Planet Ilum
Crystal Caves
Andrelious pulled his black robes tight about his squat frame. The cold permeated everything on this planet; he could feel it in his bones. It distracted him from the majestic view throughout the caverns. He shuffled his feet forward slowly. Occasionally, adjusting the headlamp he wore in a futile effort to reveal his immediate surroundings. As he swiveled his head, the pale beam of light refracted through various patches of crystals throughout the chamber. It created a gloomy, swirling scene of light around him.
The Warlord cursed to himself. He reached for his hip flask and took another long drink in a desperate attempt to stave off the cold. The liquid burned in his throat and created a warmth in his gut, but it would not help with the cold in his extremities. He returned the flask to it's pouch and clicked the communicator located on his belt. It signaled the soldiers who had accompanied him that 'all was well' and they should remain at the entrance of the ravine.
The Sith pushed deeper into the ravine. His descent into darkness and numbing cold the only thing on his mind. It was unbearable, even for a Force-User, the echo of a nearby underground river the only response to his misery. A moment later, the moisture from the river crept into his nasal cavity with the familiar scent of mold that grew throughout the cavern. The cold and the moisture made it almost impossible to breathe. It clawed at his lungs like the liquor had his belly.
Pathetic fools! The Warlord complained as he continued deeper into the ravine, searching for a chamber that contained what his new Clan so desperately desired. These crystals would not be worthy of use in an armory saber.
Time crept forward at an agonizingly slow pace as he grew more frustrated in his search; each chamber explored had been previously picked clean by scavengers, save for those shards which were of too low of a quality to be worth taking. Andrelious could not help his automatic response of drawing his flask for another long pull. He swapped it for the communicator again, disturbed that his escort had failed to check-in.
Entering the appropriate sequence into the comm, he issued a command that would elicit a scripted response. Seconds stretched into minutes, Andrelious' ire rising with the count. He repeated the process once more for good measure, only to be greeted by silence. The Warlord reached into the Force and sought out the presence of his soldiers. No living thing stirred at the entrance to the ravine.
Shifting his search from a specific area, the Sith opened his sphere of responsibility to sense anyone in close proximity. His awareness touched another's presence. He immediately recognized who had killed his men. An involuntary shiver ran down his spine and extended through the rest of his body. His momentary surprise was soon replaced with anger. The Imperial shook his head, collecting his thoughts and casting aside any concern he held.
The heavyset man turned back along his path, his pace picking up to a slow jog as he retraced his steps. Simultaneously, he searched for the presence of his would-be attacker. Each time he brushed against the consciousness, images of his own demise projected from him. The design of his death fleeting and numerous as if the Assassin had spent time considering an array of options on how to dispatch the Taldryanite. Andrelious' lungs began to burn as he closed in on his target.
He could see lights in the distance. The headlamps of his soldiers were motionless and cast their glow in an upward angle suggesting they projected from the ground. He slowed as he neared the well-lit aftermath of a skirmish. He took a few deep, shuddering breaths as he tried to slow his racing heart. He reached within the folds of his robes, adjusting the sling harness of his E-11 and looked down the scope to the scene before him.
The post his troops had established seemed undisturbed - transport crates and equipment in their original position - and ready for the crystal collection to which he had been assigned. As he searched through the scope, he found what he was looking for - the bodies of his escort. In silence, the corpses spoke to what had transpired. Each one had been cut down in turn. Andrelious recognized the pattern of an ambush; the bodies strewn at the fringes of the camp as if taken by surprise.
Bloody fools! Now I have to deal with a damned Assassin and carry out this pathetic assignment alone. Andrel resisted the urge to take another drink from his flask as he continued to scan the surrounding area. His eyes and ears were alert for any movement as he watched for the tell-tale shimmer of one trained in cloaking himself from sight.
"About time, Imperial," the voice echoed throughout the cavern. It seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere.
Unfazed by the ploy, the Sith responded, "Are we really going to play this game? Show yourself and resist the urge to waste my time." The Sith kept his rifle shouldered, but abandoned using the sights to seek his opponent. The Force would serve his needs now. There. Turning quickly, the Imperial fired off a three shot salvo. He watched as each impacted the wall in the wake of his assailant. An ethereal shimmer appeared in the air, a snap-hiss of a lightsaber activated, and a familiar form rushed to close the distance between them.
The Warlord sensed the danger before he saw it, instinctively raising his rifle to shoot. Too late! The white blade of his opponent closed the distance, cutting cleanly through the blaster before any additional shots could be triggered. Without hesitation, The Pilot’s hand shot forward calling on the Force within an instant lightning shot from his fingertips. He smiled, expecting to see his target writhing in pain but instead watched as the lightning coiled around his attacker only to be absorbed. The counter-assault ended as quickly as it had begun, the lightning tapering away, though it slowed his assailant enough to give Andrelious time to take several quick steps back, creating separation between them.
"You bastards exile me and then send someone to kill me?" he growled as he discarded the useless rifle. he took in the form of Uji Tameike, Aedile of Galeres, standing before Him, and watched as a cold smile crept up the former Jedi's lips.
"Tell me, Andrelious, what is it that angers you more? That a former Jedi controls the Clan you so loved? Or that the Arconae considered you so little a threat that they wouldn’t waste Celevon or Sashar’s time to dispatch of you?”
I'll note that Andrelious does have a +3 Intellect and would probably know booze = bad in an arctic environment. At the very least it's another cliche trope in a post full of them.
While I'm normally one that both enjoys and utilizes internal monologue, the way it's used here has a habit of interrupting your flow. In addition. there are also other examples of poor capitalization. For example:
The title case doesn't seem right there.