Blair Augusta Dearg saw the lightsaber lowered and the vibroblade raised and was puzzled by it. Was this some instruction given to the Zabrak before his arrival? Or had he made the decision that he was going to take his time in dealing with her? Both answers were outcomes she wanted to prevent from coming to pass. She would have to keep him busy, and if he had been ready enough to believe her a traitor to track her down, it was possible that giving him the some of the truth would shock him into temporary inaction. Deciding that it was worth trying, she began.
“Kadrol is it? Yes, I remember you. We fought here not too long ago. Now somebody wants me dead, and you’re going to try and give them what they want. You don’t know who or why, but I can explain. For now, why don’t you throw me that A180C and we at least make it look like you tried to kill me? I will return to Aliso and expose the real traitor to the Dread Lord himself. It’s not unlike them to lie to their apprentices for selfish reasons. I could introduce you to one such apprentice once we leave this place.” Her plan would either work or failing that; she’d be dead in seconds.
The Zabrak was struggling to come to terms with what he had just heard. He had unknowingly allowed himself to go after the wrong target. Of course, it could be that Blair was the traitor and was attempting to throw him off her trail. He had to trust his gut, which was telling him that he had just gotten the truth. Sith did often try to get obstacles to their progress removed, but to who would Blair prove a problem? He’d have to wait until they were both off Hoth to find out. Deciding Blair’s information could be useful to him, Hauen decided to give her the means to defend herself. The weapon his opponent had asked for was dropped to the ground in front of her as he backed himself to anticipate any sign of betrayal.
The Director was stunned by the compliance of her soon to be opponent. He could have just killed her, and he didn't, it was an uncomfortable situation and one she intended to prevent becoming a recurring issue. She slowly lowered herself towards the floor, making sure to keep her eyes focused on the Journeyman. The Loyalist proceeded to extend her arms in the direction of the blaster, letting out a small sigh of relief once she felt the weapon in her hands. Now she had to engineer a strategy to win what was sure to be a close encounter. Her eyes scanned the cave; new opportunities presented themselves as a result of the previous meeting Blair and Kadrol had in this same cave not too long ago. The occasional pillars of rock could provide sturdy cover; a large enough gap would restrict her foe’s far superior use of bladed weapons and hand to hand combat.
The Journeyman would have preferred to be up close and personal if he was to fight Blair, but he realised that she was reluctant to let him get that close again. It would take everything he had to close the distance. Potentially more than was within him, given that his opponent now knew what the Journeyman was capable of and had been here with plenty of time to survey the battlefield before his arrival. As well as the time he spent walking away from her. He would have to try a sudden movement to throw any strategy into disarray.
Blair and Kadrol seemingly both thought the same thing, as the Loyalist’s makeshift weapon, an A180C, sprung to life, blaster bolts hurtling through the air, only to stop short of the target. Kadrol had seen it coming and barely summoned something that seemingly worked in a similar manner to a forcefield. Frustrated, the Kiffar kept up a steady series of bursts, each pounding into the protective field and weakening its power. Making sure to keep her weapon’s heat levels manageable, Blair saw the object go down; this was a chance to at least temporarily, take out her opponent’s most dangerous weapon. Aiming for the lightsaber, she sent a total of nine bolts in three bursts soaring through the illuminated cave to knock loose the Sith’s signature weapon. With the picture of Hauen’s face being worth a thousand words,
Blair knew she had been successful, but also that he still had more weapons to use.
Coming up with a plan to draw her opponent out, she noted how there was a section of the cave to her rear where the visibility was worse than her current location. To ensure the Director could get to less well-lit cover, a smoke bomb was rolled out from her cover and then hit with a blaster bolt. Realising her window of opportunity was short, the Captain utilised her knowledge of the cave’s layout to find the destination, ensuring that even as she panted and her legs pounded the snow below her feet, she would get there before the smoke had worn off. Her plan had worked, as through the fleeting remnants of smoke emerged the form of the menacing Marauder.
Syntax
This would have been an appropriate place to use a set of bracketing commas, to mark off “accused of treason” as a bit of additional information in the sentence. The sentence required either the two bracketing commas or no comma at all. The single comma was out of place on its own.
When a speech quote is followed by a phrase that describes the speech quote (e.g. he said, she whispered, they replied), the speech quote should end with a comma rather than a full stop.
If you were trying to convey that Kadrol was lucky to have dodged the shot, the expression would be “and lucky for him that he did.” Otherwise, the sentence does not make much sense on closer inspection.
A minor pointer: when the phrase marking off the speech quote (she shouted) is preceded by an exclamation mark (!) or question mark (?), the phrase is not capitalised by convention, because the exclamation/question mark is effectively just replacing a comma.
Story
Nice use of the environment to kick off the action.
Overall, you set up a good introduction to the battle in this post. Kadrol’s mission gave purpose to the conflict, and his internal doubts added an interesting layer of uncertainty. It’s a pity that you didn’t take the time to expand on these topics in the post. The line quoted above stands out in particular because does not convey anything meaningful to the reader, right in a spot where the story transitions from talking to fighting. As it is, Blair’s attack comes out of the blue, and the reader is left wondering what exactly triggered it. Giving yourself the time to write a fleshed-out dialogue, to explore the protagonists’ emotions, relationships and motivations, can be as important in driving the story forward as actual combat.