Warrior Rrogon Skar Agrona vs. Seer Uji Tameike

Warrior Rrogon Skar

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Kaleesh, Sith, Juggernaut, Obelisk
vs.

Seer Uji Tameike

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Human, Force Disciple, Seeker
Comment

I just want to start off by saying great job to both of you. I always love seeing the ACC used as a venue for character development (most of my character development has taken place in the ACC). That being said creating a compelling story from fighting your supposed allies or Clan mates can be a challenge. You both arrived at the "test" premise in your endings but it was ultimately the execution of that premise that set you apart. I have more detailed notes on each post and the score breakdown but I will caution you both to pay close attention to not only your opponent's CS but your own as well. If you are taking your character in a new direction you need to ensure your CS is updated to reflect that as Judges will hold you to your own CS just as they will your opponent's.

Skar, I would like to highlight the massive improvement in your writing since the last time I read your work. You are well on your way to becoming a strong contender in the ACC. Take what you learn from your match comments and make sure to take advantage of the proofing resources you have in Arcona.

Uji Tameike is the winner

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Warrior Rrogon Skar Agrona, Seer Uji Tameike
Winner Seer Uji Tameike
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Warrior Rrogon Skar Agrona's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Seer Uji Tameike's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Selen: Arcona Citadel - Courtyard
Last Post 25 June, 2016 5:11 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Obelisk Adherent Rrogon Skar Agrona Eminent Ikarri Itinen
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: You had several typos and punctuation errors which detracted from the reading of your posts. Your second post in particular seemed rushed. Rationale: You had a few awkward sentences that pushed you from a 5 to a 4.
Story - 40%
Obelisk Adherent Rrogon Skar Agrona Eminent Ikarri Itinen
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: What hurt you most in story was the utter lack of context for Uji's actions in your opening post. As I pointed out in the post notes you spent 660 words telling us how Skar got to the fight without giving any explanation for why Uji attacked him. Whether it's a singular ending or alternate ending match, if you have first post you need to seize the opportunity to explain **both** character's motivations for the conflict. Also, you didn't really use the venue in any meaningful way. Rationale: I would describe your story as a "weak 4." The story overall for the entire match was a bit average (the whole "test" premise). However, you took what Skar gave you and expanded upon it and used his CS to give the fight some very significant context in your ending. That in conjunction with your superior use and description of the combat and Force power usage put you over the edge into a 4.
Realism - 25%
Obelisk Adherent Rrogon Skar Agrona Eminent Ikarri Itinen
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issues that I'm willing to mark you for, but you didn't address Skar's heart condition from the *Sub Zero to Inferno* aspect in your posts. The fact the aspect says "runs the risk of having a heart attack" gave you just enough wiggle room (that it wasn't a sure thing) to avoid a ding. Rationale: While you did an outstanding job of utilizing Skar's aspects, you did depart from your own with the Jack Sparrow line. It was a very minor detractor but enough to bring you from a 5 to a strong 4. The difference between your CS mistake and Skar's was that there was something I could hang my hat on with his to give him the benefit of the doubt. Your CS is quite specific about Uji's "cold center."
Continuity - 20%
Obelisk Adherent Rrogon Skar Agrona Eminent Ikarri Itinen
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues that I could see. Rationale: No issues that I could see.
Obelisk Adherent Rrogon Skar Agrona's Score: 3.9 Eminent Ikarri Itinen's Score: 4.2
Posts

Selen Arcona Citadel Courtyard

Despite being on the first level of the Citadel, the massive courtyard remains hidden behind towering walls of stone and sediment. An elongated central patch of neatly trimmed grass stretches out for almost fifty-meters while maintaining a twenty-meter width. At the center of the grass is a large, ovular fountain in the shape of the Arcona emblem, with water running from the tips of each pointed edge. Vegetation grows along some of the walls, and an archaic clock-face is carved into the face of one of the entryways. A small group of rotating sharpshooters are scattered across the walls as the courtyard is supposed to serve as a safe place for Arconans to enjoy some quiet time, or to meet with visitors. It has served as the venue for multiple honor-duels over time, and there is a significant crater off to the side of the grass left behind as a result of a contest between Marick Arconae and Wuntila Arconae. The duel had taken place prior to either Arconae serving as Shadow Lords and in a quieter time before all Arcona knew was warfare.

