Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj vs. Knight Kul'tak Drol

Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Sith, Seeker, Imperial
vs.

Knight Kul'tak Drol

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Zabrak, Sith, Shadow
Comment

You both employed the environment very well, even bringing in vornskr, though they didn't impede in the match.

Kul'tak, your description was fantastic, but just be careful about overusing flowery language. You want to be able to have your reader be able to follow along easily. I would have liked to see a reason for why your character was fighting a fellow Inquisitor, since that's the direction you chose to take.

Andrelious, I was disappointed in your posts. I'm used to much stronger ACC matches from you and have come to expect them. It just seemed a little clumsy and hastily written. I'm hoping to see stronger posts from you in the future.

Congratulations to Kul'tak for your victory here!

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj, Knight Kul'tak Drol
Winner Knight Kul'tak Drol
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Kul'tak Drol's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Myrkr: The Mighty Jungle
Last Post 2 August, 2016 10:04 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Deleted Kul'tak Drol
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: You had a few errors, but nothing too bad. Rationale: That one error was the only one I could find, and it was very subtle, but I had to dock you for it.
Story - 40%
Deleted Kul'tak Drol
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: Your story didn't jump out at me at all and it ended very cliche, with someone to show up at the last minute to stop the fight. You also just stated the Force power that was being used instead of describing it. What you did do that I liked was provide the eventual reason why Andrelious was being hunted by a fellow Inquisitor. Rationale: You employed excellent writing and description, and you provided and interesting story: hunting down another Inquisitor without knowing why, you didn't really end up explaining why it happened, and I would have liked to see that. Having Andrelious punish you for it at the end though, in such a way that he did, was very compelling to read.
Realism - 25%
Deleted Kul'tak Drol
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: I found it difficult to believe that your character would instantly recognize Kul'tak's using of Jar'kai, even though he only had one saber. Rationale: You wrote your character using Concealment through combat while only having a +2, and the power explicit says that this is not possible.
Continuity - 20%
Deleted Kul'tak Drol
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues here. Rationale: No issues here.
Deleted's Score: 3.8 Kul'tak Drol's Score: 4.2
Posts

Myrkr Haunted Jungle

The forests of Myrkr are not for the faint-of-heart. The dangers that lurk under the shadowy canopy cannot be underestimated. Not even the Force can protect you from the dangers of the forest. The jungle air hangs humid. Foliage rustles and crunches underfoot of both man and beast that enter, sounds of wildlife permeating from dusk till dawn.

Myrkr is a dangerous world for nearly all sentients. Although once settled by the fabled Neti, it has long since evolved from those days. The flora of Myrkr have a high metallic mineral-count, making it easy to hide from sensors and the perfect spot to set-up a pirate base or other criminal operation. What also made this world perfect for all manner of seedy individuals is the presence of ysalamiri—creatures with the ability to neutralize the Force.

The ysalamiri are located deep within the forests of Myrkr. The creatures have evolved to create bubbles that nullify the Force to protect themselves from the dangerous predators called vornskrs. These vicious, canine-like predators hunt using the Force, and as such are highly attracted to anything that is Force-sensitive.

The mold lay thick and damp upon the bark of the plentiful trees inhabiting the jungle. Their surfaces--slicked with the outgoing morning dew--reflected the rays of sunlight in twinkling crystals. The lush flora was a welcome sight to Kul’tak; it reminded him of happier memories on Iridonia. The Sith within quickly stamped them back down and he returned focus to his objective. Every leaf that shimmered in the thin breeze on the jungle floor spoke volumes to him. There was a history behind every rise, and a sense of presence that irradiated the Force. He detected the presence of a hunting Vornskr nearby, more through its bloodlust than its actual form. It was a feeling he'd grown attached to ever since being forced through the trials of his old House. The desire to kill was enhanced within his warrior’s hearts as he watched his family be cut down by a deranged Jedi. He knew he should not enjoy it, but the rush of combat was intoxicating and he fell into its violent rhythm with gusto. Thus had he delved quickly into the darkness when Plagueis had shown it to him.

He gingerly placed each step upon the moist greenery as he stalked further into the iridescence of the rising sun. A copse of smaller trees spread out before him, a larger wooden monolith splayed horizontally between them from the storm the day before. In the mid-layer, some of the branches dripped still. A large droplet, clearly resigned to its fate, fell with increasing velocity and erupted against the dark hood shrouding Kul’s face. The tiny shard that launched itself into his salty eyes halted him briefly as he rubbed the dry pain away. His focus returned quickly, and he broached the next rise cautiously. The telltale signs had been showing for awhile now, and the Zabrak knew his quarry was close. At the top of the rise, a long scratch in the softer dirt indicated his target had almost slid the rest of the way down. He knelt, an armoured knee pressing into the half-soaked ground, and slid his index finger along its edge. He marked the ease at which he could shuffle the silt.

