Augur Cethgus Tiberius Entar vs. Vanguard Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar

Augur Cethgus Tiberius Entar

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Zabrak, Force Disciple, Marauder, Obelisk
vs.

Vanguard Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Human, Jedi, Defender, Sentinel
Comment

First things first: lightsaber wounds are not analogous to glancing blows with a sword. See here. It's really not realistic to sustain any sort of blow with a lightsaber and continue fighting in any continued capacity without significant strain and use on the Control Self power. You can't just reference it once and then ignore it.

Now, on the story: overall, I have you rated equally, but that doesn't tell the whole story. My single favorite post in the match was Cethgus' final post, while my single least favorite post was his initial post. Sang's first post introduced a neat twist and his second post resolved the conflict in a manner that was alright, but not nearly as interesting as Cethgus' ending.

The conflict between a master and his former student who has turned to the light is about one of the most compelling conflicts that we can have here. I think Cethgus' final post really encapsulated the bond between master and student, while leaving a hint for future plot development after (if this match were to be made canon, which it probably won't.)

Overall, though, things wash out. Cethgus' sloppy writing in his first post costs him big time here. Sanguinius wins, though if Cethgus can write more like his final post and less like his initial post, this would have been a drastically different story.

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Augur Cethgus Tiberius Entar, Vanguard Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Winner Vanguard Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Augur Cethgus Tiberius Entar's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Vanguard Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Nar Shaddaa: Streets
Last Post 19 October, 2015 10:40 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Cethgus Tiberius Entar Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Score: 3 Score: 5
Rationale: Your first post just felt sloppy. See the individual comments for examples of things that you could have cleaned up through some proofreading. Rationale: No major issues. Your vocabulary in your final post was almost too much. There's a difference between having colorful language and using big words just to use big words, and I almost felt like you just opened up a thesaurus a couple of times during your final post.
Story - 40%
Cethgus Tiberius Entar Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: See general comments. Rationale: See general comments.
Realism - 25%
Cethgus Tiberius Entar Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: See general comments on lightsaber wounds. Rationale: See general comments on lightsaber wounds.
Continuity - 20%
Cethgus Tiberius Entar Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues. Rationale: No issues.
Cethgus Tiberius Entar's Score: 3.65 Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar's Score: 3.95
Posts

The Vertical City. Nar Shaddaa. They call it the Smuggler's Moon—an apt description based on the myriad of sentients shuffling back and forth with their illegal wares and hidden weapons. The narrow streets below you criss-cross endlessly, soaring miles above the planet's surface. Exposed and uncovered, the streets offer a nearly perfect setting for someone with some skills with ranged weapons. Your own vantage point, standing on the ledge of a towering structure of glass and steel, offers you a dizzying view of the cityscape.

Your eyes scan the distance for enemies. Snipers could be set up in almost every building. The streets are plagued with violent gangs and the general riff raff of the poor and destitute. The streets may be an ideal place for blasters, but the winding streets are difficult to disappear from. An opponent would be easily boxed in and simple to finish with a few quick slashes of a lightsaber. The moon is dangerous—even for a Jedi.

Cethgus allowed his eyes to scan the city. It truly was one of the wonders of Nar Shaddaa, that was true. At the same time, sadness filled his heart as he knew that this was the place his Student would die. It had been easy to find people motivated with killing the Jedi, hiring a thug with a gun was not the issue. If they could carry out the job correctly, however, was. As he watched the crowded streets he spotted Sang from the ledge. Knowing his trap would soon be sprung the Iridonian turned and headed back inside to take a turbolift down to the ground level, it seemed the streets would be the place his student would fall.

As the lift doors opened Cethgus walked out and headed straight out of the lobby and onto the tail of Sang, keeping his distance to not attract the attention of the Quaestor. Sang moved quickly through the crowd, unphased by the hustle and bustle of shop sellers, beggars and the scum that inhabited this place. He turned down one of the side corridors, moving quickly only to be pursued by the Augur. Glancing down the side street it was clear he took one of the splits and was moving quickly away from Cethgus, but did he know that he was being followed was the question that needed to be answered.

