OP Arvalis vs. OE Tra'an Reith

Obelisk Prelate Arvalis

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Anzati, Obelisk, Marauder
vs.

Obelisk Exarch Tra'an Reith

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Shi'ido, Obelisk, Juggernaut
Comment

Gentlemen,

Thank you for participating in this round of the ACC Fading Light Tournament. I thought each of you did an exceptional job and held up well against challenging grading. You can read the notes associated with your scoring in each section, but the match was decided on two accounts. 1) I felt that Tra'an's story was more entertaining and well done. 2) I felt Arvalis may have missed a few key points on Tra'an's character sheet that reduced his realism score.

Tra'an takes the fight. Good luck next round.

As always, I'm available for questions.

GM Pravus

Hall Fading Light
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants OP Arvalis, OE Tra'an Reith
Winner OE Tra'an Reith
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
OP Arvalis's Character Snapshot Snapshot
OE Tra'an Reith's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Begeren – Desert Wasteland
Last Post 10 June, 2014 1:21 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Kaz Raith Reaver Tra'an Reith di Plagia
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: 1. Candences: Should be cadences, a sequence of movements. Rationale: 1. Sentence structure or word choice: The first sound, the crunch of a heavy foot upon the gravel as it sent some skittering down the initial drop in the tunnels. 2. Word Choice: Repetitive use of "seemed" or "it seemed." 7 usages in the lead post alone. 3. Capitalization or punctuation mistake: Tra'an tipped his blade into the case. the circlet falling into it. 4. Small spacing error on quotations.
Story - 40%
Kaz Raith Reaver Tra'an Reith di Plagia
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: 1. I found your combat writing to be well done, but felt you may have gone overboard in dominating Tra'an by breaking his wrist and injuring his leg in the opening post. 2. A little cliched with the detonator down the throat finisher. I'm also not sure that Tra'an would have balled up in the fetal position and let you shove a thermal detonator down his throat. Rationale: 1. The opening of the fight was well done with the introduction of hungry wraids looking for the combatants and setting the scene for the tomb below. I found it engaging. 2. Your final post implements the unfortunate position your opponent left Tra'an in and the surprise ending of killing both combatants. Not bad.
Realism - 25%
Kaz Raith Reaver Tra'an Reith di Plagia
Score: 2 Score: 4
Rationale: 1. I did some research and could not find any indications that the Shi’do muscle structure was mushy. They were pliable when attempting to transform shapes, but it appears once in a form they were pretty solid/consistent. 2. Tra'an is ambidextrous. You refer to his strong and weak sides on two occasions. 3. Neither of Tra'an's lightsaber forms employ power. They are both very finesse oriented styles. 4. There is nothing in Tra’ans character sheet that indicates he would fight with reckless abandon. If anything, the opposite is true. 5. The fracture of Tra’ans wrist is problematic to me. He is a duelist, +3 precog, reflexive counter, and has lightning reflexes. You have also described his body as mushy and pliable, but now break a bone. 6. Tra'an has an injured leg and a broken wrist and attempts a leaping attack that is not in form with his lightsaber styles: "The fresher of the pair, Tra’an sprung upon Arvalis with a blood rage. He planted his feet firmly into the ground before launching into a Force-assisted leap that carried him high into the air, and twisting over Arvalis." 7. You shoved a thermal detonator down a living beings throat? Tra'an was in a fetal position? Harsh. Rationale: 1. A slight knock. Yes, you have healing +3, but healing a force wound in the middle of a fight while also suffering from a broken wrist could be a little more difficult to accomplish. I’d write this as more of a temporary halt of pain receptors or to stem the flow of blood. Small spacing error on quotations.
Continuity - 20%
Kaz Raith Reaver Tra'an Reith di Plagia
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues. Rationale: No issues.
Kaz Raith's Score: 3.3 Reaver Tra'an Reith di Plagia's Score: 4.05
Posts

Begeren. Once a prosperous Sith world, it has been the site of numerous battles throughout the millennia. Grand halls and monuments were torn down and re-purposed by looting Republic forces thousands of years ago, before they were driven from the planet. Isolated settlements still dot the planet's surface, but the inhospitable, craggy, and desert-like terrain, along with the beasts common to many desert and Sith worlds, have kept most humanoids from colonizing. Occasional skirmishes have left debris scattered throughout the desert, and battles were fought here as recently as the Galactic Civil War. The planet is now under the control of the One Sith and is rumored to be full of all manner of priceless, ancient Sith artifacts.

