GRD Lexiconus vs. DJK Adam Bolera

Guardian Lexiconus

Journeyman 2, Journeyman tier, Clan Arcona
Male Togruta, Krath, Seeker
vs.

Dark Jedi Knight Adam Bolera

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Arcona
Male Human, Obelisk, Marauder
Comment

Thank you for participating in the ACC. There are comments below each post that will compliment my general comments, so please have a look through the entire battle.

In the end, although Adam had terrible formatting, his stronger story and realism wins him the day. The Character Sheet is the foundation of any battle. Always make sure you adhere to it.

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants GRD Lexiconus, DJK Adam Bolera
Winner DJK Adam Bolera
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
GRD Lexiconus's Character Snapshot Snapshot
DJK Adam Bolera's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Shadow Academy - Sparring Room
Last Post 10 June, 2014 2:15 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Adem Bol'era Qor Kith
Score: 1 Score: 3
Rationale: Extremely hard to just read your posts. You really need to format your posts and use the preview to ensure that your posts are actually legible. Rationale: While your writing was technically clear, it was still hard to follow due to the constant changing of descriptors. You should stick with just one descriptor (Ie. Lex for yourself and Adam for your opponent), rather than trying to continually finding another one each time. It just makes it harder to follow who you're talking about
Story - 40%
Adem Bol'era Qor Kith
Score: 3 Score: 2
Rationale: It was a fairly straight-forward battle, without too much in the way of something "new". However, I did like the reasoning of this battle, which you managed to carry throughout the battle. Rationale: There wasn't anything in your story to really set it apart. You didn't bring anything new to the table, hence the lower score
Realism - 25%
Adem Bol'era Qor Kith
Score: 3 Score: 2
Rationale: Your biggest error was the initial Guardian/Jedi Hunter mix-up. Remember, the CS is all that matters when it comes to writing about your opponent, so if it says one thing then that's what you use. Otherwise you did do a pretty good job at playing the characters the way they should be. Rationale: You had a number of errors, as listed in the comments under each post. You should very much look at your Character Sheet and make sure it makes sense from top-to-bottom. It should not contradict itself. Also, a lot of the sequences you had seemed to happen without as much thought given to how the characters would actually react. A lot of it seemed force, just to keep things moving in a certain direction.
Continuity - 20%
Adem Bol'era Qor Kith
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: Nothing to comment on here Rationale: You had a bit of a mix-up in terms of just how your story was playing out in comparison to how it was introduced.
Adem Bol'era's Score: 3.1 Qor Kith's Score: 2.55
Posts

You enter one of the dozens of sparring chambers within the Shadow Academy of Lyspair, the simple square room utilized mostly by those learning the ways of the lightsaber. This five hundred square-foot room, rectangular in shape, is nearly barren. The floor is lined with simple padding, while the walls are made of dull, grey durasteel, gauged by innumerable lightsaber strikes, scarring the metal permanently.

The ceiling towers above you, nearly twenty feet in height, allowing for plenty of movement from the more acrobatic of Force users. There are no other adornments within the room, save for the entrance and lighting that bathes the entire room, yet seems to come from nowhere. All corners of the room are perfectly lit, with no visible shadows to speak of. There is nowhere for you to hide within the room, but… there's no room for your opponent to hide either.

