DJK Ondur Lkaetur vs. KAP Saskia Ortega

Jedi Hunter Ondur Lkaetur

Journeyman 3, Journeyman tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Umbaran, Krath, Shadow
vs.

Krath Archpriestess Saskia Ortega

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Female Human, Krath, Seeker
Comment

Ondur and Saskia,

Thank you for participating in the ACC Fading Light Tournament. This match was an open and shut case. Ondur's submission contained enough syntax mistakes to make it extremely difficult to read and essentially cost him the match.

I highly recommend proof readers are used in the future.

Saskia, notes are light on your entry due to the overwhelming victory. If you require more details, grab me on mIRC.

Grand Master Pravus

Hall Fading Light
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants DJK Ondur Lkaetur, KAP Saskia Ortega
Winner KAP Saskia Ortega
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
DJK Ondur Lkaetur's Character Snapshot Snapshot
KAP Saskia Ortega 's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Begeren – Desert Wasteland
Last Post 4 June, 2014 8:32 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Ondur Lkaetur Xathia Edraven
Score: 2 Score: 4
Rationale: Your syntax has received a major deduction based on: 1. Incomplete sentences. 2. Word choice and incorrect word choices. 3. Capitalization consistency. Lightsaber or lightsaber? Wraid or wraid (I don't capitalize dog in the middle of a sentence). 4. Spelling, Naturally. You should use a proof reader. Several of these mistakes would have been identified by having a second set of eyes look over your post. Rationale: No major issues. Some minor word choice issues and problems with a few sentences, but overall, pretty good.
Story - 40%
Ondur Lkaetur Xathia Edraven
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: No major issues. Rationale: No major issues.
Realism - 25%
Ondur Lkaetur Xathia Edraven
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: Barrier is used to stop physical attacks not protect you from illusions. I'm unsure why you used this form of defense to counter an illusion. Rationale: No major issues.
Continuity - 20%
Ondur Lkaetur Xathia Edraven
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: I thought the continuity of your first post was awkwardly done. You wrote it as if you were using your barrier to prepare for the potentiality of incoming opponents, but then stated the barrier was used to counter Saskia. Rationale: No major issues.
Ondur Lkaetur's Score: 3.45 Xathia Edraven's Score: 4.0
Posts

Begeren. Once a prosperous Sith world, it has been the site of numerous battles throughout the millennia. Grand halls and monuments were torn down and re-purposed by looting Republic forces thousands of years ago, before they were driven from the planet. Isolated settlements still dot the planet's surface, but the inhospitable, craggy, and desert-like terrain, along with the beasts common to many desert and Sith worlds, have kept most humanoids from colonizing. Occasional skirmishes have left debris scattered throughout the desert, and battles were fought here as recently as the Galactic Civil War. The planet is now under the control of the One Sith and is rumored to be full of all manner of priceless, ancient Sith artifacts.

The Dark Council has pushed forth to Begeren and the Grand Master, on his quest for ever more powerful items, has decreed the Clans and Houses seize anything of value. The unity shown by the Brotherhood during the beginning of this Crusade is fracturing, with the Clans and Houses growing tired and frustrated with the seemingly endless succession of battles. Tempers are flaring between former allies, with outright aggression no longer uncommon. Despite this, you have responded to the Grand Master's call—though whether it's to actually seize the items for the Brotherhood, destroy them, or use them for your own purposes, only you know.

You have followed the call of the Force to a stretch of desert wasteland, seemingly unremarkable save for the various rock outcroppings that dot the landscape. These outcroppings, though, hide a subterranean cave network, known to be a den of wraids. Though the entrances to the caverns are typically narrow and dark, these tunnels quickly widen. Below the surface, bioluminescent plants and lichen provide limited light.

You know that, despite reaching this place first, you won’t be alone for long, as an ancient Sith tomb is located deep within the caves the wraids now call home. Exactly what you’ll find in that tomb, you’re not sure—but it is something of great power, that much you can sense. You know it is your duty to find it, whatever it is, before any others can locate it. What you do with it when you find it… that is up to you.

As you near one of the entrances to the caves, you think you hear the sounds of footsteps, or maybe skittering, down below—and above ground, you hear the distant crunch of rock underfoot as someone else has found a different rocky cave entrance as well.

