers about?” the Human in their midst finally spoke up, head hanging back over his chair as he sighed heavily. “I told you writing that was a bad idea, Kord. Just listen for once, huh?”

“Do not think you’re here just to watch, my dear, dear Uji,” said the Consul with the same frightening smile. “I have, of course, read this little....creation of our friend here.”

Kordath bit his tongue to avoid saying something that would make the blindfolded Miraluka even angrier. The sudden set of her jaw suggested she’d picked up the thought regardless, her smile faltering for a heartbeat. “You know what I mean, Bleu. Shame you seem incapable of showing such restraint when you have a pen in hand. As I was saying, Uji, there are bits in this little novella that could only have come from a very personal source. Now, since I don’t recall getting absolutely sloshed out on whiskey with Kordath anytime recently, I believe they came from you.”

“Well, now, I…,” started the Captain of the Nighthawk, wishing he’d never told Bleu about his past relationship with the now-Consul.

“Are you aware that Bleu put you in the opening dedication, as thanks for ‘intimate knowledge on the subject’ and aiding him in the writing process?”

Uji shot the Ryn a withering glare with promise of more than a bit of light latrine duty back on the ship. Kordath winced, mind spinning as he tried to determine a way to slow the disaster down. If he could get the Miraluka laughing….,”Well now, Blinky, if I thought you had the time to help with the book….well now you got all these new responsibilities, reports and stuff...I just figured Uji would be more useful as a source for this edition, since he wasn’t as busy…” The Ryn quieted as the Consul raised a hand and turned her sightless gaze on him.

“No, you two are not going to have the opportunity to talk your way out of this. Not this time.” With a wave of her hand the two Galeres members felt themselves released from their bindings. “Under your chairs you will find what my guards took from you or your chambers in preparation. Now since you used these little fabrications and past digressions of mine to profit and entertain others...you shall now entertain me, yes? You shall now fight for my pleasure!”

“Like...at the same time? That seems a bit…” The Ryn glanced sideways at his friend, grimacing.

Uji glared at him. “She means we have to fight while she watched, you karking idiot.”

“Ah, that makes a lot more sense— WHOA!”

The Obelisk had found his weapons under his seat, and was pointing his engaged saber at the Ryn. “Consul’s orders….to the death?” Both men glanced at their friend on the throne in question. Her lips quirked up in another slight smile, her fingers steepling under her chin as she leaned forward.

Timeros Caesus Entar Arconae, 14 April, 2015 4:02 PM UTC

Dude, I get that your species is Ryn. I’m not, however, all that certain on why you need to repeatedly write the species appellation in lieu of any other descriptor for the first two paragraphs.

The sudden viewpoint switch seems a bit overdone. While there is no particular rule against it, it kind of undercuts the whole “I’ve been bagged and have no idea what’s up” feeling you went with in the previous paragraph.

I’m not sure about the curse in Huttese. The rules lawyer in me wants to point out that Kordath doesn’t know Huttese. The more practical side of me then pointed out that I can swear in languages I don’t understand, so why not Kordath? So he gets a pass.

Descriptive prowess isn’t the best, but it’s far from the worst, either. My main complaints are mostly with wordiness, such as “slow the disaster down” instead of “slow the disaster”.

Overall, however, I like this post. It is one of the most bizarre openings to an ACC Match I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. Well done. There’s little to no action here, but I suppose that was inevitable given your elaborate setup. You have three posts, and using one of them to set things up is a perfectly fine thing to do, especially if the setup is good, like this one.

"Oh Poodoo"

“Don’t try anything you might be thinking boys… You can’t get off planet before my guards find you and drag you right back here,” Atyiru’s perverse grin was a promise to both competitors.

“I wouldn’t think of it Blinky” Kordath lied without hesitation a forced smile coming to his lips.

“Liar” Uji rushed the Ryn his opening lunge aimed for Kordath’s chest, the Krath twisted aside and felt the heat of the lightsaber as it pierced his robe just below the left shoulder, sliding down through the fabric narrowly missing him.

Stepping apart, Uji kept his side profile towards the Priest, the blade of his saber kept on the defensive against his friend. The Ryn circled slowly, still holding no weapon in hand, his eyebrow raised in a curious expression.

Kordath reached out through the Force attempting to sense the Templar’s intentions. The Priest knew well enough that Uji never overextended during a duel, choosing only to strike when he was assured the kill. On the surface of his opponents thoughts, he sensed the cold presence that Uji often spoke of, the malevolent personality that he adopted when killing was necessary. The Ryn faltered for a moment as he begun to realize that his Captain may well kill him for his Consul’s entertainment.