I’m close.

Shards of light pierced the upper foliage as the sun drudged towards its zenith. The cacophony of the fauna had begun to reach an apex as the predators found their prey and the first morning feastings began. Kul found himself brushing aside entangling vines and sticky webs that clung to his cowl. He stalked further, ignoring everything that was meaningless to his hunt. He inhaled deeply, but his nostrils picked up nothing that gave him concern. The only malice being swept with the wind was that of the carnivores surrounding him. He had felt them some time ago, but his influence had kept them at bay. The ones that remained only followed due to their hunger. They could sense the possibility of a kill. Kul hoped to give them one.

It was the reaction of the Vornskr that gave him the warning. Something triggered their flight responses instantly, and they fled quickly back into the jungle. They would return later to see if there was flesh to had, however.

The Zabrak nearly forgot to cloak in his excitement as he rounded the “corner” of a hulking trunk. He shrouded himself in time to see the back of his quarry pass beyond yet another copse of trees tied loosely together in a group by their own intertwining vines. Swift and silent, he maintained his cloak as steadily as possible while trying to approach the target. He resisted the urge to outline their being in the Force lest he give himself away. If his source was correct, this opponent was somewhat skilled. They had never been able to confirm the identity, but that hardly mattered to Kul. He just hoped they put up a good fight.

He approached the bend in his line of sight and flattened himself against the tree. Based on their speed of travel, his quarry should still be within strike range of a short sprinting burst. Kul mentally prepared himself, flexing the fingers wielding his claw gauntlet. Depending on where he struck, this could be over quickly.

Leaving no room for hesitation, Kul propelled himself from behind the tree. He spotted his target’s rear, a gray tattered cloak hiding the person beneath. The Zabrak elongated his stride and brought his claws to bear. He reached a rotting log that had fallen and balanced his weight on one foot as he vaulted it, using the momentum to launch himself at the unwary target. His bloodlust spiked as his hand came within a mere foot of grasping the head of his prey.

Move

The mental tug made Andrelious realize he had been distracted by the rising energy around him. The daily cycle that played out again and again: The sun roving overhead to grace the lush greenery with much needed light, the chirp and squeal of the jungle aviaries, even the lone call of an ysalamiri. He hadn’t expected anyone to follow him out here, but he wasn’t surprised either. His enemies constantly sought an opportunity to destroy him. It was why he had developed a sort of sixth sense that allowed him to sense danger instinctively. He wondered what sort of assassin they had sent this time.

Kul watched in slight shock as the figure cleanly dodged his strike, merely stepping to their left and letting him fall forward. The Zabrak skid to a stop as his momentum died. He stood tall and peered at the human who stood before him. Clean-shaven, but he could not hide the fact that he was middle-aged. His eyes also betrayed a constant use of the Force, a sickly tinge of yellow. Kul made a note to be wary of that. It was not the man’s face that caught Kul’s attention the most, however, but the sigil carved upon his left breast. The sigil of the Inquisitorius! Confusion embraced Kul’s senses at the realization. He’d been ordered to hunt a fellow agent. This bode ill.

The man watched from afar, an amused look across his face. It appeared as if he was almost expecting Kul.

“There’s no need for the camouflage, assassin. I can see through your pitiful concealment.”

His eyes spoke truth so Kul dropped the camouflage. The man appeared to have a blaster tucked into the folds of his cloak. Possibly a sign of a ranged fighter. Kul grinned. He loved it when his enemies brought blasters. They tended to put too much faith in them. He just needed to get close. But was he willing to attack a fellow agent? In the end, as it so often was, Kul’s desire for violence was the driving force behind his mind. His mind was made up, so there was no need for words.

The Zabrak charged his opponent with hands ready to pound him into the jungle floor.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 4 August, 2016 5:39 PM UTC

Syntax

This bode ill.

I did have to take a look at this, and found that you should have applied the past tense to bode. It should have read "This boded ill."

Story

Shards of light pierced the upper foliage as the sun drudged towards its zenith. The cacophony of the fauna had begun to reach an apex as the predators found their prey and the first morning feastings began.

This is beautiful imagery. Ease up on the thesaurus a bit. The description is fantastic, but you could get your reader a little bit lost in the floweriness of it.

Realism

“There’s no need for the camouflage, assassin. I can see through your pitiful concealment.”

