Prophet Halcyon Rokir Taldrya vs. Warden Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar

Prophet Halcyon Rokir Taldrya

Elder 3, Elder tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Sith, Sorcerer
vs.

Warden Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Human, Jedi, Defender, Sentinel
Comment

This was a pretty straight forward fight. Both of you are veterans of the DB and as writers, so I really expected more polished posts from both of you.

You both used the CS's, and each others histories well, but I really would have loved more drama between them (if their history is as long as you suspect.) There was little emotion to this match, I felt, which is why the story score is reflected as such.

While no points were taken away, you both could have done a little better job of detailing how you were wielding your lightsabers (since you have two listed but fight most of the fight with one vs one until Sangs final post.) Continuity applies to your own posts as well as the opponents and I had to re-read the fight quickly just to make sure I was tracking properly on your weapons.

With that said, the victor is clear.

Halcyon Rokir Taldrya advances to the next round.

Thank you both for participating in this Tournament.

Hall Grand Master's Invitational Tournament [2015]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Prophet Halcyon Rokir Taldrya, Warden Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Winner Prophet Halcyon Rokir Taldrya
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Prophet Halcyon Rokir Taldrya's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Warden Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Arx: The Colosseum
Last Post 18 December, 2015 2:55 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Lord Halcyon Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: A few minor errors and issues that could probably be caught with a proofer. Rationale: Multiple errors actually detracted from me being able to read the fight at points. Proof reading would catch a bunch of these things, or reading the sentences out loud to yourself.
Story - 40%
Lord Halcyon Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: I liked your plot device of disabling the Arena variable. Everything else seemed very vanilla to me, and a pretty straight forward match. Rationale: I liked the struggle of Sang being a Jedi and fighting. I wasn't really keen on the ending, and overall this was a very vanilla, straight forward fight.
Realism - 25%
Lord Halcyon Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues that I saw. Rationale: No issues that I saw.
Continuity - 20%
Lord Halcyon Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues I spotted. Rationale: No issues I spotted.
Lord Halcyon's Score: 4.05 Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar's Score: 3.9
Posts

coloseeum

History speaks of the origin of the Clone Wars on Geonosis, and the first major clash between the Jedi and the Sith. The Colosseum draws inspiration from the fabled Petranaki arena, certainly, but was built with a more contemporary audience in mind. Located on the planet that serves as the new seat of the Brotherhood's central power, [REDACTED], the structure was rebuilt and renovated from the shell of an ancient foundation that had barely weathered away against the planets ever-changing climate.

High walls, tall enough for even the most savvy Jedi to find unscalable, line a large field of ancient sand and sediment the size of a holoball field. The spectators' chairs are divided into neatly organized sections with seats bunched close together to accommodate anywhere up to a few thousand people. At the center, an elongated platform “box” has been constructed with a central throne of stone with various seats of smaller scale lined beside it in both directions.

Two large holo-projection screens are set up on each side of the Colosseum, offering different angles of the fight via Holocam Drones.

While unassuming at first glance and looking very much like an archaic gladiatorial arena, the Colosseum features a medley of traps and surprises built into the floor and walls at random intervals. These obstacles include, but are hardly limited to: retractable nozzles that can shoot out gouts of flame; battery-coils that can spit out tendrils of electric current; receding floor panels with electric shock panels; deep pits with sharpened spikes and more. At some points, the ground can simply erupt upwards and create a concentrated, if not impromptu angular-platform that could be used as a springboard or temporary high ground. While seemingly random, these obstacles are handled and triggered by a manned-operator in a control room within.

Outside the fighting arena, the Colosseum features on-site, state of the art medical facilities that can bring nearly anyone back from the brink of the death and offer a full team of trainers, doctors, and rehabilitation units. There is also a neatly kept armory a basic training center with mechanical-dummies, and private sparring chambers.