“Doesn’t quite seem fair does it?” Uji stopped in place and deactivated the saber.

“Not really, my friend. It does give you quite the advantage…” Kordath licked his lips as he spoke, his fear lessening slightly without the idea of being cut to pieces running through his mind.

“Knives then? or would you prefer to show me this jeswandi you always seem to brag about?” The Captain smiled as he clipped his lightsaber back onto his belt, his hand hovering over the curved knife that rested on the opposite side.

"This bantha dung was messing with me... he is enjoying this..." Kordath’s disbelief lasted for only a heartbeat before the first of his knives dropped from it’s wrist holster into his hand, without hesitation he sent it flying the short distance between them as he began closing the distance himself.

Uji swung aside, the throwing knife flashing past his face, less then a moment before he felt the weight of Kordath’s body impact his. The weight threw them both backwards, Uji stumbling to maintain his balance managed to catch one of his opponents arms in his own, while feeling the impact of the smaller man’s knee into his ribs.

The Templar tightened his core absorbing the impact, on the verge of laughing as he saw the concern cross his opponent’s face. Still holding one arm trapped, Uji grabbed the Ryn by his throat lifting him forcibly away. A moment of confusion crossed Uji’s features as he struggled to create the distance he expected, glancing down to find the Ryn’s tail wrapped around his waist a moment before Kordath swung back and brought his foot directly between the Templar’s legs.

Uji gasped as pain erupted in his lower body. Releasing the Ryn as he fought the urge momentarily to vomit. Looking up through watering eyes, he found his opponent choking for air as Kordath tried to regain his breathe. Up on the dais they both listened to the peels of laughter from their “friend” the Consul

“Oh god I should have brought others to watch this…” Atyiru choked out between fits of laughter.

Timeros Caesus Entar Arconae, 14 April, 2015 4:03 PM UTC

You have some quotation issues. Notably, if a quote is followed by text in the same sentence, it should end on a comma. Likewise, a perverse grin would be one that is unconventional or contrary. What you seem to mean here, however, is a perverted grin.

There’s some issues with sentences, as well, either sentence splices or sentence fragments.

Story-wise, I think you leave a bit to be desired. While I normally like jumping right into the action, Uji’s near-immediate aggression seems a bit over the top, even if he does eventually want to escape.

Minor issue is the use of “it’s”, which should have been “its”.

Overall, not a bad post, but a bit more basic than Kordath’s.

The Ryn sat back on the cold floor and rubbed at his throat, the pain as he breathed suggested the blasted Obelisk had managed to bruise it. That would cause some complications in the long run, he felt, even as he watched the Templar push himself unsteadily to his feet. Kordath ran through a few choice curses in his mind as he scrambled upright and began backing away from the Human. Moving his arm slightly, the Krath felt the remaining knife hiding up his sleeve was still in it’s place. This was at least reassuring, as the Obelisk turned to glare at him and began a slow walk towards him.

“That was...that was dirty, Bleu. Not very sporting.” Uji’s words came out slowly, through gritted teeth caused more from indignity than real pain. Kordath’s low blow had caught him off guard but even with the Ryn’s weight behind it, well...it was little more than a light tap. He hadn’t put the Priest on the Nighthawk’s crew for his physical prowess after all, which was becoming quickly apparent. “We’re hitting the gym for a while after this is over, you know that right?”

“The gym? Gods no, why would you even say that! Ever since they tossed me out for my workout shakes...they don’t let me in there anymore, you know that boss!”

“Workout shakes?” the Templar paused in mid step, staring at his friend with incredulity. “That was whiskey with a little bit of fruit juice and protein powder in it!”

Kordath shrugged, trying to measure his Captain’s gait while backing away again. He sent a silent thanks out to the builders of the Citadel for making such a large throne room. Thoughts and options were rushing through the Krath’s mind until he allowed an idiotic grin cross his face. Uji watched him warily, the Ryn was a friend and as such he’d noticed the penchant for stupid yet amusing antics that the Priest would use to defuse situations. Or at least cause a distraction long enough for the little thief to scurry away to the shadows.

The Ryn on the other hand was taking in the room with a glance. Purple and white flames, mingled with the braziers near the throne itself caused a mingling of shadows all across the pillared chamber. Mentally noting the way the fire that backlit the Serpentine throne caused his Consul to almost glow in ethereal light, even as she cackled, he took a few deep breathes. He was snapped from his observations by the closing Uji, who seemed to be having far less trouble walking now and had his face set in determination.

Stratagems and tactics were not the Ryn’s strong point but he’d been in a enough scuffles to know when and how to run like a Womprat with it’s tail on fire. With a little mental nudge and a bit of Force assistance he began to direct and build a charge in his nervous system, feeling the hair on the back of his neck rise.