Towards the back of the courtyard, closer to the base of the cliff that the Citadel is constructed upon, a tall tree shoots up from the stone, its shade guarding an entrance into the Citadel proper.

Rrogon swiftly made his way down one of the many hallways that made up the inner complex of the bottom floor of the Arconan Citadel. Cold ice flowed through his body as his steps reverberated through the empty hallways. He had been spending some quality time with his wife back on O’val when a message had reached him over the secure comms station he had instilled into his office-apartment. The message had been clear, as it was short : report to Selen and meet with the Proconsul immediately in the courtyard.

Once the orders had been verified through his Battleteam leader, Skar had set out at once. He knew being late for such a meeting could end badly for him, and in turn for his wife. So, saying a quick goodbye to Vera, the Kaleesh set out at once for Selen. It didn't take long to reach the capital planet of Arcona, and with his priority landing clearance it took even less time to reach the spaceport and grab a shuttle that would take him straight to the complex.

The sight of the Arcona Citadel never ceased to amaze the Kaleesh. The complex had been practically built into the side of the mountain, its stirling white cliffs a natural bulwark to the ever present threat of invasion from outside forces.

But even the stunning view of the city and its capital could not calm the unease the Kaleesh had stirring in his heart. It was one thing to be summoned by Atyiru, whose kindhearted manner could put anyone at ease; it was another to be sent for by her subordinate, Uji.

Ever since the attempted assassination of Atyiru’s life some time ago, Rrogon had not seen the Human, though he had heard of his appointment to proconsul through the small snippets of conversation he had heard between Timeros and Marick.

Ugly rumors surrounded the man ever since he had taken up the position left by Arcia once she left to aid the Jedi. Some said he led a darker task that was personally given to him by Atyiru herself, while others called him a traitor due to his lack of a personal presence in the capital itself, his only communication to the clan through holo communications sent from an undisclosed location. However, Rrogon only knew this because of this connection to the DIA that let him tap the communications of low level personnel in the Shadow complex back on O’val, to make sure their operations were not compromised to the local populace and agents of the Inquisitorius that watched the Clan.

He dismissed most, though some held his interest, especially some of the darker rumors surrounding the man. If what was said was true about him, then this meeting could very well turn violent at a moment's notice. To this end, the Sith came prepared with his combat gear: his outfit was his custom battle Okemi robes that he would wear only in combat drops, and his weapons had all be cleaned and repaired from months of active use.

He felt comfort in the weight of his lightsaber at his waist and of the twin Dl-44 blasters that were stored in a custom holster pack located at the small of his back. Even his combat knife strapped to his forearm comforted him in this time as he walked down a solitary hallway. Light could be seen streaming in from the end of the hallway, and even from here the Kaleesh could smell the grass and other foliage that graced the courtyard’s walls and fountain.

Minutes later he stepped out into the light and was greeted once more with the calm and tranquil sight of the Arcona courtyard. Water could be heard flowing from the fountain that was the centerpiece of the large and unnervingly vacant space. The ever nervous Kaleesh flicked his eyes to the surrounding walls of the courtyard and began to count the ever present snipers that patrolled in this area.

There were at least double the normal guards present on the walls, and the grim relation did nothing to help the Kaleesh as he made his way to the center of the courtyard where a lone Human was waiting for him, back turned. Stopping at about fifty paces from the Proconsul, Skar moved into his trained combat rest stance with both of his hands crossed behind his back, one on each of his blasters just in case this turned violent.

“ Lord Procounsul, I have arrived just as instructed. What does Arcona need of me?” asked the Kaleesh as his glowing crimson eyes locked on the Seer. The Human slowly turned and looked at the Sith, cold brown eyes meeting his own.

“Rrogon. I'm glad you could come. There is a matter of formality that must be attended to,” said the Seeker as he took several steps toward the hulking Kaleesh. Skar didn't move as the Seer approached, and as he finally decided to ask what was going on, the Proconsul darted forward in a blur of superhuman speed.

Skar barely had time to bring up his hand to block the punch that landed squarely in his jaw, and though his mask took most of the impact, it sent him reeling back a step before he roared in utter rage. Adrenaline began coursing through his body as the Human pushed his advantage, pummeling the Kaleesh back further and further.