Hearing the noise of blaster fire and screams, it seemed that he would find his answer. Crowds moved quickly out of one of the streets and scattered as Cethgus pushed his way through, his height not helping his eyesight in the slightest. Managing to fight his way round the corner he saw the sight of Sang, his blaster in his grip, the barrel still resonating heat from the shots that had been fired. Seeing the sight of the hired thugs that were now corpses, it was clear that the ambush had not succeeded, meaning the Iridonian would have to dirty his own hands.

“Why are you tailing me, and what do you want?” Sang spoke clearly as he turned to face the follower. Surprise illuminated his expression as he saw it was Cethgus.

“I regret that it came to this, but now I must deal with you,” Cethgus' ice cold voice shot through the Human with ease. Letting his hands slide down to his belt, he grabbed the saber hilts and activated his blades, the hiss and snap bringing them to life with ease.

“But why?” the Quaestor’s voice showed confusion at the attack that had been planned by the Proconsul.

“We survive better in Darkness my old friend, and you are the light that needs extinguishing,” his voice showing discipline in it as he focused on the outcome of this battle.

Pinned ina now empty street, this would be were the two fought. Without hesitation Cethgus darted forward, his blades slashing out with the flick of his wrists towards his old Student. Instinct took over the Vanguard, his blaster raising up quickly as the Defender squeezed the trigger, the shots darting towards the oncoming Iridonian.

Warning bells rang through the very core of the Obelisk. Knowing of the impending danger he spun into a small doorway letting the shots slam into doors, walls and stools that were littered around the street. Darting out of his make shift cover he continued his advance, letting the Force flow through him as his steps increased in pace. Closing the ground between the two in seconds, his blades came darting out towards the Human.

Backpedalling, Sang had to roll his shoulder heavily to avoid a slash that would have seen this fight over in a second. Knowing that his blaster was now useless in this narrow corridor the Quaestor dropped it, in a split second his own green blade hissed to life as he blocked the oncoming slash, forcing Cethgus to retreat slightly to keep himself from the threat.

“So there is no way back now, this is the path you choose against me,” Sang’s voice asked the question hoping to sway the mind set of his Master.

Retaliation came quick for the words as the Iridonian lashed out with his blade, forcing his student to endure a barrage from both blades, with slashes high and low raining down upon him from the Shien user. Feeling the tip of his blade making contact against his students arm, he saw it was nothing more than a small burn something that wouldn’t win him the fight alone. This drove the Iridonian to push harder to achieve the demise of his student.

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 19 October, 2015 11:39 PM UTC

It truly was one of the wonders of Nar Shaddaa, that was true.

Feels clunky to repeat derivations of "true."

At the same time, sadness filled his heart as he knew that this was the place his Student would die.

"Student" doesn't need to be capitalized here.

If they could carry out the job correctly, however, was.

This sentence is missing a subject.

Glancing down the side street it was clear he took one of the splits and was moving quickly away from Cethgus, but did he know that he was being followed was the question that needed to be answered.

This ends up being a run-on sentence.

Pinned ina now empty street, this would be were the two fought.

"in a" and "where" are the correct words here.

Without hesitation Cethgus darted forward, his blades slashing out with the flick of his wrists towards his old Student.

Again "student" is not a proper noun.

Sang’s voice asked the question hoping to sway the mind set of his Master.

Same thing here. "Master" isn't a proper noun either.

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 19 October, 2015 11:53 PM UTC

Retaliation came quick for the words as the Iridonian lashed out with his blade, forcing his student to endure a barrage from both blades, with slashes high and low raining down upon him from the Shien user. Feeling the tip of his blade making contact against his students arm, he saw it was nothing more than a small burn something that wouldn’t win him the fight alone. This drove the Iridonian to push harder to achieve the demise of his student.

You do something like this every match, and you need to stop. Sang has 4 points into Soresu, and your primary lightsaber Form, Shien is not the best at 1v1 lightsaber dueling. Cethgus can't plausibly overpower him this early in a fight since Sang has the same Might score as you do. Based on canon examples, there is no such thing as a minor lightsaber wound; the pain is incredibly intense.

Sanguinius hissed in pain as he registered the small wound. The stinging lessened as he detached part of his mind to swamp the agony in a soothing balm. The rest of his mind focused on the task before him. His former master stood before him, his aura full of misplaced rage and pain. The emotions washed over the Jedi, making the Anaxsi feel sorrowful for his brother Entar.

