The Sephi coughed steadily and sharply for quite some time. Her head throbbed with pain, anxiety, tiredness, and fear. Alara spat some blood towards some pebbles lying next to her and attempted to get up. She howled in pain as she realized there was a large rock holding down her leg in an awkward formation.
“Look what you’ve done! Why did you have to get your nose in other people's’ business?!” Alara growled. Her stomach suddenly dropped. The vulnerability of her position came to realization in her mind. He could kill me easily now. He’d have no trouble at all with slicing my neck in half. The thought of this sent a shrill of fear and adrenaline through her body. The Knight focused with all her strength and managed to muster enough strength to push the large boulder to the side. Alara breathed a sigh of relief and hopped up, attempting to gain her footing despite the injured, most likely broken leg.
“Are you okay?” Lexiconus questioned with a concerning air, offering her a tentacle. Alara glanced at the tentacle, then looked at Lexiconus.
“Why are you still here? Don’t you want to ruin my life?” Alara interrogated loudly, brushing off dirt and blood from her legs. She ignored the gesture for a moment. The panic and anxiety still crept throughout her body, but something within Alara told her to wait.
“No. Not at all, Alara. You’re not quite in your frame of mind. Do you want to talk about something?” the Quaestor offered his tentacle to her again.
The Battle Sergeant paused for a moment, but accepted the kind offer and took his tentacle in her palm. She didn’t speak a word.The Quarren swung her arm around his shoulder, and began to pull her towards a platform next to some water. “Sit down, Alara. You need to rest a moment.”
They sat in the quiet for a few breaths. Alara scooped up some water in her hands and began to drink slowly.
“Look at this place… isn’t it beautiful? Glistening in all sorts of hues and light?” Lexiconus sighed, his tentacles rested upon his thighs. He turned to Alara, who seemed to be staring intently at the Quarren next to him.
“Why are you here?” Alara questioned.
“Ahh. You’re realizing that I’m not here to kill you. Good. I came to visit. Look at the kyber crystals. However, it seems that you had the same idea, right?” Lexiconus smiled politely.
“Yes. I really admire kyber crystals. I always scope out a new one here and there when they call to me,” Alara blinked rapidly, unsure of what to think of her situation.
“Aye. They’re a beautiful sight to see. One can never have too many,” the Quaestor made small talk, trying to think of what next to say. He knew that if he breathed even the slightest negative comment, Alara may spark up again.
“So what’s going on, Alara?” he took a chance, cocking his eyebrow.
“It’s…” Alara sighed, “It’s complicated. I just don’t know if I should involve anyone else. Too many people are getting hurt.”
“Well,” Lexiconus reasoned, “Will you be okay? Are you in any sort of danger?”
The Sephi woman looked at the Quarren’s face and saw a set of eyes with emotion she didn’t see that often: concern, care, and possibly even friendship. Despite all that Alara had done, whether he knew what it was or not, she didn’t expect to see such feelings in a glance towards her like that. She slightly teared up a bit. The Knight began to rub her eyes violently.
“I, I don’t know… As of right now, no. I don’t think so. We shall see how it goes,” she replied.
“You know you have a friend in me, right? I’m here to help you. Always,” Lexiconus placed a tentacle on her shoulder. Alara looked up with glassy eyes and shuddered with emotion.
“Despite how I hurt you?” Alara sniffed slightly. Her belly twisted up with all sorts of emotion. The embers inside seemed to be cooling down, but her anxiety was way up.
Lexiconus chuckled slightly, “Yes. It’ll heal. Awkwardly, but it’ll heal nonetheless.”
The Knight stayed quiet for a moment, contemplating what to do next. It seemed as though her anger and frustrations had calmed down. What was this...light feeling? Whatever it was, it felt slightly nostalgic to her. She was unsure why.
“I recommend that you allow me to take you to the nearest point of civilization. I’ll wrap up this slice, get your leg looked at, bring you to the local cantina, and buy you a drink. Sound good?” the Battlemaster offered. With a slight smirk, Alara nodded, thinking that perhaps rum would settle this tight knot in her gut.
“You don’t have to give me explanation either. I’ll understand if you want to keep quiet. However it is rather damp and drafty in here. I wouldn’t mind a cantina complete with a fireplace,” Lexiconus laughed. Alara chuckled alongside him. The Quaestor stepped up from his seated position, and offered his tentacle to the Sephi once again. She took it, almost instantly, and stepped up as well. The two hobbled towards the cavern’s exit. As they left the cavern, a nearby kyber crystal flickered in a amber/yellow hue. Perhaps Alara wasn’t consumed by evil after all.
Story
A nice way to hint at a reason she came here and tie it to the latter half of your post.
Be careful when using adverbs in a description. Ideally they should add to an already fleshed-out description, rather than substituting it. By cramming two adverbs in a single sentence, you also halted the flow of the writing (loomed carefully, but quietly, observing). To refine the way you portray Lexiconus' stance, you could expand on his position in relation to Alara and to the environment (which you partly do later on), e.g. was he close or far behind her, was he in the shadow of a large stalagmite? Try to connect the characters to the environment whenever you can. Don't be afraid to flesh out your descriptions here—the start of a match is the best place for it.
Syntax
If you wanted to complete the bracketing comma, you would put another comma after Sephi, The crystal, nor the Sephi, could make up their mind
Unless “Lass” is a nickname used especially to refer to Alara, you don't need to capitalise it.
This is a bit of a long sentence. To improve the pacing you could have split it after strapped to her belt. A full-stop would also have gone after let out a sigh, since the speech quotation is a separate sentence.
These are two separate sentences. You would use a comma, for example, if a statement modifies the way the speech quotation is read. Here, and several other times through your posts, a full stop is required. To see an explanation and examples, see the Syntax section of the ACC Guide.
You should have started this on a new paragraph, to reflect the transition from Lexiconus speaking to Alara speaking.
Should be How can I help?" He stepped towards her. I'm sure you would have spotted this with another proofread.
I see what you were trying to depict here, but “detest” can't be used as a noun. You could have used “contempt”, or perhaps an adjective, e.g. with an angry huff.
Realism
[This point did not affect your score] The quote above suggests the crystals display multiple colours in their natural state. In fact, current Canon sources (Wookieepedia entry, Star Wars Databank entry) state that the crystals are colourless until they become attuned to a Force user. Now, you may have noticed that the Venue description said “multi-coloured clusters of kyber crystals”, so of course your scores are unaffected by the discrepancy. We just wanted to mention this Canon fact for your future matches on Ilum, which shall have an appropriately Canon-updated Venue description.
Alara’s half-Sephi blood needs to be mentioned in your Character Sheet before she can be described as such in your posts. A person reading the match relies in part on the Species to form an image of Alara, and this image clashes with the information on her Character Sheet. As mentioned in the Character Creation Guide, you can indicate she is half-Sephi in your character’s Physical Description field. While your character Wiki page does state she is half-Sephi, the information on your Character Sheet supersedes the Wiki in terms of ACC Realism.