CCH Kaira Rohana vs. JH Marduss

Consular Chronicler Kaira Rohana

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Female Human, Consular, Seeker
vs.

Neophyte Marduss

Journeyman 1, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Human, Sith, Marauder
Comment

Multiple small mistakes added up here. For additional feedback, let me know. Congratulations on advancing, Kaira!

Hall Fading Light
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants CCH Kaira Rohana, JH Marduss
Winner CCH Kaira Rohana
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
CCH Kaira Rohana's Character Snapshot Snapshot
JH Marduss's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Begeren – Desert Wasteland
Last Post 7 June, 2014 1:08 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Aerwin Tribwell-Urr Marduss
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Multiple minor proofreading issues. Rationale: Final post especially had many many issues.
Story - 40%
Aerwin Tribwell-Urr Marduss
Score: 2 Score: 2
Rationale: End of match felt very rushed, or this would have been a little bit higher. Rationale: Ending is a bit hard to buy and a bit unclear as to why Kaira would toss Marduss to the artifact.
Realism - 25%
Aerwin Tribwell-Urr Marduss
Score: 3 Score: 2
Rationale: Try to incorporate more of your opponent's aspects and the like. Rationale: Damage unaddressed in first post. Try to incorporate your own and your opponent's aspects through more than mentioning them - detail how they play out. What does it mean to be a duelist?
Continuity - 20%
Aerwin Tribwell-Urr Marduss
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues I saw Rationale: No issues I saw.
Aerwin Tribwell-Urr's Score: 3.15 Marduss's Score: 2.75
Posts

Begeren. Once a prosperous Sith world, it has been the site of numerous battles throughout the millennia. Grand halls and monuments were torn down and re-purposed by looting Republic forces thousands of years ago, before they were driven from the planet. Isolated settlements still dot the planet's surface, but the inhospitable, craggy, and desert-like terrain, along with the beasts common to many desert and Sith worlds, have kept most humanoids from colonizing. Occasional skirmishes have left debris scattered throughout the desert, and battles were fought here as recently as the Galactic Civil War. The planet is now under the control of the One Sith and is rumored to be full of all manner of priceless, ancient Sith artifacts.

The Dark Council has pushed forth to Begeren and the Grand Master, on his quest for ever more powerful items, has decreed the Clans and Houses seize anything of value. The unity shown by the Brotherhood during the beginning of this Crusade is fracturing, with the Clans and Houses growing tired and frustrated with the seemingly endless succession of battles. Tempers are flaring between former allies, with outright aggression no longer uncommon. Despite this, you have responded to the Grand Master's call—though whether it's to actually seize the items for the Brotherhood, destroy them, or use them for your own purposes, only you know.

You have followed the call of the Force to a stretch of desert wasteland, seemingly unremarkable save for the various rock outcroppings that dot the landscape. These outcroppings, though, hide a subterranean cave network, known to be a den of wraids. Though the entrances to the caverns are typically narrow and dark, these tunnels quickly widen. Below the surface, bioluminescent plants and lichen provide limited light.

You know that, despite reaching this place first, you won’t be alone for long, as an ancient Sith tomb is located deep within the caves the wraids now call home. Exactly what you’ll find in that tomb, you’re not sure—but it is something of great power, that much you can sense. You know it is your duty to find it, whatever it is, before any others can locate it. What you do with it when you find it… that is up to you.

As you near one of the entrances to the caves, you think you hear the sounds of footsteps, or maybe skittering, down below—and above ground, you hear the distant crunch of rock underfoot as someone else has found a different rocky cave entrance as well.

The deserts of Begeren were as featureless and desolate as they were expansive, but as anyone knew, the emptiest chest can still hold the richest treasure. Marduss had taken this as his mantra for his mission on Begeren. As fruitless as it had been thus far, however, would argue against his optimism. But, today’s mission was different, as he had the chance to acquire a potentially powerful and dangerous relic from the Begeren wastelands. A tome with knowledge on ancient dark side secrets had been placed here many eons ago, and according to the holocron that had pointed Marduss in this direction, it was still here.

It was the Plagueis clan summit that had sent Marduss on this mission, unable to send any more veterans due to recent losses of skilled warriors. Being the best available for the job, Marduss was given the holocron with all the information available to travel to the wastelands. But, it wasn’t at all as easy as it sounded, as the house summit of Odan-Urr had sent a particularly vile enemy, Kaira Rohana. A traitor to Plagueis and the Dark Side of the Force, Rohana was a powerful opponent and exceptionally skilled duelist. Marduss had seen her once so far, but had managed to keep his lead in the search for the tome.