He glanced at the minor wound, the scarred flesh reddish black. The coruscating blade of the Vanguard didn't waver, he had been overconfident in his relationship with his former master. Full of self belief that the Augur wouldn't touch him. He wouldn't make that mistake again. Now taking the fight seriously, Sanguinius moved forward towards the smaller Sadowan, his saber held in a defensive stance.

“Brother, you wound me,” the Ragnosian muttered before propelling himself forward, switching seamlessly into an attack. He knew his master well enough to know the Marauder would expect him to defend. The dirty street, littered with waste allowed the Vanguard to kick an empty bottle at Cethgus as he struck. His verdant green blade was met and stopped by two others, the jade and cerulean coloured lightsabers straining back in return. The bottle smashed against the enrobed torso of the Iridonian, exploding and sending slithers of glass to slice shallow cuts into the Proconsul's chest.

The jagged pieces of glass were ignored by the irate Zabrak, who pushed back the Jedi, his muscles powered by an unholy Force. Sanguinius staggered backwards, twirling his lightsaber in a figure of eight to prevent a follow up attack.

Two Force Users duelling in the foul warren of the Smuggler's Moon was bound to draw attention from those who felt they could profit from the Hutt's dislike for Jedi. They did just that, as several swoop bikes burdened with tattooed gangsters emerged from the adjoining streets. The mix of humans, rodians and other aliens surrounded the two Entars, their blasters pointed at the pair of Sadowans.

The gang members shouted at them, demanding they throw the lightsabers onto the floor. Threatening to gun both Sang and Cethgus down, the ringleader stepped forward, encumbered in armour and sporting a large blaster rifle.

Sanguinius scanned the hoodlums, counting at least two dozen. There were too many to fight without someone getting hurt. He frowned, aware of his temporary vulnerability. The incandescent fury of the Zabrak had built up, his disappointment with his student, his anger at the betrayal, his unbridled rage at the insult that ate away at him every time he saw his failure of an acolyte. He cared little for the peasants around him. The guns bristling at him were seen as nothing more as ants bothering a god. They would pay, they would all pay!

He was Cethgus, rage incarnate and he knew no fear.

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 19 October, 2015 11:57 PM UTC

The jagged pieces of glass were ignored by the irate Zabrak, who pushed back the Jedi, his muscles powered by an unholy Force.

I'm not sure if you're referring to the dark side here or if it's a mistaken capitalization and you're just using colorful language.

Instantly Cethgus moved, launching himself towards the gang that dared to interrupt the fight. While their numbers were many, this bothered the Iridonian little. Instantly the men squeezed their triggers, unleashing a torrent of blaster bolts down the small corridor towards the two combatants. Instinct kicked in as Cethgus’ blades forced a few bolts to land into the nearby walls as he continued his furious advance towards the gangsters.

Reaching the first man, his blade slashed out with ease, he made sure that it hit its mark. The first man dropped, cut in two with ease as the group spread out in a well trained mercenary like fashion. Fending off the gang, it was clear that the number of men were just too much for one man to handle, even if that man was the Iridonian veteran. Slashing down another two with ease, the men opened fire in reaction to the attack, knowing full well they needed to drop the Augur quickly. Blaster bolts lashed out as the Force warned the Proconsul of the incoming attacks forcing him, dodging the majority of the shots he suddenly felt his body spin, pain pulsated through his shoulder as he tried to maintain his balance.

Sang saw the Iridonian’s shoulder recoil from the impact of the blaster, watching his master stagger backwards he felt the deep urge to intervene. Still having the bonds that were forged with Cethgus he soon found his feet carrying him into the fray, his blade lashing out and dropping the nearest man in agony in order to get to his brother's side. Both Brotherhood members fought back to back with precision and ease, their blades cutting down those that opposed them, Sanguinius showing his own blade skill as he deflected blaster shots with ease. The two fought with purpose and dedication, blades lashed out from their perfectly timed attacks, dropping the group.

It seemed that they had caught the attention of the gangs in the area, as more swarms of troops could be heard clattering down the corridors. The two members of Naga Sadow slashed out with their blades, aiming to kill with each blow and succeeding in their attempts. It seemed like the old times, both fighting side by side again with ease as they spun around each other, dodging and slashing to keep each other defended from the ongoing attacks.

