The heat of Mustafar was causing great discomfort to Andrelious. He had dressed in the thinnest black garments he could find, but was still almost constantly wiping sweat away as he traversed along the walkways. He had been sent to the planet with a large number of datapads, his orders being clear: destroy them. The Warlord was not aware exactly what was stored on these devices, but had been clued in by his daughter, Saskia, who informed him that the information was critical to one of Taldryan’s enemies. There were many ways to destroy a datapad, but the enemy in question apparently had the ability to recover almost anything. The lava on Mustafar, however, was far more destructive.
Reaching a ledge, Andrelious started throwing the datapads into the lava below. Stopping to again mop his brow, the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. Someone was watching him, and he could tell from how strongly that he could feel them that they too were a Force user, another dark side user from how angry their presence was.
The Warlord turned around, scanning the immediate area for whoever it was that he’d sensed. Across the nearest walkway stood an alien figure that Andrelious quickly identified as a Quarren. The stranger wore a brown cape over some kind of scaly outfit, but the Taldryanite’s eyes were drawn to the lightsaber clipped to the alien’s belt.
“Greetings. What brings you to Mustafar?” Andrelious questioned.
“You have something that belongs to my employers,” the Quarren replied, pointing at what few datapads remained.
“And who are your employers? You don’t look Arconan. That makes a welcome change,” the Warlord answered. He had gotten more than a little tired of being chased across the galaxy by the Shadow Clan’s operatives.
“Just hand them over. Things needn’t get ugly,” the stranger threatened.
Andrelious chuckled. “I think not. I think it’s best you tell me who you are,” he shot back, accompanying the statement with a quick wave of his hand.
“I think it’s best I tell you who I am,” the Quarren mimicked. “I am Lexiconus Qor. I serve Clan Naga Sadow,”
“Ah! So these things came from Naga Sadow! Too bad I’m about to destroy them. Go, Qor, tell that bastard Cethgus that you were too late,” Andrelious hissed.
“The Proconsul warned me about you, Inahj. Told me you’re little more than a fighter jockey,” Lexiconus declared, activating his lightsaber.
“I see he taught you to spend hours posturing. I’ve never seen one of your kind before. I just hope the heat’s not too much for you, waterboy,” the Warlord taunted, arming his own lightsaber.
Offering no further reply, Lexiconus ran in, starting a leap as he approached his fellow Sith. He aimed the jump to land immediately in front of Andrelious, swinging his lightsaber as he descended. The move was fast, but the Taldryanite moved his blade almost perfectly in time with Lexiconus’ motion, easily blocking the Warrior’s attack. The Quarren followed up with some equally fast slashes, each one varying in height and direction, but the Warlord parried each away, allowing the Force to steer his moves to keep the Sadowan at bay.
Ducking a higher slash, Andrelious chose not to return to full height, instead focusing on the Warrior’s lower legs. Lexiconus spotted what his enemy was doing, and, crouching himself, held his blade firm as its opposite number slashed in. Sparks flew through the air, further adding to the scene of powerful heat that surrounded the pair.
His eyes reddening as he became more and more angry, Andrelious glared at his opponent, extending the fingers on his left hand. The air became filled with tendrils of lightning, all with one destination in mind.
Lexiconus disengaged from the duel, moving his lightsaber back, ready to absorb the electricity. Andrelious smirked, charging forwards, saber in his right hand as he still generated huge amounts of current from his left.
The Warrior had to think fast.
This was a nice intro and a good segway into the conflict with your opponent. You put the Character Sheets to good use. I didn't see any errors, and your use of syntax was relatively sound.
You also describe some very nice combat scenes!! Well done..!
Constructive Criticism: I'd have liked to see your creative writing of the combat scenes to leak into your descriptions of the world around the characters a bit more. For example:
You could have really worked on the sounds of the boiling lava, the relentless heat and stench of the molten rocks here.
Beautiful visual that you could have expanded.
Crackling and hissing sounds and the smell of burnt ozen, the air charged with static electricity making the hairs on your character's arms stand on end.
In all three of these instances, you could have expanded to describe these phenomenon with scents, sounds, and tactile descriptions that would make these simple phrases more real to your readers.
Good work overall!