Although the atmosphere was breathable, the desert planet was desolate waste. Thus there was the deficiency of the stench she was accustomed to around others. Life had once teemed everywhere as Saskia’s boots crunched through the sand. The place where she was standing was devoid of any feature and everywhere she turned her head, it was the same desperation facing her.The Dark Council had pushed for everyone to discover any hidden treasures on the planet, supposedly speaking through the Force. Though for all she could sense there was nothing in the immediate area except herself.

Her foot hit a raised brick, making her pause and bend over to clear the gathering sand. One brushing lead to another and the Cirrian cleared the beginning of a long eroded path. The Force was getting stronger with every step taken, persuading the Arconan that she was on the right track. She came face to face with a dark opening after what seemed like an age, but it had only been a matter of minutes. Saskia stepped into the shadows, partially glad to be out of the sun. The natural steps were in varying stages of erosion as her hazel eyes adjusted to the darkness, taking extra care of the roots and tendrils which clung to the edges of the paths in an attempt to deprive everything else around it of moisture.

Just as it seemed that the tunnels would not improve in their windy, narrow paths nor in their lack of light her scope of vision picked up a patch of bioluminescent lichen covered a large corner. Though not enough light to see into every dark corner, it gave off enough to show the joining of three narrow routes into one much wider one. Not a claustrophobe by nature, Ortega had begun to feel a little enclosed in the blackness. There was no way of knowing how far she’d come or how far underground she was, but at least if she could breathe easy then there was no need for panic.

Her internal radar flicked onto high alert, remembering that she would likely not be the only one following the call of the Force, especially a magnetism this strong. The woman hoisted her Sapphire Blade from her belt, the weight of the weapon steady in her grasp as her fingers clenched at the Mandalorian iron and Firaxan shark skin of the hilt.

As the tunnel widened into a clearing the Force became more compelling to the Archpriestess until the sound of another’s footsteps interrupted her sole presence. Slinking herself physically into the shadows, Saskia could be as patient as she needed. The Arconan had believed that anyone following her would be capable, but given that he had failed to properly conceal himself just showed his weaknesses. This would be an instantaneous, glorified win for the woman.

The tall figure blended well into the darkness, clothed in a black hooded robe. His features which came to light in the bare lighting of bioluminescence were unremarkable, though he seemed to be extremely pale skinned.

In the blink of an eye, the Umbaran felt his connection to the Force being blurred and harder to call upon. He had followed it to this point knowing that there was an untold treasure at its source, something which could beckon him to absolute power and to solidify his purpose. The hood slipped as he turned about, revealing a head devoid of hair to the Krath Equite.

Ondur looked no more surprised to find the Arconan there after her stunt, than he would have been if he was facing an army to protect the untold treasures when she emerged from the mouldy walls and plant life. Words were unnecessary at this stage: they both knew it was a race to the prize as the Taldryan drew his lightsaber, bathing his black robes in red as the blade snapped to life.

Saskia’s grin was infectious as she split like bacteria and began to multiply. With each step there seemed to be twice as many of her as before. Every copy looked the same, moved the same, and had the same scornful look on their faces. Abruptly, they all disappeared, and the real one was stood behind him.

“If I were you, I’d give up now,” she softly spoke, her voice echoing through the opening.

Ondur kept a Force barrier protecting his body and mind as a precaution. He realised that it would be foolish to forget that others would eventually arrive to the same call of the Dark Side. As she stood, asking Ondur to give up, he felt the barrier absorb some of whatever dampened his call of the Force.

It ebbed, then flowed, dancing back and forth at his expense. He was glad the barrier had protected some of whatever assault on his Force connection was. He still suffered a slightly lesser effect. Ondur extinguished his lightsaber while slowly stepping back and facing her. He spoke quietly while his lightsaber deactivated, "Who are you, and why so hostile so fast?"

Ondur watched the woman state, "I am Saskia, of Krath and Clan Arcona. I'm sure you've heard of me." He nodded in response though truthfully hadn't heard of her. "Well, most powerful Krath. I'm really not so surprised you arrived." He bowed though not identified himself.

"Not very sure of what came over me to brandish my lightsaber, must be some nearby relic, or simply the Dark energy flowing through the tunnels. Especially that it led me to activate my Lightsaber in front of you. I am rarely so foolish to attack openly. It's totally against my life training."

He paused, stepping slightly further than before into the tunnel behind him. Shifting away from the pale, luminescent fungi. "I would definitely not do it so rashly. I saw you hiding and thought a Wraid or three had passed through." Ondur cleared his throat, and considered his surroundings.

