GBM Jonuss Rai vs. GRD Kul'tak Drol

Guardian Blade Master Jonuss Rai

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Human, Guardian, Sorcerer
vs.

Neophyte Kul'tak Drol

Journeyman 1, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Zabrak, Sith, Shadow
Comment

Overall good job by both; if either of you have additional comments, please contact me.

Hall Fading Light
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants GBM Jonuss Rai, GRD Kul'tak Drol
Winner GBM Jonuss Rai
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
GBM Jonuss Rai's Character Snapshot Snapshot
GRD Kul'tak Drol's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Begeren: Ancient Quarry
Last Post 23 May, 2014 3:39 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Son'El Kul'tak Drol
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: See comments Rationale:
Story - 40%
Son'El Kul'tak Drol
Score: 4 Score: 2
Rationale: Lack of finding the talisman leaves this battle feeling slightly unresolved; that being said, this is overall a good, standard ACC fight. Rationale: Overall a good effort, but both posts dragged on a little bit. try to focus more on the action and in describing what is happening, rather than stating it.
Realism - 25%
Son'El Kul'tak Drol
Score: 3 Score: 2
Rationale: See comments Rationale: Force lightning misuse. Did not get much of a feel for either character.
Continuity - 20%
Son'El Kul'tak Drol
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues detected Rationale: No issues detected
Son'El's Score: 3.8 Kul'tak Drol's Score: 2.9
Posts

Begeren. Once a prosperous Sith world, it has been the site of numerous battles throughout the millennia. Grand halls and monuments were torn down and re-purposed by looting Republic forces thousands of years ago, before they were driven from the planet. Isolated settlements still dot the planet's surface, but the inhospitable, craggy, and desert-like terrain, along with the beasts common to many desert and Sith worlds, have kept most humanoids from colonizing. Occasional skirmishes have left debris scattered throughout the desert, and battles were fought here as recently as the Galactic Civil War. The planet is now under the control of the One Sith and is rumored to be full of all manner of priceless, ancient Sith artifacts.

The Dark Council has pushed forth to Begeren and the Grand Master, on his quest for ever more powerful items, has decreed the Clans and Houses seize anything of value. The unity shown by the Brotherhood during the beginning of this Crusade is fracturing, with the Clans and Houses growing tired and frustrated with the seemingly endless succession of battles. Tempers are flaring between former allies, with outright aggression no longer uncommon. Despite this, you have responded to the Grand Master's call—though whether it's to actually seize the items for the Brotherhood, destroy them, or use them for your own purposes, only you know. One such item, a Sith talisman, said to be inlaid with a dark side-infused gemstone, was lost in the quarries of Begeren during the liberation of the planet from Old Republic looters thousands of years ago.

The Force has drawn you here, to an abandoned quarry, in a mountainous region west of an expansive desert. Any mining equipment once used here is long gone, but the landscape itself remains surprisingly preserved from the days of the Old Republic's strip mining. Scrub brush, the only foliage present on this part of the planet, has taken root all along the sides of the quarry. The ledge overlooks a one-hundred meter drop into a crystal-clear basin of water; opposite the ledge is a more gradual, step-wise decline. The basin itself is peculiar, as no plants are growing in or around it, despite being one of the few bodies of liquid you have seen in the nearby area. A long, snaking ramp meanders down through the steps of the quarry towards the water below, beginning at the northward edge of the cliff you now find yourself on. You notice shards of gemstones crunch underfoot as you move, a hint as to the use of this quarry in ages past.

The winds of Begeren whipped Kul'tak's black cloak around him, forcing him to pull it tighter to block incoming the incoming dust. Beneath his feet the sands of this now desolate quarry still managed to reverberate with murmurs of the Force, indicating his search had taken a turn for the better. He was still not exactly sure what significance the talisman rumored to be here posed, but as a Disciple of Dreypa he wouldn't question orders. His search had begun in the canyon over the far ridge of the quarry where he'd been dropped off with the rest of the Disciples, though they had taken different routes in search of their own targets. He realized he was feeling slightly nervous. This was his first large assignment away from his master and he hoped his training would be enough for whatever might lay ahead. He kicked at a nearby tuft of scrub brush in annoyance at his weakness. It wouldn't do any good to worry now, better to trust in her teachings and move on.

