“Are you sure? I’m not seeing anything here. Looks like everything's hush hush. I knew this was going to be a wild bantha chase.” The Mandalorian pushed herself up from the seat and ran her hand across the control panel. “Look, I’ve copied what I can and will upload it when back at the ship. Fine, see you soon.”
The voice in her ear went silent. She hated working for these types of clients, the ones that always need to check up and push, though in some ways this one worked out well for her; or would have if she had found anything. She had always admired the legend of Boba Fett and, rumours being rumours, she figured here of all places would have something, anything on him but she hadn’t had much luck. The Kaminoans had hardly been willing to give her any data and so she had resulted too breaking and entering and come up with nothing for her troubles.
Leaving the room she was in she walked out into the corridor. Sterile colours met her, mixed with the dim, almost opaque, light. She shuddered. It reminded her of the med labs; it reminded her of what had been before. Her cybernetics almost buzzed with the memory and she shook her head to clear the thoughts before she snaked her way along the corridor, backtracking to the landing pad.
As Ophelia exited the building the wind ripped into her and her visor was momentarily obscured as thunderous rain whipped around her in a frenzy. Her embroidered shoulder cloak, sodden, wrapped itself around her arm and chestplate and she sighed. She moved again and the Sephi had to wonder exactly why anyone would want to live here or even develop a society on a planet such as this but the thought’s quickly escaped her mind as she pushed on.
Something wasn’t right, and as she neared the ship she realised the door was open. Her hand went to her hostler and flicked the catch open, the heavy slug thrower sat perfectly as it always did and as she approached the ship more cautiously she wrapped her hand around the grip. Light echoed from the interior and she held her breath and entered. Her pistol was out as she moved into the vessel. Progressing through the ship she soon found there was no one onboard yet upon nearing the cockpit she soon realised someone had been there.
A water bottle sat tucked into the co-pilot's seat. A datapad was discarded haphazardly to the side and then Ophelia heard the footsteps behind her. Her instincts kicked in and the Death Watch commando turned, bringing her pistol to bear and went to squeeze the trigger when the gun was no longer in her hand.
“Do you always try to shoot people before you talk to them?” She stared at the figure, the muffled voice escaped through a heavy material so she was unable to quite make it out. A sodden robe dripped over her floor and the face was obscured due to the hood being pulled up to protect the wearer from the rain. The slug hung between them and Ophelia’s attention went to the figures hand which was held out before her ever so slightly. The fingers drifted lazily and as they did the slugthrower rotated on its axis.
“Only when they break into my ship, chakaaryc.” She moved suddenly and the space between her and the intruder lessened. The figured was caught off guard and lost her concentration, dropping the pistol which, in turn, was snatched out of the air by the assaulting Mandalorian, and backtracked down the corridor attempting to find room. The figure neared the entrance to the ship and turned her head briefly to ensure the exit would be smooth, but before she was able to disembark she was tackled. The both tumbled out of the ship to the wet platform below.
They scrambled away from each other and in the process the robes were pulled down and beautiful blue Lekku cascaded from within. Ophelia vaulted to her feet and took in the face of a young Twi’lek before bringing her pistol to bear one more. “Who are you, chakaaryc? I wish to know before I kill you.”
The woman stood proudly before her as she adjusted her robes. “I am Tasha’Vel Versea, a Grey Jedi of the Dark Brotherhood and Clan Naga Sadow, I meant no harm I was curious--”
“Jedi?” Ophelia exclaimed. Her entire posture changed in an instant. Something feral appeared in her stance and she growled under her breath. “Last time I fought one of you Jedi it didn’t go so well. Time for you my dear to pay the cost of that grievance,” she giggled and with one swift motion, her hand drew her secondary slugthrower. As it rose the first pistol cracked loudly as thunder boomed overhead.
The Twi’lek moved before she was struck, a rolling dive that turned into a slide as her body slipped along the wet platform. Pushing herself to her feet crimson light bathed sprung into life as the saber activated. The second pistol was fully drawn and as Tasha scrambled to her feet a secondary click and crack could just be heard. Tasha sidestepped and then leapt towards the armoured warrior, bringing down her saber towards her opponent's neck but Ophelia had moved into the leap and under the lightsabers extension. Their bodies collided once more and again they found themselves on the floor and moving away from each other, to once again regain their footing.
“Seriously what is your problem?” Tasha yelled over the driving rain. No response came and she sighed as lightning illuminated her opponent and the rain began soaking her to the bone. “I only wanted to talk, are all you Mandalorians this dense!”
“I am Kyr’tsad not some common Cabur,” came the yelled reply and as Tasha watched for a movement she took a couple of steps back and readied herself into a position to defend herself from awaiting Ophelia’s next move.
Syntax:
There were a bunch of small typos.
I read this in a Google Doc, and it was weird to me that 'hostler' wasn't highlighted by spellcheck. It turns out that it's "a man employed to look after the horses of people staying at an inn." Just remember that spellcheck is great but it doesn't remove the need for human proofreaders.
I'm not dinging you for this, but avoid using the passive voice too often in ACC battles. Sometimes, like with this pistol here, I think it's useful to avoid switching subjects mid-sentence. But in general it has a very weak feel to it.
Careful with the untranslated Mando'a. Chakaaryc is pretty easy to figure out from context, but when you start talking about political factions it breaks flow when your reader has to run to the dictionary.
Story:
This was a good setup for Ophelia. We know why she's here and anyone who's read your CS has a pretty good idea of why she reacted the way she did. I think you made good use of the venue. You punted all of Tasha's motivation, though, leaving it for her to write in her first post. Keep in mind that in 2+2 Alternative Ending matches the story only plays out in three posts - the two endings don't touch each other. You really want to establish all of the intro material for both characters in that first post so your opponent can tell the middle of the story in the second post.
Realism:
No issues.
Continuity:
No issues.