Knight Solas Night-Thorn vs. Knight Alara Deathbane

Knight Solas Night-Thorn

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Tarentum
Male Epicanthix, Sith, Marauder, Imperial
vs.

Knight Alara Deathbane

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Female Human, Force Disciple, Marauder
Comment

Congratulations to you both for making it to the second round!

This was an interesting match to read and you both performed admirably.

Alara, I was very impressed with the way you brought Rage and Amplification to life in your writing. You wrote them very well and I hope to see more writing from you in the future, especially in the ACC. Get someone to proof your posts before finalizing them and you'll be well on your way to many successes and victories. The biggest issue I came across was the large paragraphs that were difficult to read. Considering breaking them up in the future.

Solas, I was very impressed with your posts. The were interesting to read, there was nothing superfluous in the writing and you had a really great build and climax in your final post. You have a very bright future in the ACC. Keep up the great work.

Congratulations again to you both, and a big congrats to Solas who advances to the Semi-Finals. Well done!

Hall Journeyman Tourney [2016]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Knight Solas Night-Thorn, Knight Alara Deathbane
Winner Knight Solas Night-Thorn
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Knight Solas Night-Thorn's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Alara Deathbane's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Kalsunor: Massassi Arena
Last Post 15 May, 2016 3:36 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Alara Deathbane Chronicler Arcadia “Caid” Skålson
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: You ran into some formatting errors, mostly just large paragraphs that made it difficult to read. You also had a few punctuation and grammar issues. Nothing egregious, but enough that I noticed. Just make sure you're getting someone to proofread your posts before submitting. Rationale: You had a few punctuation and spelling errors. Make sure you're getting someone to proofread your posts before submitting them.
Story - 40%
Alara Deathbane Chronicler Arcadia “Caid” Skålson
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: You gave an interesting justification for the match, and I liked how you worked out your ending. You got right into the combat in your first post and started out the story well. It didn't really wow me out of my seat but you did a good job diving into the story and it's clear that you have a firm grasp on the ACC and that you should have some success here. Good work. Rationale: Your first post was short but sweet and it pulled me right in. You had great visuals, and really drove the combat. It was interesting to read and it made me want more. You could have made your post a little longer, but it really didn't end up mattering because it was so well written. Your final post is really what won you this match. The climax was excellent. I felt like I could watch that in a movie and be extremely satisfied with the ending, and just when you thought it would be finished you had one big final clash. Very well written. Very well done!
Realism - 25%
Alara Deathbane Chronicler Arcadia “Caid” Skålson
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: I didn't see any issues. Rationale: You tread a little close to the line in the way of a lot of use of Telekinesis in a short burst. We felt that you didn't cross that line and that it helped with the storytelling. Just keep an eye on it.
Continuity - 20%
Alara Deathbane Chronicler Arcadia “Caid” Skålson
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues here. Rationale: No issues here.
Alara Deathbane's Score: 4.3 Chronicler Arcadia “Caid” Skålson's Score: 4.85
Posts

Kalsunor Massassi Arena

Elevated over a ravine, the Massassi Arena has withstood the tests of time. It is arranged in a circular formation and made by a slab of stone that connects the opposite slopes of the ravine. On its eastern side, the floating arena leads to a staircase and into a near-vertical cliff face. Because of its nearly unsupported vantage that overlooks a several hundred-meter fall, even the smallest creatures can feel the occasional motion the platform makes as the breeze brushes across its cold surface.

Adding to the adrenaline rush of standing within the slab’s concentric patterns carved into the rock, barriers and obstacles echo the Massassi’s commitment to taking every advantage over their opponents. Pillars ring the outer edge without guard rails between them, some remaining intact and others having toppled into the arena or over the perilous heights. Weeds and other fauna cover each surface as nature seeks to reclaim the ravine and eventually send the arena itself to the depths.

Alara was perched atop one of the broken pillars with the grace of a prowling nexu upon a branch. She closed her eyes, basking in the sun’s warmth, and let a soft, serene smile creep upon her lips. She could not remember the last time she had felt the warmth from the sun on her skin like this. Perhaps when she last was in the jungles of Onderan? Either way, it was far too long ago. As a new member of the Dark Brotherhood, she could spend weeks at a time on spaceships. She let out a long, deep sigh, teaching herself to greatly enjoy this.

