Vanguard V'yr Vorsa vs. Knight Delak Krennel

Guardian Peacekeeper V'yr Vorsa

Equite 3, Equite tier, The Council
Female Neti, Guardian, Marauder
vs.

Knight Delak Krennel

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Human, Sith, Juggernaut
Comment

There really wasn't much story here, but Vyr did a lot more to bring a level of entertainment to the post. Vyr's writing was also cleaner and flowed better.

Hall Rivalries
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [ACC] Rivalries
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Vanguard V'yr Vorsa, Knight Delak Krennel
Winner Vanguard V'yr Vorsa
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Vanguard V'yr Vorsa's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Delak Krennel's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Shadow Academy - Sparring Room
Last Post 4 September, 2015 6:52 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Governor Tierra Suha'sen Tribune Kanal O'neill
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No real issues Rationale: See comments on the second post regarding repeated pronoun use instead of alternate forms of identification.
Story - 40%
Governor Tierra Suha'sen Tribune Kanal O'neill
Score: 3 Score: 2
Rationale: At least I saw an attempt at a story here. The reference was good an added entertainment value, but there wasn't really anything else. Rationale: The whole set up was cliche and you didn't really delve into a real story. All I saw was combat, which doesn't really work for a story mode match.
Realism - 25%
Governor Tierra Suha'sen Tribune Kanal O'neill
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Ripping out all the lights in the first post is a bit much, even for your level of TK. Rationale: Teras Kasi is a striking form that doesn't really rely that much on grabs and the such. Might want to read up more on that.
Continuity - 20%
Governor Tierra Suha'sen Tribune Kanal O'neill
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: Nothing of note Rationale: Nothing of note
Governor Tierra Suha'sen's Score: 3.95 Tribune Kanal O'neill's Score: 3.4
Posts

You enter one of the dozens of sparring chambers within the Shadow Academy of Lyspair, the simple square room utilized mostly by those learning the ways of the lightsaber. This five hundred square-foot room, rectangular in shape, is nearly barren. The floor is lined with simple padding, while the walls are made of dull, grey durasteel, gauged by innumerable lightsaber strikes, scarring the metal permanently.

The ceiling towers above you, nearly twenty feet in height, allowing for plenty of movement from the more acrobatic of Force users. There are no other adornments within the room, save for the entrance and lighting that bathes the entire room, yet seems to come from nowhere. All corners of the room are perfectly lit, with no visible shadows to speak of. There is nowhere for you to hide within the room, but… there's no room for your opponent to hide either.

Delak walked down the corridor approaching the sparring chamber. He could sense a dark power coming up from behind him like a shadow growing in his mind. It was the Herald from the Dark Council, V’yr Vorsa. Today the female councilor would be sparring against the Knight from House Imperium in a friendly bout. Delak stopped at the entrance and waited for V’yr to catch up with him. When both were standing in front of the doorway Delak motioned for the Herald to enter first. Without hesitation she entered the room and walked to the far side of it. Delak walked into his position in the sparring room and removed his black cloak which was covering his Scholae Palatinae armor. He toss the garment to the side of the room nearest the door.

“Well this is a first,” Delak remarked. “It isn’t every day that a Knight has the opportunity to spar against a member of the Council. It will be a privilege to go toe to toe with you.”

“In here I am not a Council member, I am the same as you. I am simply a warrior looking to hone her skills with the blade.” V’yr answered.

“Well then, as a warrior I will try not to disappoint you.” Delak replied.

“Let’s get to it then,” V’yr prepared for battle by drawing the lightsaber from her side. She unclipped the weapon and squeezed it gently in the palm of her hand, warming it and getting a feel for it briefly.

Delak assumed a fighting stance with his legs spread wide and his left arm raised in the air, as if setting up for a martial arts fight. He took his right hand and grabbed his own hilt from his belt clip. Both warriors ignited their respective lightsabers with the familiar snap-hiss that came with the activation of the weapons. Both crimson colored blades lit up crisply and you could hear the humming of each blade synchronize. Not knowing the strengths and weaknesses of the Herald concerned Delak. He decided to hold back and wait for her to make the first move. It wasn’t long before that happened. V’yr began to circle to Delak’s left and he likewise took up a circling pattern in the opposite direction. She made the first attack and swung her blade in a left to right motion. Delak’s blade caught hers and the sabers hissed as they met. She immediately pushed Delak’s blade backwards towards him and he lost ground stepping back by a step or two. She swung again from the top of his head to his waist in motion but he again blocked the attack with an upward swinging motion. The sabers once again hissed as they clashed together. Instead of just blocked the attack Delak pushed it to the side and pressed forward ramming his shoulder into her torso knocking her backwards with his larger body type. He was able to use the extra pressure from his mechanized leg to push hard than if he had led with his natural leg. V’yr backed up a few steps before losing her balance briefly. As she steadied herself Delak pressed his attack with his own saber cutting downward from his upper left to lower right. V’yr quickly caught herself and managed to get her blade back up before Delak’s attack could get anywhere close.