Just out of curiosity's sake, Kul'tak knelt down and placed his hand to the ground. With a due bit of concentration he sought forth with his Force presence. While most of the life in the vicinity was the scrub brush, Kul'tak could detect a few other forms: that of roaming fauna. He nodded his head and felt the crook of his mouth turn upward. Greetings, my little friends. He could feel the creatures pulse with confusion at the intrusion to their conscience. He was about to soothe them when he paused for a moment as he detected a larger life form. Somewhere on top of the gorge a larger animal was prowling, and he could “see” himself through its eyes. He shook his head as a bout of dizziness came over him. The feeling he had felt in that presence had been a first for him, but what a feeling! It was as if he had been hunting himself. He would have to contemplate on this later. Time enough for that after he had found the talisman, getting too distracted would hurt his mission performance.

Kul'tak stood back up and brushed himself off and gazed upwards at the blazing sun hanging isolated in the Begeren sky. Only a few hours had passed since his arrival on the planet and he was already tired of the heat. He'd never been a fan. Iridonia's shade-providing forests had always kept him cool during the hotter days. His heavy black cloak probably didn't help much. He shrugged and made his way down the old quarry ramp to where the pool of water that had collected and provided the only sustenance for some miles rested calm and serene. Looks like one of those places Light Jedi go to practice their weak meditation training. He huffed at his own joke and made his way around the edge of the pool, scanning the ground for any signs of a talisman, whatever that would look like. He lifted his eyes to encompass the whole of the area he was in and took in all the gemstones, crushed and whole alike, scattered about. Of all the—they've got me looking for a shiny rock in a sea of shiny rocks.

Kul'tak raised his head as he thought he had heard something, but on further speculation attributed it to the wind crawling over the larger crevices of the quarry which sometimes made whooshing sounds. As far as he knew, none of the other team members were supposed to head in this direction, but he wouldn't put it past one of the younger apprentices to get lost and wander around a bit. He felt a prick at the back of his neck, a sense he had developed during his time on Iridonia. He assumed it was similar to when humans get those bumps on their body when they get the feeling they were being watched. The body will often warn its host of impending danger, one just has to recognize the signs. A lesson a hunter has to learn quickly in order to survive. This was a smaller prick, though, so Kul'tak, instead of going completely defensive, turned around to face the man standing a couple dozen meters away. Just a brief moment was all Kul'tak needed to feel the amount of power radiating from the human. It was possible the One Sith could have become aware of his presence and sent a soldier to investigate, but Kul hadn't expected a Jedi. The ebbing flow between peace of mind and battle readiness of the Jedi was like a stench better cleansed from his nostrils.

The Zabrak swept aside his cloak in order to rest his hand on the hilt of his training saber. While not his weapon of choice, he did not possess his own lightsaber yet so he had trained a little extra in order to learn to put more aggression in his swings to make up for the saber's lack of lethality. He noticed the Jedi had two lightsabers of his own, and immediately began running through scenarios of how to combat that sort of advantage. All scenarios ended rather bleakly. Unable to keep eye contact with his remaining human eye because of the incredibly distracting cybernetic eye the Jedi possessed, Kul'tak decided that this would be as good a time as any to test his new abilities. He had read on a Brotherhood battle strategy holodisc that the first to strike controlled the battle, so before the other man could get a chance to react he launched himself across the space between them hoping for his enemy to be unprepared.

What Kul'tak was not ready for was the man to draw both sabers and easily throw him aside within the same moment. Picking himself up off the ground, Kul'tak looked up and saw the cybernetic eye glint as if smiling. He then knew the fight was going to be very interesting indeed...

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 27 May, 2014 10:48 PM UTC

Story: No combat. Somewhat drags on at the start, but good descriptives. Also first time I've ever seen someone make Iridonia seem anything but a harsh hell-hole of a world.