Kul'tak only has a +2 in Concealment, and the wording is very particular that you cannot use it while in combat.

Andrelious smirked as the Zabrak ran in. Raising his arms, the Warlord directed a brief burst of Force lightning straight at Kul’tak. The Plagueian was caught off guard; he had been so focused on expecting Andrelious to fire his blaster that the idea of a Force based attack hadn’t crossed his mind.

Though far from fatal, the power of the lightning was enough to knock Kul’tak off his feet.

“I sense the dark side in you. So why do you attack me? You’re not another Arconan, are you? I’ve become rather tired of the Shadow Clan and their attacks,” Andrelious declared.

“I’m here on behalf of Pravus. And so, it seems, are you,” the Zabrak responded, gingerly climbing back onto his feet, unsettled by how calm his supposed target appeared to be.

“Whatever orders you’ve been given, I very much doubt they were to assassinate me. I suggest you walk away before I make you look very foolish, boy!” Mimosa-Inahj roared, his right hand moving towards his silver hilted lightsaber.

Orders are orders. Kul’tak thought, readying himself for the forthcoming duel.

The two Sith activated their lightsabers in unison, the snap-hiss barely audible above the cacophony of jungle sounds.

Andrelious waited for his opponent to make the first move. He did not have to wait a long time: Kul leapt at the Warlord, trying to smash his way past with a fast, yet powerful slash. The older Sith was surprised by just how vigorously the Plagueian attacked, but managed to hold his own lightsaber firmly enough to fend the Zabrak off.

Odd. Jar’kai with only one lightsaber. Andrelious observed, almost immediately identifying his would-be assailant’s bladesmanship.

The unusual choice of form aside, Kul’tak’s sheer strength and agility made him a good match for Andrelious, who relied more on the Force’s guidance to allow him to parry a wide variety of attacks, whilst offering counter-attacks whenever his opponent left any kind of an opening.

Forcing the Taldryanite to adjust his footing with a low-down slash, Kul pressed on, changing height and trying to cleave Andrelious’ head from his shoulders. The more experienced fighter ducked at the last moment, but the Zabrak’s blade continued, slicing through the base of nearby tree. Some roosting birds cawed in panic as they found themselves moving downwards, but the two battling Sith simply stepped out of the way as the tree crashed onto the ground.

Kul’tak made the most of the distraction: he sprinted away, quickly creating some distance between himself and Andrelious. He darted between trees, ensuring their branches prevented the Warlord from drawing a bead with either blaster or lightning.

Frustration grew within Mimosa-Inahj. This Zabrak had attacked him, seemingly on a mission from the Inquisitorius, and now appeared to be retreating, even after showing he was no pushover with a lightsaber. Nonetheless, Andrelious gave chase, the Force keeping him in touch with his otherwise elusive target.

Clambering over a fallen tree, the Human realised that another presence in the Force was approaching him. He turned around to see a vornskr rushing towards him, its razor-sharp teeth glistening even in the limited sunlight.

The jungle creature leapt in the air, hoping to pick Andrelious off, but the Warlord raised his lightsaber, its crimson blade cutting deep into the vorknskr’s neck.

“You’re next, boy!” Andrelious yelled as the vornskr dropped lifelessly to the ground.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 4 August, 2016 6:45 PM UTC

Story

Raising his arms, the Warlord directed a brief burst of Force lightning straight at Kul’tak.

Show, don't tell. Describe what Force Lightning looks like to someone who doesn't know what the Force is.

Realism

Odd. Jar’kai with only one lightsaber. Andrelious observed, almost immediately identifying his would-be assailant’s bladesmanship.

It doesn't seem like your character would instantly recognize Jar'kai, as you suggested. Someone only using one saber with such vigor, especially with the strength you indicated, could have been utilizing Shii-Cho. That's not to say, he couldn't eventually figure it out, but you didn't show him trying to figure it out.

The Taldryan embellished his threat with a burst of electrical energy, the tendrils arcing from tree to tree before sputtering out with a spark and a sizzle. Kul’tak barely registered the eruptions of volatile energy as it sundered the branches around him. His thoughts were focused entirely on the woeful cries of the Vornskr as it died.

He had known himself to accidentally influence the creatures around him when his blood began to boil (it did not seem to matter whether from rage or excitement). Perhaps it was a subconscious act of using his surroundings, or maybe it was just easier for him to connect with his beastly brethren during times of aggression. Regardless, his intense connection with creatures often left him vulnerable to their pain.

