Knight Bentre Stahoes vs. Knight Xan Nes

Dark Jedi Knight Bentre Stahoes

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Human, Obelisk, Shadow
vs.

Knight Xan Nes

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Dashade, Jedi, Defender, Sentinel
Comment

The showstopper, and defining thing about this battle here was Xan's first post. This was a significant realism detractor involving both characters and how they'd handle the injuries sustained. The Healing power is not a magic "get out of injury free" card, and taking direct blaster shots is not a minor wound.

The same problem was evident in Xan's second and final post as well, but realistically, this match was over at post 2, so it's hard to actually evaluate anything past that point.

Victory goes to Bentre Stahoes.

Hall Rivalries
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [ACC] Rivalries
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Knight Bentre Stahoes, Knight Xan Nes
Winner Knight Bentre Stahoes
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Knight Bentre Stahoes's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Xan Nes's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Mustafar: Mining Facility
Last Post 13 September, 2015 2:26 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Padawan Tisto Kingang Master Bentre Stahoes
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: See notes in the posts. Rationale: Your issues aren't with grammar so much as it is with clarity of writing. Combat writing is hard, because it's difficult to explain clearly what's going on at all times. It's also one of the things that a proofreader can really help you with. You know in your head what is going on, so it makes sense to you. To someone else reading it, oftentimes it's a lot less clear.
Story - 40%
Padawan Tisto Kingang Master Bentre Stahoes
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: You had an opportunity to explain what Xan and the Rodian were doing there, but you didn't do anything with it. Rationale: You did a bunch of set-up in your first post, but you really didn't explain at all why Bentre was in the venue at all.
Realism - 25%
Padawan Tisto Kingang Master Bentre Stahoes
Score: 1 Score: 3
Rationale: The amount of injury that both characters take in your first post is beyond what's realistic to be able to keep fighting. The ACC doesn't function on video game logic. You can't just take several blaster shots, use a Healing ability and keep fighting. Rationale: It's less serious of an issue for you, because Xan already wrote both characters acting through their injuries, but you still have to write things properly yourself. I'm being lenient here for you because the battle had to continue somehow, even though his first post really made that hard.
Continuity - 20%
Padawan Tisto Kingang Master Bentre Stahoes
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issues. Rationale: The lightsaber thing in your second post gets me here.
Padawan Tisto Kingang's Score: 3.05 Master Bentre Stahoes's Score: 3.35
Posts

Mining Facility

Lava is mined like a precious natural resource on this volatile and volcanic world. Opposing gravitational forces of the twin gas giants closest to Mustafar tear apart the planet’s surface to reveal the mineral-rich lava flows underneath. Once serving as the capital world for the Confederacy of Independent Systems, remnants of their past influence still linger. Massive mining facilities originally constructed by the Techno Union are still maintained by the native Mustafarians, an egocentric people who would like nothing more than to squeeze minerals for the purposes of trade and commerce from their volcanic planet.

Other than in the pursuit of business interests, few arrive on Mustafar save for those needing to incinerate evidence in its vast expanses of magma. What little curiosity is given to the volcanic planet is thwarted by a natural scanning interference caused by intense geological activity. Pirates, smugglers, criminals and scum all value this world’s ability to dump bodies, tracked cargo shipments and other unwanted articles - the singular reason for the Black Sun’s interest in the Outer Rim world.

A mechanical construct of machinery meant to extract valuable minerals from the magma trapped within its reservoir, the mining facility itself is worked all hours of the planet’s rotation by the native Mustafarians, which is bathed in an endless night, illuminated only by the molten rock. Droids, machines and conveyor belts create the workings of an efficient system to extract the minerals and have it prepared for refinement and transportation. Lacking a suitable surface, metal walkways are shielded against the heat to allow workers passage throughout the facilities. Even with the worst of the heat being shielded against, Mustafar’s temperature remains less than comfortable to most species lacking exoskeletons.

It is way too hot here, Bentre grumbled silently as he walked along the metal walkway. He wiped his head with his arm, bringing away a trail of sweat. It’s my own fault. I could have found a nice forest somewhere to camp, spent a weekend visiting Bastion, gambled at a casino on Nar Shadda, or even just found some backwater world to meditate. I can’t ever seem to find anything simple to enjoy anymore. He chuckled to himself and flexed a bit, letting out a slow breath.