Rage ignited in the Sith, and in a blind fury the Kaleesh tried to grab the Seeker but the man slipped just out of reach until he the taloned hand of the Sith seized the Human by the throat and lifted him over his head before slamming him hard into the ground below. Bellowing in anger, the Sith liffted and threw the Human several feet away from him before taking up his full Broken Gate combat stance he had developed in the arena long ago.

“If it’s a fight you wanted, you got one!” bellowed the Kaleesh.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 1 July, 2016 11:50 PM UTC

the secure comms station he had instilled into his office-apartment.

I think you meant "installed."

The message had been clear, as it was short : report to Selen and meet with the Proconsul immediately in the courtyard.

Eliminate the space between "short" and the colon. Also, consider rephrasing and ditching the comma.

he had heard of his appointment to proconsul

Job titles such as Consul, Proconsul and Quaestor are generally capitalized in DB writing. In any case, you should be consistent with whether you capitalize it or not.

he had taken up the position left by Arcia once she left to aid the Jedi.

Repetitive word use here. Try "position vacated by Arcia once she left" or something similar.

However, Rrogon only knew this because of this connection to the DIA that let him tap the communications of low level personnel in the Shadow complex back on O’val, to make sure their operations were not compromised to the local populace and agents of the Inquisitorius that watched the Clan.

The sentence would be clearer if you said "because of his connection" and ditched the comma between Oval and to.

and his weapons had all be cleaned and repaired from months of active use.

"had all been cleaned"

Even his combat knife strapped to his forearm comforted him

You missed an opportunity to vary your word usage here as you had used comfort in the sentence prior.

Bellowing in anger, the Sith liffted and threw the Human several feet away from him before taking up his full Broken Gate combat stance he had developed in the arena long ago.

While there is nothing technically wrong with naming one's fighting style it is always better to "show, don't tell." Next time describe the stance. Also there's a typo for lifted.

Story: I just want to highlight that you spent ~660 words setting up the fight and how Skar got there only to have Uji just attack him out of the blue with no explanation. As a reader this was a bit of a letdown to have all that buildup in the post with such an abrupt start to the fight.

Uji rose slowly, massaging his throat as he took in a few deep breaths. Focusing his efforts, he began to feel the bruising fade as the gentle sentation of the Force coursed through him. The Kaleesh stood firmly in his stance, his feet wide, hands placed before him as he waited for whatever was to come. Rrogon’s breathing was labored as the initial effects of his anger wore off, and Uji could see how the Kaleesh visibly shook as the after effects of the outburst left his body.

“Pathetic,” Uji said as he looked at the Warrior. The Kaleesh stood taller than the Seer, and nearly thirty pounds of solid muscle separated the two; yet at that moment Uji remained unimpressed.

“How dare you! You called me here just to attack me?” the Kaleesh rumbled, his voice barely constraining the anger in his tone.

“I called you here to test you, and so far, you’re living up to every expectation,” Uji sighed, shaking his head as he watched the Sith relax for a moment while obviously contemplating whether he was being praised or insulted. “A nearly useless beast, only capable of being let off his leash long enough to cause some measure of damage to the enemy before he collapses. Yes, Rrogan, you live up to every report.” Uji cast the Qel-Droman a look of utter disgust as he spoke.

“Enough!” the Kaleesh roared. Uji anticipated his movements, waiting for the larger man to clear the distance between them. The first few swings were testing: the Sith had the advantage of reach on him, but his movements were slower, not nearly quick enough to catch him so long as he could anticipate the incoming strikes.

Knowing he had to keep distance between them, Uji fell back back each time the Kaleesh attempted to close. He waited, knowing that the Sith would grow frustrated and eventually be forced to rely on the Force to close the distance. It became an almost amusing game of watching the large alien come at him with everything he had, yet always be a literal and figurative step behind.

Twisting aside from another blow, Uji felt every instinct suddenly firing warnings through him. The next punch nearly caught him, but as he fell away he felt the telekinetic strike following the physical motion. The force of the blow at such a close distance slammed into his body, the wind rushing out of him in less than a heartbeat as he was thrown tumbling away from the Kaleesh.

