“I expect nothing less.” A menacing smile graced the Dread Lord’s face, though his cold and calculating eyes never changed. “Are you up to the task, bounty hunter?”|
The Pantoran’s scarred face twisted into something that could be considered a smile, though his own eyes were filled with molten rage.
Felucia, 34 ABY
“It isn’t wise to back a beast into a corner,” the Zabrak growled, his crimson face expressionless and hard as stone, all rough planes and edges. Perhaps a stone was softer, though there could be no doubt of the smouldering rage in his eyes.
Laren couldn’t help but to shiver. He had no intentions of dying today, whatever his Force-wielding friend thought. And though he currently held the upper hand having trapped Kul’tak in the curve of a large rancor bone, he couldn’t help but feel the tables were about to turn. He dare not reach for his blaster, for he figured the time it would take him to draw the weapon would be more than enough for Kul’tak to spit him like a pig. Yet that look - the Zabrak’s eyes were a raging maelstrom of hate and power, and he stood almost unnaturally still as he faced the limber Pantoran bounty hunter. Laren even took a few steps back, adjusting his stance. He had stiffened for a moment and expected the Zabrak to pounce, but the man still stood where he had been. But when had his eyes closed shut?
“You Sith types are always so dramatic,” Laren said, breaking the silence and attempting to goad the Shadow. His voice was gravelly from fatigue, and his mouth and throat were dry from excessive fighting amidst the timeworn rancor carcasses.
He had to get Kul’taks attention, or death might take Laren because of his own stubborn resolve and excessive blood loss rather than the Zabrak’s fist around his throat. Laren softened his stance, moving his feet closer together and presenting a more attractive target. A successful strike could lay Laren on his back or tip him off-balance, now. Yet the Shadow still didn’t move. Laren shifted some more, and once again there was no reaction. He touched the datapad he had kept safe in his pocket thus far, though his eyes never left his opponent. It was a simple datapad, yet made in such a way that only extremely excessive stress could cause its destruction. The datapad was his saving grace, the Dread Lord’s commands to the Shadow. He knew not what exactly the commands were, but he did know his life was not forfeit this day. Or did he know?
“Only cowards bide their time, Sith. Are you a coward?” Laren asked himself the same question. Maybe he was about to die. Perhaps.
It seemed that Kul’tak had taken the bait. His eyes shot open and from his mouth erupted a deafening scream. It was deep and primal, akin to a predatory wild beast rather than the man before him. He centered his vision on Laren, and the speed with which he traveled only confirmed to Laren that the Shadow had taken his moments of silence to harness the Force and his own aggression. The man had channeled his hatred into brawn, and that power was unleashed in a torrent of flustered fury. Laren noticed his opponent seeming to squint at times, and he quickly noticed he was trying to curtail his bloodlust to land a mass of accurate blows and strikes. His rage might have overcome his body, but clearly Kul’tak’s mind was somewhat sharp. Even his senses were made more acute by being full to bursting with the Force. It was all Laren could do to stay alive as he evaded the dangerously sharp claws his opponent wielded, using the momentum of his opponent’s other clawless strike to stay one step away from a gruesome death. Curiously, he hadn’t gone for his lightsaber.
The two seemingly moved in unison, their dance with death a perilous balance between the cerulean and crimson fighters. Kul’tak was clearly the lead of their duet, his stance ever-changing and dynamic, and his strength without question. Laren followed the man, watched where his feet led, yet he could find no pattern. Laren’s own blood had appeared on his cheek and his right shoulder, now, and sweat beaded his brow. He had made a mistake fighting Kul’tak head on, empowered as he was with his precious Dark Side. Though the Zabrak’s own skill wasn’t as refined his his own, he found that he could never predict where the next blow would land. Whenever Laren managed to land a blow on him, he was thrown back having taken two of his own.
A break in the fighting allowed the two to look at each other, their shoulders heaving with intense weariness. Laren openly grunted with each quick breath, unable to hide the extraordinary pain Kul’tak’s initial wound had caused him, along with the others he was graced with. Laren was pleased to see, from a moment’s glance, that he had caused the Zabrak a swollen left eye. Though he couldn’t see more, he knew the few deft strokes he had managed against Kul’tak’s nerves would be causing him some considerable pain. But when he looked back into the eyes of the Zabrak, he thought he saw respect glimmering behind an otherwise emotionless expression. Perhaps it was nothing.