Jonuss Rai felt a smirk forming at his lips but stifled it before a hint of his amusement could be seen by the Dark Jedi. It wasn't all that long ago that he, as a Son of Sadow, walked the same path as this one. He could tell by the young Sith's careful examination of his left eye that, like many others that the Jedi has met, he believed it to be technologically based; a prosthetic created by advanced cybernetics to replace what had been removed so long ago. Like those many others, he was wrong.

Jonuss thought back to the dark days of his apprenticeship to the Dark Jedi known as Candeth Martine. He thought of his master's training out in the frozen wasteland that was Loki, the former home of House Marka Ragnos of Clan Naga Sadow. The frozen wastelands where his master had used a large bladed weapon to remove his left eye during a training fight. A training fight that led Jonuss, then known as J'Rai, down the path of rage. He used the Dark Side, and a mystical power that has since ceased to be, to forge a new eye. At one time it had glowed red, fueled by rage and the Dark Side. Today, however, it was fueled by the Light Side and of a power far stronger than rage and hate: Hope.

The Jedi walked slowly and cautiously around his opponent. He did not want to kill this youngling, despite the fact that he was a Dark Jedi. Had this been just a few short years ago, Jonuss would have killed the fool without even a second's hesitation but now, every life was precious to him. He had lost his taste for killing.

He stood and stared at the young Zabrak. Like him, Jonuss was here on a mission. Like him, he could not let anything stop him from accomplishing it. He could not let the Brotherhood get their hands on the talisman. In the hands of the Jedi, it would be kept safe and out of the reach of the Grandmaster. Maybe then the Jedi could be freed from the control of the Dark Brotherhood.

“I will give you a choice, young one.” Jonuss said deactivating his lightsabers. “You can rethink your life, renounce the darkness and come into the light, or you can die. I leave it to you.”

It didn't take long for the guardian from Clan Plagueis to tell him his decision. Empowered by his rage, Kul'Tak Drol lunged forward and struck with his training saber. The crimson blade cut through the air towards the Jedi.

Jonuss had sensed the attack before it had begun and stepped to the side, avoiding the stinging blade of the crimson saber. Continuing the motion, Jonuss grabbed the wrist of the Zabrak's sword arm and struck higher up on his arm, hitting a pressure point that would numb his opponent's arm for a time. Jonuss heard the energy blade deactivate as the hilt landed on the ground. Jonuss continued the attack by moving behind Drol and striking several times, using a mix of his hands and feet combining the two arts of Hapan and K'thri. Kul'Tak Drol fell to the ground, struggling to get back to his feet as Jonuss stepped back.

“It's only going to get worse for you, young one.” Jonuss said hoping that the Dark Jedi would give up and live to fight another day.

So much rage poured out of the Zabrak that you didn't have to be Force Sensitive to notice it. Jonuss stood his ground, ready to defend against another attack.

Kul'Tak Drol focused on his opponent and formed a sphere of darkness around him. He reached out towards his training saber and summoned it to his good hand as he moved forward, determined to take the Jedi out.

Jonuss, surrounded by darkness, heard the snap-hiss of the training saber as it was once again activated. I knew Zabrak's were tough. He thought to himself as he closed his eyes and prepared.

Just as the crimson blade broke though the sphere of darkness, Jonuss' eyes opened. His right eye was pale white and his left was a pale blue. He summoned the power of the Byakugan to aid his Force-enhanced sight to see though the darkness. A red form approached him through the darkness stabbing at his midsection with an equally colored blade. Jonuss could tell that it was Kul'Tak Drol, his rage painting him red in his vision.

Jonuss easily avoided the attack, this time igniting his own sapphire blade to deflect the training saber. Rai landed a punch with his off-hand to the jaw of the Dark Jedi, sending him back staggering. With a push of the Force, Jonuss sent the Zabrak flying backward, his training saber once again dropping from his hand.

The Jedi knew how this fight was going to end, and he didn't like the idea one bit.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 27 May, 2014 10:49 PM UTC

Syntax: Light side and dark side are not capitalized. Some punctuation missing

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 28 May, 2014 12:47 AM UTC

Realism: Though overmatched, Kul'tak is still filled with Rage and using a lightsaber. Understandable Jonuss could avoid his attacks, but it seems almost a bit too effortless here - try to describe how the attack is avoided and counterattacks are made, given that Kul'tak is a reasonably skilled combatant.

