SWL Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj vs. OT Turel Sorenn

Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Human, Sith, Seeker
vs.

Obelisk Templar Luna Okami

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Human, Obelisk, Marauder
Comment

Well, this is a thing that happened. I would like to thank both of you for giving me a near flawless match to look over. Both of you demonstrated thorough understanding of the characters, their aspects, and their abilities. The two of you were then able to craft a story so well together that it was hard to determine who was leading this dance.

While Turel had two minor errors in his syntax, these were not enough to cause the loss of a full point. With that in mind, the scores go out the window, as they are even. What comes down to it, in the end, as always should be the case, is the quality of the story. In some ways, Inahj, you seem like you are sometimes "painting by numbers" in your writing. It's like you're going out of your way to check off character sheet comparisons in your first post. This isn't necessarily bad, but it does sacrifice quality content for this focus. Comparatively, Turel's post and the appearance of his illusion did generate quite the guffaw, and drew me in deeper to see where things were going.

It is really hard to draw comparisons, but a line must be drawn and a winner selected. With this in mind, and thorough contemplation, that the win is awarded to Turel Sorenn in this case, by the most microscopic of margins.

Very well done, to you both, I look forward to more in the future.

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants SWL Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj, OT Turel Sorenn
Winner OT Turel Sorenn
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
SWL Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj's Character Snapshot Snapshot
OT Turel Sorenn's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Myrkr: The Mighty Jungle
Last Post 11 July, 2015 6:21 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Deleted Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No errors that I could see. Rationale: Next to no errors I could see.
Story - 40%
Deleted Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: Your story was engaging and strong, at no point did I feel like it was dragging on or lost my interest. Rationale: Your story was engaging and strong, even managing to make me chuckle a few times. At no point did I feel like it was dragging on or lost my interest.
Realism - 25%
Deleted Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: Nothing that I noticed. Rationale: Nothing that I noticed.
Continuity - 20%
Deleted Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: Continuity was held throughout. Rationale: No errors in continuity.
Deleted's Score: 5.0 Champion Rajhin Cindertail's Score: 5.0
Posts

Myrkr is a dangerous world for nearly all sentients. Although once settled by the Neti, it has long since evolved from those days. The flora of Myrkr has a high metal-count, making it easy to hide from sensors and the perfect spot to set-up a pirate base or other criminal operation. What also made this world perfect for all manner of seedy individuals is the presence of ysalamiri—creatures with the ability to neutralize the Force.

The ysalamiri are located deep within the forests of Myrkr, where you have also found yourself. They have evolved the ability to make a bubble that excludes the Force to protect themselves from dangerous predators called vornskrs. These dangerous, canine-like predators hunt using the Force, and as such are highly attracted to anything that is Force-sensitive.

The forests of Myrkr are not for the faint-of-heart. It was used by the Yuuzhan Vong to create monstrosities, and continues to be utilized by the seedier elements of the galaxy. The dangers that lurk under the shadowy canopy cannot be underestimated. Not even the Force can protect you from the dangers of the forest.

You stand seemingly alone in a small clearing. Though you can feel the Force at the moment, you know that not far from this clearing, many of Myrkr’s horrors lie – including the Force-negating ysalamiri – can easily be found… You quickly realize this clearing won’t be safe for long as you sense you are not alone.

Andrelious had not been expecting to find himself on Myrkr, least of all in its expansive forest. He had never visited the planet before, though like many Force-users was curious as to the nature of the ysalamiri creature and exactly how it disabled a person’s connection to the Force.

The Warlord was searching through the forest. He could sense a familiar presence nearby, and suspected that whoever it was was the reason that Atyiru had sent him to the planet on what she had called a ‘retrieval’ mission.

Twigs and leaves crunched under the former Imperial’s boots as he continued to follow the way to the nearby presence. As he drew nearer, he could ascertain that whoever he was looking for was a follower of the light side. He could detect small whispers of hatred and anger, but nowhere near enough to indicate a dark-sider.

Rounding a tree, Andrelious spotted another Human, one who looked a little younger and a few inches taller than the Warlord. As he approached, the man turned. Andrelious recognised him almost immediately.

“Turel Sorenn. It’s been a while. I’ll assume that Atyiru sent me here to pick you up?” the former Imperial asked.

“That she did. With Arcia elevated to be the Shadow Lady’s right hand, Galeres needed a new Quaestor. Atyiru invited me to fill that position,” Turel answered calmly.

