KP Wrooshuu vs. JK Scheat Eclipseflame

Krath Priest Wrooshuu

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Wookiee, Krath, Seeker
vs.

Jedi Knight Scheat Eclipseflame

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Nautolan, Guardian, Marauder
Comment

This was tricky as both sets of posts had their good moments and their flaws. Wrooshuu just seemed to make fewer mistakes and they didn't seem to distract as much from the overall piece as Scheat's did.

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants KP Wrooshuu, JK Scheat Eclipseflame
Winner KP Wrooshuu
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
KP Wrooshuu's Character Snapshot Snapshot
JK Scheat Eclipseflame's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Karufr: Spanky's Tavern
Last Post 29 June, 2015 9:10 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Qor Kith Padawan Tisto Kingang
Score: 3 Score: 2
Rationale: Use the comma, Luke! Your first post was missing several commas and I noticed some shaky word choice throughout. Second post was better, but still had issues, Also, as my comment noted, some of your alternative color words just didn't seem to fit. It's more than about just opening a thesaurus and going down the list. Rationale: Pretty much every grammatical error possible appears in your posts. You really need to take some time with a proof reader and sort some things out.
Story - 40%
Qor Kith Padawan Tisto Kingang
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: The first post didn't really do anything with the story your opponent laid out. There seemed to be no reaction to his actions. Second post got better but sill seemed to fall short. Also at the end...a lighty "arresting" someone on a Taldryan controlled planet? Not sure that's the right way to put it. Rationale: My biggest issue with your story here is that you seem to be reading rather far into the prompt. There are no real indications of a number of slaves being chained in the open here. The execution after that was decent so I only docked you a couple points, but the flaw in the premise kept you from getting a higher score.
Realism - 25%
Qor Kith Padawan Tisto Kingang
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Flipped up...from his knees...OK :). That was an example of a couple maneuvers that just didn't quite make sense. Rationale: First off, having intellgence data on every member of the Brotherhood at your fingertips seems like a bit of a stretch, but it was not the largest concern. It's more how you write more like you're in a videogame than anything else. No matter how hard you get hit, you never drop your weapon. You go from a saberlock to vaulting over your opponent without skipping a beat. IT all strains logic.
Continuity - 20%
Qor Kith Padawan Tisto Kingang
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Much like your opponent, you seemed to mention the effects of Affliction in your second post, but then kind of forget about it. Rationale: You casually mention the fact that your opponent used Affliction in your second post, but I still think you largely ignored it along with all the other damage
Qor Kith's Score: 3.45 Padawan Tisto Kingang's Score: 2.85
Posts

You stand in a room, nearly dark but for the pulse of rhythmic flashes of bright colored lights. Besides your opponent and yourself, you note a large number of bystanders who are sure to take exception to the coming carnage. Then again, knowing this crowd, they could just as easily find entertainment in an old-fashioned brawl. Spanky's is, after all, one of the more fashionable drinking establishments of Karufr.

The patrons seem to be a mix between the scantily clad women hawking their charms and the well-dressed gentlemen eager to part with their hard-earned credits. The odors in the tavern assault your senses and threaten to muddle your reflexes. Among them, you recognize over a dozen various types of stimulants—both legal and illegal—and the heady scent of, what is quite possibly, the most varied collection of liquor this side of the Galaxy.

The tavern itself is fraught with tactical advantages and disadvantages. Designed in the familiar style of all amphitheaters, the floor is slightly slanted toward a central stage where a lithe, twi'lek female is currently dancing. Littered amongst the floor are drink tables, heavily laden with glassware and other potential missiles. Uncomfortable, heavy metal chairs surround each of the tables in a semi-circle, so that the occupant's view of the stage is never hindered. The only exit, aside from the doorway where you stand, is a vaulted staircase—guarded by two very well-dressed, and heavily muscled, gentlemen—leading into parts unknown.

Small bars bracket the tavern on either side, filled with a glittering rainbow of bottles. Whatever is about to go down, you realize it would go down better with a stiff drink.

Scheat surveyed Spanky's Tavern. He saw what he generally expected to see. Con men, spice addicts, gamblers, and of course the slave girls dancing. This set him on edge from the moment he walked in. Today is the day of the big heist. he thought to himself.

That was the plan anyway. He had been coming here for a while, setting up a heist to free the slave dancers. He had the perfect plan, but tonight there was someone here who could be of great help, or stop him completely. Off in the corner of a sabacc game was a humongous Wookiee. Scheat recognized the Wookiee, he was a Krath Priest named Wrooshuu. At least that's what Scheats data gauntlet told him.

Wrooshuu watched as a blue skinned Nautolan approached. The Nautolan's smile was certainly an annoyance.