The rocky outcrops had been featureless, unmarked, and negligent to give way to anyone attempting to enter the underground caverns of the desert. But, with some persuasion from the Force, Marduss had found an entrance to the vast underlying caverns. His rappel down was slow paced due to the close walls, that was until he heard a large crashing sound, followed by a frantic skitter. Wasting no time, Marduss cut his line and slid down the imperfect cylinder of rock, almost breaking a leg upon landing. Unfortunately, it seemed the Sith’s opponent had the same idea, because an instant later a figure came barreling out of another rock like passage followed by rock and debris. In the green and teal tinged light, color was hard to differentiate, but he could tell this figure was a woman wearing some form of green robe and her hair was a shade of red.

Rohana had arrived.

She stared at the younger warrior, neither was happy to see each other.

“Jedi”, were Marduss’ first words, his face impassive as his voice.

“Sith”, Rohana said in the same tone.

“I don’t know what Odan-Urr could possibly want with a Dark Side relic, but this isn’t a place for you to be Rohana. This is my mission and my clan’s treasure, not the reward of a traitor like yourself.” Marduss said in a visibly angered declaration, his hand on his saber, ready to fight. Rohana looked annoyed, but her body language and voice was calm and relaxed.

“If you want a fight-“, the Jedi warrior said as her blade ignited, “-then I’ll give you a war.”

Rohana summoned the Force into her hands, and sent out a vicious amount of kinetic energy toward Marduss. The blast was debilitating, sending the sith to collide with a particularly jagged wall. Stunned, Marduss barely had time to roll out of the way of Rohana’s incoming saber, and could not stop the second telekinetic blast. This one pushed him across the ten foot expanse of the cavern, but did not leave him stunned or injured.

Igniting his saber, the Sith called upon the Force to amplify his skill in combat, and charged Rohana. Attempting to strike her arm, Rohana parried Marduss and tried to stab his mid-section. Marduss side stepped her attack and attempted to behead his opponent, to no avail. In an attempt to cripple Marduss, the Jedi slashed at his legs, and managed to get a long cut at his mid-thigh. While not a deep wound and not particularly threatening, the pain Marduss experienced was extreme. His rage was boiling now, and instead of sending out a torrent of saber strikes, the Sith planted his feet and sent out a rather forceful kick to Rohana’s stomach. She was sent tumbling, but recovered too quickly and too far away for Marduss to use a follow up attack. Now, the Jedi warrior used her telekinetic power again to pull the roof of the cavern they were currently in apart, in an attempt to bury Marduss. The caverns ceiling collapsed and created a large pile of rocks and dirt to delay Marduss, burying him and the ground around him to his shoulders. The Jedi extinguished her lightsaber and then sprinted away, running into the cave’s behind her. Free in less than a minute, Marduss was about to charge after Rohana but, stopped when he sensed what was in the cavern ahead of him.

Wraids, many, many wraids. Rohana had entered a large and many layered cavern of wraid beasts, whose attention was now focused solely on her. Marduss, now thinking of how he could use this to his advantage, slowly walked down the cave to the next cavern.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 9 June, 2014 3:50 AM UTC

Realism: Need to account for damage suffered, e.g. control self usage or explaining more clearly how the pain fueled his rage. Also, a cavein would probably also hurt. How did Marduss avoid any damage? Was he just lucky?

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 9 June, 2014 3:44 AM UTC

Story: When describing the use of Force powers, write how the power is acting. For amplification, describe how the Force aids the strength of his swings, or his speed, or whatever you are increasing.

‘How had this gone so wrong?’

That was the thought that floated through Kairas mind as she took off, deep into the maze of caves. Darkness clouded her mind so much so that she must have been overwhelmed by the dark side as she came into the caves. She already regretted her actions against the Dark Jedi Marduss. He had called her a traitor to Plagueis yet he had no idea who she was or why she had left the old clan in the first place.

This place had turned her into something she had fought so hard to bury in her past. She was a Jedi of the light and she would die as such if the cause was true. Right now, however, was not her time even with a Dark Jedi on her trail and innocent animals. Wraids wouldn’t even be a problem so long as they were left alone. A question came to her: would that Sith leave them alone or provoke the simple minded animal?

Marduss sneered as he followed after the crafty Consular with a plan already in mind to use the beasts that were within this cavern. He knew that the Light Sider was headed right for a large cavern that held a number of the beasts. At least that was what he felt in the force. He slowed his approach of the Jedi as he drew within a few feet.

“Hey Jedi, why do you run? Are you a coward?”

Kaira rolled her eyes as she looked around the cave to where Marduss stood a few feet behind her. He had stopped. Why did he stand there taunting her? Did he really wish to fight her? If he did he must know she was much stronger with in the force then he was. Then it hit her. This Sith seemed to want her to keep going. That meant she needed to stop. It was then she heard the Wraids they were on the move. What had this foolish Sith young one done?

