Deactivating his lightsaber in order to continue the mood of stealth, Lexiconus Qor slowly paced across the carpet as his eyes steeled at the expensive Hutt banners and hanging masterpieces. The Quarren took this time to concentrate on the agonising cut from his heel, by kneeling down and placing a palm on the bloody wound. The wound seemed minimal, barely subdermal, but he could take care of it later. Qor rose once again as he heard the shuffling of feet and the wind behind banners .
“Yes, use your strengths as a Shadow in the night, become the darkness and unpredictable. It is your natural tool, be the night.” The Quarren whispered out, he knew Quo could hear him as it wasn’t difficult to detect the Knight’s whereabouts. It took a lot of concentration to keep his cloak for this long, using the Dark Side to conceal his Force sensitivity would be too much. But that didn’t stop Quo from trying.
“Don’t overexert yourself, if you need to multi-task then alternating their uses is the best choice. Now, you must come out of hiding for the Dark Side to conceal you. So let your anger flow!” The Quarren felt the Zabrak’s anger surge from the darkness, as he launch himself from behind a pillar. Igniting their blades and meeting into a cross-guard, Qor and Quo fought for supremacy in their lock. A showering of cinders and silver light almost blinded the duo. His expression cold and uncaring, the Quarren shook and panted while his grip on the hilt became weaker and painful. The Zabrak struggled against the might of his foe and was eventually pushed aside by the strength of Qor. The Quarren wasted no time and delivered thrashing blows and counter attacks against Quo’s twists and blocks. Sweating heavily and shaking at the shoulders, the Zabrak was struggling to keep up. Qor gave no mercy, whacking Quo’s lightsaber with an insane attitude, the Knight’s lightsaber was effortlessly struck aside. Deactivating into the air, the lightsaber hilt slammed against a nearby wall and disappeared into the shadows. While Quo looked into the sapphire eyes of his crazed mentor, the Quarren’s blade met with Quo’s neck.
“Your attempt was admirable, but never be so stubborn to enter a direct fight with someone stronger and wiser. Make surprising moves, be unorthodox and above all, use the Force to aid you. Not them.” Qor sheathed his lightsaber back into his waistcloth, but the Zabrak was not done. Unsheathing a throwing dagger, Quo immediately lunged at the Quarren who caught sight of it and jabbed the Zabrak’s fist backwards. Contorting his arm into a painful shape, Qor forced Quo’s arm into an agonising position as he bent the Zabrak’s fingers back. The Battlemaster took the dagger, gripped it tightly and stabbed into the Knight’s palm. With a blood-curdling scream, Quo fell onto his knees in submission and plea.
“You have failed in your training, young one. Gone are the days we backstab our mentors. If you wish to live in those times, I will gladly send you back there.” Quo hissed as he tried to gather his breath again and shook his head.
“No sir! I remain loyal to the Brotherhood!” The Knight pleaded out, in an attempt to save his life from extinction. This was a good enough life lesson for Qor to give and released Quo.
“Go! And you can tell Tasha why you have a dagger in your hand, or I will!” The Zabrak wasted no time and ran out of the antechamber.
Story - Good way to set the scene. Nicely done.
Syntax - This insinuates that he was kneeling when he turned. Try and be clearer by rewording to something like: "He dropped down to one knee, his head bowed in due deference to the arriving instructor..."
Realism - Good job on this. This entire paragraph demonstrates a great effort relating back to Lexic's character sheet. Well done.
Syntax - This sentence is in the passive tense. It detracts from your story.
Syntax - beard like tentacles should be beard-like tentacles. Additionally, there are guidelines to using ellipses. Please check them out on the ACC Guide wiki page. Primarily, it should be three periods, and should really only be used within character speech.
OVERALL
This post was a fair demonstration of an opening. It did a good job of setting the scene and describing the combatants. There were some very good examples of realism and nice descriptions of the characters.
There were a few errors surrounding syntax, but these were extremely minor. The only thing I felt that was lacking from this opening post was anything to push the story forward. There was the suggestion at the start of something deeper, something beyond the two combatants, but that slipped away as the post continued. What is more, this backstory was not replaced with any combat. To this end, I don't feel like the post progressed the story any further than the opening prompt.