Commander Rhace Tarrin vs. Knight Aiden Lee

Commander Rhace Tarrin

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Human, Loyalist, Weapons Specialist, Obelisk
vs.

Knight Aiden Lee

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Force Disciple, Seeker
Comment

This was a good example of a solid ACC match and went a long way to demonstrating two very competent combatants. Well done to you both.

Rhace has the win based on the story, but Aiden was very close behind.

Rhace - Well done. Just focus on simplifying your sentences and making your syntax clearer.

Aiden - Your storytelling will improve in time. Keep up the good work!

Judge: Wuntila Arconae

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Commander Rhace Tarrin, Knight Aiden Lee
Winner Commander Rhace Tarrin
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Commander Rhace Tarrin's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Aiden Lee's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Karufr: Spanky's Tavern
Last Post 6 February, 2016 6:04 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Battlelord Mateus Kelborn Master Aiden Lee Deshra
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Your posts demonstrated some disjointed sentences, but were on the whole sound in the basic deployment of language. Whilst I have pointed out a number of Syntax areas of improvement, some of these are stylistic and will improve with continued writing. Good work. Rationale: Your posts are sound in their syntax with only a few minor issues and oversights. You demonstrate a significant amount of skill. Keep it up.
Story - 40%
Battlelord Mateus Kelborn Master Aiden Lee Deshra
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: The story you portray, particularly in your first post, is deep and rich. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your posts and felt that you did a good job of providing some further background to the battle rather than just 'being'. This dropped off somewhat in the second post, but you still managed to keep tempo. Well done. Rationale: You do a good job of setting the scene in the ACC match and you establish a strong connection with the story set up by Rhace in the first post. I do, however, feel that your story doesn't quite expand into a deeper purpose for the battle or bring in some developed plot points outside of the combat. It did, however, feel that the storytelling was let down by the last post, wherein Rhace was portrayed as a compliant prisoner, when this is perhaps not consistent with the Character. This slip up in realism detracted from the overall story and felt like a very convenient plot point which is where this seats itself as a 3 rather than a 4. That being said, your posts were consistent and did a good job of developing the combat. Well done.
Realism - 25%
Battlelord Mateus Kelborn Master Aiden Lee Deshra
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: No major detractors in realism, but a few minor points such as deviation from the Aiden's character sheet. That said, there were some good examples within the text. Rationale: No major detractors, but a few minor points throughout the battle. There were some very solid examples of deploying the subtler nuances of each character sheet, which is refreshing to see. Well done.
Continuity - 20%
Battlelord Mateus Kelborn Master Aiden Lee Deshra
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Only minor issues, the most pertinent being the oversight in the injury and physical activity in the second post. Rationale: Only minor issues again, the most pertinent detractor being the lightsaber disengagement and failure to reengage the lightsaber.
Battlelord Mateus Kelborn's Score: 4.0 Master Aiden Lee Deshra's Score: 3.6
Posts

You stand in a room, nearly dark but for the pulse of rhythmic flashes of bright colored lights. Besides your opponent and yourself, you note a large number of bystanders who are sure to take exception to the coming carnage. Then again, knowing this crowd, they could just as easily find entertainment in an old-fashioned brawl. Spanky's is, after all, one of the more fashionable drinking establishments of Karufr.

The patrons seem to be a mix between the scantily clad women hawking their charms and the well-dressed gentlemen eager to part with their hard-earned credits. The odors in the tavern assault your senses and threaten to muddle your reflexes. Among them, you recognize over a dozen various types of stimulants—both legal and illegal—and the heady scent of, what is quite possibly, the most varied collection of liquor this side of the Galaxy.

The tavern itself is fraught with tactical advantages and disadvantages. Designed in the familiar style of all amphitheaters, the floor is slightly slanted toward a central stage where a lithe, twi'lek female is currently dancing. Littered amongst the floor are drink tables, heavily laden with glassware and other potential missiles. Uncomfortable, heavy metal chairs surround each of the tables in a semi-circle, so that the occupant's view of the stage is never hindered. The only exit, aside from the doorway where you stand, is a vaulted staircase—guarded by two very well-dressed, and heavily muscled, gentlemen—leading into parts unknown.

Small bars bracket the tavern on either side, filled with a glittering rainbow of bottles. Whatever is about to go down, you realize it would go down better with a stiff drink.