“You? I don’t think so, Sorenn. It’s bad enough that we’re led by one lightie. I’m not about to allow another to join the summit. I’m not going to accept a Jedi coup,” the Warlord spat, hand already moving to his lightsaber.

“I suggest you do accept it. What are you so afraid of, Andrelious? Do you think I’m going to take your babies?” the Jedi snapped back, remembering a conversation the two had had not long after the birth of Andrelious’ twin daughters.

“I’m afraid of your kind, corrupting everyone. Trying to make everyone believe in your narrow minded, dogmatic view of the Force. I will not yield to you and your Jedi ways, Sorenn. And neither will Galeres,” Andrelious stated.

Without waiting for an answer, the ex-Rollmaster drew his lightsaber. Turel quickly followed suit, activating his own weapon, Celestia.

“You will yield, Andrelious. I’ll drag you and your House kicking and screaming into the light if I have to.”

The Warlord chuckled. “I admire your confidence, Jedi. But as I said, I can’t have Galeres be turned into the laughing stock of the Brotherhood. Besides, you’re probably just doing this to get into Arcia’s pants. Didn’t you get the message? She’s not interested.”

“I don’t know. She’s never been a fan of yours. Perhaps if she knows I’ve bested you in combat, she’ll be more receptive,” Turel answered. The Jedi seemed perfectly content with waiting for Andrelious to make the first move, but remained fully ready for anything that the ex-Imperial would try.

Seemingly having enough of the back-and-forth discussion, the Warlord began to walk closer to Turel, swinging his lightsaber around as if to invite the Jedi onto him. Instead, the newly-minted Galeres Quaestor stood firm and quiet, almost as if he were contemplating something. As Andrelious approached, a small amount of muck from the floor flicked upwards at his face. He screwed his eyes up to avoid being blinded. Turel acted immediately, stepping forward to engage the Sith. He tried a series of fairly powerful slashes, hoping to disable, rather than kill, his opponent. Andrelious, who was far less fit than the Jedi, struggled to block this initial set of attacks, finding his own strength tested to its limit.

“You have great power, Turel. But you fight without passion! Use your anger, strike me down!” the Warlord snarled as his counterattack was effortlessly parried away.

“I won’t be ruled by my emotions, Andrelious!” the Jedi responded, appearing to almost redouble his efforts as he tried to manoeuvre Celestia around and through the Warlord’s rather lumbering defences. To his frustration, he found Andrelious, while slower, was an incredibly effective saberist. Warb Null’s lightsaber, with its longer than average hilt, even allowed the Sith to stand a little further away, making him harder to hit cleanly.

“That’s the problem with you Jedi! You see the Sith as slaves to emotion!” Andrelious spat, shying away from Turel’s attempt at forcing a saber lock.

His eyes flickering red as he moved back in to attack, the Warlord swung his lightsaber high in the air.

The ancient battle of Jedi and Sith had come to Galeres.

Darth Renatus, 11 July, 2015 11:46 PM UTC

Use your anger, strike me down!

This is probably the most repetitive trope in any Star Wars themed writing. I want to smash this phrase from existence... But I won't because it is words on paper. Try to be more creative than using Palpatine's line.

The emerald blade of Warb Null came down towards the Templar in a vertical attack aimed to split the Jedi in two. Turel quickly planted his feet shoulder width apart to root himself and brought his own saber up perpendicular to his opponent’s in a two-handed block. The hissing and crackling of the saber lock broke the relative serenity of the woods as sparks fell to the ground. For a few moments, the combatants struggled to overpower each other without saying a word. Soon it became apparent that brute strength would not win the day. “You have a real hate boner for Jedi. What did they ever do to you?” Turel sneered as his face was illuminated by the interlocked blades.

Andrelious attempted to summon his anger to push harder and break the lock. “The Jedi are genocidal zealots. You can’t fool me, your kind always try to wipe out those who don’t follow your narrow-minded code. I won’t let you do that here!” Frustrated, the Sith jumped backwards, breaking the stalemate. He twirled the ancient weapon with a flourish as he resumed a ready stance.

Turel maintained his distance as he moved in a circular pattern around his opponent, visually gathering clues about the Warlord’s style and possible weaknesses. The Templar maintained a confident expression and unwavering eye contact with his foe as he circled around the Warlord, in the same manner a predator toys with its prey before the kill..

