Knight Solas Night-Thorn vs. Acolyte blackhawk

Knight Solas Night-Thorn

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Tarentum
Male Epicanthix, Sith, Marauder, Imperial
vs.

Acolyte blackhawk

Journeyman 2, Journeyman tier, Clan Tarentum
Male Clawdite, Force Disciple, Marauder
Comment

It's a bit unusual, but I'm going to sort my comments by category.

Syntax:
I've graded matches by complete newcomers and I've graded matches by the sitting ACC champion and Combat Master. No matter what their skill or experience level, ACCers rely on proofreaders and the preview button. Trust me on this: get a proofer and use the preview button before submitting your posts, and you'll be much happier with the results.

Story:
Most of the matches I see are 2+2 alternate ending. Occasionally people mix it up with 2+2 singular ending. This is the first 3+3 match I've judged and only the second one I've read, so going into it I was interested in how you would use those extra posts. The action moved around much more, and you were able to break it into several shorter encounters. I think this made for a more dynamic battle, but unfortunately there were other issues.

First, make us care about the fight. All I know about your characters is what I can see in the character sheets and wiki entries, so you have to explain why these two are fighting and what each character feels is at stake.

Second, don't be afraid to take your time. You both had some great ideas but they weren't always developed beyond an idea.

Realism:
There was a lot of overpowered Force use going on. If that's your thing (and there's nothing wrong with that!), when you set up a match you should adjust the Force setting so that you can feel free to go wild. It'll take your match from this to this. However, in a standard match you need to adhere to the standard system.

Fighting is exhausting. Maintaining the strong focus under pressure that the Force requires is exhausting. But neither character seemed to ever be tired, aside from Blackthorn at the very end, when he was mostly tired of Solas.

In the end, Solas Night-Thorn is the winner. I think you guys have a lot of potential and I hope to see you continue to grow as writers. The 3+3 format made for an interesting dynamic, and I'd like to see you guys experiment more with some of our less-used options like Unleashed matches.

Good work guys. Keep on writin' and keep on growin'.

Alethia Archenksova,
ACC Judge

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 6 out of 6
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Knight Solas Night-Thorn, Acolyte blackhawk
Winner Knight Solas Night-Thorn
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Knight Solas Night-Thorn's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Acolyte blackhawk's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Nar Shaddaa: Streets
Last Post 3 August, 2016 8:35 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Chronicler Arcadia “Caid” Skålson blackhawk
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: Several errors. Rationale: Several errors, and the formatting distracted from your posts.
Story - 40%
Chronicler Arcadia “Caid” Skålson blackhawk
Score: 3 Score: 2
Rationale: This was pretty standard for the ACC. The action was good, but you never really established anyone's motivations. Rationale: You had interesting ideas, but didn't develop one before moving on to the next. The best way for you to raise your score in the future is to spend more time developing your descriptions.
Realism - 25%
Chronicler Arcadia “Caid” Skålson blackhawk
Score: 4 Score: 2
Rationale: Several minor issues with Force Powers early on, as well as a fatigue issue that I'll mention in the general match comments. Rationale: Several issues with Force Powers.
Continuity - 20%
Chronicler Arcadia “Caid” Skålson blackhawk
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No errors that I spotted. Rationale: No errors spotted.
Chronicler Arcadia “Caid” Skålson's Score: 3.65 blackhawk's Score: 2.75
Posts

Nar Shaddaa Streets

The Vertical City, Nar Shaddaa. They call it the Smuggler's Moon—an apt description based on the myriad of sentients shuffling back and forth with their illegal wares and hidden weapons. The narrow streets below criss-cross endlessly, soaring miles above the planet's surface. Exposed and uncovered, the streets offer a nearly perfect setting for someone with some skills with ranged weapons. From a vantage point on the ledge of a towering structure of glass and steel offers a dizzying view of the cityscape.

