Beneath his hood, the Krath smiled happily. It was only after a single step towards his opponent he was stopped by a familiar voice.
Efficiency above flourish, worm. Don’t play with your food.
The familiar hum of his saber woke dark urges that began to purr inside him, stretching distractedly from a deep sleep. He felt a light tingling on the back of his neck as he toyed with the idea of a battle finished with sabers, but the outcome of such an urge would likely be a loss. And yet, it felt so light in his hand, his muscles prepared by the seemingly endless revision beneath his Master’s watchful eye. It still felt like a toy. The feeling of the gentle resistance as he moved it sent shivers up his spine, the shape of it reminiscent of his days fighting the other boys with sticks. All of it was just a game to see who would win. It was a habit too difficult to break, and as soon as Mks had the confidence to see every duel as a competition, it was impossible to convince him otherwise. With every connection his saber made with another his heart pumped a little faster, his concentration evaporating little by little until all he wanted to do was win. Whole wings of training floors had been ruined by the Miraluka’s stubborn need to win with a saber, causing him to draw out spars for as long as he could.
Just thinking about it made him salivate.
He had enough time to think of a plan but found himself drawing away from the more concrete steps of tactics, opting instead to let his imagination colour them with extra violence. He just wanted to play. And then the next few steps popped into his mind.
“Let’s play a game.”
The Force bellowed within Mks’ arms as he slashed into the ice below and swung it upwards. He let the momentum swing him forward and soon the Force swelled within his legs and propelled him at his maximum speed.
Through the water and thick vapours, it was only through supernatural means that warned Bentre Stahoes. It screamed at him like a helpless mother and he immediately took a defensive position - but just a little too late. A huge, dark shape split the haze as a beam of white light sliced into dazzling view to crash against its blue obverse. The Obelisk guarded perfectly but the sheer force behind the swing sent him backward, leaving his arms extended and his left side fully open for a second too long. The moment encouraged heightened awareness, and Bentre found himself watching the dark shape grow closer still, his eyes focused on the face beneath the dark hood as it was pulled back by the rushing air. The saber’s light illuminated the dark eyes of the Miraluka. Like two pools of black glistened in a face suffused with childlike joy. The Sith’s eyes balked as they fixed themselves to the white blade, but the Force had more pressing concerns. It sang a note of urgency as a pale hand slid out from the dark robe across the Sadowan’s eyeline and gently touched his extended elbow. Telekinetic energy surged from the Krath’s fingertips.
“Tag, you’re it.”
An aftershock led the Human to the ground where he sat blinking at his left arm - which for some reason wasn’t working. There had been a distinct popping sound and an impact that shook through his elbow and into his ribs. Then the pain hit the Journeyman and he let himself scream for a few seconds before numbing it with a supernatural will. His instincts screamed at him to stand and he did so with speed, clenching his jaw at every movement of his arm. Every reasoning part of him as its master abdicated quickly.
The Krath stood openly, hood and cloak pulled back to reveal a youthful face and body, tall yet thin. His silvery saber flicked downward to point at the ground with a single hand - a mark of disrespect among pupils of Shii-Cho. Mks looked at his saber as the Human’s face was overcome with anger.
Filth! Sithspit! I’ll kill you for this! You fight dirty to overcome my strength - because you are weak!
The loss of an arm was a harsh blow to his art - Shii-Cho used the strength of both arms to fully employ devastatingly straightforward strikes - but regardless, the sarlacc’s way would not be stopped so easily. The Sadowan had absorbed everything he could about his form, practicing, perfecting - it was known as the Determination Form for good reason.
The Force flared within him for a moment as he stared down his long-haired opponent, whose arrogant smile deflated a little. Bentre leapt forward with great speed and disappeared. The dim light of the Force that gave Mks his vision smeared the fast moving body, his senses strengthening just in time to guard the first strike of a vicious onslaught.
The Human fought with an intensity that complimented his species. Every strike was tapered to batter away the Priest’s saber whilst giving him time to advance and keep the Miraluka on his back foot. Mks stayed expressionless the whole time, meeting his opponent’s ferocity as best he could. Truthfully, he had never once felt bloodlust in his short reanimated life, however adrenaline was certainly a friend. It was the fuel that pushed the game forward. Bentre pushed forward three paces, an impressive tower of ice suddenly behind the Priest.
The Sadowan feinted for the Krath’s head but swept his saber down with supernal skill in an attempt to take a leg, instead taking a few layers of cloth and skin as it was avoided. The eyeless man narrowly avoided being cornered and passed right by, tapping his opponent’s broken arm.
“Limber, aren’t you.”
He hissed it through gritted teeth, taking the time to catch his breath.
Mks smiled openly, “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”
Bentre made a strangled noise in the back of his throat, his face turning a shade of purple, “This is not a game!”
“Hey!” The Miraluka almost barked, his brow furrowed deeply against the expressionless discs where his eyes should have been, “indoor voice.”
That was when the Human snapped, his leg injury forgotten. Pride reared its ugly head to snatch at his reason.
“Enough.”