The Corellian fidgeted as sweat ran down his back. Shaking his head, he shucked off his worn jacket, and pulled his shirt over his head. I very seriously doubt any of the droids or engineers on this planet are seriously going to stop a man mad enough to run around a facility like this without his shirt on. The shadow crossed his arms over his chest, enjoying what little comfort was afforded by shedding his clothing.

I wonder what kind of work Daedric has the others doing while I off on this little holiday.

Bentre had read a little about the history of this planet on his journey there, but even so he had to admit he was a bit disappointed. The warmth of the planet was making him feel a little drowsy, but the Sith wasn’t about to leave just yet. Spending hours in a freighter had made him a little stir crazy, and as long as he had come this way he might as well visit the sights.

“Gods help me,” he muttered below his breath, looking down at the magma below. Drawing a breath to calm himself, the Shadow sidled towards the edge. Lowering into a crouch, he stretched out a hand to ease himself into a sitting position. Drawing his knees to his chest, Bentre tried to assume a cross-legged position as he had many times in his own quarters.

Once in a meditation position, the Sith closed his eyes. In his mind, he tried to stretch out in the Force. As he sat, he began to get a sense of unrest about the planet. It wasn’t emotion such as might spark a rebellion or lead to a fight. It was a slow and gnawing feeling of unhappiness.

So some of the engineers here are less than happy with their chosen occupation. I can’t say that is the first time I have heard of such a thing.

As he sat, Stahoes realized that something else was amiss here. He could sense a hungry presence nearby. For a moment, the Corellian felt his face twist in a grin of anticipation. The presence was not only nearby, but it was getting closer.

No matter.

In his early days as a Battleteam Leader, the Shadow had made a practice of stalking about Myrmidon while shrouded in the Force. He had found that people were a little more honest with themselves when they didn’t believe the boss was watching them. It also allowed him to try to understand people like Rosie or Vicious. By seeing what they were like in relative seclusion he had gained a better sense of who each member was.

Hopefully this will work this time.

Letting out a slow breath, the Corellian submerged himself in the Force. He imagined a stream, flowing around him smoothly as he lay still below its surface. He was determined to be calm and was determined to go unseen.

It was only as Stahoes had disappeared from view that he heard the sound of a gruff voice rise over the ambient noise. “We can provide all the things you need, but you have to realize that you are asking a lot of me.”

Just stay out of sight. Just stay calm. Just stay out of sight. Just stay calm. The Shadow repeated the silent mantra.

The footfalls of what sounded like two sentients quickly approached.

Just stay out of sight. Just stay calm.

“I understand your predicament,” a deep voice rumbled over the hiss of the molten rock below. “I also would not ask if this were not of the gravest importance.”

“Yeah well,” the engineer did not sound wholly convinced, “I can only tell y-”

Just stay out of sight. Just stay calm.

“What is this?” the engineer’s voice became more clear as he drew closer. Opening an eye cautiously, Stahoes glanced at the source of the voice. A Rodian had picked up his clothing, and was examining it. A large sentient being stood nearby, dressed in unfamiliar garb. Orange eyes shined out even with the light from the fires below. “What is this doing here? These don’t belong to anybody on my team.” The Rodian seemed to pause for a moment as he withdrew a blaster from the holster inside the jacket.

“That’s the thing,” Bentre let out a loud sigh as he allowed himself to slip back into view. “Those clothes are mine.” He unfolded his legs, and slowly proceeded to stand back to his feet.

“Who are you?” the engineer demanded. He held the blaster loosely at first, but there was agitation in his voice. The Rodian’s grip tightened on the worn blaster, and he pointed the SE-14 in the Sith’s general direction. Somehow though the Corellian was not very worried. Stahoes continued to take his sweet time getting up.

“I think you will want to drop my blaster,” Bentre commented as he drew to his full height. As his hand dropped to his side, he allowed the illusion covering his eye to fade. “I really would rather I didn’t have to cut off more than one hand if you damaged it.” To emphasize his words, the Sith ignited his lightsaber, casting a sapphire light across his face in sharp contrast to his glowing red left eye.

“No,” the gruff-voice uttered the single word with authority. “You will be doing no such thing.”