    Adam Bolera let the tranquil silence of the sparring chamber take him for a moment. Only the Force deaf could not feel the energy that hung within the air from dozens of duels that had taken place in this room alone. Each gouge in the wall had its story, and the Force could tell every single one to people who knew how to listen. Adam would have tried, but he wasn’t here to listen to the voices of the past; he was meeting someone here, and the hissing of the door locks behind him indicated that they had opened to permit the entry of someone new.
"My guest is here… Time to see what he can do."
Adam turned to see the new arrival. He’d read the files on him; Lexiconus, a Togruta of an atypical blue complexion, who had emerged from a comatose state and embraced his Force sensitivity upon beginning his training in Arcona. As a newly minted Jedi Hunter, he was absolutely a force of nature, there was no questioning that. However, was he of the caliber the Apex Brigade needed in their agents? It was this question that had caused Adam to visit Lyspair and call the young Togruta there to meet for the first time, and conduct a few tests. Adam met his eyes, holding out open palms in a show of non-hostility. Something of an act, meant to see how quickly Lexiconus would let down his guard.
“There you are!” Adam exclaimed. The wariness that furrowed the Togruta’s expression didn’t wane in the slightest. Good, he won’t allow knowing who I am to make him too comfortable. Let’s see how his first move goes...
        “Here I am. I’m guessing we read each other’s files?”
        “Pretty impersonal, if you ask me,” Adam answered in a leisurely tone, before drawing one of his hands back toward his side, and closer to his saber hilt in anticipation of defending against the first strike. “It’s still nice to communicate in person. Now, on to business, if you’ll indulge me talking a bit.” Lexiconus crossed his arms, waved a hand, and nodded to signal that Adam had the floor. “I want to get a sense of how you can defend yourself, and your talents for operating within the Brigade. Easy little spar is what I’m looking for, nothing that’s going to hurt anybody too bad. Sound good?”
      “Sure,” Lexiconus finally answered, arms still crossed and his ruby gaze unflinching. “Waiting on you.”
      Adam’s expression turned puzzled, a little confused on why he hadn’t seen a weapon drawn yet. He summoned his hilt to his palm, and paced clockwise around the room as Lexiconus did the same. The typically smooth and catlike circling movement was suddenly broken as Lexiconus made a deft movement with his hand and Adam’s concentration suddenly slipped… His mind simply blanked for a moment and the next thing the Knight knew, he heard something drop to the padded floor. A pit grew in his stomach as he realized that the comfortable grip of his saber had fallen from his fingers. 
“You going to pick that up?” Adam heard a voice say as his senses returned to him, suddenly hearing an odd humming sound and and making out a red blur rushing towards him in his slightly distorted vision, and he let the Force flood his legs as he dodged backwards and leapt high into the air. He let the Durasteel chain wrapped around his wrist come unfurled, then kicked off the wall and pounced at the Jedi Hunter who had caught him off guard. "Son of a… he got into my head! I’m liking this already…"
    Lexiconus’s atrophied muscles were still weak after emerging from his coma, and he barely managed to backpedal away from the lashing of the chain upon Adam’s landing. Wasting no time, the Knight continued the wild assault, eventually cracking a blow across the Togruta’s chest, spinning Lexiconus around in a daze. Likely only minor bruising that could easily heal, and the Jedi Hunter’s expression indicated more irritation upon being struck rather than pain as the Force dulled the ache of the impact. Still, Adam’s assault bought him time to reach around the room with the Force and summon his saber back to his waiting hand, wasting no time in snap-hissing its emerald blade to life and pointing it at his sparring partner.
     “Very nice, didn’t see that coming for a second.” Adam admitted, willing to refute that he had been surprised. “Still, you’ll have to do a little more than that.”
    “Oh, I’m counting on that.” Lexiconus answered through bared teeth. “I’m full of surprises.”
Lord Halcyon, 15 June, 2014 1:18 AM UTC

Syntax: Unsure as to what happened with the text. It may be an attempt at utilizing markdown, but your text is formatted in a completely odd way that makes reading extremely hard. Need to utilize the previw function before posting to ensure your posts look correct. Also, there should be spaced between each of your paragraphs to make readability easier as well. It's all a big wall of text

Realism: You make mention that your opponent is a "newly minted Jedi Hunter", but the CS being used is still that of him as a Guardian. As such, his rank in this battle is Guardian. He is not a Jedi Hunter

Lexiconus softly shielded the chest muscle that the whip struck feeling a stinging, cold pain, metal against bone. The sheer agility of his opponent made him weak, so he had to think outside the box from his normal strategy until his strength had returned. He slowly paced clockwise around the padding, unaware of the Knight’s next move. Lex wondered whether their battle could result in a good gym training, but the anticipation was cut short. The skin on Lex’s back gave goosebumps as he heard the hum of a lightsaber. The Togruta watched the emerald blade hurl towards him like a bright disc and he fell onto his back, feeling more pain cause an agonizing whiplash into his fragile bones.

“You said easy, little spar!” He exclaimed to Adam, with a snarl of his white canines.

“You’d be surprised how people mistake my faithful demeanor with fairness in battle. Get up,” With a wave of his hand upwards, Lex was forced onto his feet again, clutching his hilt to try and ease his pain. He then released the crimson blade and ran at Adam who in shock, frantically searched for his hilt as he barrell-rolled aside. The Togruta’s form was not as advanced as the DJK’s, but the Inquisitor was always hopeful to land some quick strikes. He continued to swing his red blade at Adam consistent that one would hit him somewhere.

Adam kicked up from the padding and hurled into the air like a graceful sycamore seed, kicking and landing behind his hilt. With a sweep of his hand, the item jumped into its Master’s grip and the emerald was unleashed again. But this life was short, as the Qel-Droman raised his hand the lights near the Knight were flickering and a sudden flash of white entered the Human’s vision. He struggled to cover his eyes with his now empty palms, as the light was gone but still in his vision. Blinking did not help when the Marauder tried to keep his balance. Lex smirked to himself, and rolled towards the Human. He was too late, Adam quickly detected him and struck the crimson blade away with his durasteel chain, with sections bouncing around the padding and room from being cut.

