Warden Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar vs. Mystic Ophelia Delacroix d'Tana

Warden Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Human, Jedi, Defender, Sentinel
vs.

Mystic Ophelia Delacroix d'Tana

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Kiffar, Force Disciple, Shadow, Obelisk
Comment

I thought this was a pretty average showing. Ophelia made a few more errors in general. Sang's writing was solid throughout, though his ending was a little bit of a letdown, I felt like he advanced the story more overall during his two posts than Ophelia did during hers. It was pretty clearly a win for Sang overall.

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Warden Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar, Mystic Ophelia Delacroix d'Tana
Winner Warden Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Warden Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Mystic Ophelia Delacroix d'Tana's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Karufr - Massassi Temple Training Grounds
Last Post 21 February, 2016 3:12 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Duke Kojiro Keibatsu Sadow Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: See my notes throughout. Nothing was horrible, just a few little errors here and there. Rationale: I might be able to find an issue here if I really dug, but there's no need. You wrote well enough that nothing stood out to me as wrong. That's enough in a battle like this.
Story - 40%
Duke Kojiro Keibatsu Sadow Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: Your posts were alright, but they didn't really place the battle in any larger context. Sang's second post set the scene and the purpose for the fight better than your first one did. While I think you ended it a little more strongly, I have to give him the edge here. Rationale: I thought the bit about honor (or "honour", I guess) was a decent twist.
Realism - 25%
Duke Kojiro Keibatsu Sadow Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: See the notes in your first post. Just be careful about how these kinds of things interact with one another. Don't feel afraid to ask us if you've got a questions. Rationale: No issues.
Continuity - 20%
Duke Kojiro Keibatsu Sadow Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues. Rationale: No issues
Duke Kojiro Keibatsu Sadow's Score: 3.8 Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar's Score: 4.6
Posts

Deep within the jungles of Karufr lies a massive temple built from stone blocks, hand-carved by the builders of the Massassi. The ancient race made its home on the planet after joining forces with Clan Taldryan, having been freed from stasis years ago. Now, an entire civilization exists, hidden far from the prying eyes of Karufr's citizenry. As a Jedi, you are one of the few to have access to their secret base.

You step onto the temple grounds and watch the fearsome warriors train in small regiments with their crude weapons. The entire temple is in a state of anticipation as the Massassi know they will soon be called on once more to aid the Dark Jedi of Taldryan in battle. The temple is shaped like a giant pyramid, towering into the sky, and serves as a backdrop to the training ground.

The War Chief notices you and gestures you forward. He clears the area around you with a bellowing command, and the Massassi warriors present form a wide circle with you at the center. A moment later, you realize you're not the only Jedi to visit the temple—the crowd parts slightly to allow the newcomer to enter the ring. The gathered Massassi holler in good cheer. They want to see a fight.

The Chief raises his weapon to the sky and barks a command. The Massassi begin to stamp their feet against the ground, creating a loud, steady beat that seems to get your blood pumping. With little choice left, you lock eyes with your opponent and ready yourself for a fight.

The gray Jedi looked over the man who stood before her and she tilted her head almost quizzically. He was her new Quaestor, a man she had spoken to briefly upon her arrival at the clan. A man who she was led to believe was a Jedi, not a dark or a gray at that but one of the ones who preached peace and all things good. Ideas that hadn't entirely been a part of Ophelia's existence up till this point in her life — or maybe they were? The brainwashing she had been forced to endure by her previous employers made her doubt even the simple things. She shrugged and rolled her shoulders snapping her head back into place.

Her helmet rested in her hands in front of her, the black Mandalorian armour she wore reflecting dimly in the light, and her hair framed her cheekbones and cybernetics. The cyborg Mando drew a wry smile to her lips and bowed ever so gently, raising a confused look from her opponent.

“Why bow Ophelia?” Sanguinius asked, his hands to his side but not upon his sabers, yet.

She straightened herself and raised her helm up, before placing it over her brow and feeling it slide into it's usual place. This is the first time in a long time I've had the pleasure of hunting Jedi. Her voice echoed in his mind taking him slightly by surprise. I have seen this day, or one like it. One falls the other walks away, though this could be true for all battles. The Ghost faces the Light One, such a fascinating tale to tell.

She moved forward at speed, almost sprung as the Force boosted her movement. Her Opponents lightsabers moved gracefully into his hands and as they did she vanished from his sight.