Simple shops and merchants peddle both legitimate and illegitimate wares. Storefronts are just as plentiful as open-market pop-up tents, and the cantina's adapt the same lowlife air as the rest of the Smuggler's Moon. Enemies could be hidden in plain sight, whether one of the Hutts’ gangsters or mercenaries-for-hire looking to earn some credits. The streets are plagued with violent gangs and the general riff raff of the poor and destitute. The streets may be an ideal place for blasters, but the winding streets are difficult to disappear from. An opponent would be easily boxed in and simple to finish with a few quick slashes of a lightsaber. The moon is dangerous—even for one gifted in the Force.

 The streets were crawling with smugglers. People obviously afraid of the local Hutts, and rightfully so. Unfortunately, he was not there to settle the local Hutt issues. His master had called him here. Why he had chosen here as a meeting place, now that was a different question entirely. However, even without that information, Blackhawk didn't need the Force to realize that there would be combat. Most meeting between himself and his master, Solas Night-Thorn, ended in a duel. He would not be caught unprepared this time. There were plenty of places to hide, but Solas knew his own apprentice well enough to not hide in any of them, at least that was Blackhawk's thinking. It wouldn't be long. Blackhawk didn't need to look for him. His master was not very sneaky. He would reveal himself soon enough.
 As Blackhawk made his way into one of the many bars, he saw him. Stepping out of the bar, Blackhawk backed into the street so he would have some room. No sooner had he gotten to the opposite side of the street when a volt of lightning flew from the door. This being normal, Blackhawk rolled out of the way, just in time for Night-Thorn to reveal himself.
   "Well apprentice, you finally found me." the Sith jeered. "I expected that you would be faster. Perhaps you are not as powerful as I thought."
 A rock flew across the street, but the Sith easily caught it on his saber. "Or perhaps you are merely a coward, to afraid to face me out in the open!" Blackhawk retorted. "You never tried to face me when I was prepared for it. Maybe it is you who needs to return to a master." With that, Blackhawk let loose a two-handed stream of Force Lightning.
Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 13 August, 2016 5:43 PM UTC

Syntax:
There's one issue that pops out immediately: formatting. All three of your posts are formatted as snippets of code, and they shouldn't be. Not only is it a bit of an eye-sore, but your words will get butchered when they're at the end of a line. For example, on my display, I see:

re would be combat. Most meeting between himself and his master, Solas Night-Thorn, ended in a duel. He would not be caught unp repared this time. There were plenty of places to hide, but Solas knew his own apprentice well enough to not hide in any of the m,

This can happen if you write your post in Word and then past it into the ACC box without previewing. One easy workaround is to paste from Word to Notepad and then put it into the site, but you should always use the preview button to make sure the site isn't doing anything screwy.

Another easy thing to fix is that you should have a blank line between paragraphs. In this match the posts were fairly short, but you want to do whatever you can to make your text easy to read for your opponent, the judge, and any other people reading it.

People [were] obviously afraid of the local Hutts, and rightfully so.

Most meeting[s] between himself and his master, Solas Night-Thorn, ended in a duel.

when a [b]olt of lightning flew from the door.

"Well apprentice, you finally found me[,]" the Sith jeered.

If your sentence keeps going past the end of the quote, the last period will turn into a comma.

Story:
This was a little sparse. You can get away with shorter posts in a 3x3 match than the usual 2x2, since you have more posts to tell the story, but don't be afraid to paint a picture. We know Blackhawk was summoned here, but we don't have any details. How do all the bystanders react to someone running out of a bar and shooting off Force Lightning?

Realism:
No errors. Watch out with using "stream" to describe Force Lightning, since you can only do short blasts unless you have the Stream It Feat.

Continuity:
No errors.

Solas caught the blast of lightning with the blade of his lightsaber. With a smile the Sith returned the favor with a torrent of lightning that arced off the lights and signs surrounding them. The forks of lightning struck several of the bystanders and soon the surrounding streets were filled with terrified screams. Soon the nearby bars began to empty and soon the street was flooded with people. Seeing his opportunity, Blackhawk quickly blended in with the crowd and disappeared down a nearby alley.