“Where is he, the slippery, scheming…” Adam’s vision came back to normal, now noticing that the Togruta was nowhere, only the Poisoner’s hilt on the floor. The Human then decided he wanted to grab the unmonitored lightsaber, unaware of why. But the reason was short-lived and he had only moved three steps, before raising his hand to his unlit blade, searching the room for it.

“Lost something?” A voice was heard behind the Marauder, he slowly turned to see Lex holding his lightsaber, bringing life to the emerald blade and aims it towards him. “I like a two-handed grip, but only for more room and agility. But it’s not for sale,” Adam implied, giving off a smirk, slowly reaching to the hidden sheath of his unused Vibroknife. Lex slowly walked towards the Obelisk, still pointing the buzzing blade at his chest, then began to wave it around, keeping the Knight at bay. “It is extraordinary how you somehow blinded me, how did you do it?” Adam investigated towards Lex, knowing Krath treasure knowledge, whilst simultaneously concealing his Vibroknife with the Force in his hand.

“It’s just like a flash-grenade you Jedi sometimes use. Only when you use the Force…” The Togruta rambled on enough for Adam to gain the upper hand, he launched his knife at Lex, amplifying the speed and it struck deep into the stone of a pillar, after shredding a deep wound into Lex’s neck muscle. With a shroud of shock covering the Krath’s face, he swung the emerald blade violently towards Adam. While stepping away from the whirring green flashes, the Marauder reached out to the Togruta’s hilt on the floor, sparking the crimson blade to fire up, pointing it back at Lex.

“My blade!” Lex patted his belt with his free hand in worry and then looked back at Adam, with a leer in his eyes. “Excellent use of the Force, with added stealth and manipulation. But never leave your weapon unsupervised,” the Inquisitor smirked and took a big step towards the centre of the padding, jabbing Adam back by hitting the red lightsaber.

“Likewise, Dark Jedi Knight. Practice what you preach, indeed,” Lexiconus nodded in agreement, awaiting his move with the new, upgraded lightsaber.

Lord Halcyon, 15 June, 2014 1:44 AM UTC

Realism: Finding it hard to believe that someone smarter than your character can be constantly "duped".

Lord Halcyon, 15 June, 2014 1:39 AM UTC

Realism: The skills on your character sheet don't really match up to some of the "backstory" that you gave your character. You say that your character has been in a coma and your muscles have atrophied, but you have skill points in both Athletics and Endurance. No points in either would be "baseline" average, so I would give you the benefit of the doubt, but by putting points in your CS means that you are now above average in both. I don't see how that makes sense if your body has gone through the things you say it did. Having such confusion in your CS makes it confusing for others reading it

Syntax: “You said easy, little spar!” He <- SHould be capitalized “You’d be surprised how people mistake my faithful demeanor with fairness in battle. Get up,” With <- It should probably be a period at the end of that quotation, rather than a comma.

Realism: Why doesn't Adam just call the hilt of his saber back to his hand, like he did in his first post?

Syntax: Vibroknife doesn't need to be capitalized

Realism: How did you hide yourself from Adam? I don't see anything in your power set that can suggest that.