The sultry voice of the Warden-Commander whispered into Aiden Lee's earpiece, gifting him with the words to complete his current assignment. Spanky's was in full swing tonight: the music was blaring, the crowd was fairly densely packed and the drinks were flowing freely. All in all it was a great night to go out and enjoy life while you could - but the Warden had no such time to enjoy the fineries of this wonderful drinking establishment. It was his first real assignment since his promotion to the rank of Knight, putting that little bit of extra pressure and the expectation of success on his own mind. With his mission first and foremost, he knew he had to complete his assignment as part of his duty to his Clan. However, his commanding officer's words kept him at ease.

"Relax. There's a reason we call you best Aiden, remember?" the voice told him, eliciting a smile from the Gray Jedi. "You can handle this. Talk to me. What are we seeing?"

"I've got this. Eyes are on target. Confirmed that it's the agent from Arcona."

Indeed, an agent from Arcona was gifting Karufr with his presence. Rhace Tarrin was very much enjoying his second drink of the night, a quality Corellian whisky straight from the motherland. He wasn't exactly there to be threatening at that point in time, but the Taldryanites also weren't wrong about him. The operative was there specifically to glean intelligence from the Taldryan sphere of influence concerning rogue members of Arcona. He had to find out what secrets of the Shadow Clan had been surrendered in the process, if any; his mission was specifically not to engage any enemy combatants and return home if things got dicey.

He knew he was being followed, of course - what self-respecting operative wouldn't know that on a hostile world he'd been followed from the moment he dropped out of hyperspace? Rhace wasn't a fool.

For now, Aiden approached, hand drifting slowly to the lightsaber riding at his side. He wasn't a Force-user, was he? He couldn't sense a thing from this guy, even if his senses weren't as honed as he would have liked for a job like this. However, there was the unmistakable stench of the Dark Side emanating from the Arconan. How did a mundane like him have a Dark Side presence on him?

Aiden paused a moment, thinking - if this guy had a Dark presence on him without being a Dark Sider himself, something was clearly the matter here. There was only one solution: call it in. "What do you want me to do about it, boss?"

"We don't need known spies on our planets. Engage at your discretion. Out."

Aiden steeled his nerves and took a step closer as the operative cast a glance up. Spies and counter-spies. It was an interesting game to play, to be sure. Rhace had been doing it for so long now that it was just a part of daily life. Knowing when you were going to be tailed was a necessary part of the job. The obvious hand on a lightsaber was clue enough for the ex-Imperial to realise that, yes, this was one of the agents of Clan Taldryan at work here.

"Take a seat, friend, I'm not here to cause trouble," said Rhace as disarmingly as he could. Clearly, he was always here to cause trouble in his own little way. That didn't matter. Right now he was halfway through his second drink and finally starting to enjoy it.

"Both of us know that isn't going to happen, Arconan," replied the Warden in his own quiet tone. "I'm going to need you to surrender. Let's not make a scene here around these wonderful patrons."

"And both of us know that isn't going to happen, kid," Rhace shot back, sighing as he set his glass down on the counter in front of him. He wished fervently he could've finished that, but there was no time. "Can't we at least wait until I'm finished my drink?" It was almost imploring.

"Sorry. You know I can't let you." Within a second, the vicious curved-hilt saber was in Aiden's hand and sprang to life with the distinctive snap-hiss that every lightsaber issued. For the patrons here, this was a normal occurrence; despite this, the scraping of chairs away from what was probably the fourth saber duel this week heralded the start of an engagement. Grumbles and sighs echoed around the chamber of the tavern. Yet another interruption.

Rhace levered himself off his barstool then stood up at his full height, drawing the golden-hilted Sith Sword crafted for him by his best friend, a relic of the Shadow Academy that could withstand the purple-bladed weapon before him. Two hands drew up the vicious, slightly-curved longsword, holding it defensively in front of him. This was not the soldier's ideal fight. He far preferred to get the drop on his enemy. No, this would take a little strategy on his part and somehow he'd get through it.

Three rapid steps crossed the distance the Warden needed to go before he scythed his blade upwards from a low guard into a high vertical slash, only for it to be deflected off the mirror-polished surface of the sword. Aiden was no fool - such a relic blade had to come from somewhere exquisite like the Shadow Academy. He withdrew a single step before thrusting his blade forward. His quick footwork and darting swordplay was inherent of his strategic combat, trying to poke every hole in his enemy's defences that he possibly could. However, where a sword lanced forward, a twisting blade parried it away - Rhace was stuck on the defensive, certainly, but he was matching the opening movements of the keen-eyed youth's sonata.