"Ho Wrooshuu," Scheat said in basic. "I speak Shiiriwook, but I sound like an idiot when I do. Anyhow I have a job to do here. I am Scheat, of the brotherhood. Can I trust you not to interfere?"

The wookie stared at Scheat, then noticed the badge the smuggler jedi was wearing. He didn't know the symbol exactly, but he knew it was representative of the lighties. The Priest's eyes narrowed. He saw the Jedi's data pad, and while it was only a quick glance, he saw a file open about himself. The Wookiee growled, hating this foolish Jedi.

Scheat was knocked back by the Priest's giant arms. He tumbled to the floor, not having expect a reaction like this from the Wookiee. He rolled backward, pulling his saber off his belt and igniting it. Well. This Wookiee accidentally did me a favor. I now have the perfect distraction.

Wrooshuu ignited his crimson blade and the two charged. Scheat leaped at the last second, landing on the bar, clashing in a saberlock with his foe. Scheat jumped over his foe then, running toward the dancers. He cut their chains and handing them a tracking device.

"Run!" he said to the dancers. "And stay hidden. Take this. I will sent you and free you."

The dancers took his advice and ran as the Wookiee charged in after Scheat. Scheat leaped out of the way of a powerful uppercut. Scheat leaped around the Wookiee, unleashing a quick barrage of attacks, a few hitting the Wookiee, but doing no major damage. As Scheat went to flip away, Wrooshuu punched Scheat in the back, causing Scheat to fall to the ground, having lost his breath.

In a beastly nature, Wrooshuu took the opportunity to storm at the exhausted Nautolan and landed a second blow to his back. The agony of the strong downwards hit was bearable to say the least, as Scheat twisted to face the Wookiee. He gave the thick fur of the Krath long and hard slashes with his open hands, but all it did was comb the dark brown locks into a neat siding. Wrooshuu smiled and gave a strong kick into the stomach of Scheat, which sent him sliding several feet away in some mild pain. Heavily panting and holding his stomach, Scheat raised to his feet and quickly ran towards the bar then rolled over the top. Wrooshuu followed the Nautolan, kicking a table out the way and jumped over the bar to meet his Jedi foe.

“There’s got to be an easier way getting past the walking carpet.” Scheat gasped as he held his stomach.

“We could try the lightsabers again if you’d like?” Wrooshuu replied in a mocking manner.

The Wookiee already gripped his own blade and ignited the scarlet glow just as Scheat lept from his stance and slammed his sapphire sword into it. The strain was evident however as the Jedi concentrated the Force into his arms, his strength amplified and slowly began to take over the Wookiee. Wrooshuu’s back arched and strained as he struggled to maintain the lock, his bloody blade sliding further down until he was overpowered and knocked into the ground, roaring out in protest.

“I will not be forced to succumb by a simple Jedi!” Wrooshuu roared out in aggression.

It caused Scheat to jumped back a little in fear and frown in disappointment, as this was not who he visioned a Wookiee to behave. The Nautolan knew them as powerful and proud people yes, but he never envisioned them to be venomous when backed into a corner and unarmed. He kept his blade pointed firmly at the Krath and glared in concentration.

“Stay away from my plans, you’ve already ruined it by wasting my time, don’t make me stop you!” Scheat felt it was against his master’s training to destroy a life without a weapon, but the Wookiee itself was a weapon and a very powerful machine too.

It seems the extreme heat built up in the cantina had gotten to the Nautolan as Wrooshuu found a split second to stand and roar loudly at his opponent, causing him to stumble again. The Krath ignited his ruby blade once more and slammed his strength against Scheat’s cross defence, the Jedi was caught unaware and struggled to maintain it. As they stared into each other’s eyes, Wrooshuu smirked slowly and opened his weaker palm. He sent a flash of light from his hand which caused both opponents to stumble and rub their eyes. The Wookiee knew he needed to act now in order for his plan to work, he couldn’t afford to waste this precious time. In haste, Wrooshuu dived at the Nautolan, sliced his claws deep into his stomach and channelled the darkest infections of the Force inside Scheat. Churning in his stomach and rotting across his body, the Jedi stumbled and gave out a hard chesty cough as he leaned against the counter for support.

“What...what have you done!?” The Jedi stuttered as he struggled to breath.

With a husky laugh, Wrooshuu stood from the shard-filled floor and licked his hand clean of blood.

“The power of the Dark Side infects your every vein and organ, so not fight it Jedi, invite it inside you and allow us into your deepest emotions.” The Krath replied in his native tongue, as he grinned his bloody smile.

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 4 July, 2015 12:32 AM UTC

" his bloody blade sliding further down until he was overpowered and knocked into the ground, roaring out in protest."

  • I think I know what you're going for, but I'm not sure most readers would. Hence, I'm not sure this works well.

Scheat started to laugh. "Invite it in? Sounds like fun!"