“Sithspit” he muttered before reaching out and through the Force. An area of null worked its way out of him and as it did so he saw the shimmer to his left and raised the suppression zone in time to watch the Mystic appear further out than she had originally planned to. Undeterred she drove on, her right lightsaber finally ignited and drove down from the left in an arc, only to be countered by the Jedi’s own returning slash of his recently ignited saber. Her second saber ignited and was brought around in a reverse grip aimed towards his lower back but a quick back pedal and downward sweep saw the second blow turned to the side.

She spun on her heel and whipped out with her leg using the soft earth to hasten the movement. As her foot came around he brought his arm down, as if he knew where it would strike, to soften the blow as it connected. She found a brief purchase with her boot and pushed off from his body into a backwards flip. As she went back the toe of her foot struck the man across the chin sending him backwards, Ophelia landing almost cat like upon the earth not too far away.

She attempted to vanish again but found that as soon as she began to the negating effects emanating from him stopped her and she muttered a curse in Mando’a before rising to face her opponent. Her sabers spun lazily in her hands and she looked around her for a brief moment before settling her gaze back upon the Jedi.

“Behind you,” she muttered and he almost scoffed until he heard the briefest hint of movement in the dirt behind him. As he turned he saw a Massassi warrior rush towards him from the crowd, he blinked momentarily then watched as the warrior met the suppression zone and vanished, the illusion was spent as quickly as it had been used. Realising he turned quickly back to his opponent and found her gone.

“Impossi—” he had little time to finish as he felt his instincts kick in and he looked up raising his sabers just in time and going to one knee to brace against the double overhead strike that came from above. He grunted with effort as the six foot one Mandalorian crashed into him and his off hand shuddered and shook a little from the impact. He pushed her away as he rose sending her sprawling into the dirt but even as she rolled away she placed her hand out and brought herself back to her feet nimbly dirt being thrown up where her feet slid to find purchase on the loose ground.

Ophelia growled slightly, poised like some jungle cat, both of her sabers blades rested behind her as she gripped the pommels. Her entire posture was on edge and the growl of annoyance intensified. Everything she wanted to do was going to being nullified, she could not even tease with her telepathy.

How dull!” she exclaimed. “Removing all the fun before I can even begin to have any!” She raised her left wrist a little higher her saber pointing almost directly behind her and her opponent thought her to move in again to strike when it happened.

A soft whistle penetrated the arena as the rocket left it's launcher and hurtled towards the Warden.

“Catch.” He heard her mutter in the background.

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 22 February, 2016 2:53 PM UTC

I noticed a few small grammatical errors here.

placing it over her brow and feeling it slide into it's usual place

"It's" is a contraction. You just want "its" for the possessive. English is weird.

Her Opponents lightsabers

Small capitalization error.

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 22 February, 2016 5:53 PM UTC

There's a lot going on here with the use of Suppression and Illusion. I'm going to step through it.

She attempted to vanish again but found that as soon as she began to the negating effects emanating from him stopped her and she muttered a curse in Mando’a before rising to face her opponent.

So from this, I gather that Ophelia is still within range of the Suppression/Dampen field.

As he turned he saw a Massassi warrior rush towards him from the crowd, he blinked momentarily then watched as the warrior met the suppression zone and vanished, the illusion was spent as quickly as it had been used. Realising he turned quickly back to his opponent and found her gone.

This doesn't work. Illusion affects the opponent's mind; it doesn't create something that isn't there. If Ophelia is still under the effects of Suppression, she shouldn't be able to use the Illusion at all. If she wasn't, the range of Suppression wouldn't matter at all. The illusion isn't actually a thing. It would only exist in Sang's mind, so the position of the illusion in the Suppression field wouldn't affect it.

Also note that at only +2, Ophelia's use of Illusion shouldn't be that effective in combat anyway.

Sanguinius was already moving as the d’Tana’s arm came up to point at him, his training ingrained into his movements. The rocket whistled through the air and passed by the pirouetting Jedi to slam into the assembled Massassi behind him. Broken and torn bodies were thrown into the air as the explosion enveloped them. Cries of panic and anger were intermixed with the repetitive chanting of the tribesmen.

The Quaestor was thrown forward mid-spin, the force from the detonation enough to throw him off balance. Luck kept stray fragments from peppering the Entar as he tucked into a roll and pushed himself up off the ground in one move, drawing his strength from the wellspring of calm within him.

Looking at the cyborg, Sanguinius deactivated one of his sabers and placed it back on his belt. “Now that’s not very sporting, is it?” he quipped as he brushed some dirt off his robes. The Warden acted nonchalantly, despite his recent brush with death. His mind worked overtime, recalculating his interactions with the Mystic and alternative ways to win this fight.