The thundering noise grew louder as Halcyon Rokir Taldrya, Prophet and Son of Taldryan, strode down the dimly-lit tunnel. The only light came from the end of the tunnel, growing in concert with the noise as he approached it. He would do battle in that light, but it was the noise that changed this battle. Combat was nothing new to him, but doing so in front of a crowd was something entirely different. Their cheering seemed to reverberate in his chest, but coping with distraction was second nature to him. As in many wars he fought, Halcyon pushed outside forces aside to focus on the task at hand.

The crowd receded to the background. Their presence was still noted, both physically and through the Force, but only as echoes in his mind. Emerging from the tunnel he blinked at the natural light that bombarded him; as his vision adjusted to the light he took in the scene around him. He focused on nothing, but instead used his eyes and the Force to paint a picture of the arena. It was similar in design to the Colosseum that had been built on Antei, but the sunlight that was beating down on him made certain they were no longer on the destroyed throneworld. While Halcyon took note of the size of the crowd, the high walls of the arena and the sandy floor beneath his feet, there was something else that buzzed at the back of his mind. He could feel the hairs of his neck standing on end, noting the wrongness of the arena without knowing the why of it.

There was little time for Halcyon to ponder what he felt, as the true purpose of his being in the arena made its appearance. Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar, Warden of Sadow, emerged from a similar tunnel at the opposite end from Halcyon. His initial reaction nearly mirrored that of Halcyon, taking a moment to soak in his surroundings before locking eyes with his opponent across the arena. Both combatants had faced one another in the past, although in different settings. Halcyon could sense no fear from Entar, but instead a strong sense of calm seemed to permeate his being. Trying to push further into Sanguinius’ psyche, he felt the Force begin to fray at the edges. Halcyon’s connection was slowly weakening, as he fought to gain traction. Sanguinius never moved his gaze from his opponent, a small uptick at the corner of his lips informing Halcyon he knew what the elder was trying to do.

Any vestiges of a smile were quickly lost as a loud blaring noise sounded out from all corners of the arena. The piercing noise, perhaps meant to mark the start of the battle itself, broke Sanguinius’ concentration enough for Halcyon to feel the Force return to him in full. Recovering from the distraction quicker than Entar, Halcyon unleashed a bolt of telekinetic power at his opponent. The arena chose this moment to assert itself, giving Halcyon a glimpse of its true nature as a pillar of sand suddenly sprouted up in the middle of the two combatants. A plume of sand erupted from a portion of the pillar as the telekinetic strike impacted it instead of Sanguinius. Halcyon had no time to contemplate what occurred as the pillar exploded in the next instant, turning the entire arena into a sandstorm. Halcyon was nearly blown off his feet from the violence of the storm. The sand was biting into his exposed skin, forcing him to keep his eyes closed unless he wished to be Miralukan the rest of his life. Rokir turned to the Force fully, using it to find his way through the storm and towards his opponent. He could feel Entar’s struggle as well, but along with that there was a permanent cloak of danger that permeated all aspects of the surroundings.

Halcyon nearly cried out, sensing what was to come a fraction of a second before it did as gouts of flame exploded all around him. The heat of the flames turned the portions of the sand that passed through them into glass, the storm whipping them around into tiny projectiles that tore through clothing and light armour. Halcyon already felt numerous small cuts dotting his body as he managed to throw an invisible barrier around himself. The storm continued to rage around him, battering the shield he had erected. He could feel sweat rolling down his face as he fought to keep his barrier intact, the brief respite allowing his body to heal momentarily.

The arena was not yet done with him as he felt the floor beneath him begin to open up. Instinctively Halcyon catapulted himself with unnatural strength straight upwards, his barrier falling away as his concentration shifted. He felt the storm buffet him once more, before it died away with the same suddenness it had appeared in. Falling back to the ground a few feet from where he began, Halcyon could see that a portion of the arena floor had opened to a large pit, with arcs of blue electricity running across the opening. The floor closed up before he could get a better look at what the pit contained, returning the arena to its deceptively peaceful state.