“What have you done?” Kaira said, “Wraids will leave us be but I see that is far from what you wish. You want the death of a Jedi so much that you would sacrifice the innocent in the process. So be it, Plagueian. You will have your wish. You will deal with these animals as you see fit as I move to our ultimate goal. Odan-Urr will destroy this artifact to keep it from Sith hands.”

This move was not one that Marduss had thought of. He watched as Kaira started to climb the wall; the bit of the cavern next to where she had just been. As the Wraids reached her they passed her by as if she was not even there. In reality, Marduss knew that they were tricked into thinking there was no one there, for the Sith felt the Jedi’s control of the force.

With a deep breath Marduss turned on his saber. The dark red light filtered into the cave, bouncing off the walls into the eyes of the Wraids. This seemed to only make the wild animals go crazy faster. He knew if he didn’t find away out quickly he might come to an end right here right now. The lightsaber sliced through the first Wraid but the next two were already on top of him, while the first died.

Kaira watched but started to feel bad for what she had done. Then she remembered the artifact. She’d do whatever it takes to get it, but did anyone deserve to die this way? It wasn’t the way Kaira wanted to go nor did she think Marduss would either. This might cost her the artifact yet she knew what she had to do. A jump from the wall to the floor caused no sound, but sent a dust cloud billowing around her. She then sent a simple calm though the Force to the beasts, as they were alarmed at what was going on behind them.

“Marduss turn off the saber….. It is what is making them attack.”

The Sith only spat on the ground at her. “You would like that wouldn’t you Jedi? To see me dead.”

“No, not like this anyway. Those Wraids have done nothing and do not deserve you to cut them down as if they are nothing. Simply put your saber away and send them down the cave after something else.”

“No, Jedi, I will fight.” Marduss had already killed two more of the beasts with his prowess as a swordsman.

The pain that ripped through the force with each death brought a tear to the Jedi’s eyes. If this was to be how it was, she would not let those poor beasts suffer in vain. She would reach the end goal first. She turned and took off once more down the cave with the Force as her guide.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 9 June, 2014 3:46 AM UTC

Syntax: Capitalization issues (e.g. Wraids)

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 9 June, 2014 3:48 AM UTC

Story: Try to describe combat in a bit more detail

The Jedi was quick in her run through the cave, and it was all Marduss could do to keep pace. His battle with the three wraids had tired him, and the earlier brawl with Rohana had left the Sith weakened, but furious. The fact that the Jedi could subdue the beasts with her connection to the Force made Marduss’ strategy ineffective, leaving the Jedi to simply walk into the main chamber and take the Tome. But, the main chamber was a nesting ground for wraids, and Marduss had a few more tricks up his sleeve.

The main chamber was vast, spreading out a kilometer from the cave entrance; it was in the shape of an enormous oval. The chamber was well lit, with large amounts of phosphorescent plants hanging from the ceiling, and various small plateaus and platforms of rock and dirt. Unfortunately, the wraids had made them their homes, and from their homes, the beasts were looking very unhappily down upon the figure of Rohana; who was standing only a few meters away from the cave entrance.

At the far wall at the other end of the chamber, Marduss could see a large chest or sarcophagus standing on a raised platform far above all the others. This was where the Tome must have been kept, and where Marduss was, and Rohana undoubtabley, were going to.

Augmenting himself with his unending rage and amplifying his abilities through the Force, Marduss charged his Jedi opponent, igniting his saber as he ran.

For her part, the Jedi turned with incredible speed and caught the incoming attack with her own lightsaber, and kept both of the plasma blades above their heads, so neither could strike without be killed themselves.

“Stop this at once! Your endangering the lives of the wraids, and I don’t want to kill you.” Rohana was clearly agitated, and wanted only to destroy the Tome and be done with this place, but the rage in Marduss would not simply leave her to destroy the Tome and walk away from the chambers.

“No” was Marduss’ only response.

The two broke apart, and immediately started to attack each other; Marduss out of anger, Rohana out of the desire to end the battle as quickly as possible.

Rohana summoned the Force and used it to telekinetically send large rocks flying at Marduss, who cut them down as they came toward him. Marduss then summoned the Force in an attempt to electrically shock the Jedi, but was blocked by her saber as she closed in on the younger warrior. The two then went to melee combat, Rohana went for the legs again, trying to leave Marduss crippled and unable to fight. Her slash to the knee was blocked, and then knocked back by her Sith opponent who followed it up by attempting a diagonal slash to her chest. The Jedi counselor just stepped back and, with graceful ease, sent a kinetic blast at the younger warrior’s hands and disarmed him. Not to be deterred by his lack of a saber, Marduss attempted to blast Rohana with more electrical shocks, but was deflected every time.