The Dark Council has pushed forth to Begeren and the Grand Master, on his quest for ever more powerful items, has decreed the Clans and Houses seize anything of value. The unity shown by the Brotherhood during the beginning of this Crusade is fracturing, with the Clans and Houses growing tired and frustrated with the seemingly endless succession of battles. Tempers are flaring between former allies, with outright aggression no longer uncommon. Despite this, you have responded to the Grand Master's call—though whether it's to actually seize the items for the Brotherhood, destroy them, or use them for your own purposes, only you know.

You have followed the call of the Force to a stretch of desert wasteland, seemingly unremarkable save for the various rock outcroppings that dot the landscape. These outcroppings, though, hide a subterranean cave network, known to be a den of wraids. Though the entrances to the caverns are typically narrow and dark, these tunnels quickly widen. Below the surface, bioluminescent plants and lichen provide limited light.

You know that, despite reaching this place first, you won’t be alone for long, as an ancient Sith tomb is located deep within the caves the wraids now call home. Exactly what you’ll find in that tomb, you’re not sure—but it is something of great power, that much you can sense. You know it is your duty to find it, whatever it is, before any others can locate it. What you do with it when you find it… that is up to you.

As you near one of the entrances to the caves, you think you hear the sounds of footsteps, or maybe skittering, down below—and above ground, you hear the distant crunch of rock underfoot as someone else has found a different rocky cave entrance as well.

The flickering light from the patches of lichen showed the tunnel taking a sharp turn to the right and downwards, where Tra'an paused to listen. This time, the sounds he heard were more distinctive. The first sound, the crunch of a heavy foot upon the gravel as it sent some skittering down the initial drop in the tunnels. The second being something completely different, the whuff of heavy breathing accompanied by the smell of rank and fetid meat. It seemed to waft to him from below, warning him just in time. He stepped back into the tunnel he had come from, pressing himself along the wall and holding very still, drawing the Force to hide him.

The beast charged up from below, stopping to rest in the junction where the tunnel turned. It seemed to almost scream in frustration as it turned in place, before rushing forward the way the Obelisk had come from. As it vanished around the tunnel, the Plagueian broke cover and jogged to where the wraid had come from, moving further into the depths of the network of hidden passages.

The walls seemed to pulse with the glow of the lichen, guiding Tra'an deeper. Twisting and turning, the light seemed to grow brighter the further he went, ignoring the walls with little or no lichen, until he came to a door that was obviously unnatural. Turning on his glowrod, the Exarch examined the door, recognizing the symbols, laughing as he did so.

"The Force shall free me," he recited, gently shoving on the door with the Force as he did so. It slid backward silently, revealing an inner chamber that was covered in brightly pulsing lichen. The cavern seemed to stretch up and around the center structure, revealing an ancient tomb. As he approached it, the Force seemed to writhe and twist, agitated and distressed by something within.

The entryway to the tomb had no door, but was covered in the same writing as on the door, something that annoyed the Shi'ido. He had memorized the Sith Code and its patterned lettering as a part of his trials through the Shadow Academy, many years ago. Actually understanding it to read something else was something he had always struggled with and given up on many years ago.

"Knowing my luck, it's telling me that death lurks within," Tra'an remarked as he moved forward, passing through the archway. The lichen surrounded the tomb, but was not within it. His glowrod snapped back on as he slid the activation switch on it. The tightly focused light beam revealed a column standing alone in the center of a round room, patterned in a swirl of lettering and lines looking like someone had taken a plus sign and twisted it to form a concentric swirl centered on this black obelisk.

A simple circlet hung suspended in mid air, without any kind of visible support. Tra'an reached out to bring it to him from the doorway, and found the Force wild and unpredictable, slipping away from him at every touch. Sighing in irritation, he unlimbered his Sapphire Blade from its sheath on his back. Looking around with the glowrod, he stuck the sacrificial weapon across the threshold, waiting for something to happen.

