SWL Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj vs. KP Kookimarissia Mimosa-Inahj

Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Human, Sith, Seeker
vs.

Krath Priestess Kookimarissia Mimosa-Inahj

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Female Human, Krath, Sorcerer
Comment

This was, altogether, an enjoyable read. It is nice to see how well you know each other's characters and how they function. The duality of Kooki's hate for Imperials and the fact that her husband is one himself allows for a fun play on the way they interact, which you both utilized.

While nothing was so severe to warrant major deductions in points, you both still have room to grow and I look forward to seeing where that takes you. The fight itself was short, but well executed. The dialogue was interesting, and enhanced the story told rather than disrupting the reader.

All in all, great showing and I hope you both give it another go in the future. The win goes to Andrelious on this one, for the slightly better showing in Story and Syntax.

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants SWL Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj, KP Kookimarissia Mimosa-Inahj
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
SWL Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj's Character Snapshot Snapshot
KP Kookimarissia Mimosa-Inahj's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Selen: Arcona Citadel - Throne Room
Last Post 3 April, 2015 7:17 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Deleted Kookimarissia Mimosa-Inahj
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: Your posts had only one instance of minor syntax, which I have referenced under the first post. Rationale: Overall, your posts were easy to read and had only a handful of errors, which I've pointed out for you. Make sure you preview and look over your posts one last time before hitting submit, at least one of these should have been caught when doing so.
Story - 40%
Deleted Kookimarissia Mimosa-Inahj
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: The story was, on the whole, engaging and flowed well. While you could have hit a 5, there were instances where you could have shown more and expanded upon the story. This resulted in a few moments that leaves the reader wondering what happened. Rationale: The story was well presented and straightforward, however you were held back from a 5 due to lack of "showing" in your "show and tell". I singled out an instance of this in your first post.
Realism - 25%
Deleted Kookimarissia Mimosa-Inahj
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: There were no apparent errors associated with the use of Character Sheets and the venue. Rationale: No misuse of Character Sheets or Venue stand out in the posts.
Continuity - 20%
Deleted Kookimarissia Mimosa-Inahj
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: Posts acknowledged the flow of events and nothing was lost or ignored. Rationale: Events flow between posts and nothing is left out and ignored.
Deleted's Score: 4.6 Kookimarissia Mimosa-Inahj's Score: 4.45
Posts

citadel
A pair of massive, ancient doors loom at the entrance to the throne room. Upon opening, they give way to a large chamber with a high ceiling carved smoothly into stone. The chamber itself is the size of a professional holo-ball court but the hard-tile flooring has been sand-blasted to perfection and patterned symmetrically throughout. Tall, rounded pillars frame a center dais that forms an elevator platform. Perfectly centered on the low platform is the heart of Clan Arcona's power--the Serpentine Throne. The ornate throne stands several feet above the head of even the tallest Shadow Lords. The dais is back lit by an ever glowing wall of flame that attunes itself to the order-color of the current Consul. A sable carpet trimmed with white lays down over the shallow steps and continues all the way towards the entrance doors. throneroom
The Throne Room is completely sound-proofed, and almost feels like entering a vacuum. Voices carry easily, but never leave the chamber. A combination of alchemy and engineering allow the room to be shut off from the rest of the Citadel while maintaining proper ventilation for the unique curtain of flame. It maintains a steady room temperature, ignorant to the climate outside and throughout the Citadel's ancient walls.

The throne room was not normally the scene of fighting, even mock fighting, but Andrelious still remembered how close it had come to being the location of a fierce battle between those that had supported the Quaestors, and those that had backed the Arconæ. Andrelious had been one to plump for the Clan’s veterans, and had slain many that had fallen on the other side of the line.

“Are you sure we’re okay to train here? What’s wrong with the training room?” Kooki asked.

“Those sparring rooms don’t help with actual combat. In here, there’s the sort of added factor that I’d expect to find in a typical battle environment. Sort of, anyway,” Andrelious replied.

