Savant Kelly Mendes vs. Warrior Kul'tak Drol

Savant Kelly Mendes

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Female Human, Force Disciple, Seeker
vs.

Warrior Kul'tak Drol

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Zabrak, Sith, Shadow
Comment

This was an extremely close bout and was well written on both sides. There were a few minor errors, very few issues with character sheet understanding. It was a solid story for the both of you; it was obvious that a past was there and that you both had something prove. This makes compelling storytelling. From an outsiders perspective, it looked a bit like a power squabble, which is also not a bad thing.

What few errors there were have been noted in the post comments. I saved something for here, though, as it affects the both of you. Neither of you lost points for this because it didn't screw with the realism of the fight. With the new loadout system, listing individual items in your match details at challenge means you're not bringing that loadout. As neither of you used items from the loadout, you didn't' lost any points, but, do remember that physical details about clothing and armor are listed ON your loadout.

While it didn't ding you on realism, it did pull me out at points when you'd mention armor or a mask, that I wasn't aware you'd brought to the battle. So just keep that in mind int he future, please.

With a .05 point lead, the victor is Kul'tak Drol!

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Savant Kelly Mendes, Warrior Kul'tak Drol
Winner Warrior Kul'tak Drol
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Savant Kelly Mendes's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Warrior Kul'tak Drol's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Jakku: Fallen Starship
Last Post 21 March, 2017 11:16 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Kul'tak Drol Dr. Giyana Jurro
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Minor issues, noted in the notes for each post. Very well written. You may want to look into your spellchecker when it comes to member's names. Rationale: One or two small spelling errors (to instead of two) cost you a perfect score here, but otherwise a very well written fight.
Story - 40%
Kul'tak Drol Dr. Giyana Jurro
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: Easy enough to follow outside of the point of view issue in your first post. Rationale: Well setup, you went above what's expected for setting up ambience.
Realism - 25%
Kul'tak Drol Dr. Giyana Jurro
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No errors to be found. Rationale: Very few errors, underplaying some of Kul's abilities in your second post for plot convenience, pointed out in the comments.
Continuity - 20%
Kul'tak Drol Dr. Giyana Jurro
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No errors to be found. Rationale: Very few errors, noted in the comments.
Kul'tak Drol's Score: 4.05 Dr. Giyana Jurro's Score: 4.0
Posts

Jakku Fallen Starship

A year after the destruction of the second Death Star in the celebrated Battle of Endor, another war was waged between the New Republic and Galactic Empire. Basking beneath the desert sun of Jakku rests the remnants of this hostility. Shifting sands have since buried and uncovered countless treasures and relics- to the delight of scavengers eager who hope to recover tokens from either side of the conflict!

The harsh desert offers little shelter from the elements, remaining barren and flat against the imposing backdrop of a fallen Star Destroyer that was left uncovered after the famed Battle of Jakku. Rather than allowing the vessel to fall into the hands of the Republic after the self-destruct had been sabotaged, Captain Ciena Ree ordered the Inflictor evacuated and sent it crashing to the planet’s surface. Sunken into the shifting desert sea, the upper portion of the Inflictor’s hull and exhaust ports remain otherwise intact, preserved amidst the rubble of untold casualties that had once occurred on both sides. Although it has been scoured by the passing of several sandstorms, it still displays the former power and might of the Galactic Empire.

Fallen Starship

Innumerous scraps of metal and machines of war share the same grave, echoing the lives of those who fought and died among the perilous wastes. Hundreds of these relics sit untouched, lingering amidst the ghosts that tend and reside in Jakku’s graveyard.

Jakku. It was unmistakable due to the remnants of a Star Destroyer. Kelly had intended to go to Tatooine but changed her mind last minute. She felt drawn to the similar desert world that fell outside the reach of any government. The Seeker had told Kul’tak Drol of her dissatisfaction with the new Dread Lord, though the notion was entirely fictitious. She was looking to re-establish herself as a force within Plagueis, and where better to start than with the man who couldn’t turn down a challenge? It had been months since she’d last had a serious fight against anyone and needed to prove to herself, if not the rest of the clan that she hadn’t lost a step when it came to combat. She looks off into the distance, wondering where he was.