“I’m getting too old for this poodoo,” Halcyon grumbled under his breath as he got his bearings once more. Sanguinius was now only a few metres away, rising to his feet as well having apparently dealt with some surprises of his own and catching Halcyon’s gaze. Both combatants had already been put through a grinder, their clothing torn in numerous places as their faces were red and inflamed from the storm. Both were veterans of battle however, and were in this place to represent their Clans in front of the Dark Council. Simultaneous bolts of telekinetic energy shot out of the palms of both men, the attack colliding against one another. Halcyon’s blast tore through its counter-part, slamming into Entar and sending him tumbling backwards.

Much of the impact had been blunted initially, but it was still enough for Sanguinius to lose a moment catching his breath. Not knowing what else would be thrown their way, Halcyon did not want to waste any opportunities, following hard on the heels of his attack with an emerald hilt in his hand and matching blade sprouting out of it. Sanguinius’ eyes widened ever so slightly as his own metallic hilt was pulled into his palm and green blade ready for what was to come.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 29 December, 2015 7:45 PM UTC

As in many wars he fought, Halcyon pushed outside forces aside to focus on the task at hand.

in the*

Halcyon he knew what the elder was trying to do.

Elder* -- referring to the rank class would be capitalized. Nice use of Sangs Suppression though.

He could feel Entar’s struggle as well,

the Entar's*. However, you use it like it's his last name the rest of the post and it's consistent. So, no points, but a note that typically with family names, you'd refer to the family name not just use it as a surname. I guess that's just how I've always seen it references in the DB. As long as it's consistent, I don't think it is an issue, though.

Sanguinius’ eyes widened ever so slightly as his own metallic hilt was pulled into his palm and green blade ready for what was to come.

palm, the green blade *

I like your intro as you bring us into how Halc perceives the arena for the first time, and touch on his "I've Seen Everything" Aspect.


I think that while your description of Halc's side of the battle was great, it kind of feels like you shoehorned Sang by having anything that happened to him happen "off-screen". I don't really know what he was doing the whole time other than "dealing with obstacles" .

The crowd roared in excitement as the twin viridian blades collided, their cries echoed through the arena, individual voices blurred into one massive collective. The viridian sabers disengaged from one another before clashing together once again. The two Jedi gazed unemotionally at each other, both of them too experienced to let their anger rule their actions. Sanguinius was still kneeling with one knee on the ground, allowing his stable stance and greater strength to defend him.

“You fight well, as always, Rokir.” the Warden allowed a modicum of respect for his opponent to show before nodding towards the ornately decorated dais that seated the Master of the Brotherhood. “However, it seems that we are little more than puppets, our strings pulled by one who cares little for anyone but himself.”

Sanguinius slowly pushed the two lightsabers away from his face, his muscles straining to push against the Prophet, who had the advantage of height. The Jedi rose as he did so, facing the Sorcerer who simply ignored the Sadowan’s words. The Anaxsi smiled to himself, the fabled Halcyon Rokir had never been a conversationalist. “Never mind, no need to worry about yet another Grand Master that doesn't respect the Clans.”

Luck had always been a fickle master, but the skeins of fate held yet more experiences for the pair. An ethereal hand touched the Defender’s left shoulder, weighing heavily on his mind. Rather than allowing himself time to understand what was happening, Sanguinius relied on instinct and threw himself to the right as a metal spear lanced up through the space that he had just been occupying, the Warden deactivated his lightsaber as he did so, not wishing to impale himself upon it. Halcyon reacted also, whirling away as several more sprung up through the floor of the arena.

The Jedi landed on his side and intentionally rolled away from the spears and the Prophet. Sanguinius came to a stop and looked around him, his eyes darting around, attempting to locate the Son of Taldryan. The green robes of the Sorcerer were easily located amongst the dull brown of the arena walls and floor. Sanguinius pushed himself up off the floor once more and ran towards the former Deputy Grand Master, his arms pumped him forward, the silver hilt of his lightsaber held in his left hand.

