An awkward silence fell on the antechamber as Vorsa and her…‘acquaintance’ waited patiently for an audience with the Hutts. A sort of sweet yet somehow disgusting smell perfumed the air and stuck to her clothing. Vorsa cursed mentally, the idea of cleaning the stench from her person all too disturbing. The Chiss stood almost at attention, not paying her much heed or even moving. Military discipline. Of course it would show through.
The doors swung open on well oiled hinges, revealing a lavish and rather large throne room. The duo moved in tandem, passing through the glam and glitter, hungry eyes never leaving their forms, malicious tongues always talking, always gossiping. The Herald observed them, taking in their auras, sensing their minds. Many species of many professions gathered around the Hutts — all criminals.
Dancers pirouetted around them like animatronic dolls, their faces smiling but dead inside. Vorsa’s gut tightened, sensing perpetual malice within each and every one of them. Fear, agony and ecstasy mixed into a revolting concoction that made her innards churn. If she had had a stomach, it would've clenched sickly. She couldn’t sympathize — they did choose this life for themselves — but she could pity the wretches.
They stopped before a large floating throne with a large, slimy, smelly Hutt astride it. He chewed on some type of snack or another with gluttonous glee, eyes constantly darting across Vorsa’s athletic form.
“Achute dauah. Jee nah bmeheka wamma che uba,” he spoke as slime and drool drizzled around his mouth, a foul stench of rot and decay spreading from it.
“Uh, the ever illustrious Achonda the Hutt, greets you fondly and wishes you to be his guests,” one of the Twi’lek slaves muttered in a barely audible voice. He was scared beyond words. Vorsa could sense it as clearly as the Hutt’s intent.
“Cakanle Achonda!” Brimstone started first, in Achonda’s native Huttese, taking advantage of Vorsa’s distracted pondering. “Dobra wata bai bargon cay uba um baw wah sokie uba gee vehpobaee wa paupe bahkawopka mee murishani gee boonowa.”
Vorsa couldn’t understand a word he was saying, which troubled her greatly. She focused on the Twi’lek slave, slowly shifting her fingers as subtly as she could. “You there. Translate.”
Snapping his head up at her as if under a trance, the Twi’lek began to speak in a more even tone, “Mighty Achonda. I am here to bargain with you for the data you have about a certain artifact your bounty hunters have found.” As he finished, one of the guards yanked on his neck chain and pulled him off of the platform.
The man squealed as he was dragged and beaten with shock batons and boots in equal measure. Vorsa bit down on her lip, cursing herself for not thinking. It took all of her resolve just to stand there and watch the man get beaten. But the mission was of greater importance. Sith threatened millions of lives — she would not fail. The artifact the Chiss spoke of was a map to several important holocron locations, or so it was thought. She had come to Hutta to retrieve it before the Grand Master, but apparently he had already sent his own agent.
Brimstone observed her with a glare of contempt and annoyance. She ignored him and took a step closer. “Mighty Achonda. I too am looking for this artifact. Should you be willing to trade, I will be willing to bargain for its retrieval.”
“Do not fall for her tricks, mighty Achonda. She will fool you and take what she wants.”
Achonda laughed heartily, the whole chamber following suit. “Dobra Achonda. Taneee beesga mi. Kuna kee dokoi um baw wah bahkawopka,” he rumbled as a second slave came closer to try and translate his words.
“Mighty Achomba, may the stars protect him, does not agree with you, and he will prove it.” She swallowed as she looked at the Twi’lek slave now being dragged out of the room, bloody and beaten. “He says you will fight for the artifact.”
“Jeedai dokoi che mi. Baciya!” Achonda rumbled again over the laughing.
A saber came to life with a shrill as Vorsa’s senses picked up the subtle cues of danger. Brimstone was already moving. Blasters drawn, the Chiss pulled the triggers just as she raised her blade to deflect. Red bolts of plasma ricocheted off of the lightsaber. The Neti angled the shots towards the ceiling, away from the onlookers. She jumped back, somersaulting over the bolts with elegance and grace. Deflecting bolt after bolt, she dodged and spun around the room, partons ducking for cover as Brimstone’s blasters spewed plasmic death around them.
“Youkesa!” Achonda yelled out as three armed guards surrounded the Chiss, blasters aimed at his head.
“The mighty Achonda wished for you to battle with your laser swords,” the terrified slave spoke out when his chain was yanked.
Vorsa remained standing, firmly rooting herself on the floor, ready to charge her attacker. Brimstone replaced his blasters in their holsters and drew his saber hilt, igniting the blade with a snap-hiss as the guards retreated.
Vorsa charged, speed augmented by the Force’s ethereal touch. She closed the distance in a blink of an eye, slashing through the air at Brimstone’s head.
- Achute dauah. Jee nah bmeheka wamma che uba. - Hello pretty. I wouldn't mind paying for you.
- Dobra Achonda. Taneee beesga mi. - I am Achonda. No one fools me.
- Jeedai dokoi che mi. Baciya. - Jedi fighting for me. Amusing.
- Youkesa - Stop!
I really enjoyed your introduction post, which gave everyone an interesting setting to play with, especially since you included a richly detailed entourage of spectators and slaves as an audience.
I laughed at the part where Brim was forced to switch to Lightsaber combat. I thought that was really entertaining and clever.
Well done..!
Syntax!
I saw very little issues with respect to Syntax, and I can tell you tried to catch as many errors as you could before posting. The only ones I noticed was a word missing in this sentence:
And with respect to dialogue:
Really nice job on dialogue, and I really liked the footnotes for the huttese, however you forgot to include the full translation in one of them (section missing translation is bolded):