Saskia had been lowering the beautiful blade in thought, then raising it, finally outright brandishing it threateningly. "Will you mind yourself and stop your talking?" She spoke while reached toward Ondur with the Force, the essence entering his mind and essentially effectively putting a stop to him speaking. His mouth moved but his tongue lolled out as if he was a fool, any attempt at shaping words came out as one who had been drugged with an anesthetic. He felt saliva collecting annoyingly in his mouth.

She gripped her blade tighter and stabbed forward, twisting as if anticipating a fully reasonable connecting blow. An attempt to grievously wound or kill Ondur instantly. She hadn't even overextending herself. Ondur had managed to instinctively bend back a split second before the attack. Then with his backward momentum, flipped behind her, feeling his connection to the Force bounding back to fullness. As his flip lightly brushed the tunnel ceiling, both his drool and dirt from tunnel fell onto Saskia's hair. He felt exhilaration at his luck, unaware of the disgust on her face. He turned to her, his mouth recovered.

She backed away from Ondur. His landing echoed through the chamber. Ondur shouted, "I'm trying to help you!" She slashed again, cutting through his upper arm in a downward cut, biting through muscle, his robe, and clothing. He seethed, "Sith Lords!.. Stop! We have to be quiet.."

"Fine, why do you want to help me?!" she backed away as he shifted a little closer. She slowly dug into his emotions and mental state, realising he wasn't lying. Still well ready to fight, though now interested as he had not attacked during the lucky dodge.

Ondur pointed at the dark tunnel in the center. It was a pit-nest cut into a straight five meter drop at each end. The whole cave he could see sharply, she could not. Saskia closed her eyes, focused a while, and saw a somewhat clear shape and depth of the pit. Yet she couldn't see the handful of Wraids resting still in a nest there. She noticed an artifact of the Dark Side inside it. She said "Thanks, fool, now it's mine!"

Ondur earlier scouted the tunnels around the pit. Fully comfortable in the darkness. He was here for several hours, and knew the artifact was somewhere in the pit, a nest. Still he hoped another would investigate. Willingly or not.

Ondur saw her trace fading. Saskia said "Thanks, fool, now it's mine!"

Ondur replied "I never sought to take it for myself.. go ahead". He immediately pushed her forth with arms combined with the Force, amplifying his strength and using the Force to hammer her telekinetically. Pain shot through his upper right arm's slashed muscle, fueling him. Force and his palms slammed her side, in full strength. Saskia was pounded hard against a wall, cracking some ribs, then slid into the deep pit.

He yelled "It's there! You wanted it so bad!" He sprinted through a side tunnel around the nest. She leaded against a wall. Raging, Saskia focused to heal her side, sealing broken vessels. Though her ribs were still cracked. She shrieked, "I will murder you! The pain will be like Corellian wine--" As she yelled, nearby Wraids awoke, snarling. "--growing exquisite over time!" She was likely prepared for the crowd. Her blade still in hand.

Ondur bolted above, finding points over the nest below, pulling and throwing nearby fungi into the pit.

She felt a pulse of the Dark Side, beating like a heart. She felt it moving nearby. It seemed to shift around audibly. She had an idea, hearing several beasts nearby. Then noticed a large colony of still bio-luminescent fungi being flung through several openings above, one piece hitting her face lightly.

Ondur ran nautrally, finding another high point over the beginning nest. He focused and allowed the Force to cover him, a mingling of shadow and bending light. Knowing Saskia would have to make an effort to find him. His power to cloak with the Force was strong enough to prevent weaker Force abilities from finding him.. since he knew his new friend's fight had turned to the beasts below.

The pain in his bicep bit deep, Ondur focused the Force, it flowed, covering the pain well.

Yet he wasn't aware that his blood slowly dripped into the dirt..

Saskia grimaced through the agony. She struggled to breathe properly without causing additional problems, though it did not feel as though she’d punctured a lung. It had been a foolish move, but she had been far too focused on Ondur to realise that they were certainly not alone down here. The wraids could smell blood.

The Archpriestess swore silently as the outline of the lumpy creatures began to emerge out of the shadows. They were unsightly, with their heavily muscled bodies lumbering around in the darkness. Their nests must be close by for a large group of them to be clustered like they were. Combined with the smell of blood, they would be eager to attack the first thing they came across this close.