Finally, the Jedi closed in on the younger warrior and, before he could escape, slashed him across his left shoulder. Stumbling backwards in pain, Marduss pulled his saber toward him and, with much effort began to raise both his arms.

“Jedi, I will give you one last chance: surrender or die”, Marduss bellowed as he raised his hands above his head. Rohana gave no inclination that she would but, as she watched the younger warrior raise his arms, understood what he was doing.

“Marduss-”, Rohana yelled, “-whatever your planning, don’t.”

Just as Rohana finished her sentence, the younger warrior called upon the force the wreak havoc upon the cavern he and his opponent were in. Marduss sent the largest telekinetic blast he could muster and broke some of the ceiling apart, sending chunks of ceiling into nearby wraid nests. When the Jedi looked around, she felt sadness and pain as a few wraids lay dead and many others had become angrily displaced, their anger being directed toward the two dueling Force wielders.

Tiring quickly by the minute, Marduss rushed away from the pursuing wraids and towards the far off wall of the cavern. Rohana followed, but was more heavily concerned with calming and fending off the wraids from attacking her or each other. By the time she caught up with Marduss, he had reached the steps toward the chest against the now near wall.

Without warning, Rohana shot the younger warrior with a kinetic blast that sent him flying into the air and left him lying on his side at the top of the platform holding the Tome. The wraids, however, caught up and charged the Jedi, who could not hope to save them all.

Tired and defeated, Marduss picked himself up and shuffled over to the chest. It was a rectangular stone chest with many ancient markings to signify its role as a container of Dark Side importance. As quick as possible, the Sith broke the lid off of the chest and removed the only object it held, the tome he had been seeking. Seeking an exit, the closest way out was a long vertical shaft in the rock only a few meters away that led deep into the desert mountains, far off from his extraction point, but it was his only option. The Sith began to climb to freedom from the bowels of the underground cavern, and as he climbed out he saw Rohana distraught at the carnage she had wrought, then Marduss called on the Force one last time to destroy the rocks below him and temporarily sealed his exit, giving him time to escape his pursuing opponent.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 9 June, 2014 3:52 AM UTC

Syntax: Word choice, grammar, punctuation issues (e.g. be instead of being)

The Jedi knew the path ahead led to where she needed to go, for the darkness showed the way. It was easy in these caves to succumb to the dark side of the force. It would take all her will to not let that happen again. Kaira did not want to face the demons that would crop up within her soul if she were to head down that dark road once more. It only leads to death.

Just as her foot touch the soft dusty earth of another large cavern a pain shot though her that sent her to her knees in anguish. The last of the wraids had been killed; such mindless death was horrible to her. Yet she knew that Marduss would be there in only moments. She had to be the first to the dark artifact to destroy it. No more darkness was needed in this universe, there was enough already.

Quickly the Consular reached out with the force to search the room for what was strongest in the force. There was just not enough light to search the whole place without the aid of the force even if it left her a bit drained. It was almost too easy as her mind locked onto a vile space that was only a few feet from where she stood.

She never made it to the artifact however, for just as she reached out to unearth the artifact she flipped her body into a sideways leap to avoid Marduss’ lightsaber as it slashed down. As she touched the ground with her feet once more she smiled.

“I see you came after me. That artifact will be destroyed one way or another, Marduss.”

The young hunter simply laughed at her and smiled. “You are the one who will be destroyed as I walk out of here with that artifact for the glory of Clan Plagueis.”

No more talking came from the young man’s lips as he let his saber do the talking. His strikes at her came quick but Kaira blocked each one with ease. There was so much wickedness sorrowing them that Kaira felt herself slip right along that dark road she didn’t want to fall down. It was easy to just let go right now however. The room seemed to feed off the hate and anger to only make them fight more.

It wasn’t until she sliced into Marduss’ right arm, causing him to drop his saber with a soft clank that echoed though the cave, that Kaira knew if she didn’t pull back she would kill the Sith hunter in front of her. If she did that, she would be loss to the dark side of the force. That couldn’t happen; yet she couldn’t let this Hunter walk free with the artifact, either.

So what did our Jedi do? The next best thing to killing. She knocked the Sith out cold with a hard blow to the head that sent him flying onto this back. If that blow had not knocked him out however, the way his head hit the ground would have. Kaira knew the man was not dead but he wouldn’t be waking any time soon, either.

The artifact was hers. She would take it to the leaders of house Odan-Urr to be disposed of properly. Kaira pulled from her robe a piece of cloth that she wrapped the artifact in. Then she made a bee line for the exit before Marduss would come around. There was no way she was in any shape to fight any more today as her body ached all over from this battle. She was getting too old for this kind of stuff.