Gang members fell swiftly and a fair few of them already began to bolt from the combat, not willing to stand up against the two combatants. As the numbers began to drop another blaster round slammed into the gut of the Iridonian sending him spinning backwards. His body struggling to keep up from the constant damage that it was being put through. His breathing became heavy as the wounds became apparent, unable to do anything else the Iridonian fought to keep himself conscious, Sanguinius darted around to slash the man that had attacked his Master severing his body in half with ease.

The Quaestor continued his fighting with passion, his saber defending and blocking the injured Proconsul where he was able. The Anaxsi slashed out at the nearest man, but his eyes watched, for what seemed an eternity, the slug from a gangster's weapon slam into the Augur's shoulder. The bullet sent the Marauder spinning around, his body making contact with the Vanguard’s blade before the Jedi could move it away. Instantly horror rocked Sang's core as he watched the Iridonian tumble, his body slamming into the ground as the saber wound disabled him. Cethgus coughed up blood from the internal injuries that now wracked his body.

A hint of anger coursed through Sang as he instantly lashed out, ending the attacker's life. With the gang gone he sprinted over to the Iridonian, his eyes looking for any way to stop the inevitable, his mind racing with questions and terror at what had transpired.

“Brother, hold on we can get this sorted out.” Sanguinius’s voice spoke with a determination to find an answer to the situation at hand.

“Al….ways the optimist...At least I can go knowing you will carry out my legacy….Who would have thought my death would be at your hands, brother….There is still a killer lurking deep inside of you….Let it free.” coughing blood as he stammered the words out, Cethgus thrust his white saber hilt into Sang’s hands.

The blade that had taken so many lives was in possession of a Jedi. Could Sang really call himself that now. Looking at the blade then at Cethgus, surprise hit his body like a wall of ice. The eyes of his master were empty, his life had disappeared before Sanguinius. Rage. Anger. Frustration. All of them began to seep into the Jedi, corrupting his soul as his hand gripped around his master's saber at the disgust in how he had meet his end.

“They will suffer for this, brother, I swear.” Sanguinius felt his blood boil with anger and the need for revenge.

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 20 October, 2015 12:08 AM UTC

See, this is what I'm talking about. I feel like you made a 180 turn after Sang's post. The story here is much interesting than a generic jedi/dark jedi duel that you started out writing in your first post. This post really hit all the right notes for me. We have two former allies instinctively reverting back to their past relationship in the face of a common enemy. Cethgus falls, and I'm left with the wondering if Sang is going to turn away from the Light to try to avenge you.

The Augur surged forward, launching himself at the nearest pair of criminals. His blades lanced out to pierce the two men, their death cries mingling with the screams of the charged bolts of plasma that hurtled towards the two Sadowans. Cethgus roared with anger as he continued to carve through several more gangsters. The blasters followed the path of the Proconsul, the murderous crossfire cutting down some of their own men. One fell, transfixed by a bolt that entered his temple, his eyes glazed over in death as he slumped to the ground.

Sanguinius stepped back from the furore, his lightsaber moving only to deflect the few bolts that came his way. The Jedi had not wanted any of this to happen, his presence on Nar Shaddaa had served only to leave more death and destruction in his wake. His lament at the blood spilt found a voice, “Why, brother?” the Vanguard stopped his backwards step and began to move forward, his blade sweeping out to intercept bolts and deflect them back to disarm the offending aggressors. He would stop this before anyone else died.

“Cethgus!” he shouted, brandishing his lightsaber in defiance of the Marauder. “Face me, brother!”

The Iridonian whirled around, his tattooed skin coated in the blood of his foes. His breast heaved as he glared at his student. Several criminals lay at his feet, some dead, some still alive, begging for help. The impish figure walked over them, his lightsabers lashing out to cut their thread of life.

The sight of the blood-soaked figure was a terrible one, one that led to several bowels loosening and many of the remaining gangsters fled, their swoop bikes roaring as they sought to escape. The leader of the criminals shouted after them, cursing their respective mothers and their courage. Cethgus diverted his gaze at the gang leader and lashed out with a fist, his rage fuelled strike unleashing a telekinetic blow that fractured the man's sternum and put him out of the fight.