A fresh breeze rustled the branches above them and the leaves below, providing a natural accompaniment to the hum of the lightsabers. Time seemed to slow down as both combatants stood ready for the other to make a move, neither committing to making it themselves. Turel made the first move by seemingly lowering his guard, shifting his two handed grip to a one handed grip held low. “Seriously, this is insane. Do you even hear yourself when you speak? You call me intolerant for being Jedi and yet here you are trying to murder me just because I take a different path. The hypocrisy of that is astounding.”

Andrelious shifted his weight as he moved his saber from side to side, positioning like a lion preparing to strike. “Don’t speak to me of hypocrisy, you traitor! You betrayed us once, you’ll do it again! You’re nothing more than a Odanite spy!”

“Did you forget to take your pills old man? I’m no traitor, I’ve fought for Arcona, bled for Arcona, spilled blood for Arcona and-” The Templar paused for a moment of pained silence, “betrayed my principles for Arcona.” He tightened his grip on his saber and stared at his opponent with renewed intensity. “I shed Jedi blood for Arcona on Korriban, you raving lunatic! How dare you call me traitor! If anything, I betrayed the Jedi!”

Andrelious shook his head furiously, “Lie, all lies.”

Turel exhaled deeply before taking up a two-handed grip again. “Looks like you won’t listen to anything I have to say.” The Quaestor lifted his saber into the air and closed his eyes. Before the Warlord could seize the opening, a flash of light emanated from the Templar’s azure blade.

“You coward!” Andrelious screamed as he stumbled for a moment while his vision returned to him. To the Sith’s surprise, the attack he expected never came. Instead, he found himself seemingly alone in the clearing. Reaching out with the Force, he could tell that Turel was still close and directly in front of him, most likely hiding. “Come out and face me! You won’t get away!”

The Warlord’s jaw dropped as a figure emerged from behind a tree. The figure wasn’t his opponent but instead had the visage of his wife Kooki. The likeness of the figure to the actual Kooki was astounding: her eyes, her lips, her shoulder length, violet-tipped raven hair, the curves of her figure. Andrelious’ momentary confusion quickly turned to anger as he noticed the phantom of his wife appeared to be wearing nothing but a dusty brown Jedi cloak which was wrapped around her in such a way as to leave little to the imagination, barely covering her bosom and womanhood. The Sith could almost appreciate the sight before him if he didn’t know the image’s source, which infuriated him beyond measure.

The Kooki visage opened her mouth to speak and what came out was obviously Turel doing a very poor impression of a female voice. “Oh Andrelious, sweetie, you are too uptight. You should think about joining the Jedi, it would relax you. You could be like that Turel fellow, he’s so dreamy.”

Whatever semblance of control the Warlord had over his brewing anger was gone at that moment. “How dare you, that’s my WIFE YOU JEDI SCUM! DIE!” He raised his hand to the false image of his spouse and poured all his hatred into a blast of translucent Force energy. The blast found its mark and the visage of Kooki dispersed upon impact. Turel was sent careening backward by the blast, suddenly wishing he had conjured the phantom image from a safe distance instead of using it to disguise himself.

The impact of the Force blast send Turel flying into a nearby bush. His attention had been entirely focused on maintaining the illusion; he didn’t have time to dodge or raise any kind of defense. The blast struck the Templar directly in the chest, and judging from the lingering pain Turel felt, had cracked a few ribs. A whimpering voice came from the bush. “Ow! That really hurt you know...though I kind of deserved it. Ow. Ow.” He had intended to taunt his opponent to bring him off balance: he didn’t really expect it to backfire so spectacularly.

Andrelious was not feeling particularly merciful at that precise moment and rushed toward the bush with murderous intent.

Darth Renatus, 11 July, 2015 11:48 PM UTC

in the same manner a predator toys with its prey before the kill..

Double period here, not sure if you were aiming for an ellipses or not.

The impact of the Force blast send Turel flying into a nearby bush.

This should be "sent" rather than "send".

Turel struggled to his feet as the fuming Warlord charged in. The damage to his ribs made both moving and breathing difficult, but the ex-Urrite was determined to press on. The idea of Andrelious beating him drove him onwards, through the pain barrier.

“Give it up, Sorenn! Your blinkered view of the Force will be your undoing!” Andrelious taunted as he approached, ready to end it all quickly. The Templar steeled himself, holding his lightsaber firmly as his opponent’s blade swung in viciously. The two weapons met in mid air, the resulting sparks almost setting a nearby tree on fire. Though he was hurt, Turel’s sheer speed began to trouble the Sith. The Quaestor dipped, dodged and ducked the various attacks from Andrelious, mixing his evasive moves with short, sharp counter attacks that forced the ex-Imperial to keep on his toes.