The Jedi had sensed darkness within the Mandalorian when she first came to Marka Ragnos, yet he had also found a spark of good within her. Honour was a strange thing in the universe. Sanguinius knew the Mandalorians venerated honour and courage, they thought it the norm, unlike so many other cultures in the galaxy.

Yet despite all this, Ophelia was a conundrum. Her Mandalorian heritage and the One Sith tattoos that scarred her body showed a casual viewer that she was capable of great evil. To the Jedi, he saw someone who had fought all their life for something to believe in, for a sense of belonging. He was not frightened of his opponent, instead he felt pity and hoped that the Kiffar would find peace in Naga Sadow, a place to call home.

The stunned disbelief of the tribal Massassi had held them for a few seconds as Sanguinius studied his fellow Ragnosian. A bellow from the war chief drew them out of their stupor as he gesticulated towards Ophelia and barked out orders that sent the assembled primordial beasts charging towards the Mystic.

Ophelia responded by slicing through the first two Massassi to reach her, twin crimson blades bisecting maroon flesh. Bloodlust swallowed up the Mandalorian, her lightsabers lashing out to carve furrows in the tribesmen attacking her.

Several burly Massassi brushed past the Entar who stood still for a moment, weighing up the options. With a weary sigh, the emerald blade descended, clipping the heels of a Massassi that had just past him. The alien fell to the ground, his forward momentum making him collide with three other beasts.

The attack drew the attention of the few remaining Massassi by the Jedi, who roared in unison and came at him. Sanguinius’ full attention was demanded to combat several vicious and powerful tribesmen and he allowed his command of the suppressing field around him go.

Ophelia felt the Force beckon to her, warning of a savage blow that would have caved her skull in. The joy she felt at reconnecting to the Force was quickly overcome with the realisation that she could employ her favourite tactic. The Mystic vanished from sight, her lightsabers deactivated, confusing the Massassi attacking her. She quickly slipped away from them, circling around to come at Sanguinius from behind. She stood there, several metres back from the melee as the beasts that had been attacking her had looked around and seen their kin fighting the Warden. She watched, enjoying the tableau of destruction before her.

Sanguinius glanced towards where he believed Ophelia was fighting and his heart was leaden as he realised she had vanished. His disappointment with the newcomer to Naga Sadow was quickly clamped down on as he chided himself for having some hope that she would be a better person than that.

The Jedi fought valiantly, trying to avoid unnecessary deaths, deflecting blows and “disarming” his foes. Limbs lay scattered on the ground, trodden underfoot by the maroon skinned aliens. The emerald lightsaber never stopped moving as Sanguinius took advantage of the open ground to outmanoeuvre his opponents. The Shadow could appreciate the Quaestor’s form, noting his footwork. She dismissed his efforts to avoid deaths however, bemused by his qualms. No matter how strong the Anaxsi was, he was not enough to come out on top. Even if he beat the Massassi attacking him, there were hundreds more around the temple who would slaughter him when he tired.

Ophelia pondered as she watched Sanguinius dart past a pair of tribesmen raising their weapons and their reactions as they registered the damage his lightsaber did on their bodies. Could she let him die or would her honour as a warrior rule the day?

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 23 February, 2016 10:14 PM UTC

I liked the general idea that you had here for the dynamic between the two characters. You end the post with a neat question posed of Ophelia.

She paced momentarily, watching the battle unfold around her. She snaked her way through the warriors charging the Jedi and sighed. This was no fun, none at all. There was action but it wasn’t what she wanted. This was purely slaughtering pointless savages whilst the true fight still remained. Her cloak shimmered as a Massassi closed in, she simply stuck her foot out and her cloak vanished as the Massassi warrior tripped over her and fell. As he tried to rise, she psyched herself up and stepped upon his large shoulders, then she leapt forward.

She soared momentarily before coming down upon the shoulder of another of the warriors, a quick light step had her start using the Massassi as stepping stones as she threaded her way to the center of the battle and to where Sanguinius fought. Her concentration lapsed and she felt a strong grip on her leg as she attempted to step stone once more. Suddenly she felt herself being dragged down towards the ground and she braced herself as best she could as she struck the dirt, a Massassi bearing down on her.

Her saber ignited and punched a hole through the creature’s torso. It began to topple towards her and she rolled and scrambled to her feet, bringing both sabers up in a wide arc that de-armed one and beheaded another adversary. Her left saber arced out and blocked a blow, plasma eating through the primitive weapon that was aimed at her. Her right rose high and brought down with a sharp inwards curve that speared one of the warriors through the throat. She was surrounded and she was relishing in it.