Solas watched as his apprentice disappeared into the crowd. The Sith smirked as a group of armed thugs surrounded him with blasters drawn.

“We don’t know who you are mister-shiny-sword, and we don’t want to. But if you come into this part of town and start zapping people, we’re going to have a problem. So why don’t you go back to wherever you came from before things get ugly.” Solas began laughing and moving faster that an average person could see, cut down the two thugs closest to him and flung a third into a nearby wall with the Force.

“Time to hunt an apprentice.” With more than a small amount of excitement, the Epicanthix strode through the crowd cutting down everyone in his path.


Blackhawk ducked inside of a warehouse and shook the screams from his mind. Sometimes he forgot how ruthless his master could be.

“Just how much blood has he spilt?”

“I’ve spilt more blood than you have seen in your life apprentice.” The clawdite jumped at his master’s voice. He leapt back and drew his blaster rifle in a fruitless effort as his master’s crimson blade lashed out and removed the rifle’s barrel. Blackhawk discarded the destroyed blaster and channeled his energy to his body and bolted out the door, but not before tossing a concussion grenade at his master. Solas caught the grenade’s blast with the Force and smiled as he watched his apprentice flee. The Sith grabbed his holo comm, with a tap the projector sprang to life showing an image of Night-Thorn’s other apprentice.

“Master, we are ready.”

“Good, detonate the reactors and seal the sector.”

“As you command Master.” The comm clicked off and a wicked grin spread across the Sith’s face.


Blackhawk ran through the streets, he needed to regroup. It seemed that his master was determined to kill him. As he ran the ground beneath him shook suddenly. The Grey Jedi stumbled, but did not lose his footing. Looking up he watched as the sector’s reactor banks began to explode one by one. It wasn’t long before the sector descended into chaos as the local security forces attempted to contain the destruction.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 13 August, 2016 8:36 PM UTC

Syntax:

Blackhawk ran through the streets[;] he needed to regroup.

When the only thing I can find is a comma/semicolon error, you know you've done good work.

Story:
Good plot development and use of the environment. I would have liked to have seen the interaction with the thugs developed a bit more, but I can appreciate the need to keep things moving.

Realism:

Solas began laughing and moving faster that an average person could see, cut down the two thugs closest to him and flung a third into a nearby wall with the Force.

"Rule of Cool" is nice and all, but Amplification+2 isn't anywhere near that fast.

Blackhawk discarded the destroyed blaster and channeled his energy to his body and bolted out the door, but not before tossing a concussion grenade at his master.

Ditto for Blackhawk. Remember, +3 is generally when we consider a Force Power able to be used immediately in a combat situation.

Solas caught the grenade’s blast with the Force and smiled as he watched his apprentice flee.

How? Solas isn't quite good enough with Deflection or Barrier to pull that off.

Continuity:
No errors.

"Should've known he would try something like this." Blackhawk thought. Knowing his master, there would be no escape. He would have to fight it out anyway. The question now was simply how he was going to survive the fight. 
 Solas was better than him with a lightsaber, and blasters would be relatively useless. However, there was one thing he could try. Focusing with the Force, Blackhawk began to tear apart the support columns of the warehouse, hoping to bring the building down on his master. It probably wouldn't kill him, but it might injure him enough to end the fight. 
 It took a minute, but Blackhawk was able to bring the building down. Unfortunately, the Clawdite saw Night-Thorn lift some debris of him, and emerge from the rubble. 
 The building falling on top of him didn't even scratch him. This was getting out of hand. Blackhawk pulled a nearby lightpole and threw it at his master, letting it move on it's own momentum. About three quarters of the way to the Epicantix, Blackhawk hit the pole with lightning, hoping it would be enough to incapacitate his master. Solas merely jumped out of the way, laughing as he landed near his apprentice.
 "Not bad apprentice, but much to learn, you still have." the Epicantix teased. 
 With that both combatants unleashed a torrent of Force Lightning. The streams with each other, and the pair focused on overpowering one another. Eventually, Blackhawk won out, hitting his master dead center. As usual when one takes a hit like that, Night-Thorn collapsed on the ground, writhing in pain.
 "Now you see the true power of a Grey Jedi." Blackhawk growled at his master, letting up with the lightning. "Perhaps now, we can be done with this... pointless quarrel." 
 Blackhawk could tell that his master wouldn't let up that easily. Now might be a good time to flee, but Solas would find him again. So instead, Blackhawk used Blackness, blinding his master, then threw a concussion grenade into the field.
Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 13 August, 2016 8:55 PM UTC