Stepping back, Turel turned and pushed through some nearby undergrowth, Andrelious’ lightsaber destroying the leaves moments later. The Warlord snarled in frustration and began to follow, not letting the Jedi out of his sight. The Templar spotted something nearby, and, with a smile, moved towards a particularly large tree.

Andrelious smirked, but as he approached, he soon realised why his enemy had chosen that particular tree. He began to feel his grasp on the Force fading. Turel had moved close to a Ysalamir, denying himself and his opponent even the most basic uses of the Force.

“You think that silencing the Force will stop me?” the former Rollmaster hissed, trying to hide the fact that he was actually quite worried as he swung his lightsaber around with a little less confidence than before. Turel watched Andrelious’ movements carefully. He too could no longer rely on the Force to guide his blade, but his instincts, not at all dulled by the native creature, served him well as he blocked and parried the various attacks from his fellow Arconan. Again, he countered where he could, even beating the Warlord’s defences at one point. Andrelious stepped back just in time to avoid being hurt, but the message was clear: Turel wasn’t giving up easily.

Still finding it hard to breathe, Turel lunged forwards, his strength allowing him to push his opponent’s desperate defensive stance aside. The Jedi’s cyan blade continued on its path, gouging into the side of the Warlord’s left leg. Andrelious cried out with pain and frustration, his scream startling some nearby wildlife. As the Sith recoiled, Turel followed his attack up with a right hook, his fist slamming into his enemy’s head. The force of the blow sent Andrelious sprawling back, but he managed to keep his balance. Once he was able to stop moving, the Warlord noticed he could again feel the Force. It immediately yelled at him to ready his lightsaber. He followed the warning, using the weapon to burn a few slugthrower rounds out of the sky. The emerald blade flickered for a few moments as they absorbed the rounds, but, to its owner’s relief, restored itself to full power.

Turel cursed as he too realised that his opponent had exited the Force free bubble he had lured him into, and re-ignited his lightsaber, approaching Andrelious and feeling his own connection the Force come back in an instant. Almost immediately he set upon the Warlord, his movements nearly a blur as the Force further enhanced the already impressive physical advantage. His cyan blade zipped from side to side, its user unrelenting in his attempts to find an opening.

Andrelious found the Obelisk’s swordsmanship to be incredibly frustrating. It took all he had to block Turel’s blows, and he was surprised at just how long that the Templar was able to keep up the assault in his wounded state. The Sith hadn’t had any time to deal with his own injury, and so was forced to rely on a stance that leaned a little more to the left than he liked.

“Perhaps you should have sent your wife. I’ve heard she’s the better fighter,” Turel stated coolly as a powerful downward slash was parried away. Andrelious glared angrily, his eyes growing a little more red, but he said nothing. Instead. after jumping over a lower slash, he reached out with his left arm, quickly zapping his opponent with a small bolt of electricity. This attack was enough to slow the Templar down to a more manageable speed as he fought to cope with the additional pain, but he was still a little faster than Andrelious. Soon, though, that advantage began to peter out as the Jedi became tired. He had gained a second wind when he had called on the Force to help his movements, but that, too, was fast disappearing. His already laboured breathing became far more heavy, and he began to struggle to hold Andrelious back as the Warlord continued to push, well aware of his opponent’s fatigue.

One last throw of the chance cube, Turel thought, beginning to concentrate.

Andrelious heard a nearby roar.

“What the frak was that?” he asked, worried enough to stop attacking his new Quaestor.

“That? That’s a Vornskr. They hunt using the Force. Sounds like a large pack of them,” Turel observed.

“I’m not afraid of some stupid animal,” Andrelious scoffed, pointing his lightsaber in the direction of the roar.

“Who would be? They’re only the most dangerous predators in the Inner Rim. I’m sure a powerful Sith like you would easily be able to take on...ooh, I’d say there’s at least a dozen. All hungry, and all after anything Force sensitive,” Turel continued, waving his hand a little.

The Warlord’s face dropped. He knew little of the Vornskr, but didn’t trust Turel. However, a niggling feeling in the back of his mind told him that what the Jedi was saying was accurate. If it was, he had little time to do anything but run.

Keeping his lightsaber active, Andrelious turned to his opponent.