A blade struck against her back and she stumbled forward, missing a second blow aimed at her head, a third moved in and caught her across her helmet and she snarled. It overtook her, that feeling she craved but knew she shouldn’t look for. The anger, the hatred. How dare these miserable creatures challenge her with their meek pathetic existence? How dare they strike her, she who was once Sith, she who was Mandalorian? She who was more than them?

It was almost as if a thin haze slipped across her eyes and everything seemed to vanish into obscurity as the anger took hold. She felt her body lash out and strike one of the Massassi across the face with her armoured boot. As her foot met the floor she jumped upwards and rose upon wings of hatred. Her sabers were in her hands but her wrist snapped and her second rocket thudded away into a dense crowd of the creatures. She turned and looked down below her as she seemed to descend towards the arena floor in slow motion. Her arms extended and she activated her flamers as twin branches of soaring fire met the flesh of the Massassi and they screamed as the heat began to sear and bubble flesh. Everything seemed to happen so slowly as they ran from where the fire struck. Some attempted to remove burning items and some simply dropped, writhing in agony. She didn't care. She kept going and soon her feet met the ground and those that were around her were either dying or routed.

She turned in an attempt to find her true opponent and as she spied him she moved towards the Jedi’s position. Her steps though began to feel like durasteel, her arms dropped slowly, whatever rage had overtaken her was dissipating as she walked towards him. She attempted to lift her arm to strike and as she watched it fall towards him he simply turned from his opponent and blocked her blows before adjusting his strike to finish of the last warrior attacking him.

Ophelia moved to strike again but found her body was exhausted and yet she still made to strike, again and again. Sanguinius almost lazily knocked her blows to the side and she was sure he was speaking but no words reached her ears. Then his fist came out of nowhere and cracked her across the helmet’s jaw with the hilt of his saber and the world went blank as her head rung.

The Warden sighed and looked down at the woman, shaking his head. “Stupid, absolutely stupid,” he looked up and his gaze met the carnage she had caused. Broken bodies, bodies without limbs and heads. The stink of burning flesh overhwlemed his senses and he almost balked before covering his mouth with a rag.

“You’re effective though maybe we need to find you a safer vocation for the moment.” He sighed and bent down, hefting the woman uneasily onto his shoulder before turning from the massacre and leaving the arena behind.

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 24 February, 2016 12:34 AM UTC

While not technically an error, I did notice that you didn't mention Ophelia by name until the third to last paragraph here. That's a lot of time to go calling someone "she" and "her." Just keep an eye on that and vary your word choices a little more in the future.

The beast roared as it charged, the metal waraxe raised in defiance. Sanguinius sidestepped the vicious overhand swing that would have bisected him and gutted the crimson tribesman with his lightsaber.

The Warden was weary, his choice in assisting the newcomer to Naga Sadow had been a poor one, yet it had been the most honourable path to take. Sanguinius withdrew the lightsaber and whirled around to decapitate the Massassi sneaking up behind him.

A club smashed into the back of the Jedi’s head, dropping him to his knees. The warchief bellowed in approval as he stood over Sanguinius, his arms raised in triumph. Time seemed to slow for the Quaestor, the result of a concussion, he saw the club raised, ready to cave in his skull. He saw the few remaining Massassi around him cheering on their chief, his gaze caught it all. Sanguinius struggled to push himself up, refusing to give up. He rose to one knee, staring at the warchief as a lightsaber erupted from his chest.

The Massassi dropped his club and scrabbled at his chest as the lightsaber was withdrawn from his torso. A grinning Ophelia stood behind the beast, her lightsabers moving to carve the warchief to pieces.

The last few tribesmen surrounding the Sadowans charged in as Sanguinius staggered to his feet. His blade lashed out clumsily, the blow to his head still affecting his movements. Ophelia moved forward, intercepting the last three Massassi. Her lightsabers darted out, the blades ending their lives.

Their bodies dropped to the ground as Sanguinius finally regained his footing. He shook his head as Ophelia approached him. She deactivated her lightsabers and reached out a hand towards the Quaestor. “You alright, Jedi?”

Sanguinius nodded, “Thanks,” he gestured at the bodies surrounding them, “You took your time.” He activated his lightsaber once more, “Had enough now?”

Ophelia laughed and nodded towards the Massassi milling around the temple, “Perhaps we can cross blades again after we escape?”

The Warden nodded “That may be a good idea.”

Vivackus Kavon di Plagia, 24 February, 2016 12:36 AM UTC

I can't help but feeling like you sort of phoned this post in. There's significantly less here than your first post. Nothing stood out as bad, but you generally want to end on a high note, not a low one.