Syntax:
There were several small errors in addition to the formatting.

"Should've known he would try something like this[,]" Blackhawk thought.

the Clawdite saw Night-Thorn lift some debris of[f] him

letting it move on [its] own momentum.

"It's" = "it is" and "its" = "belonging to it"

"Not bad apprentice, but much to learn, you still have[,]" the Epicantix teased.

The streams with each other,

You forgot a word here.

"Now you see the true power of a Grey Jedi[,]" Blackhawk growled

Blackhawk used Blackness

It's better to describe the power than just name it.

Story:
As our Combat Master is fond of saying, "Show, don't tell." You have good ideas, but you just tell us what they are instead of describing how they play out in detail. It's cool that Blackhawk tears a building down, but it would be cooler if you showed up how he strained to rip down the supports, the way the durasteel warped and screamed under pressure, Solas' reaction to the sounds of immanent collapse, etc.

Realism:
The Force Power use is generally more advanced than either of you can really muster. Both Solas and Blackhawk have already been exerting themselves, and now we have Blackhawk ripping down a building, tearing up and hurling a lightpole, unleashing a torrent of Force Lightning, and dumping a sphere of blackness all within a few hundred words. That's a lot and he should be pretty exhausted by now.

With that both combatants unleashed a torrent of Force Lightning. The streams with each other, and the pair focused on overpowering one another. Eventually, Blackhawk won out,

Force Lightning is short bursts only, unless you have a specific Feat.

Continuity:
No errors.

Solas slowly rose to his feet shaking the remnants of the lightning attack. He had only begun to look around when he was encompassed by pitch black darkness. Smiling at his apprentice’s favorite technique he was caught completely off guard when a thunderous explosion went off to his left and sent him tumbling to the ground.


As he heard the grenade go off, Blackhawk took off running through the streets. He knew that the blast wouldn’t be enough to take his master down, he needed to figure out a way to end this quickly. If he met his master on an even battlefield he was dead. He needed to catch the Sith off guard and end it with a fatal blow. The clawdite was so lost in his thoughts that he nearly ran headlong into an armed blockade that had been set up at the exit of the sector. Ducking inside a nearby building he observed the blockade. It was clearly set up by the local security, then he saw it. The distinct grey hood and armor of a Syndicate operator. ‘So he used the locals to seal the sector. Blast it, he really is determined to kill me. But why?’ Blackhawk knew that his master was less than pleased with the clawdite’s refusal to join the dark side. But despite everything, the epicanthix had never made a real attempt on his life. ’Come to think of it, he has yet to try for a killing blow. He’s had several opportunities, why hasn’t he made his move? I need to figure out if he’s really done with me, or if this is just another one of his tests.’ Knowing what he needed to do, Blackhawk moved to the roof of the building and drew his blasters and leveled them at the blockade.


Solas stood up and brushed the dust from his robes. ’Tch! He’s gotten better. But I think it’s time to turn it up a notch.’ As the Sith was brushing himself off his comm beeped.

“Master, we’ve received word that someone has engaged the blockade east of your position. Your orders?”

“Don’t get involved. I’ll take care of him.”

“Understood Master.” With that the comm clicked off. Solas rolled his shoulders before breaking into a light run through the streets to the east. Making good time as most of the people in the sector had retreated into the nearby buildings. Arriving a block away from the blockade he watched as blaster fire rained from the roof a building on the left side of the street. As he watched a hooded figure approached from behind him.