Halcyon had quickly recovered from the appearance of the spears and advanced quickly towards the Ragnosian. By now, both of the Jedi had grown cautious of the arena, but trusted in their abilities to allow them to face each other in combat. Sanguinius leapt over an opening floor panel that bled energy and barrelled into the Prophet. Halcyon staggered backwards as the Equite collided with him, the Anaxsi lashed out with his left hand, the hilt in his grip allowed him a stronger blow than normal. The fist smashed into Halcyon’s face, snapping his head back to the right. Halcyon rode the blow and unleashed a haymaker that made Sanguinius’ eyes water.

Sanguinius shook his head, the movement an attempt at clearing his mind. The Sorcerer gathered his strength in the Force, funnelling it into his hand. Halcyon knelt, slamming his hand into the ground and unleashing a wave of energy that sent Sanguinius flying. The Anaxsi slammed into the ground again, eliciting a grunt of pain as the coarse grains of sand grazed his face and got into his mouth. Murmuring with distaste, the Sadowan scrambled to his feet, wiping his mouth and spitting a mix of sand and saliva onto the ground.

The Son of Taldryan stood like a statue made of jade, his robes, hair and weapon marking him out as a bright focal point for all of the spectators. Halcyon waited for his opponent to ready himself, the Prophet was determined to show the audience why their lack of respect for Taldryan was wrong. His Clan was honourable and respected strength.

Sanguinius staggered slightly as he centred himself, his mind running through a series of possibilities on how to take down his opponent. The two had fought several times before during his time in the Brotherhood. Each time, the Sorcerer had shown his supremacy. This time however, the Warden was determined to even the score. The Anaxsi steadied himself and ignited his lightsaber; the viridian blade was brought upwards in a defensive stance. Sanguinius recited the first line of the Jedi Code, utilising it to give him strength. “There is no emotion, there is only peace…”

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 29 December, 2015 8:28 PM UTC

The crowd roared in excitement as the twin viridian blades collided, their cries echoed through the arena, individual voices blurred into one massive collective.

I am disappoint, son. This is two sentences.

The viridian sabers

Repetition department of repetition.

“You fight well, as always, Rokir.” the Warden

If you're going to close off the dialogue, capital "The".

The Anaxsi smiled to himself, the fabled Halcyon Rokir had never been a conversationalist.

Again, two separate sentences.

the Warden deactivated his lightsaber as he did so, not wishing to impale himself upon it.

You deactivate one of your sabers here, or both? Bit confusing.

Sanguinius pushed himself up off the floor once more and ran towards the former Deputy Grand Master, his arms pumped him forward, the silver hilt of his lightsaber held in his left hand.

Again, you either need to start using semicolons or separating your sentences out.

Halcyon rode the blow and unleashed a haymaker that made Sanguinius’ eyes water.

Halcyon never puts his sabers down, so why would he punch back instead of just swinging his, you know, saber at Sang?

Halcyon could hear the words of the Jedi Code float along the breeze. He made no movement to engage his opponent, content to stand his ground for the moment. His lightsaber was still in his hand, just hanging at his side, but ready to engage at a moment's notice.

“A Jedi is the champion of Sadow? That is a story I need to hear one day.” Halcyon was not one to banter during battle, choosing his words and comments carefully. However Sanguinius’ earlier comment on being a puppet had sunk in. He would fight this battle, but he would do it at his own leisure.

“if you manage to survive this, maybe you will hear that tale,” Entar called back, with the hint if a smile playing across his lips. He had prepared for an onslaught from the Prophet, but instead faced a man who had decided to flaunt what was to be a grand battle and instead slow the momentum of the proceedings.

The crowd could sense something similar, seeing the two combatants banter while making no movements to attack. The jeered and screamed out profanities, calling for blood to be spilled, but they were wholly ignored by the two men in the arena. Halcyon took some pleasure in having sent the crowd into a frenzy. He had no qualms against battling for the honour of Taldryan, but the spectacle that surrounded the combat had begun to sour him to the match entirely.

The arena had other ideas. It had it's own agenda, and it did not allow for men to stand around within its confines. Halcyon felt a pinprick in the back of his mind just as the ground beneath him became electrified. He moved as quickly as he was able, but a jolt of energy still managed to climb up his body. He could hear a small cry of pain from Sanguinius as well, who faced the same attack from the arena.

