KP Zagro Fenn vs. SWL Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj

Krath Priest Zagro Fenn

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Hapan, Krath, Sorcerer
vs.

Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Human, Sith, Seeker
Comment

Clear win to Andrelious. Both of Zargo's posts contained enough realism and syntax errors that they stood out next to the generally clean posts by Andrelious. Better proofreading on Zargo's part might have made a difference, but the difference between Shock and Lightning is something you also need to learn.

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants KP Zagro Fenn, SWL Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
KP Zagro Fenn's Character Snapshot Snapshot
SWL Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Shadow Academy - Sparring Room
Last Post 29 March, 2015 8:33 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Deleted Mauro Wynter
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Couple minor things here and there, but nothing serious or systemic. Rationale: Several minor errors including misspellings of opponent's name and other things, problems with capitalizing Force, and some tense issues. Both posts show signs of insufficient proofing
Story - 40%
Deleted Mauro Wynter
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Weaving in the bits about your personal story made for a nice touch and it was balanced nicely with the combat. Rationale: While decent in terms of combat, very little else. There was very little original about the story.
Realism - 25%
Deleted Mauro Wynter
Score: 5 Score: 3
Rationale: No realism concerns, everything seemed smooth Rationale: Major issues with the use of Force Shock. Shock is not lightning. Shock, even at level 4 isn't fatal on it's own, and it definately can't be used in the way it was at the end of your second post
Continuity - 20%
Deleted Mauro Wynter
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: Nothing to note. Rationale: Nothing to note.
Deleted's Score: 4.45 Mauro Wynter's Score: 3.4
Posts

You enter one of the dozens of sparring chambers within the Shadow Academy of Lyspair, the simple square room utilized mostly by those learning the ways of the lightsaber. This five hundred square-foot room, rectangular in shape, is nearly barren. The floor is lined with simple padding, while the walls are made of dull, grey durasteel, gauged by innumerable lightsaber strikes, scarring the metal permanently.

The ceiling towers above you, nearly twenty feet in height, allowing for plenty of movement from the more acrobatic of Force users. There are no other adornments within the room, save for the entrance and lighting that bathes the entire room, yet seems to come from nowhere. All corners of the room are perfectly lit, with no visible shadows to speak of. There is nowhere for you to hide within the room, but… there's no room for your opponent to hide either.

The Hapan eyed his opponent from across the expansive sparing chamber. Sith Warlord Inahj paced slightly as he considered his more junior opponent. Despite the rank gap, both were relatively evenly matched in weight and height, despite Fenn having a good fifteen years of youth on the renowned Inahj. “Well then, Priest, lets get this over with” stated Inahj

Zagro watched his prey with a cautious eye. He had respect for his opponent and would not underestimate the somewhat diminutive Sith. This arena bored Fenn, and wanted to be done with this match as quickly as possible. It did not allow him any chance to use his master slicer skills to radically distort and exploit the battle space. The sparing room felt like a cage and Zagro wanted out.

“Shall we begin, then?” asked the Warlord. Inehj palmed his lightsaber on, the long slender metallic handle glistened in an ominous yet regal manner.

Fenn pulled his own saber from his body armor, and ignited the golden energy blade. “After you, I will let my elders make the first move,” answered Zagro.

Inehj wasted no time in throwing his opponent off guard, as force lightning lept from his outstretched free hand as his saber was kept in a defensive position.

Zagro had just enough time to deflect with his own force lightning as the room became awash in sparks and blue flame. The tumult from two energy fields colliding was deafening.

“Enough!” shouted Inehj “I did not expect you to be so strong in that field. I will not make the same mistake twice.” As the words left his lips Fenn charged forward at great speed.

Andrelious raised his lightsaber blade to stop the onrushing Hapan’s attack. He listened carefully to the Force, allowing it to help him guide his weapon into the correct place to block the Imperium Aedile’s slash. The Warlord followed up with a powerful counter attack, feigning movement to the right before beating the Krath’s lumbering blade to the left, instead. The move caught the younger being completely off guard and he was forced to stumble backwards to avoid being bisected.

“A good move, Inahj.” Fenn stated solemnly.

“That’s Mimosa-Inahj,” Andrelious replied, his voice cold and uncaring. He had little time for compliments, at least from his opponents.

Seeking to move in towards his enemy again, Zagro approached far more cautiously this time, determined that he would not fall for another feint. Andrelious, meanwhile, waited patiently. Fenn was not somebody whose techniques he had bothered to study at great length, but it hadn’t taken the Warlord long to learn what moves that he favoured. He had also ascertained that Zagro was not as strong or as robust as he was, giving him a solid advantage in the physical field.

Forcing a saber lock, the Sith began to push forwards, the sparking blades being driven ever closer to the Hapan’s pretty-boy face. Realising that he was badly outmatched, Zagro began to become a little desperate. Beads of sweat began to form at the top of his brows, and his expression was a determined grimace as he tried to hide the desperation from Andrelious.

“Give it up, Scholaean,” the Warlord demanded. He had a little more respect for the Palpatine followers than he did for some of the other Clans, even allowing his daughter to retreat there, but he was still more than prepared to kill Fenn should the situation require it. As he continued to heave the locked weapons closer and closer to his opponent, Andrelious smirked, thinking he had won. Reducing the intensity of his pushing a little, to give the Priest a chance to answer his demand, the Human realised he had again given his opponent too little credit as he flew through the air.