A minute later, he followed it, stepping across himself. The runes on the wall began to glow as he encroached upon the resting place of the circlet. He reached into his coat to retrieve a small case, laying it on the floor and opening it with one hand, keeping an eye on the artifact. Sliding his Sapphire blade into the center of it, he pulled the circlet out of its suspension. Almost immediately the obelisk in the center began to sink into the floor.

Tra'an tipped his blade into the case. the circlet falling into it. He snapped the case shut and ran for the door, the obelisk now halfway into the floor and falling faster. With the case in one hand, his weapon in the other, the Obelisk made it out of the trap just in time, as the entire cavern began to shake. The center spire of the tomb seemed to shudder and release before falling. Within moments, a resounding cacophony echoed throughout the chamber as a dust cloud filled with pulverized stone gushed forth from the center of the now destroyed tomb.

"Good. I'm glad you were able to retrieve it for me. I'll be taking that with me now." The calm words were the first proof that he wasn't alone. They came from an indistinct figure, backlit by the lichen.

"And just who are you that you should come along and demand this from me?" Responded Tra'an as he clipped the case to his belt, putting away his sapphire blade one handed in the process.

"My name is Arvalis. I'm from Taldryan, the Brotherhood within a Brotherhood. You'll hand over that artifact to me to avoid falling to me and my wrath." The calmly stated response was simple and matter of fact, without the ego that had been expected.

"I'm Tra'an Reith, and unless I'm mistaken, we're not quite in the same weight class," Tra'an responded. "Are you sure you wish to challenge me like this?" he added calmly, facing the Prelate. Arvalis' response was to ignite his white lightsaber, throwing the chamber in stark relief, revealing the human-like features of the Taldryan for the first time. Tra'an responded in kind by igniting his lightsaber, the molten-copper color clashing with the bright purity from his opponent's weapon.

"Come and get it then. Your death is upon your own head." Tra'an said, positioning himself on the balls of his feet, ready to receive a rushed attack. The jump nearly caught him off guard, but for the tensing of his opponent's legs. Even then, the ferocity of the attack came not from a vertical strike, but from a slicing blow. The Exarch parried the slice, stepping into the attack to engage, only for Arvalis to slip away.

Grand Master Declan Roark, 11 June, 2014 8:25 PM UTC
  1. Sentence structure or word choice: The first sound, the crunch of a heavy foot upon the gravel as it sent some skittering down the initial drop in the tunnels.
  2. Word Choice: Repetitive use of "seemed" or "it seemed." 7 usages in the lead post alone.
  3. Capitalization or punctuation mistake: Tra'an tipped his blade into the case. the circlet falling into it.
  4. The introduction of this story is well done and engaging. Nice work.

Arvalis pulled out, creating a handful steps of distance between himself and Tra’an. Arvalis eyed his opponent carefully, unsure whether the feeling was genuine or if the concentration of the Dark Side energy that permeated the room was beguiling his senses. He could have sworn he felt Tra’an’s body giving way under the weight of their first clash, as if the man’s body was made up of mush.

Disregarding such silly notions, Arvalis pressed on with a forward lunge. Piercing the darkness, the silver blade snaked up from below in a diagonal cut aimed at Tra’an’s inferior side. A streak of coral colored light intercepted the silver pillar of power, nudging it from its intended path. With a quick flick of his wrist, Arvalis sent his blade back into a path that would have taken off his opponent’s head cleanly. Tra’an arched backwards, his pupils dilating as the silver beam passed harmlessly – if not somewhat too close for comfort – passed his face.

Tra’an let the momentum of his reflexive dodge take him further backwards, creating some separation from the Taldryanite. A soft smirk drew itself on his lips but was quickly suppressed by a look of grim determination. Sensing the momentary lapse in his opponent’s concentration, Arvalis rushed forward. Silver light weaved a cross-cut aimed at Tra’an’s torso, but was parried both times through intricate blade work stemming from the man’s wrist movements. Arvalis noted the shift in Tra’an’s fighting as it went from power to finesse. Much to his own surprise, he was suddenly the one on the defensive as Tra’an switched the momentum of the battle in his favor. Palpable waves of rage permeated the air around him.