Uji instinctively tucked his body into a tight ball as he fell backward, rolling into a crouch. His vision blurred as he shook his head in an attempt to clear the fog that swam around his skull, his eyes flickering back to the approaching alien. Suddenly, it seemed as if Rrogan filled his entire vision, the Kaleesh grown in height, an image of pure ferocity bearing down on him. He felt his stomach twist in knots of sudden fear and anxiety. Uji tried to rise, feeling how his every movement sluggish as adrenaline coursed through him, split between the desire to flee and being too terrified to move.

The Proconsul looked up as the Warrior loomed over him, the mask hiding what Uji could only imagine to be a smug expression of victory. “I have heard of you as well Shadow Scion, and I am unimpressed.” The Kaleesh’s voice shook as he spoke, the strain of his concentration evident. Uji’s brain finally worked out the detail: the Sith’s influence was twisting his mind, bending his fears to immobilize him.

As his conscious mind processed the revelation, he felt the influence lift, the image of the Kaleesh suddenly shrinking and the worry and fear fading as his focus took control and banished the debilitating sensations within him. In that instant, he felt the warning of an impending attack, and the incoming roundhouse kick flew over him as he ducked below it, narrowly avoiding a blow that would have surely ended the confrontation.

Rolling forward and rising in a quick handstand, Uji grounded himself in the earth beneath his feet, his mind and body centering, and a sarcastic grin streaked across the normally serious Proconsul’s face. “But, you have heard of me.” Uji’s smile faded as he unclipped his lightsaber, the Light of Arcona flaring to life. “Perhaps we both have something to prove to the other, Rrogan, if you can live long enough to change my opinion of you.”

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 2 July, 2016 12:04 AM UTC

Suddenly, it seemed as if Rrogan filled his entire vision, the Kaleesh grown in height, an image of pure ferocity bearing down on him.

Excellent description of Terror/Debilitating Fear here.

“But, you have heard of me.” Uji’s smile faded as he unclipped his lightsaber, the Light of Arcona flaring to life.

Okay Jack Sparrow. I see Turel is rubbing off on Uji :P In all seriousness I stopped and pulled up your CS here because this was a tad out of character for Uji. Not saying he can't use humor, but this seems to run against The Danger is When He's Calm aspect because it takes place smack in the middle of a fight. Be careful in the future or update your CS if that's the direction you are going with the character. Also, the humor fell a little flat here because Uji is Skar's Proconsul. Of course he's heard of him. This would have been a perfect line to use against a non-Arconan.

Cold howling rage burned inside of the Kaleesh as he turned on the Arcona Proconsul. His clawed hand moved down to the lightsaber at his side, unclipping the saber and thumbing it on,the emerald blade hissing to life in response. “You’re right, Lord Proconsul. I do have something to prove.”

Charging forward, the rage and bloodlust inside him fueling his movements, each step made with the intent to kill the man in front of him. Even if Uji was his superior, the Proconsul had just attacked him in the heart of the Arconan capital. No one would defend him now, he was on his own. Alone in a mass of steel, stone, and history.

“A nearly useless beast, only capable of being let off his leash long enough to cause some measure of damage to the enemy before he collapses. Yes, Rrogan, you live up to every report.” Those words were ringing inside his head. They had cut deep, right down to his very core. They were true, it was the finality that hit him the hardest, that the Summit regarded him as nothing more than a beast tore open an old wound inside his soul.

One that had taken both his Grandfather and Mother's care to heal. Now it tore again at his very soul, his faith in his family and his friends in Arcona. No, he thought to himself I will not let this Human get into my head. I will defeat him even if it kills me.

The two sabers clashed into one another with a resounding hiss as the plasma of both blades met each other. Taking several steps back, Uji’s face contorted into an expression of surprise and sudden panic as the full strength of the Kaleesh now forced him back further, step by step, the heels of his boots digging into the grass and dirt, causing twin lines to form on the ground as he was pushed back.

Breaking off his attack, Rrogon’s eyes locked once more with the human’s, the rage and fury within him causing his eyes to glow like the stoked coals of a forge. Leaping forward, the two clashed into one another, the strikes of the sabers filling the courtyard, but it was soon clear that the Kaleesh had the upper hand.

Even if he was slower than Uji, His skill and strength far outweighed this disadvantage. Rrogon could feel the Dark Side pulsing through him, that cold and familiar rage that nearly killed him settling into his soul once more as the two combatants locked blades again.