“Who are you to think you are about to stop me, buddy?” Bentre flashed a challenging smirk as his eyes caught the glint of a lightsaber at his opponent’s side. In response, Xan ignited his own weapon, his yellow blade humming to life.

“So it has to be that way, huh?” The Human flourished his blue lightsaber playfully, watching the Dashade with an almost childish delight. “Let’s have at it already then.” He drew his body back into a firm stance, his hands sliding into their familiar hammer grip. “Maybe this trip won’t be as dull as I thought.”

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 14 September, 2015 1:18 AM UTC

I very seriously doubt any of the droids or engineers on this planet are seriously going to stop a man mad enough to run around a facility like this without his shirt on.

Awkward wording due to the repetition of "seriously."

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 14 September, 2015 1:38 AM UTC

Letting out a slow breath, the Corellian submerged himself in the Force. He imagined a stream, flowing around him smoothly as he lay still below its surface. He was determined to be calm and was determined to go unseen.

This is really nice imagery.

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 14 September, 2015 1:44 AM UTC

“Who are you?” the engineer demanded. He held the blaster loosely at first, but there was agitation in his voice. The Rodian’s grip tightened on the worn blaster, and he pointed the SE-14 in the Sith’s general direction. Somehow though the Corellian was not very worried. Stahoes continued to take his sweet time getting up.

This confused me for a while. It wasn't clear when you initially wrote taking off the shirt that the blaster, and it's holster would have come off as well. You mentioned "clothing" bunch of times, but didn't say anything about a weapon until the Rodian already had it in his hand. To avoid something like this, in the future I'd at least reference the fact that the blaster left Bentre's body as well initially.

"Put down your weapon!" Xan demanded.

"Ohh Dashade," the sith replied. "Who are you working with? Plagueis? Arcona?"

"I said drop your weapon," the medic replied evenly.

"Ohh no not untill I figure out who you are," Bentre said.

"You really like to talk don't you," Xan replied. "I was taught to deal with people like you. Generally we don't deal with them, but in those cases we ignored them. Now drop your weapon."

"I think not," the Sadow replied. He leaped forward, swinging down in an overhand chop.

Xan responded with a strike at his opponent blade, and used his superior strength to throw the Sith backward. The two went on for several seconds, to the awe of the Rodian watching them. Bentre found himself pressing Xan back due to speed. While the Dashade was stronger, he certainly was not as quick.

"You are just a brute. Strong not fast. A simple Dashade slave. If you had a chance to live in this fight, which you don't, then maybe it would be more fun!" Bentre said, enjoying the sound of his voice.

Xan said nothing, though in his mind the struggle was greater. Eat him. He threatened the Rodian. He is cocky and nothing compared to your strength. Eat him. Show your strength, Xan heard his hunger say. "NEVER!" he shouted aloud, silencing both his foe and his hunger, the latter only being silenced for a few moments.

Bentre snarled and sent a quick, but wide strike coming in from Xans right. The Dashade slashed out with his saber, attacking his foes blade using only his right hand. The block succeeded, and Xan punched at Bentre's face. Bentre was stunned by the brazen assault, not having ever prepared for hand to hand combat. Xan punched twice more, breaking Bentre's nose, and pushing him back.

Bentre finally jumped back, and took several steps backwards. He didn't bother to look back, losing sight of where he was standing. He saw the Dashade smile, and was tempted to charge, but was not ready for any more blows to his face. However, Bentre did not realize he was at the disadvantage. Another step backward, and he would fall back twenty feet, and land on a narrow walk way. Even not knowing this, he did not expect the Dashade to charge.

At that moment though, Xan was not himself. Those punches, and the blood from Bentre's nose woke his hunger, and Xan lost control. The Dashade charged, clashing blades with the Sith, and shoving him back due to their difference in strength. Bentre fell backwards, falling, and slamming his back against the walkway. He felt it shake when he did. He noticed a blaster belted on the Dashades side, and called on the Force, pulling it towards him.

Bentre smiled when the gun made it to his hand, and fired several shots at the Jedi knight. Xan took several hits as he wrestled control from his hunger. He staggered back, out of site of Bentre, and called on the Force to heal himself. That was close, he thought.

The medic move back to the ledge, and leaped down. Bentre grinned, pointing the blaster at Xan. "This is the end of the line Dashade."

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 14 September, 2015 2:07 AM UTC

"Ohh Dashade," the sith replied. "Who are you working with? Plagueis? Arcona?"