There was no time to rest, as the floor emitted electric energy again, and Halcyon attempted to avoid the shock. There was no let up however. Where the combatants moved the arena would unleash another powerful shock. Both men had to delve into the Force to try and keep ahead if the constant attacks. To the crowd it appeared as if they were dancing to a song only they could hear. A chant had begun, the spectators yelling out, “faster, faster!” and the arena obliged them.

Halcyon began to feel the strain, knowing he would not be able to last much longer. Needing a brief respite he flung himself into the air, but not even the cool breeze would help him as the open space above the arena floor electrified as well. Rokir cried out in pain as his entire body was cascaded with the powerful energies. His now-limp body fell back to the ground, bouncing off the sandy floor before becoming deathly still. Only the slight rise in Halcyon’s chest showed that he was still alive. Sanguinius’ eyes had widened at seeing his opponent essentially electrocuted in mid-air. The incident had stopped the continued attack along the floor of the arena however.

“Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!” the crowd now chanted. Entar glanced up at the crowd, a look of disgust on his face. He had found peace within the code of the Jedi, and the entire battle had become an affront to his ideals.

Halcyon was fully cognizant of what was occurring. In each instance the arena had given off a warning before it carried out an action, and this last time was no different. He had managed to absorb some of the energies, enough to save him, but he had still felt the brunt of the attack. He used the absorbed energies to feed back into his body, forcing it to heal. Pain had become second nature to him over the decades, and he used it to focus his thoughts. The constant warnings of dangers were the key. The arena appeared to attack in a random pattern, but there was a familiar note to the danger signs that gave it away.

Using Sanguinius’ delay he allowed his senses to fully consume the arena and the crowd. His body strained against everything that was being asked of it, his breathing becoming shallower, as his search finally proved fruitful. His entire being focused on one individual within the crowd. He could see him, sitting amongst the others, but apart. He could sense the man’s fierce pride as he gripped what appeared to be a simple datapad in his hand. This was the man who controlled the arena on behalf of the Dark Council, and he was watching the fruits of his labour at the same time.

Halcyon’s eyes shot open. He tempered the anger that flowed through him, using it as fuel. With renewed purpose he forced his body to move and slowly push himself off the ground. To the crowd he had only been on the ground for half-a-minute at most, and their cheers turned to boos as they saw him sway on his feet. Rokir grabbed the lightsaber hilt that was still at his back. His emerald blade had fallen somewhere in the arena when he landed, and he did not want to waste time searching for it. He ignited the saber, glad to see it still operated after what he had been through. It’s off-white blade pulsed eagerly as Halcyon gestured at his opponent to attack.

Entar’s head tilted to one side in puzzlement at the sudden change-of-heart from Halcyon. I have a plan, he heard within his mind as his eyes locked with Halcyon’s. He could sense no deception from the Prophet, although one with his power could always have hidden those feelings. With a deep breath Sanguinius took a leap of faith and drove at the Son of Taldryan.

Fighting against his own body, Halcyon met Entar’s initial strike, turning it aside before following up with his own thrust.

“Arena being controlled by man in the crowd,” Halcyon whispered as Sanguinius moved himself out of the way of the jab. Entar came in again with low strike, Halcyon meeting the attack, the two blades at a standstill. “He is at my six. Throw your glop. I’ll direct it.” The two combatants pushed off one another, glaring at one another. Sanguinius hinted at moving in once more with an attack, but his hand moved to his side, grasping hold of the glop grenade there and tossing it over Halcyon’s shoulder. With gritted teeth Halcyon took hold of the grenade with the Force, adding to its momentum as he directed its target.

The man with the datapad had been enjoying the clash, and never saw the sudden attack. He fumbled with the pad in his hand, but before he could activate anything else the grenade exploded, covering him and the crowd that surrounded him in an adhesive foam.

“Good,” Halcyon said, a feral grin on his lips, “now we can finally fight in peace.”

