KP Zagro Fenn vs. SW Lucyeth

Krath Priest Zagro Fenn

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Hapan, Krath, Sorcerer
vs.

Warrior Lucyeth

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Human, Sith, Sorcerer
Comment

While there were mistakes made by both parties, Zargo's writing seemed cleaner overall. Luceyth's posts required multiple reads to fully untangle what was going on which wasn't the case with Zargo's. Both of you have some work to do on story in this battle, but Zargo's just was a bit more put together.

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 1 Day
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants KP Zagro Fenn, SW Lucyeth
Winner KP Zagro Fenn
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
KP Zagro Fenn's Character Snapshot Snapshot
SW Lucyeth's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Shadow Academy - Sparring Room
Last Post 23 April, 2015 12:15 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Lucyeth Mauro Wynter
Score: 2 Score: 4
Rationale: Outside of names and the beginning of sentences, almost nothing that should be capitalized was. Other issues with sentence structure and clunky word choice brought it down further. Really look into Star Wars style standards since a number of the errors were related to SW terms (Force, lightsaber, etc.) Rationale: Aside from the bits on your last post, nothing really jumped out.
Story - 40%
Lucyeth Mauro Wynter
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: It seems like there's the skeleton of a good story here, but there were no attempts made to flesh it out. What's there is dry and kinda cliche. Rationale: Unlike your opponent, you put a bit more meet on the skeleton here. It still needs to be fleshed out a bit, but there's at least
Realism - 25%
Lucyeth Mauro Wynter
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: The combat in your first post was rather confusing. The two seem to be in melee range the whole time yet are pulling blasters to shoot weapons out of hands. It seems more realistic to use melee strikes to do the same job. Rationale: See my comment to your second post
Continuity - 20%
Lucyeth Mauro Wynter
Score: 5 Score: 3
Rationale: Nothing I can mark you down for. Rationale: See my comment on your first post. I can understand your confusion here, but it seems to be both sabers are gone by the end of the post.
Lucyeth's Score: 3.25 Mauro Wynter's Score: 3.8
Posts

You enter one of the dozens of sparring chambers within the Shadow Academy of Lyspair, the simple square room utilized mostly by those learning the ways of the lightsaber. This five hundred square-foot room, rectangular in shape, is nearly barren. The floor is lined with simple padding, while the walls are made of dull, grey durasteel, gauged by innumerable lightsaber strikes, scarring the metal permanently.

The ceiling towers above you, nearly twenty feet in height, allowing for plenty of movement from the more acrobatic of Force users. There are no other adornments within the room, save for the entrance and lighting that bathes the entire room, yet seems to come from nowhere. All corners of the room are perfectly lit, with no visible shadows to speak of. There is nowhere for you to hide within the room, but… there's no room for your opponent to hide either.

Lucyeth walked with stride into the hall of the combat center with his hand at his waist belt. The sith warrior knew why he was here and the thought was confirmed as he felt the presence of Zagro walk into the entrance of the hall. The palatinaean gazed at the Krath Priest that he knew all too well.

“Glad that you could come out, I didn’t think you would with your precious home in Excidium,” sneered Zagro Fenn toward the sith warrior with entertaining expression.

“I wouldn’t miss out on collaborating once again with my old sergeant,” replied Lucyeth with a cracking laughter as Zagro’s expression changed rapidly to anger etched across his face.

His anger boiled into rage quickly as Lucyeth knew the previous comment got to his former cohort. Zagro charged into a full sprint as he reached for his light saber and ignited the blade. The violet blade lit up the sparring room but Lucyeth anticipated the draw with the extension of his own blade. The sith warrior’s crimson blade met the assault of the Krath Priest’s light saber with a furious clash. The light sabers hummed as the two palatinaeans continued to flick light sabers with fast precision.

Lucyeth pushed on the offensive as he swung his light saber in quick and fluid motions but Zagro was able to anticipate his every move. Lucyeth suddenly took advantage of the open opportunity and jabbed his hilt into the Krath’s face. The pain was heard in Zagro’s voice with a growl of rage. Lucyeth attempted a finishing stroke of his blade but Zagro went for a quick draw of his blaster. The bolt knocked the hilt out of the sith’s hand with the weapon extinguished as it hit the duracrete floor. Lucyeth drew his blaster fast and knocked the Zagro’s weapon out of his hand with ease. Zagro however, anticipated a weaponless situation and pushed out with force. The intensity of the concussion was enough to catch Lucyeth off guard completely and sent into the opposite wall. Lucyeth felt the pain in his back as he staggered back to his feet. His pain would be insignificant with the dark side coursing throughout his body.

The Hapan sneered and pulled back in a defensive posture. This was all wrong. He had let his anger get the best of him. This was not his plan at all. The Sith opponent was strong, yes, and fearless. Zagro knew this well from his time as the man’s subordinate.