Until, of course, Aiden lashed a hand out and picked up the half-empty glass that his opponent had left on the counter with the Force, then promptly smashed the thing over the back of Rhace's head as best he could. Shards of glass tangled in the black mat of hair that the operative tried to keep well-trimmed, blood seeping down the back of his skull as the dampness in his hair mixed, a coppery scent with the powerful tang of whisky.

For a moment, Rhace staggered about, unhappy with this turn of events. Aiden wanted to wear his opponent down, perhaps make him stagger a bit and easier to fight, but the Arconan was having none of that. His eyes were swimming... but that wasn't about to stop him. Here he was hoping not to have to turn to his blaster, but that looked like an increasing probability as things went. Not yet. Only when he really needed it.

"Kid, you shouldn't have done that," Rhace murmured, slowly, deliberately. A moment later he charged right back into the fray, sword raised high. He had to end this fight as soon as possible in order to get some medical treatment for his head. He couldn't keep fighting like this. One hit had to finish it all - and they both echoed the same sentiment.

Wuntila Zratis Entar Arconae, 20 February, 2016 4:19 PM UTC

Spanky's was in full swing tonight: the music was blaring, the crowd was fairly densely packed and the drinks were flowing freely.

Story and Continuity - Good use of the storyline here. Blends seamlessly into the prompt. Well done.

Aiden paused a moment, thinking - if this guy had a Dark presence on him without being a Dark Sider himself, something was clearly the matter here.

Syntax - I'm not sure this sentence works here. I get what you're trying to achieve with it, but it detracted from the story as I had to re-read.

I'm going to need you to surrender. Let's not make a scene here around these wonderful patrons.

Realism - I'm not sure that this is in-keeping with Aiden's "Easy Going 'Till The Fight Starts" personality trait. It's very difficult to write another character and capture the nuances of their character sheet, so this is an easy mistake to make, but always pay attention to the traits, as these are the core principles that make up the character's personality, combat personal and general being.

[...] what was probably the fourth saber duel this week [...]

Syntax and Story - Syntax-wise, its very minor in that you used the term 'saber'. I suppose this is a stylistic comment, but possibly something to look at next time around. Story-wise, I'm not quite sure that the patrons would have witnessed four lightsaber duels in a week. I know it's an arena in the ACC, and I get that this was the link you were highlighting, but from a storytelling perspective, lightsaber battles aren't all that common in the Star Wars universe. Most don't even know of the Force.

Rhace levered himself off his barstool then stood up at his full height, drawing the golden-hilted Sith Sword crafted for him by his best friend, a relic of the Shadow Academy that could withstand the purple-bladed weapon before him. Two hands drew up the vicious, slightly-curved longsword, holding it defensively in front of him.

Syntax - Repetition of the word 'sword' and sentences that were a little too long.

No, this would take a little strategy on his part and somehow he'd get through it.

Syntax - This sentence seemed surplus to requirements. It detracted from the preceding paragraph and a very good story.

Three rapid steps crossed the distance the Warden needed to go before he scythed his blade upwards from a low guard into a high vertical slash[...]

Realism - This is a very good example of adherence to Aiden's Character Sheet and, more specifically, his Makashi style. Well done!

trying to poke every hole in his enemy's defences that he possibly could.

Syntax - This is maybe a little verbose and could be shortened.

His eyes were swimming... but that wasn't about to stop him.

Syntax - I think that the use of a comma where you have used the ellipsis would have been sufficient. If you need further guidance on using the ellipsis, please refer to the ellipsis section of the syntax, grammar and spelling section of the ACC guide.

Finally, Story. You mention at the end of your penultimate paragraph:

Here he was hoping not to have to turn to his blaster, but that looked like an increasing probability as things went. Not yet. Only when he really needed it.

And in the final paragraph you mention:

moment later he charged right back into the fray, sword raised high. He had to end this fight as soon as possible in order to get some medical treatment for his head.

These are conflicting aspects of the story. If he wanted it to end quickly given his head wound, would Rhace not use the blaster? This was not particularly clear and detracted from the ending of what was a very, very good post.

Overall

Notwithstanding the above, I think this was a very good, very well-deployed post. Your continuity is solid and the story, with only a few extremely minor hiccups, is well-paced. Very engaging and very entertaining to read. Well done.