Her body was pressed as firmly against the wall as she could stand. She’d need time to soothe over the fractures, but the wraids were a more pressing concern as they began to move. They wanted to find the source of blood and were coming closer to the Arconan. Saskia bitterly complained to herself mentally, and began to make her imagination a reality. She pushed to conceal herself, blending in with the shadows and throwing her scent in the opposite direction. The woman made her breathing minimal, determined to make sure she gave no movement away as the disgusting creatures came closer. A fleeting movement of imagery, a flick of her cloak and the sound of a branch breaking along another corridor. It was small, but the intended trick did its job as the wraids sharply turned around, a couple of them venturing down the tunnel where the noise had come from.

Tears were starting to form in her eyes from the pain. There were no open wounds as the Cirrian used the opening to seek out the worst of the damage. She closed her eyes and focused her attention on the pain. She felt the bones begin to repair themselves, taping themselves together as the Arconan faced the reality that it was a temporary repair for now. Her body still hurt and the pain would not really fade until the fracture was completely healed.

Gathering her breath and strength together, the brunette woman realised she had not seen the Taldryan since before her fall. It would be easier to dispense of him before getting the artifact, though it was more tempting to just locate it and make a dash for freedom.

He had claimed to want nothing to do with the artifact, but then he had no other reason to be here. Saskia tilted her head, sensing a movement from far above her head. Maybe her opponent had felt her use of the Force and was making his way to eliminate her. Or maybe he was just scared of the rank difference.

The woman began creeping towards the presence in the Force, it was moving about, but not straying far from its origin. The wraids could be heard occasionally as the Arconan kept to the edges of the tunnels, each curve revealing another climb in elevation and a stronger pulse in the Force.

“It should be here…” The Umbaran’s voice drifted through the air. He was close, but so were the wraids, as heavy thuds could be felt through the ground. Peering around the corner, the Archpriestess could see him scouring through the nest amongst the eggs. A smile graced her lips as she pulled the blanket of Force around him tightly.

The Jedi Hunter was plunged into a dark, hellish pit. He could hear all eight of the wraids now, they were all coming back to him. They hadn’t found his adversary, they were coming back for their unborn. Saskia kept building up the pressure, driving deeper into his mind as his despair took over. The runt of the wraids was returning, a lone one was rare, but the others would not be far from them. He was clutching at his now-ignited lightsaber as though it was his lifeline, and as the creature came into view, began swinging it violently in an attempt to get the wraid to run away.

It charged, its many teeth prepped for ripping apart his flesh as its saliva dribbled out at the thought of a fresh meal in such a close range to its nest. Ondur’s lightsaber tore partially through one of its front legs, the wraid’s howling attracting the attention of the rest of the group. The Taldryan bolted in an attempt to get away from his attackers, as Saskia relented her grasp upon the Journeyman’s mind. She was smirking, knowing that the Force was no longer required to ascertain his fear.

The sound of thundering feet deafened as the rest of the wraids came to the aid of their comrade. The shrieks of terror and agony left nothing to the Cirrian’s imagination as she used the cracks, jutts and roots to clamber down from high above the nest. The artifact was tucked neatly in the centre, like a mother presenting her baby in celebration.

She cradled it gently, before taking off her cloak and wrapping the artifact up in it. Her ears were pricked, listening out for the sound of the wraids returning. It was likely the runt had ended up dead, but that still left seven of the disgusting, blood thirsty creatures. The odds would not be in the Archpriestess’ favour as she slipped back into the shadows the opposite way the group had left to pursue its dinner.

Ondur watched in admiration at Saskia. Both of her, back to back. One was staring lifelessly ahead, the living Saskia flitted her vision across the three largest wraids. She gazed a moment before finally settling on one. The Beast of a wraid was at least a quarter or half taller than the rest. It didn't act like an animal protecting territory, it had a cunning of sorts. The rest of its kin tried killing the illusion. They still lunged at it, uselessly, unable to touch or even smell the apparition.

Meanwhile, Saskia moved away, four wraids left to the phantasm's attention. Three others, one being the Beast, kept at her. Ondur sensed the relic. It was like a signal to anyone sensitive to the Force, powerful enough to send tense pulses of dark energy. His senses confirmed what Saskia had discovered. It was clearly inside the Beast of the group. It must have eaten the relic. Then all at once the two bigger animals grunted and swung their meaty fists at her face.