Moving one of his hands off the hilt of his blade, Rrogon thrust it forward, aiming in the direction of the gut of the Seer and vented all of his rage and emotions into the telekinetic strike that flowed out. Uji was sent tumbling back several feet, and even as he recovered, once again the Juggernaut was bearing down on him, his saber raised high in an attempt to sever his lying head from his shoulders.

Uji raised his saber to block the blow, only to have it knocked aside by the sheer force of the Kaleesh’s strike, the emerald blade missing his face by mere centimeters. Rolling with the blow the Human spun around, his white blade in hand as he tried to cleave the Kaleesh in half at the waist.

Rrogon felt the Force respond to his call as the blade came closer. Just before the blade could touch him, he bellowed in pure terrifying rage, his voice amplified to the point that he was sure the tore something in his vocal cords.

The Proconsul reared back in pain as the close proximity to the Kaleesh’s enraged scream left his eardrums ringing, giving Skar just enough time to block the saber before it cleaved him in two. Rrogon finally saw an opening and drove his knee into the stunned Human’s stomach, causing him to double down, only to have his nose meet Rrogon’s fist, causing him to fall back as blood began to flow freely down his face.

As the Seer tried to recover, he felt the weight of the Kaleesh slam down into his wrist that was holding the lightsaber and a familiar hum coming to rest over his face. Opening his eyes, Uji could see the emerald blade of the Sith hovering mere inches from his nose and the panting Kaleesh that held it standing over him.

“You are right Uji. I am a monster, a beast, a savage killer for Arcona. I always have been, I always will be. I'm not worthy of being anything more and you know what? That's fine. Atyiru preaches peace over war, that's fine too. But there must always be someone willing to do the darker work that is needed. The work that is shunned and hidden away from the public sight. That person is me, Uji, and I'll gladly be Arcona’s monster if that means I can keep my family safe!” rasped the Kaleesh his voice strained from earlier

A smile formed on the human features as he heard those words. “That's all I needed to hear, Rrogon.”

Confusion filled the Sith

“What did you just say?” asked Skar

“You passed my test,” Said the human, the tone in his voice betraying some form of sincerity

“I don't understand,” stammered the young Sith

“I don't expect you to. All you need to know that this was a test. All I needed to know is if you were ready, and you have proven just that. So let me up.”

Thumbing the lightsaber off, Rrogon moved back before collapsing to the ground from sheer exhaustion. The last thing the Sith could remember was the Seer speaking to a comlink before coming over to him, a small smile spread across his face. Then everything went blissfully dark.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 2 July, 2016 12:17 AM UTC

thumbing it on,the emerald blade

Typo

No one would defend him now, he was on his own. Alone in a mass of steel, stone, and history.

Outstanding line!

No, he thought to himself I will not let this

You need a comma after himself.

the human’s,

Species names are always capitalized. There were multiple instances of this throughout the post.

aiming in the direction of the gut of the Seer

Try "the Seer's gut"

his voice amplified to the point that he was sure the tore something in his vocal cords.

Excellent description.

Confusion filled the Sith

Periods. You missed several in this

Uji eyed the Kaleesh, waiting for his opponent. The large alien reached within his robes, casting open the outer jacket. In a flash of movement Uji brought his saber to a defensive position as the Warrior instead drew a concealed DL-44 blaster from his back and fired a salvo of shots. Weaving a defensive pattern, the Proconsul fell back on his training, avoiding and deflecting the bolts as best he could, many of them coming far too close as he worked through scenarios in his mind.

The seconds seemed to stretch on as the Proconsul could feel himself becoming winded, his defense becoming more and more physically taxing to continue. Made all the more difficult by his need to maintain awareness of his surroundings, a single misstep or movement could turn the duel fatal in an instant. Backing away, Uji bided his time, mentally and physically straining to maintain his concentration as the Kaleesh followed the Seer, staying out of range of the saber but still keeping him on the defensive.

Skar stepped forward, pulling the trigger of the blaster, but smoke belched from the overheated pistol. The Sith ejected the spent cartridge as Uji smiled with a grim purpose and strode in, moving without hesitation from defensive to offensive in an attempt to catch the Qel-Droman off balance. Uji had to admit a begrudging respect for the Warrior's talent; the Kaleesh’s greater understanding of their mutual use of Djem So left Uji at the disadvantage.