She felt his arrival before he realized she was there. The first thing the female Knight noticed was his white locks that reflected in the sunlight. As Alara scanned the rest of him, his tightly built muscles notified her that he was Epicanthix: near-humans known for their height, builds, and distinct eye folds. She took a better look at his face. It was rigid and slightly hardened despite the middle-aged wrinkles that sat upon his brow. His dulled yellow eyes had an aging look to them. But really, it was his hair that most fascinated her. As far as she knew, Epicanthix were supposed to have dark hair.

“A little odd for a Epicanthix to have white hair, isn’t it?” Alara spoke coyly, leaning her head to the side to make eye contact with the Knight.

“Just like it is odd to see a half-Sephi around these parts,” the male replied, his eyebrow cocked slightly, “Have you been waiting for me?”

“Not really,” Alara yawned, “I was just waiting to see who else the Force would send to the chopping block. She leapt gracefully from her perch and landed in front of her opponent.

“Apparently the Force chose you… Sorry about that.” Alara’s yellow lightsaber spat to life with the click of her finger.

The Epicanthix quickly emitted his saber with a flash of crimson plasma.

The pair circled each other quietly, their locked stares only breaking enough to ensure they weren’t falling off the platform’s edge. Alara made the first move and jumped towards her opponent in a swift, yet quiet motion. Her lightsaber was lifted just above the male’s head. Solas showed a glare across his forehead. Seeing this glare gave Alara a feeling of power and relief through her veins. She was annoying him. Good. Solas’ saber caught hers instantly. Letting out a grunt, he waved his other hand. Alara’s world exploded around her in one bright flash of white light. A cry spilled out of her lungs as she stumbled back, nearly losing her footing. Damn, I can’t see anything! She reached out with the Force in a desperate attempt to pinpoint him, but a boot caught her in the chest. She let out another yelp as she slipped on the rubble around her feet. Perhaps it was the will of the Force, or perhaps it was sheer luck. She managed to grab hold of a branch before she fell completely over the edge of the platform. As the world slowly came back into focus, she glimpsed the running river at the bottom of the ravine. She couldn’t help but let out a panicked scream. Then Alara heard the humming motion of her opponent’s saber. The Force suddenly burst within her. She felt her muscles stiffen, as if being charged with energy, and with a roar, she kicked off the ledge and launched herself straight under the crimson saber. Her shoulder connected with Solas’ gut like an incoming freighter and ripped him right off his feet. Solas’ saber flung across the platform. He quickly jumped back up. Letting out a cry of desperation, Solas beckoned the saber to his hand. The saber obeyed immediately. She was happy to regain her stance in the fight, but let out a small growl at the man’s telekinetic strength.

“Oh my… and here I was hoping that one kick would take care of you,” Solas mused.

“It’ll take a bit more than pretty tricks to defeat me,” Alara laughed through her heavy breathing, “You just made me angry,” She moved towards him, saber trailing down across the ancient stone and leaving a molten gash in its wake. She suddenly seized the saber in her two hands and brought it down on Solas with all of her might. He groaned as the two plasma blades seared and rippled upon impact.

“You’re going to die, Solas,” Alara hissed through her clenched teeth.

“You think so, don’t you? You are delusional if you truly believe that,” the man spoke solemnly.

“Oh I don’t believe it. The Dark Side is whispering it to be so…whispering in my ear…” With that, she lunged at him with all her strength.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 16 May, 2016 11:33 AM UTC

"...and ripped him right off his feet."

  • Awesome image.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 16 May, 2016 11:34 AM UTC

"The saber obeyed immediately."

  • I love it when writers talk about an inanimate object following their commands as opposed to describing the Force pull. Real cool metaphor here. Well done.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 16 May, 2016 11:35 AM UTC

"The Dark Side is whispering it to be so..."

  • This is very eerie. Really cool theme setting.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 16 May, 2016 11:30 AM UTC

"... odd for a Epicanthix ..."