Both stopped briefly before continuing. “You have managed to catch me off guard Delak, or did you? Do you really think that I would let you get this far if I had thought any real harm was going to come to me?” V’yr asked.

“Whether you knew I could hurt you or not there is always that small chance that you could get hurt. You cannot goad me into anything like this Jedi. Let’s continue.” Delak said angrily.

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 6 September, 2015 2:10 AM UTC

While the combat writing was good, there's not much story development here. Need more, particularly for a Story Mode battle.

Vorsa stopped for a moment with a look of curiosity on her face. She smirked slightly and started circling Delak with a relaxed swagger. “Let us make this...interesting,” she quipped, biting her lip at the sudden flash of inspiration.

“Anything you can do, I can do better,” she said with a mocking and degrading tone, clearly aimed at the man’s ego. Delak gawked at the woman with a baffled look, at first unable to comprehend what she meant. Vorsa giggled as she answered his unvoiced question with one of her own. “Are you an imbecile? Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything...” she gave an intentional pause before finishing the thought, “...better than you.”

Delak sneered at the tree-woman as the insults spewed out of her mouth. He licked the teeth underneath his lower lip in frustration. “No you can’t,” he retorted in a sharp tone.

“Yes I can,” Vorsa replied without missing a beat, her smirk wider than ever. Sometimes, just sometimes, she liked to unravel an enemy. Make him edgy and careless. But only rarely.

“No you can’t,” Delak replied, a sudden burst of rage filling him up as he took a careless step towards the Herald.

“Yes I can,” Vorsa quipped again and with a motion of her left hand brought all the neon hidden lights lining the walls and ceiling in the room crashing to the floor. A darkness engulfed the duo as sparks flew from the exposed wiring, only their blades shining in the gloom.

“I can handle darkness better than you.” She charged in, focused intently on his shining blade, making it her focus in the darkness. Her own swung from angle to angle, twirling and pirouetting, shining long, elaborate roses of light in the air as Delak stoically took the punishment, never even flinching or moving from his spot.

Suddenly, the Neti’s blade was gone as it twirled out of sight, hissing back into its hilt. “I can see in the dark better than you.” Vorsa whispered as she disappeared in the blackness. She could easily sense the Human who walked around the small room baffled and confused. He can’t sense me, she thought allowing herself a grin. She didn’t usually indulge in these types of games, and of course she would never hurt the man, but sometimes one had to understand what blindness looked like before one could combat it. A lesson she’d learned all too well, many, many times.

As the Human turned away from her, Vorsa charged at his back. He twitched at the sound of footsteps and swung wide, aiming for where the chest would be - to no avail. She slid below his guard and kicked his kneecap as hard as she could. An audible grunt followed as Delak’s leg buckled slightly, forcing him off balance. Vorsa moved through her own motion and escaped into the darkness again.

“I can strike better than you,” she exclaimed, her voice echoing as if she were all around him. The orange blade ignited with a hiss as Delak met her vertical slash with just enough time to stop it inches from his nose. The stunned Human expected a riposte to follow but all he felt was a kick and pain in his groin area. Vorsa’s knee connected precisely and made the man lose his balance again, stuttering backwards as the pain finally registered in all its intensity.

“Sooner or later, I’m better than you.” She twirled her blade, deactivating it again and, again, hiding in the darkness.

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 6 September, 2015 2:14 AM UTC

I got that reference!

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 6 September, 2015 2:21 AM UTC

However original in presentation, I really need more story to work with. Also the bit with the ripping out the lights is straining realism for me.

“You might think you are better than I. The sad truth is that I have also been toying with you. You see, ever since the lights went out I have been able to see your movements. My perception may not be as good as yours but it is good enough.” Delak stated bravely. “Now to your point about doing things better than I. I know of one thing I can do better. Drop your lightsaber and show me how good you are fighting hand to hand.”

“I still maintain that I can do anything better than you. You have no idea what you are asking for in this fight.” Vorsa said.

“Oh I think I do. So if you aren’t scared of me then prove it. Or should you wish to bow out now? I would certainly allow it.” Delak challenged. Delak had his hand at his side flipping switches back and forth on his blaster rifle while he had been delaying Vorsa.

Vorsa had been watching Delak from the darkness looking for the best time to strike her adversary. He was a juggernaut after all and loved to fight by the looks of him. The time had come to continue the duel. Vorsa moved into the middle of the room with the lightsaber she had used clipped at her side. Delak had already clipped his blade back to his belt opposite his blaster rifle.

“Let’s do this!” Delak yelled loudly.