Uji’s mind, however, processed events far faster than his opponent’s. He knew Rrogan held the advantage physically. However, every time the Kaleesh sought to take the offensive, the Proconsul countered with an unexpected movement, a shifting of stance or reversal. Finally Uji closed in, his contempt growing as he continuously out-maneuvered the younger man. A wide swing meant to push the bigger man back and off balance went wide was instead met by Rrogan stepping in. A low, deep growl of anger echoing from the other man's mask, the Sith’s hand wrapping around the Proconsul’s wrist.

“Well, good to see you start taking this seriously.”

The Seer felt his wrist being twisted, the cartilage and bones bending to the point of breaking as his own lightsaber began moving towards him. The Kaleesh’s strength easily overpowered his own as the alien finally gave into his anger and called on the Force. Uji deactivated the saber, his opposite hand coming up towards the Warrior’s face with his entire weight behind it.

Instead of receiving the satisfying crunch of breaking the ridiculous mask that the Kaleesh wore, he was suddenly sideways, his entire body being flung aside. Uji came down flat and only instinct kept him rolling as Rrogan’s fist struck exactly where he had landed moments before. The Sith rose from his crouch, reaching for his saber, an animalistic growl echoing from behind the mask.

Uji came to his feet, a brief flicker of movement from his hand all it took to signal the guards surrounding the courtyard. As Rrogan activated the blade, he charged the distance between the two of them. The Sith held nothing back, focusing only on killing. Even through the fog of the anger inside him he felt his knees buckle, his free hand reaching for his chest as agony blossomed through him. Uji stepped in, kicking the Sith’s lightsaber away from him, standing over the fallen Warrior. At another gesture of his fingers, a rain of pin-point lights landed on Skar.

“What is this? Are you a coward?” The words were strained, the Kaleesh struggling against the desire to crush the pathetic filth before him and his lack of breath. Worse, he felt his heart hammering in his chest, irregular as the pain coursed through him, his body betraying him for losing control.

“No, Rrogan, I simply needed to know how far you had to be pushed. You rely on your anger when you see no other choice.” Uji clipped his saber back to his belt and began circling the downed Kaleesh slowly. “You just failed. From on your feet to on the ground in, what, minutes? Is that all it takes for you to collapse again once the adrenaline leaves your body, as before? You’ve had months to report to medical and you have refused time and again!” The sudden anger in the Proconsul’s voice shocked the Kaleesh. “Arcona does not throw away its people, Skar. We do not send our people into battle without hope. Without a chance.” Uji regained control of his tone, speaking firmly, as if admonishing the stupidity of the Kaleesh to think otherwise.

“There isn’t any point! You said it yourself I’m only good for dying!” the Warrior broke in.

Blatantly ignoring him, the Human went on, “You will be remaining here, at the Citadel. Under the watchful eye of the medical staff and Atyiru until you are considered fit for the field. Orders have been passed to your Summit to cover for your absence.” Uji stopped and motioned for several of his guard to move forward and take the Kaleesh into custody.

“You can’t force me to be here.” Rrogan began to stir as he tried to process the sudden change in the situation. His mind raced as he realized he would not be returning to Ol’Val or his bar for some time.

“You either stay here as the Consul’s guest, Rrogan, or my prisoner, within a cage personally picked out for you. Atyiru prefers you choose the former. I don’t have a preference.” Crossing the distance, Uji looked up into the Sith’s eyes. “But you will obey.”

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 2 July, 2016 12:21 AM UTC

The Sith ejected the spent cartridge

It's not canon information but DL-44 have 50 shots per cartridge. I didn't dock you for it, but it did seem odd to me that Skar would expend an entire blaster cartridge.

A low, deep growl of anger echoing from the other man's mask, the Sith’s hand wrapping around the Proconsul’s wrist.

This sentence feels like a fragment even though it technically has a subject and a verb.

At another gesture of his fingers, a rain of pin-point lights landed on Skar.

What is happening here precisely?

Worse, he felt his heart hammering in his chest, irregular as the pain coursed through him, his body betraying him for losing control.

Excellent use of Skar's CS

You’ve had months to report to medical and you have refused time and again!”

Great job adding context to the match.