  • Should be "an Epicanthix."
Adept Alaris Jinn, 16 May, 2016 11:31 AM UTC

The large paragraph in the middle made it a little difficult to read.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 16 May, 2016 11:32 AM UTC

“I was just waiting to see who else the Force would send to the chopping block. She leapt gracefully from her perch and landed in front of her opponent.

  • You didn't close off the dialogue.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 16 May, 2016 11:33 AM UTC

"She felt her muscles stiffen, as if being charged with energy..."

  • Great imagery.

Solas brought his saber up to counter his opponent’s passionate charge. As yellow and red clashed, neither warrior could break through the other’s guard. Alara grunted as she tried to push past the six-foot-nine Sith. Failing in her attempt the young woman changed her tactic and lashed out with her off-hand. Breaking the lock between their sabers, she caught the man squarely in the jaw with a stiff left hook. The punch turned his head, but she felt him pushing back. Slowly he turned his head back to look her in the eyes.

“Not bad girly, but that punch lacked the impact you’ll need to take me down.” His eyes flashed with a light that had been absent when he had arrived. It was a chaotic light, the kind of light you see in the eyes of a lunatic. With a twisted sneer, the Sith reached out with his left hand and grabbed hold of the collar of her jumpsuit and drove his forehead into her nose with a wet crunch. The Dark Jedi staggered back from the vicious headbutt, holding her nose.

“Blast it! I think you broke my nose!” The blonde shouted as blood began to pour into her mouth. As she turned a hateful glare towards the Sith, she found her opponent smiling at her.

“Good that was my hope. Now I can focus on breaking open the rest of your pretty little head. But first, let’s hear you scream.” The Sith sneered as he unleashed a one-handed blast of lightning.

Alara caught the blast with her saber, but this left her unprepared for when a chunk of rock struck her squarely in the chest. Staggering back again she only recovered just in time to block Solas’ telekinetically thrown lightsaber. Knowing this was her chance, the human drew her DL-44 and quickly fired off a volley. Solas leapt to avoid the blaster-fire, only to earn a shot to the face from a telekinetically thrown rock which threw him to the ground.

“So did that pack the punch you were talking about?” The female shouted confidently. To her surprise, her opponent started laughing. But not a joyous laugh, this laugh was hollow, raspy, chattering, it was the laugh of a madman. The man slowly rose to his feet before spitting out a mouthful of blood.

“Oh yes. Much better. Now allow me to return the favor.” With a twisted grin Solas leapt into the air and called his saber to his hand. Catching it in an inverted grip, the Sith landed driving the blade deep into the ground, cackling all the way down. Alara backflipped away from the falling crimson blade, as she twisted around in the air she reached out and flug another stone at the laughing man. This time however he mealy sliced the stone in two with his saber before rushing the woman.

The Scholae Palatinae Knight had little time to recover. As soon as she landed she was set upon by a barrage of heavy cleaves and wipe swipes. She blocked what she could, dodged the rest. All the while being forced to backpedal towards the edge of the platform. She knew the edge was close, but how close? She didn’t dare risk a glance over her shoulder, for fear that even a moment's distraction could spell disaster. Then she felt her heel slip on the edge of the stone platform.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 16 May, 2016 12:05 PM UTC

You really drove the action in this post. You showed how much good you can do with a word limit.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 16 May, 2016 12:11 PM UTC

"...wipe swipes."

*Wide?

Adept Alaris Jinn, 16 May, 2016 11:38 AM UTC

"...with a wet crunch."

  • Ew. Great descriptor.

Alara let out a shriek and slipped off the edge of the platform. Solas’ laugh echoed across the ravine as the Sergeant fell to what seemed to be her peril. Unfortunately for Solas, she wasn’t done for quite yet. With quick thinking and perfect self-awareness, Alara positioned her body ever so carefully upon the edge of the ruins. She clung onto the undersurface, and waited for her chance to strike. The She-Marauder’s arms rippled slightly in tensity and in anticipation. Solas stepped towards the edge, attempting to assure himself that his new-found enemy was done for.