The smell of blood permeated the distance between Aiden and Rhace as the Arconan charged forward, blade in hand. Aiden parried the Sith Sword away with the flick of his wrist before countering with a forward thrust. The Arconan twisted his body away from the lightsabers' scorching touch, bumping into a nearby table. As the table shook, glass bottles and cups fell to the floor, with a loud crash.

“Hey man, watch it! Those were our drinks!” A disgruntled patron shouted.

“A bit busy here, but i'll do my best to watch out for you sir,” Rhace jibed.

Aiden swung his arm, slashing his hissing purple blade towards Rhace, narrowly missing as the Commander jumped up onto the table. The bystanders vacated the area in masses, clearing a circle as the two warriors faced each other. Rhace felt a hint of vertigo, as the wound to his head throbbed. He had a slight glaze on his eyes, which Aiden could see.

The Commander made a quick survey of Spanky’s and saw a nearby upper floor with a metal guardrail. Taking this opportunity, he jumped from table to table, glass crushing beneath his feet. The patrons, whose drinks he crushed, cursed at him and complained about their loss.

Aiden followed close behind, disengaging his lightsaber to avoid harming the Taldryan subjects around them. Rhace jumped up and grabbed ahold of the guardrail and pulled himself up.

“Distance and height won’t save you Arconan, and I’d hate to have to kill you,” Aiden announced, annoyed by the Commanders' unwillingness to cooperate peacefully. “I will bring you in, one way or another.”

“Sorry my friend, but the only way you get me is if you kill me, and I have too much work to do before that happens.” Rhace’s voice sounded confident as he spoke, though he looked to be in pain as blood oozed through his hair, and down the nape of his neck, staining his jacket.

“You leave me no choice then,” the Knight sighed.

Aiden brought his right hand to the side, lightsaber extended, and whipped his arm forward, releasing the purple blade. The lightsaber spun through the air, hissing as it closed in on the Commander. Knowing what was coming, Rhace ducked down just in time for the purple blade to fly past his head, taking a few stray black hairs with it before slicing into the wall behind him.

Aiden’s hand remained stretched out, willing the hilt to return. The lightsaber curved in the air and flew back into his hand, his fingers closed around the blades' hilt.

“I apologize for the damage to your wall, it will be taken care of,” Aiden apologized as he turned towards the nearest bartender, whose face was red with anger.

Rhace took this distraction as a chance to go on the offensive. He vaulted over the guard rail and slashed his Sith Sword towards the preoccupied Taldryan. Aiden could sense the danger coming from behind him. Switching the lightsaber to his left hand, he spun around and parried the sword away. The Commander’s feet touched down, and attacked again only for his sword to be locked against the /knight’s purple lightsaber.

“I’m impressed kid, didn’t think you’d be able to block that.”

“I still have a few tricks up my sleeve,” Aiden replied, his confidence in his abilities growing.

Aiden pushed forward, his strength winning out as he forced Rhace to stumble backwards. Taking this moment, the Knight slammed his left hand to the ground. Force energy impacted the stone floors beneath him causing a wave of pure energy to crash into Rhace and the nearby tables. Glass crashed to the floor as the tables shook. Cries of terror were heard from the fallen bystanders.

Aiden concentrated for a few moments, allowing the Force to surge through his body. The Taldryan now felt reinvigorated, walked across the shard covered floor towards Rhace, crushing the glass into a fine powder. The Arconan stood back up, and noticed a glass shard protruding from his left shoulder. He let out a hiss from pain. The Commander pulled the shard out, relishing in the fact that it hadn’t been too deeply embedded into his skin. Aiden, refusing to let his opponent rest, continued his offensive tactics, engaging the Arconan with his lightsaber. It soon became clear that Aiden’s skill with a lightsaber was more refined than Rhace’s ability with the Sith Sword.

Rhace swayed from and he stumbled in the fight. Aiden took advantage of this stumble and pushed his left hand forward, blunt Force energy slamming into Rhace. The Commander was knocked backwards and toppled over a nearby table, dropping the Sith Sword in the process. Stretching out his left hand, Aiden pulled the sword into his grasp.

“Surrender Arconan. This fight is over.”

Wuntila Zratis Entar Arconae, 20 February, 2016 5:37 PM UTC

As the table shook, glass bottles and cups fell to the floor, with a loud crash.

Syntax - The second comma in this sentence is not needed. It causes a sentence splice which detracts from the story.

He had a slight glaze on his eyes[...]