Capitalize "Sith" as well as "Jedi."

"I think not," the Sadow replied.

Either you misspelled "Shadow" or you were trying to refer to him by his Clan. The generally accepted way of calling someone from Clan Naga Sadow is "Sadowan."

Bentre snarled and sent a quick, but wide strike coming in from Xans right.

"Xan's right."

Bentre smiled when the gun made it to his hand, and fired several shots at the Jedi knight. Xan took several hits as he wrestled control from his hunger. He staggered back, out of site of Bentre, and called on the Force to heal himself. That was close, he thought.

A couple of things here that need to be noted. Bentre just fell 20 feet (roughly 2 stories) and landed on his back, after having just had his nose broken from repeated punches to the face. It's really not feasible that he'd have the wits about himself at that point in time to use telekinesis that easily. It's also "sight" not "site." And on Xan's side, being hit by multiple blaster shots would be crippling, in the best case, if not straight up fatal. The Healing power wouldn't work nearly fast enough (even at Elder level) to let Xan keep fighting at any sort of real manner.

“You-” Xan spoke slowly and haltingly as he eyed the Sith. It looked to the Corellian like the Defender was trying to push past his injuries. “I do not think you-” The Jedi drew a pained breath, and grimaced as he stepped forward slowly. “You don’t want to continue this.”

“I don’t?” Bentre waved the weapon playfully in the air as he stepped backward, being sure to keep the taller sentient at least three steps away. “Or are you the one having a little more trouble now?” He had seen the slightest falter in the Dashade’s steps. “Why don’t you tell me, buddy, why I want to back down?”

Despite his candor the Shadow knew he was going to be hard pressed to keep fighting if he didn’t find some way to turn the tides in this fight. They were more evenly matched than he cared to admit. Normally, he would have been able to use his speed to his advantage, but his current predicament left him with limited options.

It was in his best interest to keep his opponent at a healthy of distance. The impact the Sadowan had made when he slammed against the walkway had rattled him up badly, and he could feel his arm throbbing painfully even as he stared down his opponent. The sound of a klaxxon echoed over the facility as he took in the situation.

As the Human took two steps backward, he could feel the walkway swaying slightly under their collective weight. Between my impact and the Jedi’s additional weight on its surface, this could prove troublesome. Stahoes chanced a glance over the edge. There was a conveyer belt below, and a few platforms and droids were moving below. If we have to take a fall at least we aren’t diving into the molten fires below.

That moment was all that the Jedi needed. When Stahoes turned back to task at hand, he saw two fingers pointed at him. Or to be more exact, at the blaster he held. The weapon which was sent flying from his fingers by a well-aimed shove in the Force.

Though he was initially angered by the loss of the weapon, the Corellian had no opportunity to watch where it scattered off to. For all he knew it had disappeared somewhere into the magma below.

When all else fails, at least I have my lightsaber to fall back on.

“You know-” Bentre tried to fake a smile, but his veneer was cracking. He needed a moment to pause. “I don’t know about you, but it was always really interesting to see how fights like these went back at the Academy. Granted it, they never happened on platforms hanging us over most certain death, but they were thrilling nonetheless.” He snapped a finger and pointed it at the Jedi with a forced smile. “You know, I remember a fight with this Twi’lek once, wonderful little work of violence between the two of us. She was as fierce as a nexu and not bad to look at-”

The Dashade was not going to give his Human opponent a chance to catch his breath it seemed. Instead, the Defender strode forward, closing the short distance between the combatants. It was as he threw his elbow out in a fierce strike that he cut short the Shadow’s ramblings. It was only by the barest of margins that Bentre kept from catching the blow in the mouth.

“Ah,” the Corellian shook his head. He hoped that by keeping talking he would be able to let the Jedi make a mistake he could exploit. It had become very clear that given his opponent’s strength he would need to try to end things quickly. There was no time to plot out the perfect killing blow. “See this is about the time I knock you over.*

Between the pain and the hopelessness of the situation, a switch turned silently inside the Sadowan’s mind.

Make him suffer.

“It is too bad really.” Stahoes spoke very evently, his voice taking on a more menacing tone. Inhaling deeply, the Sith reached out in the Force and drew strength from it. “At least Versea had a pretty face going for her. Given that face you have there, I might have to break a little more than that.” Biting his lip, Bentre’s eyes seemed to light up slightly as he ignited his lightsaber, and held the weapon firmly in front of him.