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 29 December, 2015 8:29 PM UTC

However Sanguinius’ earlier comment on being a puppet had sunk in.

“if you manage to survive this, maybe you will hear that tale,” Entar called back, with the hint if a smile playing across his lips.

If* The*

The jeered and screamed out profanities,

They*

To the crowd he had only been on the ground for half-a-minute at most, and their cheers turned to boos as they saw him sway on his feet.

What was Sang doing for 30 seconds?


So, I loved this element at the end of your post. Very creative, and probably the lone shining moment of your two posts. I liked it.

The crowd roared in anger at the grenade exploding within the seating dais. The cries of anger soon turned to excitement as they realised what had happened. No more tricks, no more traps waiting to ensnare the two Jedi. Now they could see the two men fight properly.

Sanguinius stood strong, his blade raised in defence. He knew from experience just how powerful Halcyon was, yet the Warden refused to take one step back. Too long had he faltered in the darkness, running from responsibility. Sanguinius swallowed as Halcyon twirled his lightsaber and launched himself forward. The two blades clashed, viridian against silver.

Both men were tired, their exertions in the arena had drained their strength. Halcyon snarled in anger, drawing upon his rage to fuel his strikes. Sanguinius parried each blow, his skill showing through his fatigue. The Sentinel grimaced as beads of sweat gathered at his brow. Visions of past battles flashed through his mind, Sanguinius’ subconscious determined to make him flee. Each time the off-white blade clashed against his own, another past battle was remembered. Fear began to blossom within the Defender, taking hold of his actions.

Halcyon grinned as he sensed Sanguinius’ disquiet. His assault continued, driving the Entar back across the sandy floor.


Bets continued to be made as the touts shouted out the new odds on the two men. “Three to One on the green guy!” announced one of them, “Seven to Two on the Jedi!” Several spectators took advantage of the change in odds, wagering new amounts on the combatants.

Locke sat quietly, his gaze never wavering from the pair moving across the arena floor. The Consul had nominated the Jedi for this tournament after requesting candidates from Naga Sadow. He pursed his lips in minor annoyance at the turn of events, unwilling to see the Clan’s champion defeated.

Beside the Augur sat his Proconsul, the Zabrak watched with expressive anger. “Stop running away from the di’kut!” Cethgus snarled, his displeasure with his former student evident. The potential loss weighed on him also, both for his personal honour and his adoptive Clan’s honour.

“Calm yourself, Cethgus.” Locke raised his hand towards the Zabrak, “I trust him to win.”


Sanguinius stepped backwards, ducking beneath a vicious swipe of the off-white blade. The Warden was breathing heavily, his chest heaving. Halcyon fared little better despite his assault; he wasn’t built for extended periods of heavy combat.

The Warden gritted his teeth as he rose back up, his viridian blade held horizontally to deflect a strike. He drew upon the mantra that had given him strength in the darkness after losing so many people under his command.

“Emotion, yet Peace.” Calm flowed through him, centring the Warden.

“Ignorance, yet Knowledge.” The visions of past battles ceased, allowing Sanguinius to refocus upon the present.

“Passion, yet Serenity.” Sanguinius watched with dispassion as Halcyon disengaged from the saber lock and outstretched his hand. Lightning erupted from the finger tips, driving across the empty expanse towards the Sentinel.

“Chaos, yet Harmony.” The viridian blade outstretched, consuming the electricity. Sanguinius frowned, the beads of sweat getting into his eyes. Both of his hands were on the hilt, the determination to win filled his being. The Entar had come too far during his time in the Brotherhood to give up now.

Halcyon roared in anger and redoubled his efforts, his other hand coming up to unleash more lightning, the sickly light infused with the dark side.

“Death, yet the Force.” Sanguinius chanted, drawing upon the last vestiges of his power, a field of light emanated from the Jedi, covering the area around the two Jedi and slowly overcoming the darkness within Halcyon.

The lightning streams faltered and died as the Prophet’s connection with the Force ceased. The suffocating effect of the light affected Halcyon greatly, the Sorcerer had played nice with the Sadowan, had refused to use his full power in their engagement out of respect for the Warden. Now, that was over. Sanguinius smiled as Halcyon ignited his lightsaber once again. “You cannot win.”