Syntax - I'd suggest he had a slight glaze over his eyes, or a vacant expression in his eyes. I don't think glaze on his eyes works particularly well.

Rhace jumped up and grabbed ahold of the guardrail and pulled himself up.

Syntax - I'd suggest using hold here rather than ahold.

Aiden brought his right hand to the side, lightsaber extended, and whipped his arm forward, releasing the purple blade.

Continuity - In your preceding text you state that Aiden disengages his lightsaber when he jumps up onto the upper floor. You have not re-activated your lightsaber at this point. Always be aware of what you have written and ensure you remain consistent.

He vaulted over the guard rail and slashed his Sith Sword towards the preoccupied Taldryan.

Syntax - very minor error, but you have used both 'guardrail' and 'guard rail' in your post. As per the above comment, try to remain consistent in your deployment of terms.

Aiden could sense the danger coming from behind him.

Realism - this is a good use of Precognition, well done!

locked against the /knight’s purple lightsaber.

Syntax - I'm sure you're aware of why I've highlighted this passage; there is a forward slash that precedes the word 'knight'. You also use a lowercase 'K' for Knight, but capitalise the 'C' in Commander. As per the above, try to remain consistent.

Force energy impacted the stone floors beneath him causing a wave of pure energy to crash into Rhace and the nearby tables.

Realism - Good use of Telekinetic Pound, well done!

Aiden concentrated for a few moments, allowing the Force to surge through his body. The Taldryan now felt reinvigorated, walked across the shard covered floor towards Rhace, crushing the glass into a fine powder.

Realism - This is not an issue, but just be careful. The Force cannot reinvigorate a Force user. There is a finite amount of Force a user can draw upon in a short period of time. In the same way as there is 'mana' in some computer games which replenishes slowly over time, the amount of Force a user can draw upon is a limited pool which takes time to refill. Two Force powers in relatively swift succession, as is the case here, is usually fine, but just keep an eye on what you're using throughout the battle.

The Arcanist Discipline has the Channel ability which allows them to draw more Force reserves to replenish their stock temporarily (information can be found in the Arcanist Discipline Wiki Page if any further clarification is required).

He let out a hiss from pain.

Syntax - I'd suggest that you use a different word here other than 'from'.

Overall

This was a technically sound post with some good development and only a few minor consistency and syntax errors. Whilst you advanced the story and had some interaction with other individuals in the arena, there was no development on the backstory that was well established by Rhace in the preceding post. That being said, you should be very proud of your ability to subtly and effectively use the technical aspects of the ACC. Some of the most seasoned veterans struggle with this, so very well done.

As Rhace staggered upwards, his plan solidified in his head. It was real easy to get a good read on this kid; he was a straightforward kind of fighter in the sense that he had honour and purpose to the way he fought. Yes, strategy was clearly working for the Taldryanite, but he also knew that strategy came from data that had to be processed... and he wasn't processing certain data correctly, especially about the operative.

Perfect.

The blade gifted to Rhace by an old friend now whirled effortlessly over the Warden's left hand, admiring the craftsmanship of the weapon as he did so. To be fair, the spy was a better combatant with the sword than the Jedi, but nevertheless. "This is a beautiful sword," commented Aiden as he locked eyes with his opponent, trying to size him up and get a proper read on the moment - and the best time to strike. "Where did you come across such a beautiful artifact of the Dark Side?"

Rhace curled his lips up into a crooked smile, reaching over his shoulder for his beloved E-11b resting on its sling. His favoured weapon back in his hands, he felt he could control the fight. "Well, I am a representative of the Grand Master's Inquisitorius. You wouldn't know anything about the gifts a Chief Inquisitor receives, but I am bestowed certain benefits for my service."

Aiden shrugged. Well, the spy wasn't wrong. He didn't know. Those things were hidden secrets... and he had all the trappings to back up his statement, like that scanner riding on his hip that bore the mark of the Inquisitorius. There was only so much that he could do in the situation. Besides, you always knew never to question the truth of an Inquisitor's words, lest they take you down for secrecy.

"Enough talking, Arconan," Aiden finally said, leveling his lightsaber. The Sith sword fell to the floor with a loud clatter, discarded - the sword was an unnecessary addition to his arsenal when he controlled the bladed weapons. A lightsaber was more than enough match for a blaster rifle. "I'm bringing you in. Now."