“Hello Supreme Commander.”

“Hello operative. What’s the situation?”

“The guards at the blockade are pinned down, but…”

“What is it?”

“They haven’t lost a single man. The worst damage any have taken is a shot in the arm or leg.”

“He’s trying to draw me out while not letting them overtake him. Very well, pull our forces out. Things are about to get messy.”

“Yes Sir!” With a sharp salute the figure disappeared into the shadows. Solas smiled and strode down the street.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 13 August, 2016 9:11 PM UTC

Syntax:
Several minor things.

Solas slowly rose to his feet[,] shaking [off/from] the remnants of the lightning attack.

The [C]lawdite was so lost in his thoughts

Species names should be capitalized. You do this a few times in this post.

It was clearly set up by the local security, then he saw it.

This should be broken up into two sentences, since you change focus there.

‘So he used the locals to seal the sector.

You don't need the single quotes around thoughts. The italics show us what's going on.

“Understood[,] Master.”
“Hello[,] Supreme Commander.”
“Hello[,] operative. What’s the situation?”

Story:
Generally, we like to see some direct conflict between the two characters in each post, but this does provide us with a nice setup for your final posts.

Realism:
Nothing that I noticed.

Continuity:
No errors that I spotted.

 Blackhawk watched as the blockade forces began to pull back. "So, he's found me again." the Clawdite thought. Seeing his master running toward him, Blackhawk willed anything in the street to fly at him. 
 In response, the Epicantix pushed back with the Force, colliding with his apprentice's stream of power. Eventually, this resulted in a Force explosion, sending both master and apprentice flying. As soon as he got up, Blackhawk drew his vibroswords and charged. He was tired. Tired of the abuse. Tired of the attacks. Tired of his master using g others to get to him. 
 His reckless charge failed miserably. His master simply lashed out with Lightning, causing Blackhawk to collapse on the ground, spasming uncontrollably. 
 "You will learn soon enough, apprentice." Solas told him. "Eventually, you will understand the true power of the Dark side." What he didn't realize, was that Blackhawk had drawn his lightsaber from his belt. "You know me, do you truly think that I'll give in that easily?" the Clawdite questioned. "Or is it possibly that you want me to give up, simply so you do not have to keep trying?"
 "You know you can't win." his master declared. "That may be true," Blackhawk said, approaching his master. "but its better to go down fighting, then to be defeated as a lowly coward, running from the inevitable. There is no dignity in being beaten with your back turned." With that, Blackhawk swung, activating the saber in mid swing, only to find his master not there when the weapon should have connected. Looking around, Blackhawk couldn't see him. His master had vanished. Satisfied that he was alive, Blackhawk was overcome with tiredness. At that moment, Blackhawk simply passed out.
Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 13 August, 2016 9:32 PM UTC

Syntax:

"So, he's found me again[,]" the Clawdite thought.

"You will learn soon enough, apprentice[,]" Solas told him.

"You know you can't win[,]" his master declared.

"That may be true," Blackhawk said, approaching his master. "[B]ut [it's] better to go down fighting, then to be defeated as a lowly coward, running from the inevitable.

Story:

The ending wasn't very definitive. There was, however, plenty of action and this post did bring the battle to a climax.

Realism:

Seeing his master running toward him, Blackhawk willed anything in the street to fly at him. In response, the Epicant[h]ix pushed back with the Force, colliding with his apprentice's stream of power. Eventually, this resulted in a Force explosion, sending both master and apprentice flying.

This doesn't conform to our system. Please remember to consult our Force Powers guide for descriptions of how the powers work.

His master had vanished.

How?

Continuity:
No errors.

Blackhawk ducked behind a low wall to avoid a volley of blaster bolts. As the volley tapers off, the clawdite popped back up and returned a volley of his own. As he moved to duck back down, the air around him seemed to become cold and stagnant. As he popped back up he glanced down the street. Then he saw him, although it’s not hard to miss a six-foot-nine white haired Sith. As his master strode up to the building Blackhawk holstered his blasters and drew his lightsaber. For a tense moment the air hung still around the Grey Jedi, then the building shook. The impact caused the crouching Blackhawk to stumble, as he was regaining his feet he looked around and saw that another reactor bank had exploded. Looking back over the edge he could see the security forces surrounding the building, but no Knight Night-Thorn.