“So, she wants to see a show, right?” The Ryn was still smiling, despite the hoarseness he could hear in his own voice.

“No, she wants to see a beating, so stop backing up and we can get this over with. I’ll even given you light duty back on the ship while you recover. Because I’m nice like that.” Uji was almost within reach, his hands rising in a classic Echani form and moving towards the Ryn.

“Hah, yeah, a beating, well...that’s not very entertaining mate. Least...not for me!” Kordath’s grin turned a bit more feral as he stepped in towards his Captain, enjoying the brief flash of surprise that the Human’s eyes conveyed as the Ryn took the offensive. The Krath felt a glancing blow across his left shoulder, turning him slightly but not throwing him off his target as he raised his right hand towards the Obelisk’s face. “Now then, for my next trick..,” stated the Ryn, releasing the charge of energy he’d allowed to build up right in the Templar’s face.

Uji cried out in surprise as the point blank flash of light seared his retinas. He heard the tell tale sounds of the Kordath running through the chamber, as well as a sound of metal briefly scraping stone. Blinking and squinting, tears running down from his temporarily useless eyes, Uji turned towards the sound with his hands raised defensively. As darkness faded to splotchy vision and tracers as his head turned, the Templar felt paranoia setting in. The Ryn hadn’t pressed his advantage, choosing to run and hide instead. That was worrying, if the Krath was getting into the spirit of the Consul’s wishes, that this was to be for her amusement….

What’s the little bastard have planned next then? thought the Obelisk, glaring at the shifting shadows of the throne room.

Timeros Caesus Entar Arconae, 14 April, 2015 4:02 PM UTC

Starts with sentence splice, followed shortly thereafter by an “it’s/its” mistake. Breathes instead of breaths.

I like the buildup to the use of blindness, accurately noting the lights in the room and such. However, the post was a bit of a letdown compared to the first one, and was also just a tad heavy on description over action. While description is right and proper, just a bit more actual plot advancement would have been nice.

The flickering shadows within the throne room did little to help the Templar’s disorientation. Realizing the futility of the effort, Uji closed his eyes as he waited for the effect of his opponents attack to fade. Turning his head slightly as he listened, he heard his own heartbeat filling his ears; a moments focus to slow its pace as he exerted control to silence any sound from his own actions. Hearing movement to his right the Obelisk twisted into a defensive stance, his actions controlled partially by the training instilled in him and partly by the influence of his perception within the Force.

Still no danger presented itself... "The little rat ran off and hid didn’t he?"

Stepping forward at a cautious pace to clear the distance he felt a source of heat at the edge of his fingertips. Blinking his eyes as they began to clear he found one of the braziers moved between two of the rooms columns. Puzzled for a moment as to the positioning, only his reaction time saved him, the entire bed of coals and oils were suddenly flung towards him.

Twisting aside to avoid the alchemical components, placed his back to the column where Kordath waited hidden from sight. “Ha!” The Ryn's warcry left much to be desired, as he lunged with his knife in hand, clearing the distance within a single leap the Krath punched out with the knife towards his opponent's midsection.

Uji sensed the blade coming, yet lacked the ability to physically react in time, as the blade separated the fabric of his training top; the Templar created as much of a barrier as he could manage forcing the knife off course. The blade still tore into the flesh but couldn’t penetrate any deeper before the two fighters separated from one another and fell back.

“I like that… you distracted my senses with the fire, before attempting to cripple me… If you didn’t stink of whiskey it might have worked.” The Templar kept one hand raised as his other probed along the wound discerning how badly he had been opened up, though shallow the cut was enough to cover his fingertips in blood as he held the wound for a moment trying to staunch the bleeding.

“Stink? I like to think of it as smelling of a fine vintage…” The Ryn kept low to the ground as the two circled one another, both examining their opponent and considering their next attacks.

Uji took the time to focus his concentration on healing the injury, a moment's confusion crossing his features as the familiar methods of drawing on the Force suddenly yielded no results. His connection suddenly severed as he attempted a second time to draw on his powers.

“No no I need you slow my friend, after all… I don’t have to outrun the Consul… I just have to outrun you” Kordath’s own features twisted in concentration as he focused on Uji, the power of the Krath’s sorcery exceeding his opponent’s considerably.

Timeros Caesus Entar Arconae, 14 April, 2015 4:03 PM UTC

There’s continuing issues with sentence structures and quotes, but overall, I really like this post. It is considerably stronger than your first one, at least, and has a good amount of action with some pretty interesting tactics on display. Good use of the CS on your part.

