“Karkin’ rain,” Turel whispered as he felt nearly every drop of the damnable downpour falling over his raincoat. Thankfully he wore rainproof clothes underneath, but still, he couldn’t help but feel annoyance at the slow drizzle of liquid tumbling down his exposed nose.
The Sentinel looked sideways, at the former occupant of his lovely nest high up in the Nar Shaddaan cityscape. The Rodian was out cold, a sleeping dart protruding from the back of his neck. For once, Turel admired the simple yet effective gadget he carried on his bracer. Quick and quiet. He smirked and shouldered the sniper rifle the Rodian had been using until several minutes ago. The multi-spectral optics gave him a clear view of the streets and landing pads below; the perfect vantage point to find his target.
Valenthyne Kurst was a non-Force user and Inquisitor in the employ of the Grand Master and his cronies. For all intents and purposes, he was Turel’s enemy, and the Proconsul had been looking for him even before New Tython’s summary destruction. The dire situation made the Inquisitor a prime target for the Sentinel network, and Turel.
He had heard Valenthyne was on Nar Shaddaa, meeting with one of the gang bosses to acquire something called simply “the box.” What that was, and what Valenthyne intended to do with it, were Turel’s objectives. The Human’s scoped gaze snapped from one landing pad to the next, observing the rain-covered freighters and shuttle littering the skyline. His attention moved to an incoming shuttle that slowed and landed on an unclaimed landing pad covered from the rain just two buildings away and twenty stories down.
As the Nu-class shuttle coughed and sputtered to a halt with an audible squeal from its hydraulics and aged machinery, the front boarding hatch nearly dropped open before the dampeners kicked in and lowered it softly. Turel scanned the entrance to the landing pad and found his gangster boss waiting with several goons. As his gaze returned to the shuttle, he saw several unruly individuals walk out of the ramp, followed closely by a woman..
Turel nearly choked on his own saliva as his sniper scope fell on a very familiar raven-haired woman standing opposite the gang boss. His sister seemed to smirk as she pulled her blaster and shot the boss squarely between the eyes, while her goons leveled their weapons with the rest of his company. Smoke and light followed as they fell dead one by one. Morgan barked several orders and six more well-armed individuals rushed from the shuttle into the building.
Turel felt a tingle run down his spine, the feeling he always got when something bad was about to happen. The Jedi picked himself up and rushed across the rooftop, searching for a way down.
She lit her second cigarra, leaned on the side of the shuttle and let out a long trail of smoke. The blaster fire coming from inside the building grew dimmer and dimmer as her crew, hardened thugs and bastards all, advanced further inside. Only one of them stayed behind, the pilot, in case they had to make a quick get-away.
She exhaled a smoke-ring just before the cigarra fell from her fingers. She sensed him even before he jumped onto the platform, but it was still a shock to see her brother, soaked from head to toe and silhouetted by the city’s lights, standing only ten meters away, staring her down. She felt stunned, but only for a moment before composing herself.
“Boss, we have five more—” the pilot began but was cut off as the boarding ramp closed, its mechanism gently persuaded by the pirate’s Force-fueled touch.
“Stay inside,” she gave a clear order, one the pilot was used to following without question.
She was distressed, uncertain and no less frightened of what would happen now, and Turel could sense it. She was his sister, after all, and he knew her better than anyone else in the galaxy. But he also felt something more; a determination she hid very well, but not perfectly.
“What’re you doing here, Turel?” she asked evenly. A good liar knew how to mask his voice, and Morgan was better than good. But she could hardly fool her brother. He’d caught her by surprise, and now she was looking for a way out.
“I came expecting to find one of the Inquisitorius rats, but instead I find you. I think I’m the one who should be asking the questions here, dear sister.” The words seemed to slide from the Human’s mouth much like the rain still dripping from his coat. They were flat, at first, but as he finished the sentence his pitch seemed to waver. He too was distressed, and clearly out of sorts.
Morgan bit her tongue and her eye twitched at the sudden rush of pain. She needed the focus, the center. She cracked her neck once and found herself pacing to loosen up the shakes in her aching nerves.
“You should leave, Turel. You’ll only get hurt here,” she said as flatly as her voice allowed her.
“Or what? You’ll hurt me? Or your goons?” Turel paced several steps towards her. Morgan put her hand on her blaster almost instantly, making him stop. “You’re gonna shoot me now, Applejack?”
“I told you a million time, stop calling me that. This isn’t a karkin’ game any more, and we’re not kids playin’ under our mother’s dress.”
“Do I look like I’m joking?” he asked firmly, flaring his nostrils in irritation. It was only then that it hit him; the realization that his sister stood on the opposite side of the field, ready to draw her pistol should he do anything aggressive. He couldn’t tell if it was a bluff, but he didn’t care. Turel took another step forwards only to be met by a blaster bolt before his feet.
“I said, leave!” the raven-haired woman seemed to flow in the Force, her mental attack slamming against his resolute barrier. He felt a tinge of uncertainty, which further deepened his doubt. He paused then, tight and wound up like a string ready to pop.
“Where were you?” he asked, flaring his nostrils again and tightening his lips. He was on the edge and Morgan could tell. “Where were you when that lunatic you serve destroyed New Tython? Do you even have any idea how this feels?” He put one foot in front of the other again. “My home gets destroyed and I learn my sister serves the man responsible? Worse, she’s on the Dark Council!”
A mixture of pain and disgust passed Morgan’s features for only a moment before she composed herself again. “I got nothin’ to say to you. I’ll tell you one last time: leave, or I start shooting further north.”
“I’m not going anywhere until you give me an answer.”
“And I ain’t givin’ you kark.” Morgan leveled her blaster with Turel’s chest and pulled the trigger. Turel rolled to the side just as the bolt exited the barrel and flew harmlessly past him. He took out his lightsaber and ignited it in one swift motion, deflecting an incoming bolt.
Morgan fired several more bolts wide of her target as she advanced . Her focus wasn’t so much on Turel as her surroundings. She hadn’t considered a fight to happen here and all the cover she or her brother had were several large cargo containers and crates, excluding the shuttle. She ducked behind a crate and released another barrage at Turel, now finding cover behind one of the larger containers. She had five minutes to force Turel to leave, or her crew would be back and he’d get seriously hurt.
Just get out of here, sleemo, she thought as she peered out of her cover to release another volley.
Syntax
The comma here interrupts the flow. It would have been better suited after "nest".
Should be plural for "shuttle".
An ellipsis is three full stops.
Comma overload here! An em-dash (—) would have suited the aside in the middle ("soaked [...] lights") better than a comma, and would have contributed to the flow of the sentence.
This isn't a case of "he said, she said", so the dialogue isn't connected to the sentence. Should use a full stop in the quotes and a capital on "she".
Missing a modifier here. Did the pain and disgust pass over Morgan's features? Through them? I know the imagery you're going for here, but it is missing a word.
Story
It's unclear what exactly is going on here. Is it an amplified touch (in which case this would be a minor realism hit due to your +1 Amp) or something else? Even TK would be a minor issue.
Realism
After discussion with other Judges, we settled on this being TK from what we can infer. At +2, this act would take a level of concentration not shown in your writing. It takes an "effort of will". Exceedingly minor hit, but need to point it out.
What you did well here was setting up the terms of the engagement. Not only did you set up the motivations and the conflict itself, but you clearly outlined the scene and a time limit on the match itself. Eliminates any "deus ex machina" later on.