Kul could hardly believe his luck. Both the Quaestor and Aedile of Ajunta Pall shared his displeasure with the new choice for the position of Consul within Plagueis. What’s more, the Aedile had offered to meet him on Jakku, away from prying eyes to discuss their plan of action. Still, it couldn’t hurt to come prepared for a fight, which of course he had. In addition to his lightsaber the Zabrak had two Rykk blades and a thermal imploder for use should he need it. The Shadow couldn’t shake the feeling that the meeting wasn’t all it appeared to be. Surely if Selika had suspected either of them of disloyalty, she would have them followed. Surely Kelly had to be there waiting for him.

Kelly was getting frustrated. Kul still hadn’t reared his ugly horned head. She had become so bored that she sat on her speeder as it was more comfortable than standing upright for however long it would take the Zabrak to show up. A figure appeared on the horizon. It was most likely a scavenger, though. She had given up hope of her intended opponent showing up and was ready just to kill whatever unlucky fool happened to cross her path. The Aedile kept her eyes on the figure as it approached.

Kul had finally made it. He had decided to leave his ship a short distance from the meeting point, ensuring that his pursuer would have to possess some knowledge of the art of tracking to find him. He saw Kelly seated atop her sporty red speeder looking rather bored. He smiled, remembering how their previous encounter had ended with him fleeing. Kul took an odd delight in the suffering of his potential new ally. It was her boss, the mercenary Laren Uscot who had informed Kul that Kelly might be a valuable tool in whatever their plan they decided to pursue.

“About time you showed up, monster. Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for you? Were it not for this armour, I might have tanned!” The Savant lashed out in frustration. Had Kelly known he would be this late she wouldn’t have wasted time coming. The armour she mentioned was adorned with all manner of references to Vahl, the goddess she worshipped. Kul was covered with a set of matte black armour.

“I’m not sure if you noticed, Mendes, but this is hardly the easiest place to get to. I had to leave my ship a fair distance back, so you better be worth the effort. Why do you object to Roh on the throne? She’s done good things for you, I’ve heard.” The Zabrak wasn’t going to let himself be talked down to by anyone, particularly someone who had bested him in combat before. He felt his lightsaber calling to him. Curious, he moved his hand towards his right hip where his lightsaber hung, expecting to not get away with the motion but he didn’t care. This fight was his chance to redeem himself.

Kelly noticed the Zabrak’s hand movement and quickly whipped her favoured lightsaber from the utility belt worn around her waist into her left hand. A pair of sharp hisses filled the air as orange and red blades emerged from their respective hilts. The second battle in their little personal war had begun.

The Aedile’s left side was positioned to the rear as her lightsaber hovered over her head with the free hand positioned facing towards her opponent. Drol stood with his feet shoulder length apart.Then he charged in a mad rush. His foe had predicted this and swung her lightsaber around to hold the blow in place. Physically they were about equal, despite Kul’s significant weight advantage and the benefit of being a few inches taller. Their blades were deadlocked, as the combatants, each tried to use their power to force the other to back down. Their efforts failed as the blades remained locked together, with neither fighter being able to get the upper hand so early.

Kul kept advancing, trying to force his opponent’s blade back into her body, but Kelly’s defence remained unbroken. Her method of how to defeat him had changed. She was content to sit back and let the Zabrak waste energy trying to prove his supremacy while she kept him in place. It wasn’t effortless, but the Shadow wasn’t the most challenging opening to a contest she’d faced. The leverage gained from his extra height was a challenge she didn’t have with her usual sparring partner.

Kelly saw an opportunity to hit her opponent on the counter, which was her preferred method of attack these days. Something was satisfying about taking the best of your opponent and then forcing them backwards. With that in mind, she disengaged from the blade lock and with a deft hand movement repositioned her grip, now holding her lightsaber closer to the pommel, with the blade facing away from her opponent. Her weapon flew forward in a broad sweep as Kelly lowered herself and attempted to take her opponent out below the knees. Kul mockingly evaded the attack by hopping backwards. Both fighters had shown glimpses of their capabilities, yet far more was to come.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 22 March, 2017 3:17 AM UTC

. It wasn’t effortless, but the Shadow wasn’t the most challenging opening to a contest she’d faced. The leverage gained from his extra height was a challenge she didn’t have with her usual sparring partner.