The Priestess nodded. She had tied her long purple-tipped hair into a tight bun, and was waiting a little impatiently for her husband to be ready.

“Well?” she demanded.

“It’s not like you to let me make the first move,” the Soulfire Captain said, a flirtatious smile on his face. He reached for the training lightsaber that he had clipped on his belt earlier, finding its hilt a little lighter to handle compared to his normal weapon. He activated its blade, not sure what colour it would be, but was happy to see a crimson beam emerge from within.

“Come on then, you Alderaanian bitch! Let’s see these new moves you told me about!” Andrelious hissed in mock anger.

“You Imperial bastards are all the same. So cocky. So headstrong. It’ll be a pleasure to bring you down. Again,” Kooki replied, winking at her spouse.

With not quite as much gusto as in a real fight, Andrelious charged for Kooki, trying to insert the low powered blade of his training weapon into her ribcage. They had agreed that they would ‘fight to the death,’ but with weapons that could do little more than singe each other’s skin. The Krath had to admit that she was missing her actual weapon, but still managed to block her husband’s attack with relative ease, the Force almost guiding her arm into position for her.

“Your instincts serve you well, darling.” Andrelious stated as he tried to arc his weapon around, but again found the purple blade of his training partner ready and waiting to parry. It was then Kooki’s turn to attack, but the Soulfire Captain recovered fast enough to take evasive action, stepping back to avoid the Priestess’ training saber.

“So do yours, babe. It’s just a shame you’re not quite the clairvoyant I am,” Kooki teased, extending her left arm out. Andrelious, who was trying to return to lightsaber range, instead found himself being lifted gently into the air. He thrashed his arms and legs around like a newborn child, trying in vain to get his wife to release the hold she had on him.

“Oh. You want to come down? Why didn’t you say?” the Krath said softly, dropping the Warlord with just enough force to make sure it hurt, but not enough to cause any lasting damage. Andrelious still needed a few moments to regain his breath, however, before clambering to his feet. In that time, Kooki backed away, hiding herself behind one of the pillars. She drew her DH-17, checking to make sure that it was still armed with the special training blanks.

Squeezing the trigger thrice, the Krath watched the non-lethal blaster bolts make their way towards the advancing Warlord. Andrelious raised his lightsaber, blocking the first, at torso height with ease. The second, aimed at his head, was a little wayward, but the ex-Imperial took no chances and blocked it anyway. That was his mistake; it allowed the third bolt to hit him in the ankle.

“That’s broken ribs and a burnt ankle! Going to give up?” Kooki called.

Good job I married this one. She’s one hell of a fighter. Andrelious thought to himself as he continued his advance.

“To the death, my darling. And remember: the loser buys dinner.”

Darth Renatus, 5 April, 2015 6:28 PM UTC

"Andrelious raised his lightsaber, blocking the first, at torso height with ease." Second comma is syntactically erroneous, breaking apart two statements that are directly related (ie. you blocked the first at torso height, it modifies where you blocked)

Post 1

Kooki calmly placed her DH-17 back into its safe and disguised home in her knee-high leather boots. She was very lucky to have not succumbed to any brutality from her spouse, but was going to have to emerge completely from her hiding place and continue the battle. Watching Andrelious writhe about had been more than a little enjoyable. It was times like these that she remembered her venom and hatred towards Imperials, even if she usually saw past it in her husband.

As the Priestess came out from her hiding place, she noticed Andrelious proceeding towards her at a fair speed.

“You do realise that if this wasn’t such a friendly battle, you would be limping, sweetheart,” Kooki teased, with an edge of anger in her tone.

Andrelious was quite taken aback by this statement. Sometimes his wife’s words were as hurtful as her physical outbursts of anger. Utilising his own anger, he armed himself with his saber and vainly attempted to lunge at Kooki’s upper body. Predictably, Kooki was prepared and well equipped. She spun completely around to defend herself and swiftly placed her hilt in her left hand. Andrelious was not ready for such fast action, and was shocked to be charged at with an amethyst blade.