The Zabrak crashed to his knees and gripped his head with his hands as the swirling emotions overtook his need to focus on dodging lightning blasts. Despair had knocked him down and he gazed in the direction of the Vornskr’s corpse, the mental agony as fresh as during his target’s fatal swing.

The older man stepped into view, a gloved hand sliding across a trunk as he supported his trek down a slope pitted with rocks. He gave Kul a curious look before advancing.

“Decided to give up, boy? You seemed so eager to match yourself with me before.”

The Taldryan drew a saber, directing its humming crimson blade at the kneeling Zabrak.

“Stand.”

Kul’s eyes refocused and his gaze shifted to his enemy’s where they locked in defiance of one another. Andrelious recognized a difference in Kul’s from earlier, however. Instead of just the deep amalgamation of orange and red hues, they stood out as a brighter shade of mostly red. A quick probe with the Force revealed Kul’s presence to be swelling with a deep hatred. It swirled recklessly around him, lighting his position clearly in the Force spectrum. An odd mistake for an assassin to make, the Taldryan noted.

When the Zabrak still refused to stand, the Imperial waved his empty left hand.

“I said stand, boy.”

Kul lurched slightly, as if pushed to his task, and stood. He squinted as he tried to understand why he’d moved early, but his end goal was unchanged by it. He let his wrath run free; its infused power gave him assurance as it flowed through his limbs.

Andrelious was no fool. He knew something was coming, but not what trick the young Zabrak might attempt. Surely he wasn’t planning to assault him head on again? That had gotten him nowhere. The manifestation of power through his anger meant the strike would come soon.

Almost too soon. The Zabrak’s sudden burst of agility threw the Taldryan off enough for the younger to move closer than he might have hoped. His clawed left gauntlet drove for Andrelious’ chest, which he was able to fend off with a quick side parry. He realized too late that it had been a feint. Kul’s empty hands moved faster than the Taldryan’s eyes could follow. He could not tell what specific martial technique it was, but he soon found himself lacking of a saber.

Staying in motion, Kul slipped his own saber back into his right hand, waving Andrelious’ somewhat uncomfortably in his left. He swung both in a scissor motion with the hope of slicing his opponent in two. The far more experienced man was able to counter with a dodge and managed to reveal his second saber, a black and red hilt as opposed to his original's chromium. Sabers flashed as the two began a martial dance utilizing their respective styles. Andrelious found himself trying a bit harder than earlier as the Zabrak fell into his style’s full stance, shifting his weight to his center and directing the Taldryan’s blade with increased strength.

Even while backing slowly, Andrelious was still aware he had the advantage in this fight. No matter how many times Kul’s weaving strikes slipped by the Taldryan’s defense, he could not finish with a lethal strike before being forced back into a defensive swing. The power was there, yes, but the technique was lacking. Still, if he did not finish this, the Zabrak may find another brief moment of advantage and take control. Or even his life.

As Kul followed through from a parry, he brought a saber downward while the other thrust forward to gore his opponent. Choosing to sweep aside the thrust, Andrelious ignored the high swing as he thrust forward his left hand. A mass of invisible energy exploded into Kul’s chest and he was flung violently against a tree. The moss could only soften such a blow so much, and a sickening crack resounded through the trees. Kul rose to his feet, his body drained of energy and his breaths ragged as his enraged state was forcibly turned off. He’d reached a physical limit and Andrelious saw this, pushing his advantage. Instead of kinetic energy this time lightning tendrils clawed forth and grasped Kul’s body, wrapping it like a blue-white cocoon.

The Taldryan halted the flow of energy and watched while Kul fell to his knees, clutching a limp arm in his left hand. He approached the wounded Zabrak. Stopping a few paces away, he bent and swiped up his saber and returned it to his waist. Kul made no move to attack or defend himself. Plastered across his face was a crooked grin, and his voice choked forth in a raspy whisper.

“They were right, you are skilled.”

Andrelious huffed.

“You challenged Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj.”

A spark of recognition lit up Kul’s weary eyes.

“Ah, a Taldryan. I could not have asked for a better test in strength. I am satisfied. Do what you must, I am prepared to taste death at the hands of a true warrior.”

Andrelious’ face became shadowed by a sinister smile.

“You must not have learned of how I treat those who would seek to kill me, boy.”

With his saber still humming its vibrant red hue, he slid the blade suddenly across Kul’s throat. The Zabrak’s windpipe caught as air was denied him and his eyes grew wide in shock and pain. His chokes filled the Taldryan with pride as he soaked the sound in until the Zabrak fell to the dirt with a wet thud. A drop of blood stuck out on Andrelious’ breastplate and he flicked it to the ground before continuing on into the jungle. The shadows of the forest grew shorter as the sun raced towards its zenith.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 4 August, 2016 6:54 PM UTC

Story

He had known himself to accidentally influence the creatures around him when his blood began to boil (it did not seem to matter whether from rage or excitement).