You have some repetition going on throughout this and the paragraph before, specifically 'locked/saberlocked' and challenged/challenging. This makes for a rough flow that pulls the reader out, try to change things up to keep it interesting.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 22 March, 2017 3:22 AM UTC

Were it not for this armour, I might have tanned!

Unnecessary comma usage, makes for awkward phrasing.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 22 March, 2017 3:25 AM UTC

With minor errors, you managed to set the stage for the battle and reference past encounters that had occurred between you and Kul. There was a lot of story build up with not much going on, though, and the combat itself was rather lackluster and plain. Not a bad thing, but not a good thing either.

Kul lowered his center, placing himself in a squatting position that rested on the balls of his feet. His muscles tightened as he used their elasticity to prepare for a leap if necessary. So far he had deigned to wield his saber in a basic stance, focusing more on power by placing his hand in the center of the hilt. Clearly Mendes had not been idle in her time since they last encountered one another. Forcing him to switch his tactics this early in the bout earned her a nod of respect from the Warrior.

“You never did disappoint, Mendes. I'm glad we had this opportunity to talk things over.”

The snide remark was not lost on her, but Kelly did not grace it with a response. Instead she rolled her eyes beneath her mask and advanced upon him, one step sinking into the warm sand at a time. The searing sunlight was assaulting both parties, but neither made any move to ease their suffering by removing cloaks or gloves lest they reveal even a smidgen of weakness. Instead, Kul used the loose-hanging cloak he wore to mask his hand as he slipped it behind his back.

Kelly planted her leading foot as steady as the desert would allow. A single stride was all that separated the pair. With such a soft foundation, the Savant was sluggish in her effort to propel herself and so Kul was able to time her next assault as it came. As she bore down on him the Zabrak whipped out his hidden left hand. Within his tight grip he swung one of his ryyk blades, the dulled, sloping inside facing towards them both. With it, he reached as she slammed her saber into his own. He was almost forced to his back, but he called a rush of of power to him and let the Force suffuse his natural strength as he pushed from his feet to counter her. At the same time his ryyk blade hooked the back of her rear leg. Then he yanked for all he was worth. The unexpected pull shifted her balance, and Mendes found herself on one knee, her masked face a hand’s reach from his tattooed one. Kul rested the inside of his ryyk blade against the back of her neck when she tried to rise. She ceased the movement, but continued to hold her saber locked with his.

“You could have at least tried to kill me, Drol. This merciful side does not become you. Not to mention it’s dreadfully boring.”

If Kul had not been grimacing with concentration, he might have smiled. Instead he pulled the ryyk blade away, tucking it back within the folds of his cloak.

“Kill you? It’s indeed possible I could have. But I have no desire to kill you, Aedile. You have done nothing yet to earn my suspicion for treason like Selikah has and may yet be spared from an unnecessary end.”

Kul pushed himself out of the lock and gave them some room to breathe. Neither sheathed their sabers, but the air was thicker now due to the suppressing heat more than a feeling of tension. At least for Kul, anyway. Confrontation always made him somewhat giddier in that respect. The “fighter’s high”, one might call it. That sense of intoxication from pushing one’s self to the limit and overcoming those limits to prove that it can be done.

Bodies...broken. Blood-stained walls. A forceful hand snatching. The agony of hours under a torturer’s watch.

Kul shook the memories away and tried to loosen the muscles that had inadvertently tried to crush his saber.

Sometimes the power comes too little, too late.

The Zabrak pointed his crimson saber at Mendes. The sewn image of the Krayt dragon on his armorweave cloak glinted silver beneath the sun.

“Never again, Mendes.”

The masked human tilted her head in confusion.

“What are you droning on about now?”

“I made a promise, Mendes. That I would never be powerless again. Then I was shown how little I actually knew when you forced me to the dirt during our first encounter. A humbling I will never forget...”

Kul took step after step while he talked, circling Kelly with a growing look in his eyes. Kelly had seen similar looks from her Varactyl as it watched a potential meal hopping in the tall grass.