Kooki’s training saber caught the back of Andrelious’ knees horizontally, causing him to lose his balance and fall to the floor pathetically. However, having been relatively unhurt, if a little stunned, the Sith rose to his feet again. He was not ready to be defeated- especially by a woman. He attempted to lift out his hand to raise Kooki slightly from the ground, yet failed. Instead, the female reached out her right arm, and for the second time in a relatively short space of time, pushed the Sith to the floor. Continuing to torture her opponent, she spared him no mercy, regardless of the emotional attachment she had to him. The venom eating away inside of her was coming to a head as she hastily placed one foot onto Andrelious’ chest. Kooki applied just enough pressure to her adversary’s ribs and lungs to cause slight difficulty in breathing.

Beneath her steel-toed boot, Andrelious’ breathing began to slow as Kooki pressed a fraction harder.

“Are you sure you don’t want to give up?” Kooki tormented.

The headstrong male refused to be beaten by his dominant spouse and was not prepared to be the one buying dinner.

“This…isn’t…over…till…it’s…over!” Andrelious stuttered, as he writhed about.

Darth Renatus, 5 April, 2015 6:31 PM UTC

"Post 1" Have to raise the Syntax flag on this one. Probably shrapnel from your copy and paste into the document. One last preview should have caught it.

Darth Renatus, 5 April, 2015 6:32 PM UTC

"He attempted to lift out his hand to raise Kooki slightly from the ground, yet failed." Why did it fail? He has +3 in Telekinesis (on par with your own, which he established as enough to lift him in his first post) and there is nothing here from either side of the battle attesting to why he would be unable to have an effect. What was done to diminish its ability?

Though he had often seen just how aggressive Kooki could be on the battlefield, it had been some time since Andrelious had tested his own abilities against her. The Warlord was genuinely finding it incredibly hard to push his wife’s foot away.

As he began to feel himself growing a little desperate, Andrelious called out to the Force, ordering it to scoop his opponent away. The Krath knew what was coming, and managed to dull the power of the action enough that it forced her to stumble backwards, rather than be hurled high into the air. Andrelious, though he needed a little time to recover and catch his breath, leapt to his feet. He wasn’t about to let his training partner resume what she had been doing. Kooki cursed under her breath, and readied her lightsaber again.

“I’m a little better than when you first attacked me, sweetheart.” Kooki teased, remembering when they had first met.

“You were overconfident then. And you’re even more so now. I’m just glad this is a training battle. Your Master isn’t here to save you, this time,” the Warlord replied back cooly, also recalling the events of that day. Both spouses charged at each other, their training sabers meeting in mid-air in a rather unimpressive showing; the lack of power in the blades meant for far fewer sparks. The intensity of the attacks, however, were far more real than the combat itself as both Andrelious and Kookimarissia pushed hard to beat each other’s defences. Kooki fought a little more defensively than her husband. She had learned a lot of the trade from Atyiru, who Andrelious had always believed lacked the brutality to be an effective fighter. His present foe, however, had both the temper of a wounded animal and a murderous streak that he himself was proud of. He often remarked how perfectly dark Kooki was, and now here she was, trying to get the better of a man who had, in theory at least, far more prowess with lightsabers and the Force.

Feinting to the left, Kooki again switched movements, tossing her lightsaber into her right hand in an instant. This time, Andrelious was ready for it, and brought his own blade in to block the attack. The Priestess scowled at her husband, who smirked back smugly.

“Nice try, Miss Mimosa!” he taunted.

Kooki was not to be beaten, and went on the offensive, remembering some moves that Andrelious himself had once taught her. As he attacked, she remembered her husband’s past. Her expression changed from one of determination to anger, her eyes flickering red for a split second.

