Nightmarish chrome appendages carried the mechanical construct to its full height. Gleaming, but corroded casing surrounded its hull, having accumulated rust along the edges of each section of the segmented plates serving as its armour. Energies surrounded the monster, giving form to its otherwise defective horror. Once serving as a droid commissioned to unload blocks from the mines, its servo-brain deteriorated to leave it without function or purpose.
That was, until Lexiconus’ control over the dark side of the Force gave reason for its existence. Now it served as a slave to his command—sentient, but dominated to follow the orders of a Techweaver with little regard for its original programming. Under the influence of a Battlemaster, its goal was one-sided: the obliteration of A’lora Kituri. Regardless, the now-sentient and damaged servo-brain struggled with the directives that its creator would have considered to be an abomination and affront to the design on which it was made.
Crimson streams of light bathed the vertical field of battle in an ominous glow as the droid ascended the walls with relative ease. Claws darkened from the sediment clung to the hewn stone, elevating it to be level with the High Councillor’s struggle of tending to the punctured sole. The images Lexiconus had transferred to the monolithic beast funnelled through its brain; scans matched this profile in its database with the likeness of one Togruta woman. She stood before it while the beast’s photoreceptors scanned the features of her face.
“Organics detected. Commence with extermination subroutines,” it bellowed from damaged vocoders. The baritone of its imitated voice bounced through the caverns above and reflected back with earth-shattering force. Stalactites shuddered in time with each of its analytical confirmations, stone falling as tall lances when the inverted spikes tore free from the ceiling. Both A’lora and the Quarren had little time to react while the stone came crashing down onto the lateral platforms with enough momentum to rip the platforms from their cables.
Lexiconus was forced to press on to higher ground while A’lora remained facing the construct looming on the rock face before her. Servomotors strained against their limits off their hold on the cliff, chrome glinting red in the lights of its photoreceptors as a serrated arm lunged for the figure. Twisting around, she dodged the onslaught of its cumbersome limb without much effort. However, the tension of the cable was weakened from the clawed appendage. Chain links became deformed enough to be on the verge of breaking.
Disoriented, she didn’t notice the arm circling back around. It caught onto the tail end of her staff to unbalance her from the unstable platform. Knuckles turned red around the midsection of its length while she tumbled over the edge, still holding the staff that now rested with an end on two platforms while her feet dangled into the abyss. Blood from the punctured sole formed rivulets to her heel. Droplets cascaded into the darkness to splash onto debris littering the ground.
Applause and gasps came in equal measure from the spectators observing the live recordings from underneath the area. Pravus shifted in his seat, as if awoken from slumber at an exciting scene from a favorite holodrama.
“It looks like the High Councillor won’t be our problem from now on, Grand Master.” Valhavoc jested from his own seating above the audience.
Lexiconus chuckled at the sight; one of the core threats to the Brotherhood now dangled on a thread at his whim. “I’ll soon be recognized as the one who brought the Jedi to their knees. The High Councillor of Odan-Urr, pleading for her life over the pit of despair. Pathetic.”
“Who’s pleading, Sith?” the Togruta spat, directing her weight perpendicular to the quarterstaff. Each time she swung around its axis, the chain tightened. The links holding it together fractured, spreading further into a straight line. Lexiconus almost toppled over, when the direction of her jump carried her lavender form to the adjacent platform and within striking range of the staff that now trailed over her head. Its end broke through the curtain of silt falling between them—dust fell aside as its ligneous shaft collided with the Quarren’s skull.
Nerves screamed against his prideful nature. One of his feet trailed back on instinct—he almost forgot about the edge of the platform on which he was standing. He gripped the suspending cable with auburn digits that locked onto it like a vice to keep from falling. Blood streamed down his face from where the staff made contact. It pooled below the protrusions alongside his mouth to run along the tentacles dangling lowest on his russet exterior.
With its servo-brain dysfunctional and now without guidance, the mechanical monstrosity fell harmlessly from its position horizontal on the east wall of the mine shaft. Parts turned to scrap when the chrome hull was sundered against the shaft floor, leaving what was once whole little more than fragments of cables and dented metal.
“One of us will reach the exit, Jedi. None will come looking for the corpse of a feeble being after this cavern collapses. Once this is over, I’ll be in a greater position of influence in the Brotherhood to crush that planet you call home.”
Cracked lips contorted into a smile; the Seer had allowed her opponent a sense of accomplishment as he leapt between platforms. One more was all that remained between him and freedom. Afterwards, he would seal the exit to leave the Consul with time to reflect on her failings before meeting a slow death by suffocating. Bent with sheer will to best his greatest opponent, his cloak billowed each time his legs carried him to the next height.
Freedom was within sight. Coiling muscles launched him diagonal to the final rising obstacle. He laughed in glee as his figure soared through the air while the winds blowing from the tunnel cascaded over his face.
That elation fell short; too fast, too soon. Solid ground shimmered into non-existence. What was once there had vanished without a trace. Brown cloth wrapped itself around his squid-like head while he plummeted down along the cavernous walls. Fear overwhelmed Lexiconus’ moment of pride when he realized the mistake. After the folds caught onto the corner of a broken support, he would have time to reflect on that error.
“I am no Jedi, Quarren. Remember this.” A’lora chastised gravely before ascending to the exit.
Watch out for tense dancing, try to keep in the past tense.
Should be "her body faced sideways".
This doesn't need to be one continuous sentence as they are separate topics. "the Consul of" and onward should have been its own sentence. Additionally, "in beckon" is an awkward phrasing to close off with and doesn't evoke much in the way of imagery.
You leave the reader guessing as to who the speaker is. Additionally, there is no clue as to what just happened here. Why is he hurt?
I literally had to bring in a consult on this part, beyond the typical "rule of two judges". After said discussion, we are treating this as an application of Telekinesis. In regards to this, we have to reference the Force Powers details on the wiki: This power has both utilitarian applications as well as combative and encompasses pushing, pulling, gripping, lifting or throwing.
You aren't creating wind with TK, you are manipulating objects. In order to manipulate sand, you would have to manipulate each of the individual particles within the sand. That isn't something that is realistic for anyone within our system.
Assuming, for a moment, that the rest of these actions were considered realistic, why are the boulders exploding? If the "twisting sands" could turn boulders into fragmentation grenades, it would do worse to your opponent.
The biggest issue I find with this post, aside from the major disconnection in realism, is that you constantly lose the reader in your attempts to be descriptive. You are using too many descriptors, and obscure references on top of that. Instead of painting a clear image for the reader, you lose them and force them to move from line to line trying to piece together what is going on.