Saskia jumped, she saw the attack beforehand. She fell on the closer wraid in a rough landing. After failing to grab hold with her right hand, she stabbed with the other. The sapphire blade tore into a soft palate. The wraid's neck ripped apart. Arterial spray showered the monstrous Beast and throughout the nest. The Beast grunted in pain. Curious, Ondur brushed his mind with the Beast's. Oddly, there were two awarenesses inside, his telepathic connection ended immediately.

Ondur then jumped down, turned visible, then landed with a smooth roll. He risked being surrounded yet brought his fight. He knew that Saskia could, might kill him instantly. She chose not to yet. The pit had less room but plenty of fighting left. Ondur's pain returned in his right bicep. Saskia shoved the dead wraid's arm aside and saw Ondur land next to her fading illusion.

Saskia shrieked in hatred, "You're dead! You should have given up!" She pivoted, ready to engage, but the Beast swept at her head. A knuckle making contact and her off balance, Ondur shouted, "We need to end this. The relic is priority!"

The four smaller beasts no longer noticed the phantom, only noticed the new invader. It was too late for one already. It was bisected from shoulder to lower torso by Ondur. The awkward lightsaber slice killed the wraid almost by accident. The other swung a right hook into Ondur's ribs. He slid, nearly fell, nearing Saskia. He faced the two monsters, forgetting the last of the smaller ones.

Ondur let the pain wash over his senses, the gash aggravated almost every action, bleeding lightly though fueling him, this fed his power. His legs brimmed with strength as he leaped onto the farthest wraid, cutting and stabbing into the skull, he slid down. It slumped down, dead.

Saskia had already dispatched all except the Beast. It smartly swept her legs with it's arms outstretched. It seemed more intelligent. It had learned while it watched the Dark Jedi kill it's brood-brothers. Ondur saw the Beast attack. He ran the third with his lightsaber, emptying the entrails with a downward stab. This left Saskia, Ondur, The Beast, and his last little brood-member that was hiding. It ran to escape.

As it got too close to the Beast, the little thing was grabbed then bashed into the wall where Saskia had come over. It went limp and the Beast eagerly bit through the wraid's arm, eating it and various other bits then tossed the rest aside.

Ondur backed away from the Beast. "Let's get this out of the way soon, can you open the underbelly?"

She replied with action only, frustration and exhaustion obvious, it swiped her feet, causing her ankle to sprain as she rolled under the Beast and stabbed deep repeatedly into the swollen gut, blood began to spill out coating her cape while she rolled back out from under it. She would have rather been under a machine, changing lubricant or leaking hot oil all over her. The flesh was beginning to give way to intestines as the beast reared up to crush Ondur. It shrieked, echoing through the tunnels. Ondur struggled to dive out of the way. The ground shook.

The outcropping towards the surface tunnel was damaged, providing leveraging to make the five meter climb even while feeling exhausted. Saskia saw her chance. Her pain and disgust with this turn of events empowered her. Though too weak to jump even with the Force, she began a steady climb. Ondur backed up towards the same wall as she climbed.

He pulled towards himself with the Force, focused on the slit underbelly, disemboweling the Beast with a hammering of Force energy towards him. The Dark relic had embedded into the heart of the Beast, and as it died, the heart incinerated into ash. Ondur pulled it closer mentally. Then finally it was in hand!

Ondur reassured that his wrist-holocomm was set to ultraviolet Umbaran-visuals band while Saskia climbed to the top, brushing herself off.

Though audio from the other end was muted, Audio-Visual communication was connected to his Master and stored. Similarly all Taldryan ships that orbited Begeren.

The relic was now absolutely clean. Saskia was nicer, offering to assist Ondur. Ondur laughed, "Saskia of Arcona.. This relic now belongs to Lord Grand Master Muz." He pushed the rest of his body to its limit, the relic fueled a clean jump. He landed, but faltered. He slipped and grabbed the edge.

Saskia grabbed the relic, "I've got.. it" She laughed. Their eyes met.. She ordered, "Relax your grip. You're safe." Ondur let go, and fell.

Ondur spoke into the comm, "Saskia has it. She can kill likely attackers. Ensure Lord Grand Master Muz takes it, he has my loyalty. Let's test hers. Harbingers extraction required."

Pain washed over him. The Darkness comforted him while dreams of Umbara arrived.