I’m not sure how that last sentence is supposed to work, as it seems to be a response to a sentence that does not really exist.

Kordath stepped gingerly, eyes locked on Uji as sweat beaded on his brow and plastered the shirt on his back to his hair covered body. The Human was similarly tracking his subordinate, gritting his teeth as he felt an ache in his lower torso and blood soaking his training garment. Both men were gifted with uncanny abilities of awareness, stepping carefully over scattered coals that smoldered on the throne room’s floor, avoiding potential burns. Despite his focus Uji was still having his gaze drawn, ever so slightly, towards the Ryn’s tail as it waved languidly back and forth behind the Krath’s head.

Blinking and trying to maintain his focus, the Templar waited for the Priest to make his move. Kordath cocked his head slowly, refusing to blink at the Obelisk as he slowly spun the knife to a blade down grip, barely breathing as he stepped over another pile of burning coals. Thoughts flitted across the Priest’s mind as he tried to gauge his Captain’s current capabilities. Trying not to allow a twitch of emotion cross his visage, the Ryn noted Uji’s eyes slow crawl to the left or right of his focus. He’d often felt his tail had a mind of it’s own, but usually it recognized when a clear and present danger was in the cards.

Watching as the Templar’s focus shifted to follow the swaying tail, Kordath released his grip on the Obelisk’s connection and let his tail drop towards the floor. As Uji followed the movement by reflex, Kordath redirected his command of the Force to gather a batch of burning coals from the floor and flung them towards the Obelisk’s face. Uji reacted with unparalleled speed, dropping by bending his knees to allow the flaming lumps to fly past his face. Overbalanced by his dodge, he fell prey to Kordath’s followup attack, a swift spin with a kick to the outside of his right knee. The Obelisk cried out in anger and surprise as he hit the hard floor and rolled to the side when he realized that his clothing was starting to smolder at some points.

Kordath was trying not to laugh as he watched his Captain start patting out garment fires, over the muttered curses coming from Uji he could hear a faint laughter coming from the throne.

“Tried to be nice,” growled the Human, patting out the last errant embers and pushing himself up off the floor, “I did, I really did, Bleu.”

“Hey, mate, the Shadow Lady demanded a show. And I try not to ever disappoint a Lady,” replied the Ryn, taking a mock bow, caught up in the spectacle. “So if you’re done whining...come at me, mate.”

Uji felt the facial muscles around his left eye twitch violently, as he dropped his hand towards his belt and grasped the saber hilt hanging there. “I tried to be fair, Bleu, don’t forget that when you wake up in the bacta tank later.”

“Bah, hate that stuff, makes my hair smell for weeks. No thanks,” replied the Ryn, smiling and still holding just his knife, though his left hand was behind his back. As the Human advanced, Kordath tugged at the sash entwined about his waist, letting his rumpled and sleep wrinkled robes loosen. Uji noted the movement, balancing in a moment the threat a piece of cloth might present him, and brought his blade up to attack. Taking a deep breath, the Priest curled the end of the sash around his hand and dashed forward with his knife.

Uji shook his head at the reckless attack, his blade arcing out to cut the Ryn’s knife in half. Without pause the Krath dropped the useless hilt, and threw out his left arm to whip the sash forward, tangling it in the Obelisk’s feet. The Templar sighed in annoyance as he turned to track the Priest, swinging his saber low even as the Ryn dived sideways. Kordath scrambled to hands and knees, sash still clutched in hand, and scuttled past the bewildered Templar. Uji was slowly growing more angry, lifting his blade to cut the sash as he felt it slowly tighten around his ankles. The Templar cursed the restraint he’d shown throughout this little show-fight they’d been putting on for the Consul, he could have ended the Ryn near the start if he’d let himself go.

“Ah! No!” shouted the Ryn, lifting his right hand up and snapping his fingers; Uji could swear he heard and echo from the snap, as the world went dark. First he blinked his eyes, wondering if Bleu had blinded him again, before feeling a sharp pain as his elbow was twisted far past comfort. Kordath was being silent, focusing far to much on maintaining the artificial darkness engulfing the Templar and himself, as well as providing the physical might to disarm the Obelisk. Uji gritted his teeth as he heard his saber clatter across the smooth, cold floor of the throne room, while he tried to straighten his arm.

Something was holding it in place, he noted, tugging ineffectually before realizing his other arm was in similar straits. The Ryn’s foot planted itself on the inside of the Human’s knee, dropping him to a kneeling position before a kick to the back pushed him to the floor. Uji thrashed a bit in discomfort as the complete and utter darkness faded, the flickering lights of the braziers and the purple flames behind the throne painting shadows around him once more. He found himself unable to move, arms or legs for that matter, as the Ryn stood proudly over him.