Fenn looked on with a smirk as Andrelious slammed hard into one of the walls, before landing on the softened floor. The impact wrecked the Sith’s E-11 blaster, which had taken the brunt of the collision. “Impressive. But the Force will not save you forever!” the Warlord hissed as he struggled to his feet. He quickly realised that his left wrist was sprained, but he was otherwise unscathed; the padding on the floor had probably saved him from worse injuries.

With a snarl, Andrelious began to move in towards Fenn.

The Sith Warlord was stronger, physically, than Zagro had anticipated based on the height differential and age of his opponent. He had nearly been cleaved due to this mistake, he would not make it again.

Inahj slowly closed in on Fenn, the momentary reprieve of the Force push had only spared the Hapan a few priceless seconds. The Human was somewhat slower now, perhaps he suffered some injury from the collision with the wall. Or it was a stratagem.

Force lightning surged forward from Fenn’s outstretched hand. Inahj pushed it aside with his own and continued forward unabated. Fenn continued to slowly double back towards the wall.

“You fought well enough Palatinae. You are still alive, for which I give you credit. Submit and you can walk out of this chamber alive” stated the Warlord matter-of-factly.

Fenn deactivated his saber and fell to his knees, placed his palms on the floor and bowed his head in a sign of submission. Inahj continued forward cautiously, keeping his saber at the ready.

“Maybe you aren’t stupid after all Priest” cooed Inahj.

“Perhaps stupidity is less of a handicap than pride, Sith” Zagro coldly replied as he took his right hand off of the small datapad he clutched. With that, the room went black.

Fenn rolled and got to his feet in time to barely miss the sweeping blow of Inahj. The Warlord laughed slightly when he realized the Hapan had dropped his saber with the datapad.

“I can see better in the dark than you, Hapan. Is this the best trick you have?” asked the Sith Warlord.

Fenn launched Force lightning at his attacker, who continued to block the energy easily. Closer and closer, Inehj strode to within saber rang.

“Duck!” screamed Fenn. His saber flew across the room and ignited a split second from Inehj’s head. The Human spun in tome to deflect the blade and send it flying across the room, in several pieces.

In the fraction of time Inehj was distracted Fenn threw out both hands less than a meter from his opponents head and unleashed all the Force energy he had remaining searing his opponent and forcing him to the ground with a horrendous shriek of agony.

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 31 March, 2015 3:14 PM UTC

Notable realism concerns with the ending here. Throwing the lightsaber in what was clearly close range was one problem. The use of true Force Lightning is the other.

Reaching his quarry moments later, the Warlord found it was a little difficult to hold the long hilt of Warb Null’s lightsaber in a single hand. He had often wondered how the ancient Sith had managed to operate the weapon effectively, but had become quite adept with using it after the events of Korriban. Now, however, he was not in a war zone, but a simple sparring chamber. Instead of hundreds of potential targets, he had just one.

Fenn, with his two unhurt arms, manoeuvred his golden blade in and out, around and through as he blocked, then countered, then blocked again. Frustration and fatigue were beginning to trouble the Priest greatly, as he pushed forward, trying to force another saber lock. Andrelious, knowing that he’d have little chance of victory in such a scenario with his damaged wrist, side stepped to avoid it and rotated his lightsaber around, the emerald blade coming within an inch of removing Zagro’s head. The Krath tried his best to keep up, but found that even while injured, his opponent was still more than his match physically.

Seeing his options running out fast, Fenn reached in and grasped the older man’s wounded wrist, squeezing as tightly as he could manage for a few moments, before releasing. He elected not to hold on as he was aware that he’d be a sitting duck at that range, in spite of or maybe even because of the injury that he had inflicted on Andrelious.

The pain that Andrelious was feeling increased twofold, making it incredibly difficult to stay on his feet. Panicking, the Warlord swung his lightsaber around with such force that it slipped from his hand. Zagro saw his opportunity, and mustered all of his strength into a powerful slash, determined that he was going to cut the now unarmed Human in half. As he raised his blade, he noticed at the last second that Andrelious was still reaching out with his right arm. To the Hapan’s horror, he realised why seconds later as an emerald blade sliced through his upper shoulder, relieving him of his own right arm.

As the severed limb dropped to the ground, the lightsaber it held rolled away, its blade retracting almost silently into nothingness. Mimosa-Inahj pointed the tip of his own lightsaber at his opponent. “Leave here. Your arm and lightsaber are forfeit, young Krath. Learn from this. Learn that you’re not invincible,” he ordered.

“You’re letting me live? Why?” Fenn questioned as he backed towards the door.

“My daughter’s in your House now, Fenn. I like to know that I can easily defeat her so-called superiors if they give her any trouble. You take care of her, or I will finish this. Am I clear?” Andrelious asked, following Zagro closely and keeping his lightsaber blade no more than a couple of inches away from the Hapan’s nose. Nodding silently, Fenn reached the door. Without any further ceremony, he turned and left, leaving his lightsaber behind as ordered.

Andrelious smiled to himself.

You’ll be running that place in no time, Saskia.