Lunges, stabs, short and long slashes. Tra’an mixed up his game as he varied between power, accuracy, and speed seemingly at will. The longer Tra’an pressed on, the faster the carnage was unleashed as each blow rained on Arvalis with minute precision.

Desperate to keep pace, Arvalis laced a defensive pattern with his saber. Managing to keep pace for the first few blows, his confidence got the better of him when Tra’an ramped up the pace and power behind each blow. Within moments Arvalis was struggeling to complete his candences. Focusing on keeping his vital areas safe, he was unable to stop the coral blade from piercing his left shoulder and deliver a series of cuts across his torso. As the smell of burned ozone and charred flesh entered his nostrils, he felt a distinct burning sensation when Tra’an’s saber bit into his latissimus dorsi. He had to clench his jaws in order to stop the scream that was bubbling in his throat from escaping, but could not hold back a pain-filled grunt Feeling the battle slip out of his hands, Arvalis tapped into the mysterious energies of the Force, pleading for it to amplify the abilities of his body and ease the pain. The Force responded as it took over. Conscious thought was replaced by instinct, sluggish parries replaced by solid blocks, helplessness replaced by a renewed vigor.

Tra’an’s reckless abandon grinded to a halt, his body sapped of strength as beads of sweat collected on his upper lip and others trickled down from his brow. Arvalis, seemingly refreshed and full of energy took the sudden advantage with open hands. His saber slashed at Tra’an’s dominant side, baiting the man into a parrying motion. Arvalis let it happen, but on his own terms. The distinct sound of sabers locking filled the surrounding air. Arvalis pushed his saber upward, exposing himself to a body blow. Tra’an quickly tried to seize the opportunity as he thrust out a well-aimed fist towards Arvalis’ ribs.

Recognizing the opportunity, Arvalis pushed his saber up firmly with all the might he could muster, freeing up his blade arm for a well-timed interception. Moments later, screams of pain filled the air as Tra’an’s arm was caught firmly between Arvalis’ elbow and knee. Arvalis then proceeded to fracture Tra’an’s wrist. Tra’an stumbled backwards, his left hand hanging limply from his forearm, his breath coming in staggered pain-filled wheezes.

Prepared to exploit the sudden space and time he was afforded, Arvalis gathered up energy as he communed with the Force. The Dark Side was given tangible form moments later as a violent tendril licked Tra’an right hamstring. The wound oozed with the unnatural taint of the Dark Side as Tra’an’s face twisted in agony.

Grand Master Declan Roark, 11 June, 2014 8:26 PM UTC
  1. I did some research and could not find any indications that the Shi’do muscle structure was mushy. They were pliable when attempting to transform shapes, but it appears once in a form they were pretty solid/consistent.
  2. Tra'an is ambidextrous. You refer to his strong and weak sides on two occasions.
  3. Neither of Tra'an's lightsaber forms employ power. They are both very finesse oriented styles.
  4. There is nothing in Tra’ans character sheet that indicates he would fight with reckless abandon. If anything, the opposite is true.
  5. The fracture of Tra’ans wrist is problematic to me. He is a duelist, +3 precog, reflexive counter, and has lightning reflexes.

The muted scream of pain echoed throughout the cavern as his leg oozed blood. As it trickled down his calf, the smell of freshly oxygenated iron filled the air in a pervasive manner. Tra'an brought his ragged breathing under control as the Force filtered through him, muting the pain from his fractured wrist. Carefully, he moved his left arm behind his back, bracing it in the center of his spine. The pressure served to mute the movements of his hand and prevent it from flaring anew. Right hand extended, the ambidextrous Obelisk aligned his feet towards his opponent before grinning.

As the hole in his leg throbbed, the Force power finished cleansing Tra'an, healing the oozing wound. Turning his lightsaber horizontal and using two fingers to beckon to the Prelate.

"Pain, I am used to." said Tra'an. "Like death, it is just another part of this life." With a steely glare, his eyes bore into the heart of his opponent.

"Tell me Arvalis, do you fear death?" The confused look on the Anzat's face at the reaction was banished as Arvalis raised his silver lightsaber.

"So, you fixed it?" asked Arvalis as he ignored the question. "I wonder, can you fix your arm, too?" sneered the Anzat as he advanced, silver lightsaber moving in complex and disorienting patterns. Tra'an looked beyond his foe, and smiled.