He let out another brisk laugh, “She’s long gone now. Maybe I’ll even see her splash in the river.”

With a flick of her wrist, Alara’s yellow blade swiped under Solas’ feet. The Epicanthix let out a yelp and jumped back in time before his feet were removed from him. The middle-aged male fell on his side in the middle of the platform. With a roar, Alara launched herself from the platform’s foundation and landed gracefully in front of her opponent. The woman’s eyes suddenly began to flicker with such incredible emotion: Hatred, confidence, pride, anger. She didn’t wait for him to get up. She chopped down at her opponent with her saber in hand. The male met his crimson blade with her saber and pushed himself backward. The He-Marauder stood up with a serious, slightly worried look falling upon his forehead.

“No no, you’re not getting away that easily,” Alara grinned. She ran towards him with speed and precision as her accomplices and made one slash after another. She thrusted her saber vertically. Solas stopped this attempt. Alara then directed her lightsaber horizontally and diagonally in quick alternating movements. For a while, Solas was even able to keep up, though the half-Sephi could sense her opponent failing to catch his breath. His unstable glance, footing, and faulty swipes of his saber would be his downfall. The pair of them danced across the platform in determined motions. Night-Thorn pushed his saber strongly against Deathbane’s but Alara kept up the strength and continued on. She slashed again at him from the left, but the middle-aged male still had a bit of kick in him left. He caught her saber with his yet again, and gave a quick kick to her right shin. Despite keeping her footing and managing the pain, a curse slipped out from the woman’s lips. As bitterness swelled up more and more within Alara’s chest, she grew faster and faster with her swings. Within her mind, flickers of the past flashed like bolts of lightning. She saw the face of her hateful parents, the figures of the mercenaries that took her away when she was young, and lastly, the sister she once loved that betrayed her for foolish gain. A voice echoed in her mind. The deep, solemn voice of her new master, Cyris:

“Release it. Take full advantage of that which is within your grasp. Kill the Epicanthix. Make your enemies pay for what they have done. Make them pay with his blood.”

Upon hearing the last word, Alara descended into complete chaos. She streaked her saber in all sorts of directions. Solas’ grip could not withstand the capacity nor the passionate speed behind the girl’s attacks. Alara sliced Solas from the right hip upward towards his left shoulder. She let out a maniacal cackle as the two severed pieces of Solas Night-Thorn slumped to the ground. One piece of him she decided to throw over the ravine, but the other she hung from a ruin. The blood trickled down from the corpse and glimmered in the sunlight. Alara sighed cheerfully upon sight of this, and sliced off Solas' scalp. She grasped his white locks once more, shook the flabby skin dry, and pocketed her new treasure.

“I’m free! I’ve found true power! I’m free!” Alara giggled to herself with a devilish tone, her body slightly swaying as it jerked in random movements. Veins suddenly jetted from her quickly pale-ing brow. The facial veins pulsed in rhythm to the throbbing of her fiery irises. Despite how pale she appeared, Alara felt nothing but heat spread throughout her body. Perhaps this was dangerous, but she didn’t care. The thrill of it all. The adrenaline. It consumed her entire being. It shot endorphins through her blood like a shooting star. Alara Deathbane was conquering more than just death now. She was conquering those that oppressed her. She was finally free in the Force.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 16 May, 2016 12:15 PM UTC

"...flicker with such incredible emotion: Hatred..."

  • Hatred shouldn't be captialized in this instance.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 16 May, 2016 12:20 PM UTC

You had a very good descriptor of Rage. You never mentioned the Force until the very end, which was a really great change of pace from what I've seen in the past. Really great work.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 16 May, 2016 12:21 PM UTC

Your formatting was a little weak in this post, as well. Try breaking up your paragraphs a bit more and it will be easier to read.

Alara knew she had only one shot at not falling into the chasm. Channeling all the energy she could, the woman planted her good foot on the ground and leapt into the air. Vaulting over her opponent, the human had to find her footing quickly as the Sith was on her again. Alara was unable to mount a counteroffensive, being forced instead to focus on blocking her opponent’s whirling assault. It took her connection to the Force to block the overwhelming attacks of the broodish warrior’s blade and fist. Finding an opening, Solas knocked the human’s blade to side and planted his boot across Atara’s chest sending her flying backwards into one of the stone pillars. Falling to the ground with grunt, the Dark Jedi dropped her saber. Placing her hand on her chest, she could easily feel several broken ribs.