Lying on the ground with a split lip, Kul'tak considered his options. The Jedi was not pressing his attacks further after deflecting the Dark Jedi so it was obvious he did not want to kill his opponent. Perhaps this could be used against him, but perhaps not. The discrepancies between their skill levels was just too great. Kul'tak had to accept the fact he couldn't overpower a higher trained Jedi, even though his pride as a member of Plagueis was screaming at him to annihilate his adversary and return him to his Force in pieces. That went for his exceedingly distracting glowy eye thing, too. Kul'tak wished he could rip it out for a souvenir.

He slowly pushed himself up and checked for breaks and bruises. As a Zabrak he could withstand most pain, but it would'nt do to put weight on a broken limb and fall over on his face in the dirt. He had to represent the Sith well. Though, that wouldn't matter much once the Jedi reunited him with the dirt anyway. It's not that the dirt tasted bad or anything (Kul'tak had become a connoisseur of the different tastes of dirt during his master's training regiment), he just preferred to stay on his feet when possible. The Jedi remained still, reflexes tuned now and awaiting the next inevitable strike. Kul'tak spotted his saber some meters away, but frowned when a sudden gust of when caused it to roll off the edge of the pool of water and sink below into the darkness. The Zabrak gave an audible sigh and decided that his ancestors had pretty much just told him to roll over and die in their own creative way. He wasn't for sure if this would be his time, but he did know he was going to go down fighting.

Kul'tak looked around for a stick or a heavy stone to possibly make use of, but there was just the scrub brush. He considered picking up a bush and beating the Jedi to death with it, but decided that wouldn't make for a very impressive story. Or a realistic image.

A small desert creature darted from one bush to the next, and suddenly Kul'tak had an idea. Concentrating on the forms around him, the Zabrak pushed at the specks of their Force presences and attempted to draw their attentions his way. After further probing, he even found the larger speck he had felt earlier. That one he especially wanted to draw in. He through everything he knew about influencing beasts into attaching himself to that larger presence. He smiled when he felt it start to come closer. Opening his eyes now he noticed the Jedi looking at him curiously, most likely wondering what the younger Zabrak could be scheming to attempt. Hopefully he would appreciate the length Kul'tak was going with this. He couldn't expect the Jedi to wait for him forever, though. As if reading his mind, the Jedi spoke up.

“You must surely know by now that you'll never win this fight. I'd say lay down your arms, but...well. In any case, proclaim surrender and leave here, and I'll let you live, Sith. If you refuse, I should remind you that only one of us can leave her with the talisman and I plan on taking it with me.”

Kul'tak huffed and opened his mouth to retort, when he noticed movement on the ridge not too far above the Jedi. To keep appearances he continued with his sentence.

“This fight isn't over yet, Jedi. A sith above all seeks power. Even if the power comes not directly from themselves...but from their friends. Now!”

With one mental push and physical yell, Kul'tak connected his mental train of thought with the large desert Hulak Wraid that had been compelled there by the Zabrak. Knowing its controller's wishes, it leapt from the ridge and down towards the Jedi, who now sensed the danger. Turning to face the Wraid, the Jedi had no trouble bringing both sabers to bear and carving pieces of the creature off with them. Kul'tak had known the creature would be too small to completely stop the Jedi, but it had accomplished what he had hoped it would: bought him time. When the creature leapt, Kul'tak had immediately begun to focus his rage and poured his desire to win into it. He could feel his thoughts become a small prick at the tips of his fingers, before they coalesced into a full fledged strain of Force lightning crackling between his fingers and palms. Laughing aloud at his enemy's fatal mistake, Kul'tak guided the energy forward and released it. The Jedi managed to turn around by that time from having destroyed the Wraid, but wasn't ready to defend against the blast. His body crackled and popped as it was slammed into the ground and rolled into a nearby scrub bush. Kul'tak enjoyed the sight, but was suddenly overcome with a crushing exhaustion. He immediately fell to his knees and gasped for air, his body begging for the debt to be payed. He managed to gain some air back, just enough to shuffle his way over to the fallen Wraid so he could pay his respects. The thing about connecting with animals was that you had to accept the emotional bond that came with it. Kul'tak could feel the empty hole in him where the Wraid's conscience had been. Kneeling beside it, he rested a hand on its haunch, only to see a shining stone within its smoking insides. The stone was giving off a strong Force presence. Seriously? The bloody dog ate it? Kul'tak grabbed the talisman up and stuffed it in his pocket. He never even felt unconsciousness coming.

