That kriffing worm. Anger rolled over Bentre as the explosion drove him backward. Is he really that desperate to die? As his body tumbled from the force of the impact, the Corellian’s arms flailed in a desperate attempt to gain any kind of traction. His fingers skirted on the rain-slicked surface, his mind rushed for any kind of a solution. Seeing no immediate solution, Stahoes made a silent plea, Gods help me. Drawing desperately on the Force, the Shadow tried to drive his fingers into the ungiving surfaces and twisting his body.
A rogue wind buffeted the Journeyman’s body, and as his fingers finally made purchase on the platform’s surface. Every muscle in his body tensed as he tried flatten his body on the platform. I have to do anything to stop before I fall off into the oceans.
As though in answer to his silent pleas, his body came to a rough stop short of the platform’s edge. Before he could pull himself to his feet, the Force screamed out to the Knight, and he threw his body down. A second explosion rolled over the Shadow’s body, and he saw the form of Terran Koul tumbling off of the platform.
Oh you are not getting away from me that easily! The Corellian pulled himself roughly to his feet, and ran as quickly as he could, adrenaline driving each step against the painful protests of his sore joints. Reaching out in the Force, Bentre shot his arms out, and grasped at the air, determined to keep the Kiffar from falling into the torrential oceans below. After all the trouble you have put me through today, I will not lose you to the ocean! Focusing as deeply as he could in the Force, he pulled his arms back, driving the Equite back roughly back onto the platform.
With a growl, the Journeyman dropped to one knee. Between the physical stresses on his body and the drain of pulling on the Force in such a manner, his chest heaved rapidly with each ragged breath. I need to end this nonsense quickly. Koul does not understand what he has interrupted. Whether he is working for La’venna or not, he does not have the right to deny me relief from the ravages of my eye!
Baring his teeth, Bentre raised himself up on uneasy legs and dropped his hand to his side. His fingers did not meet the familiar metal of his lightsaber, and his eyes widened. I must have lost it in the explosion. Is there no end to the trouble I receive for seeking respite from my malady? The Corellian raised his hand to his chest, and plunged it into his jacket, wet fingers closing around the handle of the his SE-14 blaster.
“Do you realize what you have interrupted today?” Staggering forward, Bentre slowly approached the battered form of the Arcanist, as the Kiffar struggled to his knees. “All I want is just a little rest! All I want is for these voices, these apparitions to cease for even a little while!”
- He must suffer.* A rasping voice hissed in his ear, accompanying another painful step.
“That is all this trip was supposed to be, just a quick pick up.” The Corellian drew a deep, angry breath. “Nobody had to die.”
Except for this one. The hissing words became a deep chuckle.
“It took weeks to convince them to let me back onto this planet! All that effort, wasted because some schutta decided to put a price on my head, to send someone to kill me after all time.” Bentre shook his head.
He needs to suffer for his transgression. Rend him in two! Cast his corpse into the waves below! First you must make him suffer! He must beg for mercy!
“So tell me, good buddy,” he spit the last words. “What do you have to say for yourself before you meet your reckoning at my hand?” He waved his blaster in the air once, before bringing the barrel to bear on his opponent. Still, some small part of him wanted to hear those final words before he pulled the trigger. He hoped the Equite would at least give out a whimper before his met his rightful end.
“I have to say,” Terran smirked at the Sadowan, “duck.”
You dirty, scheming little kung! The voice screamed in Bentre’s head.
Pulling his hands up into an open-palmed gesture, Terran closed his eyes for a moment. Pieces of the shuttle, scattered on the platform near the Equite rose up into the air. In unison, the makeshift projectiles flew toward the Knight, prompting Bentre to roll sideways.
It was not enough as the stresses of the conflict had left Stahoes far too weary. His footsteps faltered, and the first pieces of debris struck him hard in the side and chest. Pain wracked the Shadow’s body as he tried to push past the pain. It took every bit of his concentration to draw on the Force to steady his body. He refused to succumb to these injuries.
Drawing a bead on the Kiffar, Bentre fired three times, two shots going wide and the third catching Koul in the chest. As the last pieces of the shuttle fell to the ground, the only sound that could be heard was the patter of rain.
Don’t take it lying down. You are not as weak as this Stahoes! Pull yourself up and finish him! The voice in his head became his own, still rasping and hissing but less crazed. Do you think that La’venna or this man are going to let you go after this is done? You will be as good as dead. Or worse you will be thrown into a cage or a cell to waste away.
Slow footsteps approached the Corellian, but his body would not respond, acting sluggish even as he tried to pull himself up to an elbow. The Kiffar, holding his side, was painfully making his way toward the Sadowan. Lightning silhouetted the Battlelord as he slowly approached Bentre’s side. One blaster was held out, pointed warningly at the Journeyman lying upon the platform.
“You have made an interesting target today, Stahoes. It’s a real shame we might not get to do this again.” Kneeling down over the Knight, Terran drove the butt of his blaster into the side of the Shadow’s head.
I was weak. I let myself get caught by surprise. Now I will face La’venna. I get to answer for everything. Gods help me. These last few thoughts rushed through Bentre’s head the moment before he lost consciousness.
There should be a space in "after all".
Doubled up on your "that" in the middle here.
A few too many "and"s in quick sequence. Break up the flow and repetition a bit more, perhaps with a comma.
You were after "slid" here.
I really like a lot of what you did here. You took the concept of Rivalries and ran with it, creating a rich back story that leads to this all but inevitable encounter without leaving the reader lost in translation. Shows a lot of foresight and research into your opponent.