"You're not even good enough to try, kid," Rhace shot back with a smirk on his lips - and then took his opening snap shot at Aiden's midsection, barely even taking the time to aim it. Not that he needed to at this point - it only served as a warning to his enemy that the fight was truly on in earnest. The Gray Jedi whirled his lightsaber over his hand, effortlessly deflecting the green blaster bolt into the floor and wondering why he'd even wasted his time pulling the trigger before he charged. Whatever. Aiden had the upper hand, with the guidance of the Force.

"Not bad. Catch me if you can!" Rhace called before he turned to run to the nearest set of tables. The plan was now in motion and so was he, aiming to push Aiden physically and mentally to the point of breaking. He had to confuse his enemy with what was, in theory, a series of straightforward actions. He was going to fake a high strategy of broken glass bottles and appear to be a fool, and then finish Aiden off. With a solid glare at where he was headed, the spy sprinted towards the tables - only to be met with the acrobatic form of the Knight vaulting through the air and landing on the table he intended to reach, lightsaber pointed down before Rhace could use it as cover. Damnit. Not ideal - best to come up with something on the fly.

Without breaking stride, Rhace slipped down and slid across the floor with his blaster raised, expecting to take a shot. Aiden readied his lightsaber, high enough to deflect the inevitable headshot that the stormtrooper was aiming for even as he moved. However, there wasn't a shot - the Shadesworn lowered his gun as he passed under the cantina table, sliding cleanly under it. As he did so, he kicked his legs upwards, rocking the table to force the Knight off-balance rather suddenly. The swaying of the wooden surface was enough to force Aiden off, the young man collapsing in a heap on the floor as the Arconan found himself in an equally awkward position with legs splayed all about. Nobody ever said combat was beautiful, after all.

Both men rolled with little time to get up - Rhace into sniper's prone, Aiden into a clean posture on his back with one hand outstretched in order to deploy the Force with ease to prevent the incoming shot off a shimmering facade. A pair of blaster bolts sang through the air, only for their existence to be revoked as they slammed into nothingness. A temporary shield erected hastily did not last, however, but it bought Aiden the time to stand that he needed. With his lightsaber cleanly in his hand he was already running towards the Commander, who was lining up for his next shot behind the protective cover of a table.

Aiden knew he could finish this. There was no bladed weapon that this man could employ even in remotely close reach that would stop a lightsaber; all he had to do was get inside effective range of the blaster, blow him away with his telekinetic prowess as a distraction, then slice him to ribbons. Let him get settled for just a moment before he could strike - the Force would give him the predictive capacity to time his evasive strike - and take him out with telekinesis in the right moment. Knock him down again and again before he could line up and finish him quickly.

Rhace exhaled. Time to let go. Time to expand his consciousness, apply everything he learned in sniper school and be one with his blaster. One with his weapon. The medley of cacophonous destruction sang in his ears for the thousandth time in his career. One finger brushed from the finger guard down to the trigger, caressing cold steel slowly.

The whisper in the back of his mind told him that he was about to come under fire. Now was the time.

The moment Aiden began reaching down to unleash the Force at him, reaching down to telekinetically knock both table and shooter away in a powerful wave, Rhace identified his chance that he'd been waiting for - the finger coiling on the trigger was all for show. Enough grip on the weapon to throw it as an impromptu strike efficiently, the blaster rifle careened towards the Knight - and so did the trooper a moment later, planting his hands on the edge of the table and vaulting it rapidly. With athletic training to navigate obstacles like this, it wasn't difficult for him to do it.

It had all been a lie. Constantly take time to set up shots, and then mess with Aiden's head at the last possible moment - he didn't take surprises well. The Knight's eyes widened at the show of bravado, surprised. How and why did a sniper pull something like this off? This wasn't in the plan.

That instant of surprise was enough for Rhace to perform a single fluid motion at the peak of his efficiency while Aiden was half-coiled towards the ground - draw his sidearm and thumb the setting switch in a single attack. A trio of stun blasts echoed forward as the Arconan rocketed through the air towards Aiden with a triple-tap on his trusty blaster weapon, body skewed every which way. Aiden tried to raise his saber, but it was futile; not fast enough at very short range, caught off-guard.

Rhace landed in a heap at Aiden's side, having used up all of his energy in the heat of the moment. It was unfortunate that the Taldryan agent had to come up against him here, because there he was on the ground unconscious, collapsing under the neural overload of three shots at stun setting. Scrub the mission and go home, the spy knew. That was just one of their guys and he didn't really have the energy to handle all of this all over again. First, back to his ship to find a medkit, then back to Selen to report his findings to the Shadow Lady. Picking himself up, he reclaimed his sword and rifle from the ground as a good agent would - leaving only a few dozen witnesses, of course.