’Damn, our skill is on par but he’s got me beat in size and strength. I’m going to need to keep my distance. I’ve got him beat at range.’

The female marauder drew her blaster and began unloading on the Sith. Solas easily blocked the volley, but he couldn’t advance towards his opponent. However he smiled when he saw the current situation. Reaching back with his off-hand, he launched a powerful blast of Force energy. However, Atara’s senses picked up on the incoming attack and leapt to the side to avoid it. This invisible hammer of energy slammed into the pillar sending shards of rock in all directions. Both warriors watched for a moment as the pillar teetered on its stand before beginning to fall inward. Solas smiled as he reached out with the Force and called Deathbane’s forgotten lightsaber to his off-hand. With a flick of his wrist, the Sith ignited the yellow blade. Spinning his primary blade into a standard grip, Solas rushed his opponent.

Alara’s resolve faltered in that moment, her opponent already had her beat in a close-quarters fight and now she had no lightsaber. Couple that with the fact that the Epicanthix was now bearing down on her with murderous intent in his eyes. In that moment the woman’s resolve broke and she ran towards the fallen pillar and easily vaulted over the stone monolith. Determined to put as much distance between them, she ran to the far side of the arena. Turning back she looked around the area. Finding a smaller fallen pillar, she reached out with the Force and flung the large hunk of rock at the approaching Sith. Who calmly cut the pillar in half with the two sabers, and began to walk towards the woman. Finding another large rock, Alara sent it flying across at the Tarenti. Who once again cleaved it in two, and broke into a light jog. Alara found the largest rock she could and with as much force as she could muster launched the boulder at the inbound marauder.

Solas performed a wheeling jump and cut the boulder in two, and in one fluid motion flug the Dark Jedi’s lightsaber flying back at it’s owner. To his surprise the human didn’t dodge the incoming blade. She actually caught the saber moments before it would’ve taken her head off. Smiling to herself at her heightened reflexes. Alara turned her attention to the Sith, deciding to end this now. She broke into a run and met the man with a flurry of attacks of her own. The ensuing duel was a chaotic affair of unpredictable, uncertain swirling attacks and counter-attacks. Seeing an opening Deathbane slammed the hilt of her saber into the side of Night-Thorn’s jaw, dislodging a tooth. Solas tasted blood, but he was too immersed in the Force for the blow to do any real damage. He staggered back a step, as if the blow had stunned him. Seeing her chance, Alara stepped forward and cross-cut for Solas’ throat, as Solas knew she would. Solas Night-Thorn would wheel around whilst inverting his grip, and stab Deathbane through the gut. Alara felt her breath catch in her throat, then she the heat of his lightsaber. She knew she had lost, not to superior skill, size, or strength. No, she had lost to superior tactical ingenuity. Solas watched as the light faded from the woman’s eyes. With an exhale he deactivated his saber and turned from her corpse. Grabbing his commlink he began to walk along the path leading away from the arena.

“Nekros Syndicate Shuttle Two-Two-Haze. This is Supreme Commander Night-Thorn, calling for extraction.” The comm beeped.

“Good to hear from you Supreme Commander sir! Did you find what you came looking for?”

Solas sighed. “Not exactly, all I found was another weakling. Oh well, I’ll be waiting at LZ-Atlas.”

“Understood, see you there sir.”

Adept Alaris Jinn, 16 May, 2016 12:23 PM UTC

"...planted his boot across Atara’s chest..."

  • Getting someone to proof-read will prevent mistakes like misspelling your opponent's name.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 16 May, 2016 12:25 PM UTC

"Solas Night-Thorn would wheel around whilst inverting his grip, and stab Deathbane through the gut."

  • Odd tense usage here.
Adept Alaris Jinn, 16 May, 2016 12:26 PM UTC

Really great climax. Well done.