“Jedi. As much as I don’t like your ways, you fought well today. Now, it seems that we need each other. If you help me get out of this forest, I will not oppose your ascension to Quaestor,” the Warlord stated begrudgingly.

Turel nodded, secretly very pleased with himself. His back had been to the wall, and he had found a non-violent solution, and gained a potential ally. It would be a long time before the Templar could call Andrelious a friend, but the Quaestor knew that he was largely safe: Andrelious respected Atyiru enough to adhere to her requests.

Choosing not to mention that the Vornskr wasn’t a threat, or that the ‘pack’ Andrelious had heard weren’t real, Turel followed Andrelious away.

It was time to change Galeres.

“I’ll cut you in pieces and leave your entrails for the hounds!” The Warlord screamed as he ran across the clearing.

Searing bolts of pain shot through Turel’s torso as he rolled to extricate himself from the bush, aggravating his cracked ribs. He had to get on his feet quickly or he really would become vornskr chow. As the hum of his opponent’s lightsaber drew closer a panic quickly set in; of all the foolish things the ex-gangster had done in his life, of all the times he had taunted opponents this would be the one that did him in. Unless he could focus and think of something fast.

Andrelious lept at the downed Jedi with a downward strike aimed to drive the saber of Warb Null through his opponent’s chest. Turel hadn’t had time to pull out his saber after getting blasted through his illusion, almost instinctively he threw up his left arm in a seemingly futile gesture to block the rapidly descending emerald saber. Much to the Sith’s surprise it worked, before the saber made contact with the Jedi’s arm it struck a transparent wall of Force energy reversing the saber’s momentum as it bounced backwards. The wall of Force energy dissipated upon the saber’s impact.

The Warlord had attacked with a two handed downward stabbing motion expecting to run Turel through with the attack. Instead, he hit the equivalent of a solid wall which was angled just enough to deflect his momentum to the side of the Jedi. Without thinking Turel rolled over onto his now grounded opponent, pinning both Andrelious’ arms down. The Warlord held the saber in his now immobilized right hand. Turel shifted so that his chest was pressing down on Andrelious’ and he was using both hands to hold down his opponent’s saber arm.

The two men struggled for a moment in the underbrush. Turel shifted upwards so he could catch a breath. “Look, stop trying to murder me for a second and listen! Think of your wife, think of your children!”

“I won’t have them corrupted by your Jedi lies!” Andrelious brought his now free left hand up to Turel’s torso and channeled his anger into a single bolt of electric Force energy. The jolt caused the Jedi’s muscles to tense up involuntarily for a moment which gave the Sith a window to try to break free. Turel wasn’t able to hold Andrelious down anymore, but he did manage to strip the Warb Null saber from the Warlord’s hands before he slid free.

The two Arconans lept to their feet only this time Turel held the glowing green blade and Andrelious was empty handed. The Warlord started to reach for his blaster but the Jedi pointed the saber directly at him. “You touch that blaster and I’ll be forced to take your hand off, you know I’m faster than you old man.” Turel nursed his torso with his free hand and winced in pain for a moment. “Just listen to me!”

The Sith huffed clearly realizing he was in checkmate. “Fine.”

“You put your hands in the air slowly and we talk this out, we’re both Arconan, no reason to spill blood today.”

“And if I refuse?”

“I’m not in the business of making orphans and widows, unless I have to. You’ll die here today and I’ll be completely justified.” The ex-gangster had a deadly seriousness on his face that left no room for doubt in his words.

Andrelious sneered. “Very well, you win this time, I’ll be your prisoner.” Turel quickly lunged forward with Force enhanced speed and stopped the saber just shy of Andrelious’ neck. The Sith couldn’t move out of the way in time. “No. There won’t be a next time. If you so much as look at me the wrong way, I’ll have you killed.”

The Sith glanced down at his own saber, mere inches from giving him a close shave. “Wouldn’t that go against your precious Jedi code?”

Turel smiled. “You forget the last line of the code, ‘there is no death, there is the Force’ killing in self defense is permissible under any code.” He deactivated the saber and lowered it. “But I don’t want it to come to that. Just remember I could have taken your life just now and didn’t. Remember that every time you hold your children, when you kiss your wife and when you are alone in the dark watches of the night. Remember that from this day forward you owe your life to the mercy of a Jedi.” He waited for a reply that never came, satisfied he made his point he continued, “Now take me to your shuttle and we can get past this little misunderstanding.”