Good kid, that one. If he sharpened his senses a little, he'd be even better.

Wuntila Zratis Entar Arconae, 20 February, 2016 9:15 PM UTC

Yes, strategy was clearly working for the Taldryanite, but he also knew that strategy came from data that had to be processed... and he wasn't processing certain data correctly, especially about the operative.

Syntax - Please see previous comments in post one regarding the ellipsis.

The blade gifted to Rhace by an old friend now whirled effortlessly over the Warden's left hand, admiring the craftsmanship of the weapon as he did so.

Story - You have mentioned the blade was gifted to Rhace by a friend in your first post. I would suggest avoiding the repetition unless you intend on expanding upon the story to add further depth.

To be fair, the spy was a better combatant with the sword than the Jedi, but nevertheless.

Realism - Aiden is better than Rhace with his lightsaber. Aiden would be using a lightsaber against Rhace's Sith Sword. But Aiden was not as proficient with Rhace's Sith Sword as Rhace was when Aiden picked it up. I get what you're trying to achieve with this one, but I would like to redirect you to the ACC staff's favourite catch phrase: Show, Don't Tell.

"Where did you come across such a beautiful artifact of the Dark Side?"

Continuity - I honestly don't think this is in-keeping with the end of Aiden's post. Aiden's post was definitively final. His character would be distracted enough to ask this question, especially when considering Aiden's grim determination, as defined in the Easy Going 'Till The Fighting Starts Aspect. Granted, it may well have been the case, but it was not believable to me as a reader. It seemed a little too convenient.

Those things were hidden secrets...

Syntax - Ellipsis.

A lightsaber was more than enough match for a blaster rifle. "I'm bringing you in. Now."

"You're not even good enough to try, kid," Rhace shot back with a smirk on his lips - and then took his opening snap shot at Aiden's midsection, barely even taking the time to aim it. Not that he needed to at this point - it only served as a warning to his enemy that the fight was truly on in earnest.

Just a note to say well done on these two - these are really good examples from this battle. Well done.

The Gray Jedi whirled his lightsaber over his hand, effortlessly deflecting the green blaster bolt into the floor and wondering why he'd even wasted his time pulling the trigger before he charged.

Syntax - This is a confusing use of he and his. Who is pulling the trigger, and who charged?

Damnit. Not ideal - best to come up with something on the fly.

Syntax - I'd suggest using this section as an internal monologue, deployed in the same way you would text but without speech marks and in italics.

As he did so, he kicked his legs upwards, rocking the table to force the Knight off-balance rather suddenly. The swaying of the wooden surface was enough to force Aiden off, the young man collapsing in a heap on the floor as the Arconan found himself in an equally awkward position with legs splayed all about. Nobody ever said combat was beautiful, after all.

Story - This is great. Well done!

A temporary shield erected hastily did not last, however, but it bought Aiden the time to stand that he needed.

Syntax - This sentence is disjointed and detracts from the story.

Let him get settled for just a moment before he could strike - the Force would give him the predictive capacity to time his evasive strike [...]

Syntax - Repetition of the word 'strike'.

The moment Aiden began reaching down to unleash the Force at him, reaching down to telekinetically knock both table and shooter away in a powerful wave [...]

Syntax - Repetition of 'reaching down'. The rest of this paragraph is difficult to read and continues to detract from the story.

That instant of surprise was enough for Rhace to perform a single fluid motion at the peak of his efficiency while Aiden was half-coiled towards the ground [...]

Syntax - Repetition of both 'efficiency' and 'coiled' from the preceding paragraphs.

Good kid, that one. If he sharpened his senses a little, he'd be even better.

Story - This could have been a thought, as described above, and would have worked to complete the story.

Continuity - You also make no reference to the injury to the left shoulder from the glass table Rhace sustained in the previous post. Whilst it was a minor injury, it should be noted when describing such active and athletic movements from Rhace.

Overall

This post does well to continue the story. There was some issues surrounding continuity and syntax which detracted from the storytelling, but these were relatively minor. There was a slight oversight with continuity which also made me feeling a little underwhelmed and played on my mind during the post. Whilst your first post did a great job of setting the scene and providing a very in depth and enjoyable back story, I felt this post lacked the substance in the previous post. These thoughts are, however, based on the very high standards in your first post which may have warped my expectations! It was a relatively solid post and you have clearly put a lot of effort into continuing the story.