‘Blast it! He’s probably inside the building. Which means he’s got me cornered, I’ll either have to fight him or the security forces. And I can’t outrun him forever.’

Blackhawk began to get lost in his own thoughts as he tried to form a plan. He was broken out of his thoughts when the door to the roof was blown off its hinges. Turning back he watched as Solas stepped through the doorway ignited lightsaber in hand.

“Enough running apprentice, it’s time to settle this.” Solas shouted across the roof as he walked slowly towards Blackhawk. The apprentice stared at his master and rose to his feet. Igniting his own lightsaber he took hold of the weapon with both hands and began to take careful measured steps towards the Sith. In response Solas sured up his grip on his own saber and came to a stop a few paces from the acolyte. Taking a very static stance he held the blade out in front of him and beckoned the apprentice to attack first.

Seizing the opportunity Blackhawk let out a shout and leapt at the Knight. Hoping to use his weight advantage, the clawdite drove his blade into his master’s and with a grunt forced both blades into air. Smiling to himself as he saw Solas’ leading foot lift off the ground. This distraction left him unaware when his master plants his foot and drives back with a dominating counter forcing the younger man onto his back foot. But surprisingly Night-Thorn doesn’t press the attack. Growling at his teacher, Blackhawk once again lunged at Solas with a stab at his chest. The Sith responded by parrying the stab to the side and stepping around the Acolyte. Rounding on his teacher Blackhawk shouted.

“Come on and fight me! You’re the one who called me here in the first place!” Solas simply smiled and beckoned his student. Blackhawk growled and unleashed a flurry of attacks, only to grow more and more infuriated as his master only parried and blocked. On one lunge Blackhawk’s foot found a loose stone he slipped backwards. In that moment Solas’ eyes flashed and he took a stiff two handed grip. Unleashing a aggressive flurry of strikes Solas began to drive the fight back towards the door. And in one powerful counter, forced Blackhawk’s saber to the side. As the clawdite wheeled around to counterattack, he found his opponent looming over him with his saber held over his head. Blackhawk had no time to respond before Solas brought his saber down in a savage overhead slash that buried itself in the Grey Jedi’s shoulder and carved a path through his body and found its way out through his hip. The two pieces of Blackhawk fell to the ground and Solas straightened up and deactivated his saber. He looked down at his fallen apprentice with cold eyes and sighed before leaping off the roof and making his way to where his forces were waiting.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 13 August, 2016 9:45 PM UTC

Syntax:

As the volley taper[ed] off,

Which means he’s got me cornered, I’ll either have to fight him or the security forces.

Both parts can function on their own as sentences, you you need to either replace the comma with a semicolon or break this into two sentences.

“Enough running apprentice, it’s time to settle this[,]” Solas shouted

In response Solas s[ho]red up his grip on his own saber

the [C]lawdite

[He smiled] to himself as he saw Solas’ leading foot lift off the ground.

This wasn't a complete sentence.

This distraction left him unaware when his master plant[ed] his foot and dr[ove him] back with a dominating counter forcing the younger man onto his back foot

Watch your tense.

Rounding on his teacher Blackhawk shouted.

“Come on and fight me! You’re the one who called me here in the first place!” Solas simply smiled and beckoned his student.

You want the quote to go with Blackhawk shouting, not Solas smiling.

Solas began to drive the fight back towards the door. [I]n one powerful counter, [he] forced Blackhawk’s saber to the side.

Story:

This was a definitely a definitive conclusion, and had plenty of action. However, it was never really made clear why Solas would be trying to kill his own apprentice, or why he'd go to the effort of doing it on Nar Shadda when he could have taken care of it at home.

Realism:
No errors that I spotted.

Continuity:
No errors.