“You underestimate me, Sadowan.” The Prophet advanced, his lightsaber licking out only to be deflected. Halcyon felt a faint spark of the darkness as he attacked; his quick mind made the connection that Sanguinius could only maintain the nullifying effect at great cost to his concentration.

The Sentinel noticed the unconscious smile of his opponent and figured that the Sorcerer had already found out his weakness. The viridian blade darted out in attack for once, before being joined by a second green blade. Sanguinius had only just begun to train in the art of dual-wielding his lightsabers and was still inexperienced, yet the opportunity to defeat Halcyon was too much to give up.

Each attack lessened the nullifying field, Halcyon fended off the clumsy blows, the experienced Elder easily reading the telegraphed strikes. The Son of Taldrya deflected a side-swipe and lashed out to catch the Jedi’s hand. Sanguinius cried out quickly, the off-white blade searing his flesh. The lightsaber fell to the ground, sending dust into the air.

Sanguinius fell backwards, instantly on the defensive. Halcyon breathed easily again as the suffocating light dissipated. The darkness swirled around him, drawn to him like a moth to a flame. He smiled, the grin of a predator playing with its food. Lightning once again erupted from the Prophet, impacting upon the Warden’s body. Agony splayed through Sangunius’ body, wracking him with the dark side.

Screaming, so much screaming. Sanguinius fell to the ground, lightning splaying across his body. His body jerked as synapses fired randomly. Halcyon chuckled as he continued to pour energy into the Jedi.

Enough.

The unspoken command echoed in everyone’s mind, spectator and combatant alike. Halcyon sneered and carried on pouring lightning into the screaming Entar.

“I said enough.”

Halcyon turned to find Pravus standing behind him. “I do not allow dissent, Halcyon.” The Grand Master glowered at the Elder. “Leave, now.”

The Sorcerer grunted in acknowledgement and turned to trudge off the sandy killing ground as medics rushed in to deal with the grievously injured Sanguinius.

Pravus watched the Prophet leave, he would have to watch Taldryan, the Grand Master would not make the mistakes of his predecessors.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 29 December, 2015 9:03 PM UTC

The crowd roared in anger at the grenade exploding within the seating dais. The cries of anger soon turned to excitement as they realised what had happened. No more tricks, no more traps waiting to ensnare the two Jedi. Now they could see the two men fight properly.

How would they have known that's what happened?

Both men were tired, their exertions in the arena had drained their strength. Halcyon snarled in anger, drawing upon his rage to fuel his strikes. Sanguinius parried each blow, his skill showing through his fatigue. The Sentinel grimaced as beads of sweat gathered at his brow. Visions of past battles flashed through his mind, Sanguinius’ subconscious determined to make him flee. Each time the off-white blade clashed against his own, another past battle was remembered. Fear began to blossom within the Defender, taking hold of his actions.

More of this, please. This is the first time I'm really seeing Sangs struggle.

Beside the Augur sat his Proconsul, the Zabrak watched with expressive anger. “Stop running away from the di’kut!” Cethgus snarled, his displeasure with his former student evident. The potential loss weighed on him also, both for his personal honour and his adoptive Clan’s honour.

Nice touch. I lol'd.

Sanguinius stepped backwards, ducking beneath a vicious swipe of the off-white blade. The Warden was breathing heavily, his chest heaving. Halcyon fared little better despite his assault; he wasn’t built for extended periods of heavy combat.

+2 Endurance is pretty good. Not really accurate, but not a detractor, just a note.

The viridian blade outstretched, consuming the electricity.

Syntax is off.

Both of his hands were on the hilt, the determination to win filled his being.

filling*

“Death, yet the Force.” Sanguinius chanted, drawing upon the last vestiges of his power, a field of light emanated from the Jedi, covering the area around the two Jedi and slowly overcoming the darkness within Halcyon.

Multiple syntax issues here.