“...and while it’s true that I will not endeavor to kill you here and now. I will show you that no matter how many times you knock me down, I will stand again. In the end, it does not matter to me if you would serve Selikah over Plagueis. I was going to come for you regardless. I cannot truly stand tall until I have evened the score.”

He completed his circle and stopped practically where he’d begun. He raised his saber and gazed appraisingly at its hilt before scratching away a clump of sand within its grooves. Kelly rested her free right hand on her hip, just inches from her other saber.

“How...droll,” she responded half-heartedly. “Sentiments like that will just make you easier to kill. I’m tempted to end you here and now myself.”

Kul shrugged casually.

“There are worse ways to end than at the hands of the Demon of Florrum. Some might even call themselves lucky for the honor. I, however…”

The Zabrak grinned fully this time, and his pupils began to darken with red as his hearts pounded with excitement.

“...believe that may prove more difficult than before.”

His blood-lust risen to an extreme, Kul once again made the first move in his eagerness. He swept in from below with a powerful swinging arc. Kelly was ready for him, though. When their sabers connected, Kul found himself trying to pound through two instead of the single Demon’s blade she had been wielding before. While more difficult for him to counter act, he knew her full strength would come out with the second saber.

Good. She’s finally getting completely serious. Now things will get interesting.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 22 March, 2017 3:31 AM UTC

Kelly planted her leading foot as steady as the desert would allow. A single stride was all that separated the pair. With such a soft foundation, the Savant was sluggish in her effort to propel herself and so Kul was able to time her next assault as it came. As she bore down on him the Zabrak whipped out his hidden left hand. Within his tight grip he swung one of his ryyk blades, the dulled, sloping inside facing towards them both. With it, he reached as she slammed her saber into his own. He was almost forced to his back, but he called a rush of of power to him and let the Force suffuse his natural strength as he pushed from his feet to counter her. At the same time his ryyk blade hooked the back of her rear leg. Then he yanked for all he was worth. The unexpected pull shifted her balance, and Mendes found herself on one knee, her masked face a hand’s reach from his tattooed one. Kul rested the inside of his ryyk blade against the back of her neck when she tried to rise. She ceased the movement, but continued to hold her saber locked with his.

Your point of view(s) on this paragraph are all over the place, it would have benefited from breaking it up so one paragraph was from Kul's view, the other from Kellys. As it stands it is confusing to follow.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 22 March, 2017 3:33 AM UTC

You have done nothing yet to earn my suspicion for treason like Selikah has and may yet be spared from an unnecessary end.”

Misspelled your Consul's name, minor ding for spelling.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 22 March, 2017 3:35 AM UTC

Neither sheathed their sabers, but the air was thicker now due to the suppressing heat more than a feeling of tension.

Wrong word usage, the word you wanted was oppressing, not suppressing.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 22 March, 2017 3:42 AM UTC

While you had some confusion in the point of view in your primary display of combat, this was a pretty good post overall. You adhered well to the sheets and the capabilities of both characters and kept things moving along.

Kelly would have been impressed with Kul’tak, had he not been trying to kill her. As it was, her to lightsabers were adequately holding off the Zabrak’s offence, though she had been coping with his lightsaber before she was taken to a knee. This dip in performance caused Kelly to be extra cautious, her rear leg positioned further back than it had been before. Now he would have to lunge at her if he was to try it again. The Human was conserving energy by allowing her opponent to come at her; she knew as the battle progressed they’d both get weaker, though she saw no need to burn the candle at both ends. If she could hold off the Shadow for long enough, he would be forced into getting creative or desperate.

“If it weren’t so stupid I’d admire your determination to beat me.” The Savant teased, though she at least respected it, even if it wasn’t the wisest cause to pursue. Kelly wasn’t overly fond of the idea of repetition, though the outcome of this encounter would be an exception, to see the Warrior flee once more, it would hopefully end his delusions of grandeur. Truth be told, she hadn’t wanted to fight him again, but such was fate. The sun beamed down upon them both, favouring the Tatooine native, Iridonia was a tough planet to grow up on, but it didn’t have the heat of twin suns. She wondered what was going through Kul’s mind.