Vorsa was not caught off guard by this loud yell, in fact she had expected it. He was obviously hurt, not physically no. Mentally she had been toying with him whether he could expect it or not. Delak put up his fists as he drew into Vorsa. He took a couple of jabs at her as she parried out of the way. He was testing her abilities in fisticuffs. She was quick and agile for sure. He leaned in to take a swing at him with the left and when he went to block she caught him in the gut with a quick right handed upper cut. Her blow landed squarely and took his breath away for a brief second. He regained his composure and ran headlong into her catching her in the midsection. He wrapped his arms around her while pushing his shoulder into her chest. He put his hands together and grabbed tightly squeezing as hard as he could with his robotic arm and human arm. He could see that she was losing her breath but she was cunning and took her elbow to the side of his head landing a clear blow. His grip weakened a bit but he caught himself and squeezed harder. She hit him again and again until finally she was free and he was backing up off balance. She went to launch another assault on the Knight but was stopped short when she heard a humming noise that wasn’t there before. That was it! She had seen Delak playing with his blaster rifle earlier in the fight. He had rigged an overload on the weapon and was biding his time until it was ready. She looked at his waist to see that the rifle was no longer there hanging at his side. She looked round the room until she saw it just to her side. It was too late the humming became a whine and then the explosion happened. She had moved out of the way just in time to avoid any serious harm.

“You can do anything better than who?” Delak joked.

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 6 September, 2015 2:27 AM UTC

Good job following on with the bit, but still not much other than the fighting. Also lots of pronouns, you need to find other ways to reference the combatants.

Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia, 6 September, 2015 2:30 AM UTC

Might also might want to read up on your hand to hand forms, it didn't seem to me I was reading two Teras Kasi fighters.

In the gloom and darkness Vorsa smirked. She hadn’t underestimated the man so much as tested his resolve. After all, getting a beating from time to time will show you your opponents worth. She enjoyed their little back-and-forth, the banter, the fistfighting; it all gave her a second wind and excited her to no end. Combat excited her to no end. It was a necessary breather from her usual monotonous day in the office.

Still, for being ‘just a Knight’ Delak was proficient, focused and effective. Her usual habit of poking and testing at someone's physical and mental limits was at an end, though. Now it was time to finish this little bout and get back to ‘business as usual’. The Neti picked herself up with an audible groan, straightened her back and neck, and walked slowly towards her adversary. Delak’s combat stance loosened ever so slightly as Vorsa extended a hand towards him in a peaceful gesture.

“This was a fine bout, Knight. It has been an honor,” she said with no small amount of gratitude in her voice. The Knight, slowly at first, took a step towards her and sheepishly extended his hand, taking her own. Their eyes met as their hands shook and time seemed to slow to a crawl.

Delak sensed the impending strike even before he registered any movement - an elbow smashed into his teeth, several of them flying away, chipped and broken. He ducked just as the Neti’s other arm moved in his direction, aiming his own uppercut at her midsection. Her knee struck him first, smashing across his lower jaw and cheek. The Knight stumbled backwards, unable to immediately perceive what had happened. She was so quick, so violent, he hadn’t even see the movement happen.

Vorsa called her blade to her hand again, igniting it with a swift whipping motion, and charged the bewildered Knight who had only managed to raise his own weapon in defense. Her strikes were wild and wide this time. In the complete darkness of the room, even her superior senses couldn’t make out what was flesh and what was steel. Though their sabers shone an eerie, ethereal light, their frequent locks would bathe them in blinding flashes, forcing both combatants to relent, recuperate and continue.

Delak held his own against the Herald once more, deflecting, blocking, dodging and retaliating in turn. His jaw hurt, his head ached, but he managed somehow. The duel became a ‘rush for the finish’, and one combatant would fall from exhaustion soon enough. But Vorsa was quick and Delak became more sluggish after her knee rattled his teeth. She was more precise in her art, in her deadly dance and where Delak held the better hand in endurance, Vorsa held it in pure skill.

Her saber blade connected, searing Delak’s shoulder. It was a flesh wound but one painful enough to make him back away. The General wasted no time whatsoever and charged the man, slamming her shoulder into his solar plexus. His breath escaped him as she slammed him into the floor. His skull banged against metal, spinning his vision in every which direction all at once.

“You still have much to learn, boy,” she growled, reaching through the Force to open the doors to the sparring room. “Now, begone.” The Neti focused all her mind and effort into a strong push through the Force. Delak felt himself being lifted off the ground and flung like a sack of Fern potatoes into the corridor outside.

Vorsa sighed, replaced her saber on her belt and slowly walked out. She gave Delak a passing glance and a smile. “Sooner or later…” she said without finishing the reference and walked down the corridor, followed closely by bewildered looks other students afforded her.