The Zabrak laughed, now, his stance fading. Laren reached for his blaster to take advantage of his arrogance, but he had been duped. Lighting burst from Kul’tak’s pointed fingers and surrounded Laren in blinding pain and light. The sound of his own screams were drowned by the sound of the source of his torture, and he couldn’t think of anything except for an end to the onslaught. His entire body writhed in pain he had never felt before, and he wished with all of his being never to feel again.
Kul’tak laughed, now, staring at the feeble Pantoran on the ground before him with a look of mock pity in his eyes.
“You’re good, Uscot,” he said between bursts of lightning and the Pantoran’s screams. “I see now why the Dread Lord acquired your services.” More bursts, quickly delivered yet sending a torrent of pain that made even the darkest imaginations of torture seem utterly feeble and soft in comparison. “But in the end, you cannot match the power of the Force.”
Beyond the searing pain, beyond his simple thought to himself to stay alive, a break in the lightning appeared and Laren had to utilize it. Though his voice was hoarse and strained, he managed to scream, “WAIT!”
The Zabrak paused, curiousity overcoming him. They were both intelligent enough to realize that the Pantoran was essentially spent and quite nearly dead, though he was also no coward. Mercenary or not, bounty hunter or not, the Pantoran did not ask that which he did not need. And though Laren knew through the onslaught he still had a chance to land one last flesh wound upon the Sith, his message was more important than a cheap shot from the ground.
“Re - reach into my l - left shirt pocket.”
The Zabrak complied, and Laren moved not an inch. The Zabrak recovered the small datapad, the unencrypted red script mostly undamaged, though somewhat covered in warm, dark blue blood. His blood. Kul’tak read silently, his expression unchanging, and then dropped the pad onto the ground.
“Your life was mine. But once again, it is now the Dread Lord’s.” With an arrogant grin, the Zabrak turned and began to walk away, most likely traveling back in the direction of his former landing zone. Laren reached for the dagger in his left boot and expertly let it loose in the Sith’s direction. It embedded itself less than an inch from the Zabrak’s soiled face, and he stopped to turn, his expression as indifferent as it had been before.
“Never turn your back. You w - won the battle, but I would have won your life.” Kul’tak had no idea how close his life had been to being lost as his figure slowly winked out of sight.
“Here,” the Dread Lord said, handing Laren a simple datapad. “When the time is right, give it to him.”
“You don’t think I can win?”
“On the contrary, bounty hunter, I know you can’t.”
Story -- This is a very good introduction. It serves well to set the scene and certainly paints a vivid image for the reader. Good job!
Syntax -- Very minor point, but you're using passive voice with "the boots' owner". It was only a slight distraction from the story, but you could've used the active to introduce Kul'tak in this instance. This is, however, a stylistic point rather than a detractor from the story.
Realism -- Very good adherence to the character sheets here. Well done.
Story -- I like this. You do well to reference your opening gambit. Good job.
Holier than thou?
Syntax -- There should be a comma between "... the one you had..." and "... you never used..."
Syntax -- "The Zabrak chuckled softly" should be on a new paragraph, and should lead into Kul's dialogue thereafter.
Syntax -- New paragraphs should denote another person speaking. If it is the same person speaking again, or the individual who is the subject of the preceding sentence, you needn't start a new paragraph. It should read:
This is a detractor, as it pulls the reader out of the natural rhythm of reading.
Syntax -- As before, "Your eyes should be on the previous paragraph, with "Laren's day..." being on the next.
Realism -- With blackness, Kul would also be suject to the lack of light in Laren's immediate vicinity, making it difficult to land targeted strikes. It wouldn't be overwhelming for Kul, but it certainly would be easy. You touch upon this in the following sentence, but you don't fully expand upon it.
Overall
I think this was a very interesting, very well-written post. It demonstrated, for the most part, good use of each character's CS, and it was a delight to read. Only a few issues in respect of syntax, and the realism point at the end was a minor detractor, but all in all a very good effort.