This is going to be so much fun. A voice in the back of his head giggled.

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 14 September, 2015 2:32 AM UTC

Two general notes about this post here.

First, going along with what I outlined in Xan's last post, I'd have liked if you made more mention of Bentre's injuries thus far. Second, since Bentre fell down, there was no mention of what happened to his lightsaber. Did he still have it in his hand? I guess that's a possibility, but seems unlikely since he's now holding a blaster. Since Xan set you up in this way, the best way to handle it would be to explain what happened, so it doesn't seem like the lightsaber appeared out of thin air.

Xan did hesitate when he saw the Sith's saber rise. So, the only thing between us and death is a conveyor belt. It seems to be connected to another one but is held in place basically. A good use of Telekinesis could move it. Xan thought. A plan began to form in his mind.

"You know Sith," the Medic said. "We are in a very precarious situation. All I need to do is smash my foot down and we will probably fall. Do you think you can kill me in time?"

Bentre opened his mouth to answer, only to see the Dashade's, foot raise, and his saber held low. Bentre almost went to attack, but just before, he saw the medic’s foot nailing him in the balls. Bentre instead took several steps back. He smiled at his own wisdom, only to see the Dashade smile as well.

"Human. Male. One major weakness they will always protect. Test complete," the medic said, and brought his saber up high.

Bentre was confused then horrified when he realized what the Dashade had done. "You used precognition against me!" He practically screamed.

The Dashade brought his blade down, cutting through the thin walkway. There was a second as nothing happened. Then the weight of both combatants caused the walkway to collapse in itself, dropping both combatants. Bentre called on the Force, amplifying his strength to land relatively uninjured. Then he saw the Dashade do something strange, almost like a crouch, but was leaning forward.

Xan, trained as a combat medic, had been trained for situations where you fall. He loosened himself, and set himself up to roll with the impact along the conveyor belt. He knew it would minimize the damage, but also knew it would not be enough. He called on the Force to begin healing himself, and let it move through him as he landed.

Xan landed first, the way his was falling offered less air resistance. He landed and went into the roll, then began to run along the conveyor belt. Bentre hit soon after, almost landed on Xan as he rolled. It took Bentre a second to deal with the landing, the fall straining his Force enhanced muscles. He then began to run after Xan, his speed would have normally allowed him to catch up. However, he continually had to change course due to the droids, whereas Xan just slashed them down during his run.

"Get back here Jedi!" Bentre called out. "Or are you too scared to fight me!"

Xan didn't reply, closing in to the other side of the Conveyor belt, and to the area with no lava. He then stopped, and cut through the conveyor belt, taking a few seconds to do so on the weak metal, only shielded from heat.

Xan leaped backward, barely making it to the other conveyor belt, safely away from the lava. Xan pointed a hand a Bentre, and called on the Force. Just as Bentre began his leap did he realize what happened. The jump was just far enough away his Force enhanced muscles could have made it. However he did not have those anymore, and the Sith realized he would only crash into the stone and fall to his death.

Xan, now exhausted, used the Force on final time before passing out from exhaustion, and being carried away. Bentre found himself flying back, smashing into the broken conveyor belt. His arm was punctured by the legs of a droid Xan had slashed through the middle off. Bentre hug there, just far away enough from the lava to not be burned.


The Rodian made his way through the facility, coming upon the unconscious Dashade. "Let’s get you somewhere safe," he said.

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 14 September, 2015 2:40 AM UTC

Bentre opened his mouth to answer, only to see the Dashade's, foot raise, and his saber held low. Bentre almost went to attack, but just before, he saw the medic’s foot nailing him in the balls. Bentre instead took several steps back. He smiled at his own wisdom, only to see the Dashade smile as well.

"Human. Male. One major weakness they will always protect. Test complete," the medic said, and brought his saber up high.

Bentre was confused then horrified when he realized what the Dashade had done. "You used precognition against me!" He practically screamed.

You can't trick Precognition. If both members are using the power, they both get a sense of what is going to happen, not what could. Additionally, Xan has to know that Bentre is anticipating it as well, and that level of clarity isn't provided at just +1 for the ability.