Adam fought to prevent his confident smirk from twisting into a gleeful smile as he and Lex paced around the room once again, circling like predators over a contested kill. In his mind, he chuckled to himself at the remarkable perfection of the situation; Lexiconus had already proven twice over that he was worthy of his place in the Apex Brigade. Twice had Adam been disarmed in one battle, all thanks to slightly underestimating the craftiness of the Togruta who now held his lightsaber in one hand. Adam now understood why Krath were to be feared; their bags of Force tricks, ambitious thirst for knowledge, and inherent deviousness made them dangerous combatants in the absence of physical aptitude. However, this little spar had been going on too long, and perhaps a bit too far. The optimal result in Adam’s mind was to be pushed to the point where he would bring more of his strength to bear on the Togruta, though he hadn’t expected to have needed to do so as quickly as he had. He chided himself for underestimating Lex, who still confidently waved Adam’s own lightsaber at him. Already, his opponent was bruised, perhaps with some cracked bones, had a rather deep neck wound he was unable to heal, and this was all on top of his heavy muscular atrophy; in Adam’s mind, it was remarkable that he stood up at all. Lexiconus had certainly earned Adam’s respect, though not enough for the Knight to be willing to lose to one of his subordinates. This fight had to end. “You really shouldn’t play with other people’s toys,” Adam goaded Lex, who took an offensive approach thanks to what he believed to be a newfound position of strength, though he was surprised to find that Adam’s saber was hardly what he was accustomed to. The Ataru adherent’s blade gyroscoped wildly as Lex took wide swings and power strokes to attempt to knock the bloodshine blade from Adam’s grasp, but to no avail. Even with a lesser armory blade, Adam backstepped the swings and shunted the strikes with relative ease, until his back was to the wall and Lex stood at the center of the room. The Knight was seemingly dancing, and the display frustrated Lex. He unleashed his mounting rage through a tendril of viciously arcing electricity aimed at Adam’s torso. The Knight had imagined the bolt racing towards him only split seconds earlier, and he reacted quickly to defend against the attack. The lightning bounced from his palm as though it had hit a mirror, deflecting haphazardly into a nearby wall and blackening the point of impact. “So… I take it we’re not playing anymore?” Adam asked, mocking his opponent with feigned trepidation in his voice. “What gave me away?” Lex growled, adjusting his grip on the unfamiliar weapon in hopes that it would at least feel more like his. “How does a deal sound?” Adam probed again, with dual intentions. One was to throw the Togruta off again, the other was for the sake of mutual growth. “You show me a trick or two of yours, maybe your little lightshow,” Adam blinked again at the pain of his slightly burnt retinas as he used the lull to focus on healing them, “and I can help you recover from your coma by teaching you some of my techniques. Fair?” “Easy enough.” Lex replied. He shifted uncomfortably, ruby eyes fixed on the saber of the same color, no doubt anxious to try and counter the next move. “You want to finish this game, or talk until my neck bleeds out?” “Thought you’d never ask.” Lexiconus rushed forward again, Adam’s emerald blade trailing behind him like a windblown leaf. He raised it with a yowl as he attempted to crash his weapon like a raging wave over Adam, though he stopped two meters short of his adversary. An invisible fist sent him careening through the air back across the sparring chamber and towards the opposite wall. Adam had aimed perfectly; by circling the room and lining up the point where the vibroknife had been embedded in the wall earlier, Adam was able to hurl the Togruta straight into it, the back of Lex’s head slamming into the blunt hilt, and Adam heard the sickening sound of bone colliding with metal again. He howled with pain, though his feet still managed to meet the floor, staggering a little as his consciousness wavered. Surprised again that his opponent still stood, Adam charged back across the room to finish the job. Although dazed, Lex waved a hand as Adam crossed over the center of the room, though the Knight felt nothing. Again, Lex’s hand cut the air like a knife. This time, Adam felt something; his forward motion was halted. “This trick? Really?” Adam chuckled, and searched for the Force to let it fill his limbs again and break free… Nothing came. For a moment, Adam’s heart caught in his throat, he had found himself in the grip of a nasty Inquisitor trick. Even initiates in suppression abilities could stop a Marauder for a precious handful of seconds by preventing the amplification of their movements. It was a third master stroke by Lexiconus. However, Adam wouldn’t allow his newfound respect for his opponent to lose him the fight. He planted his feet to the spot Lex tried to anchor him to, in hopes of tricking him into believing he was stuck. An increasingly tired Lexiconus took the opportunity to attack a seemingly disabled opponent, and was met with the crimson saber blade battering aside his strikes again. Even without the Force aiding his body, Adam’s own physical strength and agility were simply too much for Lex’s fragile body to overpower or outmaneuver. The Knight pressed his advantage, letting Lex taste what an Ataru assault is like to defend against as his body transformed into a tempest of spins, flips and cartwheels that attacked the Togruta from every angle. A final two-handed stroke pried Adam’s lightsaber from Lex’s grasp, sending it rolling across the floor. Adam deactivated the armory saber, tossing the hilt at his opponent who broke his concentration in order to try and catch the weapon. The Knight used the chance to cast out his chain again, wrapping it once around the Lex’s neck and catching the other end, before pulling the Togruta’s face down onto his knee. The dull crack of bone on bone sounded the impact, and finally Adam’s adversary was unconscious. Adam exhaled with relief, and satisfaction. “You, my friend,” he said to the unconscious crumpled heap on the floor, “are absolutely Brigade material.” He summoned his own lightsaber back to his hand, gripping it as tightly as one would a long lost lover. It was a fight surprisingly hard won, and Adam couldn’t have asked for a better showing. As a show of his respect for Lex, he draped his unconscious body over his shoulders and began to carry him out of the chamber to the nearest bacta tank. Adam’s smile lit up the room in place of the malfunctioning lights, and his gaze was cast towards the door, though perhaps not as much as it was towards the future.