“Die, Imperial bastard!” the Alderaanian cried, this time keeping her lightsaber firmly in her right hand. Two quick slashes were blocked, but a third sneaked past the Warlord’s defensive lunge, the purple blade of the training weapon cutting into his right shoulder. Andrelious ignored the slight burn from the attack and countered, his own powerful attacks forcing his wife to defend herself. The Force consistently told Kooki when and where to move her blade, making her incredibly difficult to break down. Fatigue, however, was not something that the Force could help the Priestess with as much, and she began to feel her arms be a little harder to lift. Sensing this, the ex-Imperial stepped up the ferocity of his attacks, eventually beating his lover’s blade and cutting deep into her left shoulder. He followed this up by again trying to lift her up and away with the Force.

This time, Kooki allowed herself to be lifted in the air. It took Andrelious a few moments to ‘calibrate’ what he was doing so as not to hurt the Krath. That gave Kooki just the time she needed. She again armed herself with her DH-17, squeezing the trigger rapidly more than half a dozen times.

Blank bolts shot from the weapon’s barrel, catching the Warlord by surprise. He went to raise his lightsaber to dissipate or parry the bolts, forgetting about his opponent. The Priestess smiled. Her husband had done exactly what she had hoped. Somersaulting in the air to allow herself to land on her feet, Kooki charged at Andrelious as he blocked the last of the blanks. He turned his head around just in time to see the fuming Krath baring down on him. With a leap, she tackled her lover, pinning him to the ground. Again caught out, Andrelious lost his grip on his training saber, the weapon falling to the floor well out of his reach.

Kooki pointed her blaster at her husband’s windpipe, her strong legs preventing his arms from moving. The Warlord struggled for a few moments, but soon realised there was little he could do. He had been beaten.

“Do you give up? If this were real I’d have shot you already,” the Krath hissed with enough genuine venom that it scared the ex-Imperial a little. He merely nodded to indicate his surrender, not daring to anger his lover further.

“Now we’ve established that, babe, we have only one thing to discuss. Where are we going for dinner?” Kooki smirked.

Darth Renatus, 5 April, 2015 6:30 PM UTC

"and managed to dull the power of the action enough that it forced her to stumble backwards," How did she do this? She has Deflection and Suppression, both can be applied here but would be applied differently in this situation.

Kooki removed her foot from Andrelious’ torso, allowing the writhing Warlord to resume standing. In doing so, she began to sense this duel was starting to come to an end. Andrelious swiftly rose to his feet, and smiled playfully at his spouse. He was clearly up to something.

Wasting no time Kooki lunged forwards to strike him again, but despite trying to defend herself, she found herself being levitated off the ground. Andrelious was quite enjoying being in control and tormenting his lover. This was admittedly an unusual situation for the Mimosa-Inahj family to find themselves in. It didn’t take long for the Priestess to get angry and feisty.

“Put me down. NOW!” Kooki demanded crossly.

The Sith just chuckled at the predicament his wife was in.

“And why would I do that, love?” the male teased, emphasising the last word in his utterance to add to the mocking of Kooki.

Whilst in the air, Kooki threw her arms out from her chest and flung Andrelious into a nearby wall, causing him to forfeit the hold he had on the female in the air. As Kooki had been at a relatively low height when she fell, she was unharmed. However, the Warlord now had a tender back. Being so short made him easy to throw, but it also meant it hurt more when he was thrown against surfaces.

“Because you love me, that’s why,” stated Kooki.

Andrelious managed to eke out a slight smile.

The female approached her spouse on the ground.

“And because I’m much stronger than you,” she hissed.

Andrelious was starting to agree with Kooki and was starting to grow weary. She grabbed her hilt and engaged her saber. Kooki held her blade above the Sith on the floor, who was now once again firmly pinned under the steel toe cap boots of his spouse. She continued to apply pressure to cause breathing difficulties. Not a word was exchanged between them. All that could be heard was Andrelious gasping for each breath.

After what felt like forever, Kooki disengaged her purple blade and held out her arm to the Warlord.

“Dinner?” she offered, with a hint of seduction in her tone.

Darth Renatus, 5 April, 2015 6:31 PM UTC

"Andrelious was starting to agree with Kooki and was starting to grow weary." Minor syntax, repetition of "was starting to"