A faint red light began to emanate from his face, each line of his grimace thickened into a deep vermillion war mask.
The strike appeared almost like a gesture as his saber made an ascending cut through the thick ice pillar. It slid away fairly quickly with a hiss, falling in the Krath’s general direction. Before it had even hit the ground, Bentre was already jumping from it to give some lift to an overhead strike. The blades met, but the sheer force of their collision knocked the Arconan to the side. A feeling of victory came over the Human - until his legs met with the ice below. What should have been a landing and retaliation became an exercise in self-restraint. The pain in his leg multiplied until all his body could do was scream at him. He struggled to stay upright reliably - thankfully the pillar had landed too close to the Krath for him to ignore it and forced the Arconan to retreat some distance away.
Bentre’s chest was already burning, a headache pounding away as a constant reminder of the pain he was trying to conceal and control. The probable outcome stung in his mind but he could not bring himself to stop. It was the grinning that held him back. Honest, open smiling that had no place in a frozen graveyard nevermind the Brotherhood itself. It did not even appear to be the kind of unhinged smiling one would expect of a Dark Jedi; it was a smile that held no doubt or seriousness, just fun.
The Obelisk hated that smile. It pissed on everything he had ever feared, ever worked tirelessly to prevent. And it had to be stopped.
“So, I guess it’s come to this.”
The smile faded on the long-haired man’s face, “ I suppose it has. Scared? Relieved? It’s hard to tell, right?”
“Oh, so the rumours were true. Miraluka can see emotions. Any other party tricks to show me before we’re done?”
Mks sighed dramatically, “You’re so easy to read. Frightened like a baby Wampa. Well, you played a mean trick and got punished. I see no reason to take your life, I mean, I came down here to help. Remember? The little distress beacon you left for someone to follow? Hm? Suddenly quiet, are we?”
The Sadowan gave no reply, but his expression showed his guilt - and then the voices came. It took but a moment for them to grasp him, his eyes focusing on the Arconan’s blue-lit figure. But something began to blur them as the urge to madness took him.
Tear. Rip. Eat.
Take him, hurt him, take off his head, bring us more, burn the remains.
Cut. Slice. Burn. Shred. Peel. Taste.
And then a single voice burned across the others, the very presence of it causing him to literally see red with every syllable:
DoNt LEt HiM LeAVe HeRE AlIVE!
Bentre’s vision became clear. The second that it took for the madness to take him was like an eternity. An eternity of unlearning. His stance rose out of a defensive position casually, his eyes a fraction of an inch wider than they should have been - and he threw his saber. There was no flourish in his action; he merely leant into an overhand throw and let go.
The saber spun towards the Priest with a dangerous hum and he avoided it amidst a force-authored scream to be aware. He only saw the true danger as it sank into his abdomen. Mks had only a few seconds to observe the still vibroknife in his abdomen before movement attracted his instincts.
The Sith aimed his blaster with a horrific grin plastered across his face, barely an inch of sanity left as he prepared his shaking arm. The Miraluka raised a hand reflexively and the Force rushed towards the Human, pushing him backward a few meters and into the pool of crystalline water. After the first splash there was very little sound - and then suddenly a torrent of frothing water shook from the surface, the Sadowan’s head gasping for a few moments before disappearing again.
Mks reacted, an anxious expression on his face. He cradled his wound and shouted, “I can’t swim!”
There was no reply. The Arconan watched for a moment before finally chewing his lip, “Damn.”
With one hand gingerly holding the static knife, he used the other to activate a small hidden button on the collar of his cloak, a rapid beeping indicating that it was active. He sniffed and the air smelt distastefully sweaty. He picked a corner and sat down.
“I wonder if I’ll survive,” he mused thoughtfully.
You're missing a verb there. I think you're trying to say: The Force was a constant pulse that kept them warm.
Most people would simply say: "His brow furrowed as he smirked."
The syntax is where you lost the most points which is why I'm taking a lot of time to point out ways to improve this.
That said, what really counts is the story. I think you did a really nice setup for the encounter, and I think that the more you write, the better you will become. Keep at it because you have really nice and creative ideas..!
This is quite lovely imagery! Keep this stuff up. However:
It's = It is -- as in 'It's cold outside.' You should have used its here instead which indicates the possessive (indicating whose bone that is).
GRAMMAR TEST: You'll know when to use 'its' vs 'it's' if you spell it out. You can immediately see that by using it out long: "... covered it is frost bones" that you're not using the right one.
Let's do it again with the following sentence:
"The cavern, however, was not quite as quiet as it is inhabitants." <- incorrect.
2nd thing I'd like to underline with your 1st paragraph is that you're expressing two different ideas in that same paragraph.
1) You're describing the entrance to the cave;
2) You're introducing the main characters.
Rule of thumb for better flow is to express one idea per paragraph. You can talk and describe the cave entrance (the snow, the dead wampa bones, the rocks and the gnashing wind) and expand that idea in that first paragraph. However, once you're done describing the cave entrance, you should then lead into a new paragraph to introduce the next idea (introduce the characters in this case).
Doing this helps the readers follow your story.