Rhace stood up from the onslaught. He could feel the injuries that covered his body, and the pain weighed heavily on him. Seeing his blade in his enemy’s hands angered him, and he felt a slightly renewed vigor. Dropping a hand to his side, near the holster containing his modified blaster. He raised his other hand up in surrender.

“What can I say kid, your good, maybe too good for me to handle. I’ll come in peace. You’ve bested me.”

Aiden Lee was unsure whether or not to trust the Arconan, but after looking over the various injuries that covered the Loyalist, and the tired look on the man’s face, Aiden came to his decision. He had been proven in the past to be too forgiving and trusting, and he hoped it wouldn’t the last mistake he made. Disengaging his lightsaber, and slipping the Sith Sword into his belt, Aiden walked forward to apprehend the worn out foe. The Taldryan Knight kept his thoughts clear with the aid of the Force.

Rhace couldn’t help but smirk as the Grey Jedi approached. This boy was far too trusting for his own good, and Rhace was glad to take advantage of the kid’s weakness. As Aiden came closer, Rhace quickly grabbed the blaster from its holster, and whipped it towards Aiden, aiming at the Grey Jedi’s chest and fired.

Aiden felt the Force pull at his mind and body, and watched with wide eyes as the blaster raised towards him. Using his Force strengthened muscles and reflexes, the Knight was barely able to dodge the red blaster bold that grazed his robes.

Rhace’s smirk vanished as the blaster missed its mark. He moved his arm to aim at the Knights new location, but his movements were slowed due to his previous injuries to his still bleeding arm. Aiden took the moment of hesitation to reactivated his lightsaber and bisect the blaster in Rhace’s hand with an upward slash. He followed with a downward curve striking the gunman’s arm seeding searing pain through Rhace’s arm. The Arconan grunted in pain and grabbed his burned arm.

Not willing to give the enemy anymore reprieve Aiden swung his curved hilted lightsaber and struck Rhace’s left leg. The Loyalist fell to the ground in pain. The battle was finished. Holding his pained limbs, Rhace glared at Aiden. The

“Just kill me already.”

“I probably should, but fortunately for you I don’t like to unnecessarily take lives. You are coming with me.”

Applause filled the tavern, as the Knight of Clan Taldryan was victorious.

“Command, I have the Arconan known as Rhace Tarrin in custody. Please send an extraction team to pick us up.”

“They are onn their way, and good work Aiden Lee” His commanding officer responded over their Comlink.

Wuntila Zratis Entar Arconae, 20 February, 2016 10:05 PM UTC

Dropping a hand to his side, near the holster containing his modified blaster.

Syntax - I'd suggest 'he dropped' here, rather than 'dropping'.

“What can I say kid, your good, maybe too good for me to handle. I’ll come in peace. You’ve bested me.”

Syntax - Incorrect iteration of 'you're'.

Rhace couldn’t help but smirk as the Grey Jedi approached. This boy was far too trusting for his own good, and Rhace was glad to take advantage of the kid’s weakness. As Aiden came closer, Rhace quickly grabbed the blaster from its holster, and whipped it towards Aiden, aiming at the Grey Jedi’s chest and fired.

Story - This is a great paragraph. It tells a story beyond the words on the page. Well done!

He moved his arm to aim at the Knights new location, but his movements were slowed due to his previous injuries to his still bleeding arm.

Continuity - Good reference back to your previous post. Well done!

Not willing to give the enemy anymore reprieve Aiden swung his curved hilted lightsaber and struck Rhace’s left leg.

Story - This feels a little too 'convenient'. Rhace does not appear to be one to simply roll over once in a compromising situation. I don't think it is in-keeping with the story that has been established in the preceding posts.

The battle was finished. Holding his pained limbs, Rhace glared at Aiden. The

Syntax - The word 'The' is misplaced at the end of this sentence.

Overall

Again, technically I felt this post was sound. There were a couple of realism and story oversights, such as Rhace's compliance in such a compromising situation. This, to me, detracted from the storyline and tempo of the battle. Nevertheless, the post did a great job of addressing some of the subtler plot points, such as your exceptional use of continuity which really add some depth to your writing. The storyline was sufficient, but it did not expand beyond the remit of the battle. That being said, you round off nicely with a circular reference to the beginning of Rhace's first post. All in all a sound post. Well done.