Waking up inside a moving shuttle, Kul'tak opened his eyes to see the drop team and his master standing above him. Pulling out the stone, he gave it her.

“Look master, I got you a present.”

“Where's your saber, apprentice?”

“Um...a Bantha ate it?”

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 28 May, 2014 12:48 AM UTC

Story: Interesting use of creatures

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 28 May, 2014 12:49 AM UTC

Realism: Major problem here - Force lightning is reserved for Elders. Shock is not lightning and must not be treated as such.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 28 May, 2014 12:52 AM UTC

Syntax: Some punctuation issues (e.g. would'nt)

Jonuss observed the dark jedi; quietly contemplating his next move. He had dealt with dark jedi before and it had always ended badly. He had little hope that he could end this fight without taking the Zabrak's life but if he gave up on hope, he wouldn't be a Jedi.

"I used to be like you." The Jedi said as he deactivated his lightsaber. "I killed my family and collected the price on my father's head. I used the credits to find my place in the universe; taking on the occasional assassination contract when my funds got low. I used my rage to hurt and kill people before I ever knew I could wield the Force. Then I was found by the Brotherhood and trained with others in Naga Sadow." He paused as he remembered those days. "I led my house and eventually the clan. I was even honored as a Son of Sadow." He stared at the ground but it wasnt the quarry he was looking at, it was his past. The faces of all of the people he killed; Dark Jedi and regular citizen alike.

"So why did you betray your clan? The Zabrak asked, shifting his position slightly on the ground.

Jonuss returned his gaze to him and smiled. "I didn't betray them. I had an awakening. I realized that what we were doing went against the true nature of the Force. Balance is what we needed to achieve but no one would listen and so I left. Odan-urr took me in and nurtured my training in the light so I could achieve true balance. Now I only kill when absolutely necessary. And I don't think now is one of those times. You will make the decision. You could blindly follow orders and work towards plunging the galaxy into darkness or you could work to shatter the darkness with the light. Only you can make that choice."

Kul'tak Drol looked as if he was honestly thinking about Rai's words but the Jedi knew better. He knew that the Zabrak were a stubborn people and it would take more than his words to change this Dark Jedi's mind; despite how early it was in his training.

The Dark Jedi jumped from his place on the ground, running forward to attack Jonuss with his bare hands. Jonuss, no longer using his Byakugan technique, was still able to defend against the attack. He blocked blow after blow intending to let the warrior exhaust himself but, thanks to the stamina he developed during his youth on Iridonia, Kul'tak showed no signs of tiring any time soon. Jonuss decided to end this now before he had no choice but to take his life.

Jonuss ducked an attack rather than blocking it and Kul'tak was thrown off balance just enough for the former Son of Sadow to get behind him and place him in a choke hold, slowly cutting off his airflow. Jonuss was careful to avoid getting slashed by the horns on the Zabrak's head. He applied more pressure and the Dark Jedi began to lose consciousness. Jonuss began to lower himself, still holding Kul'tak Drol in his grip, until he rested on his knees. As Kul'tak lost consciousness, Jonuss spoke into his ear, "Odan-urr is my home now, it can be yours as well."

Jonuss placed the unconscious form of the Dark Jedi under an outcropping of rocked carved so long ago by those who had mined this quarry. The Jedi retrieved the training saber and placed it in the Zabrak's hand.

Jonuss, successful in ending the conflict without killing, continued his search for the talisman.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 28 May, 2014 12:55 AM UTC

Syntax: More issues in this post (missing quotation marks etc)