Scheat leaped toward the Wookiee and was punched back. So I'm getting slower. I need to learn the power.

Scheat's smile widened, he now knew bits of what he was dealing with. He brought his lightsaber to bear, shaking in fear. He swung out, again and again, pressing Wrooshuu back. He was slower, but was unrelenting. He clashed with Wrooshuu, and was pushed back. Scheat deactivated his saber, barely avoiding a lightsaber strike. He saw the next saber strike come in and moved to the side. He felt the saber cut into his side. As the Wookiee's arm moved towards Scheat, he grabbed the Krath's wrist and pulled him forward. Wrooshuu droped the saber in the throw.

He threw the Wookiee over his shoulder, helped by the Wookiee's own forward momentum. Scheat tried to run forward, but was caught by his massive opponent. Wrooshuu stood up, and punched Scheat in the chest, breaking several ribs. Scheat coughed up blood as the Wookiee went in to another attack, toying with the Nautolan, and telegraphing the attack.

Scheat took the opportunity to put Wrooshuu in an armbar, he held the Wookiee there for several seconds before growing dizzy. He was tossed away by the Wookiee, and landed several meters away. Wrooshuu rann toward Scheat, and picked the injured and afflicted Jedi up by the neck. Wrooshuu suddenly felt a pain in his abdomen. He looked down to see the Jedi's cerulean blade going through his stomach.

"So," Wrooshuu said, "You tricked me. Good job Jedi."

Wrooshuu collapsed falling backwards, near death. Scheat landed on top of him. Calling on the Force, Scheat healed the worst of the injuries he had. He then looked at the Wookiee, and channeled the Force into the Wookiee, healing him. Scheat got up and hobbled his way out of the bar.

Giving a cold smirk to his opponent, Wrooshuu charged at the sickly Nautolan and kicked the Jedi hard into the chest. His body flew across and over the bar, smashing into a glass table and fell limp on the other side. The Jedi tried to stand himself up but the infection already spread into his bloodstream and numbed his legs. Wrooshuu rolled across the bar and approached Scheat with his cherry blade firmly gripped for murder. The Priest sliced down and sectioned the table frame in half to reveal the shivering Nautolan on the floor, his eyes wide in terror as he was unable to find his lightsaber. Scheat’s concentration flickered in and out when the heavy sweating began, tugging at his lightsaber from across the room. Wrooshuu slowly lifted his saber and held it tightly with both hands for the killing blow.

Then as the clicking and echoing of broken glass disturbed the Wookiee, the Jedi’s lightsaber leapt from its hiding place and directly into his hands, immediately making a cross-defensive hold with his strength. The Wookiee roared out in rage and striked hard at the blade continuously, battering the lapis defence with a claret arc of light. As each strike was becoming more difficult than the last, Scheat saw his moment to quickly roll out the way and crawl a safe distance. He knew the Wookiee could not move fast in this room that was too small for his height, so the Jedi slithered into the shadows of the cantina’s booths and stayed out of sight.

“You can’t hide from me, Jedi! I always know exactly where you are!” Wrooshuu roared out in his native tongue, using a flair of sarcasm as he boasted his sensing abilities.

The Krath felt it was time to put them into use as the Jedi refused to stand his ground. Sliding his concentration into his memory of the Nautolan, Wrooshuu retraced the battle from the last few seconds and where they both appeared. The Krath slowly stood and watched as a hologram-like scenario appeared before his eyes of their battle. He saw Scheat sliding and breaking a glass table, then the severing of the frame and finally the mediocre defence from his opponent. Wrooshuu then noticed something he didn’t notice before, as the Nautolan slithered away his bruises and wounds were disappearing from his skin. The Jedi was taking his time to improve his body as he fought, something which only the Wookiee had saw before from himself. The hologram then showed Scheat crawling under the corner table and without hesitation, Wrooshuu ripped the table from it’s bolts then threw it aside. Surely just like his vision, the Jedi smiled up at the furry monster and kneeled up slowly.

“You wouldn’t be interested in halving the profit with me, would you?” Scheat nervously questioned, he never received a reply.

The Krath growled lowly at the Nautolan who quickly jumped into the air and delivered a strong uppercut across Wrooshuu’s arm, causing a long and deep scar to appear through his fur. His blood-curdling scream echoed the room as Scheat took another strike which stabbed through the Wookiee’s wounded arm, causing it to be severed completely. Falling down onto the knees, Wrooshuu tried to reach for his lightsaber which rolled away from his dead arm and was met by the humming glow of the Jedi’s azure blade.

“I’m sorry friend, but you’re not going to need that lightsaber anymore. Resist arrest and I will take your other arm too.” Scheat protested with his authoritative tone, whilst the Krath slumped on his knees in defeat. His life as a Jedi prisoner has begun.