Lord Halcyon, 15 June, 2014 1:48 AM UTC

Syntax: Wall. Of. Text! Extremely hard to read

The Ex-Jedi grumbled at his opponent before the duel began. With a quick swing of his untested lightsaber, Lex blocked and pushed forward, continuing the duel. With the ferocity of a Vong, struck the green blade. With their lightsabers clashing, he pushed Adam into the air and away from him with the Knight’s lightsaber. He flicked his hand towards the Human, letting out a string of cyan electric currents from the Force that shocked the Human’s deflecting lightsaber as he glided to the padding. The Togruta whipped a second and final bolt of the Force at him, then the Togruta grew tired. With each complicated attempt of deflecting the currents, the Marauder kept his concentration completely on the bolts while he deflected. His smirk disappeared as did the attack. The Obelisk let out a chuckle and shouted.

“That all you got?” Lex grinned menacingly from behind the bright blue light, launching himself into the air and planted his fist into Adam’s cheek.

Stumbling away from the light, stunned by the blood to his face, Adam roared and tackled Lex to the ground. The Togruta let out a grunt and dropped the green blade, causing it to disappear back into its hilt. The quick and dirty maneuver from the Obelisk caught the Krath off guard. The Marauder sat on his chest and began to repeatedly punch the Togruta’s cheeks. With each slam, Lex felt his eyes swell with tears and pain. Suppressing the pain with the igniting rage inside, the Inquisitor continued laughing.

“For a Jedi, you lost your ‘Rogue’ persona pretty early,” Lex whispered, blood treacling like honey.

Panting heavily, struggling to fill his tattered lungs, Adam wiped his own bleeding lips and grins as he punched Lex once more. “For a Krath, you seem to have a brutish side,”

Distracted by his speech to Lex, the Krath forced his fist again into the loose chin of the Human. Without much time, he jumped onto his knees. Sinking into more shock, the adrenaline-rushed Human leered his poison-green eyes at Lex. Using the darker powers at his disposal, Adam ran at Lex and planted his hand directly onto Lex’s face. The Dark Side surged through his swollen cheeks, his bloody lips and the cut on his shoulder. The Togruta shrieked out in agony at his open wounds, forced back down onto his back.

“You’ll pay, Human!” the Krath roared out as he felt his oozing wounds crawl like maggots, infesting him. He tried to reach around the room in his darkness. He looked for a hilt and found a familiar one. He tugged it to his open, pleading palm, and used the hilt to knock Adam in the temple twice.

The force of the metallic hilt pushed Adam down onto his side and he held his shoulder, cursing the pain away, while Lex groaned and stood, racing to a safe distance. He then set his free hand towards Adam and a dark blanket covered the Obelisk’s eyes. The Human became blind once more, waving and swiping his arms around in the darkness that consumed the light of his sight.

“Where are you, you sly, slippery coward!” Adam shouted, as if to prick the Togruta’s pride. There was no reply, but the ex-Jedi could hear the shuffling of feet and soft panting. Adam, from the fathoms of his heart, summoned the Force to strengthen his leg muscles, concentrating while still waving around, as if to play a ruse on the Togruta.

Lex noticed that Adam was close to a wall. He then slowly walked towards him with guile. He creeped closer and closer. The Jedi Hunter ignited his lightsaber at the last minute and raised it above his head. For a moment, the Jedi Hunter forgot his training. The concentrating Human, strengthening his legs with more help from the Force, finally found Lex. With a quick spin and two strikes of his large boots, the trained Obelisk hit something.

Hearing the swoosh of a sheathed lightsaber, the blackness that consumed his vision wore off and Adam slowly turned to see Lex, face down on the padding. His shoulder bled into the padding, mixing with his spittle to form a small puddle beneath him. The Obelisk shook his head in disbelief, scooped up the unconscious Togruta and, pulling both lightsabers with the Force, made way for the exit.

“You have potential, I give you that. Just...don’t wear yourself out too much and you’ll do great,” he said to inanimate male in his arms.

Lord Halcyon, 15 June, 2014 2:29 AM UTC

Syntax: In one paragraph you changed character descriptors 4 times, for each combatant. It gets really hard to follow who's who when you are continually changing how you describe someone

Realism/Continuity: Not sure I believe that Adam would be so...dark jedi-ish? I know he is a dark jedi, but his CS reads much more like a light jedi. Also, this battle (on his part) was meant to see if Lex was ready to join his BT. He said as much in his opening post. It therefore makes less sense for Adam to get this angry and want to continue the battle this much