Drawn through the door they'd both left open by the smell of his blood, the wraid that he had avoided earlier had come back, sniffing its way around the corner. As Arvalis prepared to dash towards Tra'an, the beast let loose a scream of fury and lunged for the Marauder.

Undeterred, Arvalis simply jumped vertically, his nostrils flaring from the smell of the blood that permeated the air. In contrast, Tra'an waited as the beast charged him. At the last possible moment, his steely eyes gauged the distance between himself and the approaching mass of claws and teeth. Without warning, he sidestepped the beast, slicing its head off in a clean motion before hopping backwards as the body collapsed.

The rank and fetid smell of scorched wraid hide filled the cavern. Tra'an raised an eyebrow as he steadied himself again, before turning to Arvalis and beckoning for the fight to resume. Arvalis could feel his blood lust rising, the need to feed gnawing at him. The smell of blood and death was thick in the air, hanging around without wind to move it.

As his eyes glazed over, the rage took hold and forced the Anzat to advance, pulling on the Force to fuel himself, his need for soup growing within him and his patience vanishing.

As power hummed in the air about them, Arvalis brought his shining weapon down to slam into the molten blade before him, it gave way into air as Tra'an spun away, allowing the momentum to turn him in the process.

Seizing the moment, the Plagueian reversed his spin this time, only to find that the Anzati wasn't there, the Force having whispered in his ear that it was coming. The counter attack came in the form of a telekinetic blow to the fractured wrist Tra'an had stabilized, shattering it to pieces as Arvalis moved to put distance between them.

With a scream of fury and pain, Tra'an sank to his knees, his lightsaber sent flying as he lost his concentration and it slipped from his grip. The wrist flopped freely, no longer supported in any way.

As Tra'an struggled to overcome the flaring pain from the shock of the injury, Arvalis wasted no time. He raced forward to execute his foe while the Plagueian was incapacitated. Thinking quickly, the Juggernaut slipped his right hand into his robes and thumbed the switch on the thermal detonator within, triggering the fail-safe. He removed it from his robes and held it up just before impact.

The Anzat saw it just before he struck, the Force warning him. Moving too quickly to stop, he tensed his legs and relied on the Force to carry him high enough as he leapt forwards, coming to a stop gracefully a meter on the other side. He turned to face Tra'an.

"I asked you if you feared death," Tra'an remarked as he raised his eyes to look at the Anzat. "You never responded, so I'll ask you again. Do you fear death?" The look in the Shi'ido's eyes was that of a man resigned to death, who embraced it. In that moment Arvalis knew fear.

"I've lived longer than you, Reith," Arvalis replied. " I do not fear death, yet I am not in a hurry to embrace it either. How far do you think you'll get like that?" Arvalis sneered at him.

Reaching out his left hand, Arvalis summoned the Force and yanked on the case attached to Tra'an's belt. The Shi'ido smiled as he lifted and twisted his thumb, setting the Thermal Detonator to a two second delay. As the belt clip finally snapped and the case responded to Arvalis' call for it, the explosive device was sent his way as well, courtesy of a well timed push from Tra'an.

The magnetic attractor on the bomb activated, attaching itself to the metallic case in midflight, the whine of the impending fusion reaction filling the cavern. It was too late for Arvalis to push away that which he had called for, and the explosive detonated in his face, consuming the case and melting him into oblivion. The reaction filled the cavern, obliterating anything in its way.

As the fusion reaction consumed Arvalis, Tra'an sent a single click on his communicator to indicate that he had failed the mission, before he, too, was consumed in the explosion.

Grand Master Declan Roark, 11 June, 2014 8:43 PM UTC
  1. A slight knock. Yes, you have healing +3, but healing a force wound in the middle of a fight while also suffering from a broken wrist could be a little more difficult to accomplish. I’d write this as more of a temporary halt of pain receptors or to stem the flow of blood.
  2. Small spacing error on quotations.

The story remains interesting. Use of wraids, the environment, and a death of both combatants (seldom used).