“I'm sorry, where were we?” the Augur turned back to his former student. “Something about me killing you?”

Sangiunius' eyes narrowed in response, he had tried to set an example that even the worst of men could find redemption. That no one was beyond saving. But his master and brother refused to even countenance that opportunity. While he was a Jedi, the Anaxsi was no pushover and was determined to bring the errant Zabrak to account.

“You presume too much, Cethgus. You are no longer my brother,” His lightsaber came up in a defensive stance. “I turn my back on your teachings, you are no longer my master.” The verdant green blade cast a shadow on the Vanguard's face, it's pure brilliance a metaphorical light in the darkness, an allegory for the Jedi's presence in Naga Sadow. He would bring the piercing truth of light to illuminate the all encompassing darkness.

Without warning, the Jedi struck, unleashing a flurry of furious blows that caught the Proconsul off guard. The strikes were caught between the pair of solid lightsabers that opposed him. The trademark wolfish grin of the impish figure answered the gritted jaw of the Anaxsi. “Oh brother,” the syllables trickled off his tongue like sweet treacle. “how you upset me, disobeying your beloved master.” Beads of sweat trickled down their foreheads, causing rivulets in the dried blood on Cethgus' skin. This created a marbled effect that only added to his ghastly appearance.

“Have you forgotten all that I have taught you?” his sibilant voice full of joyous anger at the chance to punish his errant student. “Have you forgotten the pain and suffering I caused you?” Cethgus broke the saber lock and kicked out, driving Sanguinius back. The Augur followed up with several swipes of his blades that Sang avoided, turning his body to one side and ducking under a second strike. With the Jedi off balance, Cethgus drew upon the furnace of anger that fuelled his unholy strength and sickly blue lightning erupted from an outstretched hand, his second blade momentarily discarded.

A wellspring of calm and peace existed within Sanguinius' mind, the cornerstone of his might. He withdrew into it, embracing it and funnelled it outwards. The lightning splayed harmlessly across an invisible barrier, as the Sentinel knelt on one knee, his arms outstretched.

The emanation of lightning drained Cethgus, his strength already sapped by the fight between the two Sadowans and then the slaughter of the not so innocent gangsters that had waylaid them. The last tendrils of electricity dissipated, allowing the Jedi to rise up from his crouch. “I remember your lessons, Cethgus.”

Sanguinius charged forward, his defensive stance thrown to the wind as he went on one last ditch effort to neutralise his former master. Both of the Sadowans were flagging, their strength ebbing away from the relentless attack after attack of the pair. Parrying, riposte, deflecting, striking back. The endless cycle between the pair slowed, both Cethgus and Sanguinius refusing to back down. Their shared history gave each of them the burning desire to be the victor.

The Anaxsi, sensing the deadlock, made the decision that his life was forfeit. He would strike without restraint, knowing that to do so would probably condemn him death, but also knew it was the only way to take down his former master. Sanguinius surrendered himself to the Force, trusting in it to carry him through the anvil of war. The Jedi charged forward, barrelling into the Iridonian, his size and weight overbearing the smaller Sadowan. The two collided and fell to the floor, each struggling for supremacy.

The weight advantage that Sanguinius had helped him, allowing him to slam Cethgus' head against the ground several times. The Iridonian's skull reverberated off the hard earth, scattering what organised thought he had. What little sense the Augur had left was lost as the Jedi unleashed one last Force fuelled blow that caved in the Pronconsul's skull.

The Quaestor pushed himself up off the body of his brother and staggered backwards to turn and throw up. He retched again, his body dry heaving as Cethgus' brains leaked upon to the dusty earth. The Jedi had killed, had made a conscious decision to kill that sat heavily with him. He tried to justify it, that he had given the Iridonian countless chances to turn away, to give up the Dark Side. Yet, that reasoning sat hollow with Sanguinius as he dropped to his knees by his fallen opponent and sobbed, tears flowing down his cheeks as he realised that he had killed his brother, the closest thing he had to family. "Goodbye, my master." his respect for the fallen dark sider still apparent.

A Jedi was to give up all attachment, lest it weaken him. Sanguinius now truly had no one, now he was a true Jedi...

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 20 October, 2015 12:32 AM UTC

Sanguinius stepped back from the furore

I'm guessing this is a typo of "furor."