“You fight well Lucyeth. A true warrior worth my effort. How is your beloved Excedium these days? If you survive please tell my old master I appreciate his lack of faith in my abilities,” stated Fenn, trying to shift the dynamic of the battle.

It appeared Lucyeth took the bait, or perhaps he was gaining a better posture in which to strike down the Krath Priest. “Is that what this is about? Jealousy? Your master chose me and not you and now this is how you get revenge,” came the inquisitive response from Lucyeth.

Fenn slowly paced side to side, keeping his eyes keenly on Lucyeth, not allowing his opponent an opportunity to charge. His saber firmly held at the ready, Zagro peered at his mirror image likewise keeping his deadly blade held high.

“No my friend, I am not jealous of Thraagus’ decisions. To be honest, I never cared for his tutelage. He never did me any favors. No, what angers me is that he found you to be of any worth. I toiled under your banner for months. We were friends yes, but now you are my potential competition from the olden days. I cannot let you leave this room,” retorted Fenn.

Lucyeth slightly dropped his guard, inviting the challenge. “Well then, old friend, lets get this over with.”

The Hapan charged toward the human with deadly speed. Light sabers clashed with fury as Zagro’s blade was met with Lucyeth’s crimson sword. The sith warrior anticipated the powerful strikes of his opponent with ease. The sith was clearly on the defensive but was at ease with his defensive sphere from his light saber.

“I see Dante has wasted no time working with you,” sneered Lucyeth knowing full well that the banter would get to Zagro’s head.

“I suppose he has, the old man can still swing a light saber with prowess in combat,” retorted Zagro to his former comrade.

Lucyeth overstepped his opponent’s skill with his confidence clouding his judgement. The krath kicked the sith in the gut with enough force to knock the wind out of his lungs. As Lucyeth struggled to regain his breath, he attempted to harness the power of the force in an effort to push his opponent back. The warrior closed the distance however, it was not enough to injure the hapan. Lucyeth brought himself back into position and charged his opponent with his light saber ready to bear. Zagro threw his light saber in an arc of his wrist. The light saber whirl winded toward the sith and Lucyeth was ready to intercept. The Krath underestimated his skill once again and would suffer.

Lucyeth put his blade up to deflect the amateur saber throw. Suddenly, it was Lucyeth whom underestimated as the force of the thrown weapon was too much for the sith to deflect and knocked his light saber out of his hand. The sith was defenseless as he charged in with his light saber now on the floor. Zagro drew his blaster as Lucyeth made an attempt to summon his light saber back to his hand. It was too late as a bolt fired out of the blaster and Lucyeth had no way to deflect. He moved frantically out of the way but the bolt managed to make contact with his shoulder. The impact of the bolt seared skin and Lucyeth cried out in pain. The recoil knocked the sith warrior to the floor as Zagro walked up with his smoking blaster still drawn at Lucyeth’s face and a satisfied grin plastered across his face.

The Hapan ran headlong towards his opponent. Taking the offer, and allowing his anger and hatred to fuel him, Fenn appeared to harness speed not common to his built and abilities. Lucyeth appreciated this aspect, but was still able to raise his posture in time to block the blow and parry with his own lightsaber, stemming the tide that was the Aedile of House Imperium. Blades richoched off one another, the eternal dance and magic of the duel resonating in the sparse and lackluster sparring hall.

“Very good my friend, I am surprised a Krath has such strength. Your kind are too moody and plodding. If you were wise you would kneel to me, join the Sith order, and become my shadow in Excidium. Your skills are better for what I have in mind,” uttered Lucyeth. It was now the Sith’s turn to tempt his former subordinate.

Fenn dropped back, keeping his saber at the ready and pausing to listen to the tainted and poisonous words of his former Battle Team Leader. With the familiar snap-hiss, his blade went silent.

“Well then, speak your purpose Lucyeth, you have my attention. Don’t mind me as I jot down some notes for my records,” Zagro took a knee and scribbled on his datapad.

Lucyeth did not fully trust this rouse, but he continued. “Join me, in the shadows you shall rule by my side. Between the two of us we can overthrow Thraagus and gain your revenge. By my side, we can overwhelm the elders of the Scholae Palatinae and bring the Knights along with us. A new order can be forged,” the Sith sounded pleased with himself, a triumphant note in his voice.

The chamber quickly burst open, sparring droids poured in by the score. Lucyeth was incredulous at the interruption of the duel.

“What is the meaning of this? The battle is not over!”

Fenn rose from his knee and punched the final code into his datapad. “Yes, it is indeed over my friend. While you spoke your vile words I hacked into the defense systems of this level and rerouted all sparring droids to block the hallway and form up on your position. Let us see how many droids you can overwhelm before you are striken down. If you live…I will serve you. Now, it is my turn to be entertained.”

And as the Sith reignited his blade, the first pair of droids sprang forward. Zagro laughed a slight cackle and leaned against the bulkhead and watched.