Nice description of Beast Control. We don't get to see this much in the ACC, and it's always neat to get to, especially written this way.

Story

The Zabrak’s windpipe caught as air was denied him and his eyes grew wide in shock and pain. His chokes filled the Taldryan with pride as he soaked the sound in until the Zabrak fell to the dirt with a wet thud.

Very interesting description of your character's death.

“You challenged Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj.”

A spark of recognition lit up Kul’s weary eyes.

You hadn't indicated that you didn't actually know who your target was. This wasn't indicated earlier, and didn't really make sense to the match. It's really the only point that didn't make sense to me in your entire match, though. So well done.

Kul’tak quickly turned on his heel as he heard his opponent’s threat. He’d hoped to draw the Warlord into a less dense part of the jungle, where he could move around more freely, but the chance hadn’t arisen. Instead, he hoped to hit Andrelious hard and fast, before the older Sith could make further use of the worst of his powers.

“You say I’m next? Come and get me!” the Plagueian taunted, coming to a stop a few yards away from his opponent.

Careful. Andrelious thought. He’s a fellow Sith.

Sure enough, as the Human approached, it was Kul’tak’s turn to attack with lightning. Andrelious, detecting the build up of dark energy, held his lightsaber in front of himself, allowing it to absorb the Knight’s attack. The weapon’s blade flickered slightly as it was hit by such a large amount of current, but remained active.

“Impressive. Your training is a credit to you. Such anger. Such hate. And you already know how to turn that into your greatest weapon,” Andrelious stated.

As the lightning stopped flowing from his outstretched fingers, Kul’tak quickly re-armed himself with his own lightsaber and charged straight for the Taldryanite, his anger fully diverted into hardening his muscles and lightening his feet.

The Plagueian reached his target and immediately started battering the Warlord’s defences. Andrelious, though he had prepared himself to be hit hard, had not expected the Zabrak to find so much extra power. Stumbling back from Kul’s initial blow, Mimosa-Inahj wasn’t fast enough to stop his opponent from scoring a hit to his upper shoulder.

The smell of burning flesh filled the air, but Andrelious pressed on, disregarding the ongoing pain from his newly wounded shoulder as best he could. He held onto his lightsaber for dear life, relying on his skill with the blade rather than the brute strength or agility that appeared to be the trademarks of his fellow Sith’s technique.

Noticing his opponent slowing a little, Andrelious counter attacked, beating Kul’s blade with a powerful slash of his own. Aiming to decisively end the battle there and then by beheading the Zabrak, Mimosa-Inahj diverted his movement at the last moment as he relied too much on his injured shoulder. The resulting change in movement caused Andrelious’ blade to slice through the air half an inch in front of Drol’s torso, before eventually cleaving his left hand off at the wrist.

“I hope I have made my point,” Andrelious hissed. “I am not Pravus’ enemy, nor am I yours,”

“Both of you, stop, right there!” another voice ordered. Both Sith recognised it immediately as belonging to Evant Taelyan.

“What in the name of Palpatine are you doing here?” Andrelious demanded.

“We’ve just discovered that members of the Resistance have found a way to hack into our network. One of their agents intercepted a message meant for your fellow agent and changed the mission profile. He thought he was hunting you,” Evant explained.

Andrelious didn’t look impressed. “You assured me that the system was unbreakable. I offered you the services of my daughter to test. You turned that offer down. And now look. The Resistance has us fighting each other! You’re a fool, Taelyan,” the Warlord spat, turning to Kul’tak. “And as for you, it seems that you’re still new to this game. I suggest you learn from this. Take this defeat. You fought well, but your blind loyalty to the Inquisitorius left you attacking an enemy you weren’t prepared for,”

Kul’tak nodded as Andrelious turned to leave. He wasn’t sure if Evant’s arrival had saved his life, but he was certain of one thing.

Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj would pay.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 4 August, 2016 6:58 PM UTC

Story

“Both of you, stop, right there!” another voice ordered. Both Sith recognised it immediately as belonging to Evant Taelyan.

Deus ex Machina. Try to avoid this in writing. It's a very boring ending.

Syntax

Kul’tak nodded as Andrelious turned to leave. He wasn’t sure if Evant’s arrival had saved his life, but he was certain of one thing.

Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj would pay.

The last paragraph should be have been merged not only with the previous paragraph, but the last sentence, separated by a comma, or even a colon.