“Ta-da!” shouted the Ryn, taking a bow towards the Throne again, one hand against his chest, the other outstretched over the wrists to ankle tied up Templar. Atyiru was clapping slowly, a vicious grin on her face as she got to her feet and began walking down from the dais. Kordath turned to squat next to his friend, “Sorry mate, had to make it look good after all. You really sold it at the end, thought you’d cut me down for sure.”

Bleu’s hands roamed across the Human’s clothing for a moment, causing the tied up Templar to roll on to his side to get eyes on the Ryn, “What the kark are you doing now, Bleu?”

“Ah-ha! Huh, just borrowing some credits from your wallet, no worries. But I need a drink mate...oh, ummm, my...Lady…”

“So, Uji is buying then, is he?”

“Well, I suppose….umm, do you want me to untie him?” asked the Ryn, suddenly not feeling nearly as confident.

“Oh, no, let this be a lesson to him on sharing personal information that isn’t for him to share,” spoke the Miraluka sweetly, twining an arm through the befuddled Kordath’s elbow, “now then, he’s buying. And while I hold issue with your little fiction, I can’t say it wasn’t written...enticingly.”

“Ah, good, umm, good to hear, my Lady,” mumbled the Priest, walking awkwardly past his Captain, towards the door.

“By the way,” spoke the woman, as they left the throne room, “you have another one of those sashes with you?”

“W...what?”

Uji glared at the pair as they walked out, before realizing what the Consul had asked. The glare turned into a grin.

“Oh, right. She needs to see him ‘punished’ as well. Have fun Bleu. I think I may have gotten off light.”

Timeros Caesus Entar Arconae, 14 April, 2015 4:03 PM UTC

Ah, finally some action from you. And, to be fair, I really do like it. There’s some minor issues with grammar and sentence structure that a good proofreader should have found, but nothing really detracts from the writing, which is really quite good.

My one quibble is in the ‘tying up’ arena. It seems implied that Kordath uses the sash (since Uji ends up being ‘tied up’), but there’s little actual confirmation that writes it down. Additionally I’m not sure Kordath is capable of tying up Uji quite as easily as seems implied here. Uji is considerably stronger and more athletic than Kordath is, after all.

“Oh that’s dirty”

“Not helping Atty” Uji grunted as he held his side staunching the bleeding, waiting for his opponents next move.

Kordath’s nose twitched nervously as he ran the situation through his mind again. ”Where am I going to run to? The Nighthawk? It’s his damn ship! I need him alive so I can get away from her!”

“Figured it out yet? Thought you’d be coming up with a way to get us the hell out of here, not stabbing me, you prick.” Uji commented as he glanced back towards their onlooker.

“Because trying to crush my frelling throat let me know that’s what you had in mind!” came the Ryn’s exasperated response.

“You were supposed to come up with a plan!”

“Maybe if I had known that...”

“We should come up with a code for next time”

“What like a safeword?

“Yeah probably”

“Huh… how about Rancor Tits?”

“Seriously?”

“What? We wouldn’t get it confused, I mean you don’t often hear Rancor Tits being thrown around.”

“That’s because no one says that Kordath!”

“Can you two figure this out later?... I really want to see someone get hurt before Uji bleeds out and I have to save him” Atyiru’s voice carried throughout the chamber, almost sickeningly sweet and yet completely honest.

Uji forced himself forward, realizing how little time they had left before she would intervene, his athletics still far superior to the Ryn’s covering the distance between them quickly. Kordath scurried backwards bringing his knife up between him and the approaching Templar. Uji ducked the blade and caught the wrist holding it, twisting it up into an unnatural angle until he heard the knife fall from his opponents hand. Twisting further brought the Ryn around as Uji wrapped his opposite arm around his opponent's throat, tensing his entire body as he began cutting off Kordath’s oxygen just enough to keep the Ryn docile for the moment.

Pulling the Ryn backwards towards the entryway, Uji looked around them unable to spot the guards that would inevitably be waiting. One last glance upwards to the throne dais he saw Atyiru standing as she began to shout orders to whomever she had waiting to respond.

“Rancor’s tits this is not going to be fun!” Grunting with the effort Uji spun and pushed his shipmate towards the entrance, half dragging the Ryn as they moved to make their escape from the Citadel.

“See it works!” exclaimed Kordath as they ran for their lives.

Timeros Caesus Entar Arconae, 14 April, 2015 4:03 PM UTC

...Eh. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s funny. But I’d have liked to see more things actually happen. Honestly, this is a bit of a letdown, especially after your (much better) last post. Quotation issues also persist.