The surrounding lichen pulsated with an eerie pale green glow. A putrid liquid oozed from Tra’an’s hamstring, slowly meandering down his leg, but he was still standing tall despite the searing gash the dark side had etched into his flesh. Arvalis stood a few feet away, his head lowered, a gaping hole where most of his shoulder should have been located. Beads of sweat trickled down his brow and dripped off of his sharp jaw and chin. Both of them were drawing pained and slow breaths. Their physical shells were largely beaten and broken. It would come down to a final assault, a battle of wills and sheer audacity to go beyond the physical.

“It would seem as if only one of us is walking out here alive, Tra’an.” Arvalis struggled for breath with each word, but somehow was able to deliver his trademark grin.

“And it won’t be you, kiddo.” Tra’an made sure to stress that last word. Arvalis was not impressed by his failed attempt at playing mind games.

The fresher of the pair, Tra’an sprung upon Arvalis with a blood rage. He planted his feet firmly into the ground before launching into a Force-assisted leap that carried him high into the air, and twisting over Arvalis. Tra’an guided the coral light of his saber to pierce the somber shadows hanging in the air as it came crashing down towards Arvalis’ backside.

Somehow, whether by luck or the will of the Force itself, Arvalis had already initiated a sideways roll over his healthy shoulder. Tra’an’s saber cleaved nothing but the stale cavern air. Bouncing back to his feet, Arvalis spun on his heel, the momentum carrying himself and his own blade into a backhanded slash aimed at Tra’an’s elbow. Tra’an was already dropping downward, the silver blade missing its target completely. Arvalis brought his blade down with a twist of his wrist while bounding back slightly, anticipating a strike that never came. Instead Tra’an dove towards him, bringing his coral blade in for a wide, horizontal slash aimed at Arvalis’ leading leg.

Arvalis leaped into the air, tucking his body into a tight spiral as he flew over the orange blade. Time seemed to slow down to a halt as he hung in mid-air, the Force directing his eyes to focus themselves on Tra’an’s blade arm. The Force resounded in his skull. It screamed for him to seize the opportunity and relieve Tra’an of his blade wielding prowess. Forever. Aided by the momentum of his spiraling leap, Arvalis struck out like a coiled viper. His silver blade carved a clean path through Tra’an’s arm, scorching skin, boiling blood, ripping muscle, and melting bone as it passed through.

Bracing himself as Begeren’s gravity inevitably drew him back in, Arvalis landed face-first on the uneven surface of the cave. The pain in his shoulder slipped beyond his threshold causing Arvalis to let out a pained roar. But he did take some measure of comfort in the deafening screams coming from behind him. The pain subsided as Arvalis fought to regain control of it, and it was soon replaced by anger and hatred. Anger for ending up in such a condition, and hatred for the thing that put him there. He fed off of it as he struggled to get on his feet.

Arvalis could feel the warm flow of blood running from his knees, a result of colliding with the floor moments earlier. His right knee buckled as he turned to where Tra’an had come to a skidding stop. Looking back over his shoulder, he saw the box that Tra’an had placed the mysterious circlet in. He would need to bring it back home for inspection by Taldryan’s elders. Then his gaze fell upon Tra’an again, who was clutching the stump at the end of what remained of his arm. The mighty warrior was curled up in a fetal position, exposing the thermal detonator that was clipped to his lower back. Scuffling forward until he was able to grab the explosive device, Arvalis let out a sigh of relief as he lifted it from Tra’an and set the timer.

“It’s a good thing you can shift your body around, or this would have killed you before the detonation did,” Arvalis mockingly announced as he proceeded to shove the detonator down Tra’an’s throat.

After retrieving the box, Arvalis looked over his shoulder for one last time before leaving Tra’an to rot. At least the Wraids could eat their fill on well grilled meat, if they survived the explosion.

Grand Master Declan Roark, 11 June, 2014 8:52 PM UTC
  1. Tra'an has an injured leg and a broken wrist and attempts a leaping attack that is not in form with his lightsaber styles: "The fresher of the pair, Tra’an sprung upon Arvalis with a blood rage. He planted his feet firmly into the ground before launching into a Force-assisted leap that carried him high into the air, and twisting over Arvalis."
  2. You shoved a thermal detonator down a living beings throat? Tra'an was in a fetal position? Harsh.