Kul was disappointed in himself, he had gained the upper hand through his hard work and talked too much, which lead to him losing it. He had criticised his opponent for that in their previous encounter, yet he had made the same mistake. His feet slipped into the sand as he attempted to use as much strength as he could to break the two lightsaber wall formed by his opposition. It wasn’t working; he’d have to come up with something different. He suddenly dropped his body, planting one hand on the ground and releasing his lightsaber to grab his lead leg and drove it into Mendes’ stomach, causing her to yell out in pain, also forcing her to drop her weapons.

Seizing the opportunity, Drol returned to a vertical base before vanishing. It had served him well enough before; he just had to hope that his brutal kick had driven the wind from his foe. He slowly moved around his opposition, stalking her like a predator would his prey. He had to catch her by surprise while they were both without lightsabers. He watched her lift herself up from the sand and proceed to wipe the sand from her outfit. This was his moment to strike, he lunged forward, catching her with a well-directed kick to the small of her back. The Dark Jedi tumbled to the ground once more. Picking himself up, the Zabrak went to retrieve his lightsaber, his hand outstretched, he saw it moving towards him, then suddenly it was flung off into the distance, it appears Kelly had noticed what was going on and made use of her superior training with the ability to move objects with the Force. Still, Kull had his Rykk blades which he slowly reached for; surely he still had the upper hand. But if he knew Kelly half as well as he thought he did, she'd have something up her sleeve.

After depriving Kul of his lightsaber Kelly was confident she could somehow salvage the battle and emerge victorious Her lightsabers lay within her reach if she could turn those on him, she had a good chance of victory. Deactivating their blades, the Seeker took them into her hands and rolled over onto her back, giving her a better view of the situation. Kul stood above her, rykk blades in hand, it seemed to be a hard situation to escape. Kelly dropped her lightsabers and aimed her fingers towards the Warrior, unleashing a torrent of mystical energy in his direction, catching him unprepared for such an assault.

The result was the Zabrak had dropped to a knee, allowing Kelly the chance to pick up her lightsabers and raise herself from the ground. Instead of wiping the dirt from her body, she held her lightsabers with the blades facing away and drove them into the Zabrak’s skull, dropping him finally. The battle had also taken a toll on her physically, which was evident by her inability to remain upright. It had been tough, but she’d triumphed again, even if it wasn’t how she’d imagined it. It would certainly be interesting to inform her Quaestor that his so-called ally had attacked her. What would happen to Kul as a result was uncertain, Uscot needed all the allies he could get.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 22 March, 2017 11:01 AM UTC

It would certainly be interesting to inform her Quaestor that his so-called ally had attacked her.

While Kul may have provoked her, by placing his hand on his weapon in the first post, a reasonable precaution with your characters' past, Kelly made the first hostile action, minor continuity ding.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 22 March, 2017 11:05 AM UTC

While you had a bit of confusing imagery and a very minor word misuse of 'to' instead of 'two', for the most part this was a pretty good post. I feel you ignore that Kul has Intellect, and that he'd not capitalize his advantage of being more skilled in hand to hand combat after disarming her.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 22 March, 2017 10:29 AM UTC

As it was, her to lightsabers were adequately holding off the Zabrak’s offence, though she had been coping with his lightsaber before she was taken to a knee.

Two lightsabers

General Stres'tron'garmis, 22 March, 2017 10:48 AM UTC

He suddenly dropped his body, planting one hand on the ground and releasing his lightsaber to grab his lead leg and drove it into Mendes’ stomach, causing her to yell out in pain, also forcing her to drop her weapons.

I understand that the purpose of this was to disarm and change up the combat, but the imagery of 'grabbing his leg' before kicking just doesn't work and was very confusing, taking me out of the story while I tried to determine how that was meant to work.

Kul deflected another riposte of Kelly’s with his saber and tried to center himself once again. Their fight had slowly inched its way into the interior of a large, disintegrating engine left from the famous battle years prior. Though the hard durasteel helped cement his footing, the advantage helped Mendes even more. He could not exploit the chance for her balance to fail like he could in the soft sand. Having trained in his K’thri for years on the sandy arenas of Iridonia he could hold his own rather well, but it had required more energy earlier to stay planted firmly. Combined with the small bursts of the Force he used to amplify himself in order to keep up with two blades against him, and he was feeling rather exhausted. Mendes seemed to be fine, however. Beneath her suit he imagined she was perspiring as much as he, just hiding it better. She had always been rather long winded in a fight. One of the problems he never seemed to get past.

Kelly pushed her assault forward, hoping to tire out the Zabrak to the point he would make a mistake and she could end this waste of her time. As he would parry one saber, she would swing the other around wide and force him to cover a farther range of movement. Slowly and surely she could see his energy dwindling. It would only be a matter of time until he faltered. With that in mind she tried to up the pace. Pulling her sabers inward to her chest, she abruptly began to swirl them. Within the shadowed coverage of the wreckage the multi-colored sabers she bore became harder to track as the after images blurred about. She shuffled a step towards the Warrior, and he gave ground. He had foregone airs of confidence and swept back his hood, but the sheen of sweat was obvious as it dripped across his tattooes. His eyes tried to focus on her movements instead, aiming for where she’d be rather than been. He knew if he took the bait wrong, he could wind up losing an arm if he was lucky, his life at worst. Kelly’s form was heavily defensive according to her movements, enticing him to attack. He could not see an easy way through. So instead of through...he went around.

Kul spun his saber’s hilt into a reverse grip. At the same time he shifted his center by twisting slightly away from Mendes and placed her more to his right. He lost some of the power from his next swing, but it played its part. He struck with a swift slice, forcing Kelly to counter and thus end her colorful performance. Instead of following through and bashing her sabers aside, as would be his usual want, he torqued his body and ended upside down. Holding himself up with one hand while his momentum turned him, he lashed out with his outside leg. The bottom of his boot connected beneath Kelly’s arm, cracking against her ribcage. She stumbled back clutching at her side, though careful to keep her blade angled away lest she add to her troubles.

Kul knew what her face looked like, so he could imagine the grimace she most likely was sporting on her face. It made him smile a bit inside, but he pushed it down and focused on regaining the advantage. He let his weight fall and righted himself upon two feet again. He sucked in a deep breath, but the arid atmosphere of Jakku made it unpleasant. His throat was parched and lined with sand. He shook the fine grains from his gauntlet in irritation.

“I hate sa-”

Kelly raised her hands together, pointer and middle fingers splayed out. Kul recognized the gesture and tried to prepare himself. As the Savant pushed her hands outward, he raised his own before him. He called upon what energy he could muster, using it to mold the Force into a shield. Kelly’s blast rammed his barrier with precision, but the imperceptible wall managed to hold. Kul began to sigh in relief, but it was cut short as Mendes charged into melee range. She struck out again in the same manner, but this time Kul felt the full weight behind her attack. His shield did not just break, but burst from the kinetic backlash and he was flung against the metal wall behind him.

Lying on the floor, tired and full of self-loathing, Kul managed to chuckle to himself. Mendes approached and let her orange Demon’s blade hang over the Zabrak’s head.

“It’s over, Drol. You couldn’t just leave well enough alone, could you? Had to prove you’re the big, bad Zabrak. Let this be the end of your foolish games, and focus instead on your duty.”

She realized there was high pitched ticking sound that had begun. From beneath his cloak, Kul drew out a cylindrical object. A thermal imploder.

“A Shadow always has a trick up their sleeve, Mendes. Better run.”

With that, Kul tossed the explosive behind her. The beeping began to accelerate. Kelly did not hesitate and sprinted for the closest exit: a hole in the engine’s coating where rust had done its work and the panels had fallen off. She stashed her sabers and dived through the opening, rolling down a small dune to safety. Behind her, she heard a loud sucking noise and then an explosion that made the grains of sand around her leap and dance. A cloud, an amalgamation of fire and dust, burst from the engine violently.

When the cloud settled, Kelly dared venture back in. She held her sabers at the ready, but after searching for some time she found no trace of the Zabrak. Not that it mattered. If he had survived the explosion he would show himself again at some point. And it would end like it always did.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 22 March, 2017 4:45 PM UTC

This was a very well written post, with no discernible grammatical or syntax errors to find. You raised no flags on continuity either; the story was easy to follow as well.

If not for the previous post's statement of not wanting to kill her, I'd have dinged you for realism on the ending, but as it is, this was fitting for two clan mates trying to not actively end one another.