Once, it was the home to the witches of Dathomir, otherwise known as the Nightsisters. Tucked away in from the rest of the galaxy in an isolated cluster, the Nightsisters were able to draw energy from the planet itself, and pursued a type of ritualistic magic. They ruled over the population of Zabarak—Nightbrothers—and used them as a warrior caste to serve their purposes.
Then, the Clone Wars. The Nightsisters were pulled into the conflict due to the machinations of Mother Talzin and her rival Darth Sidious. This ultimately lead to the eradication of the Dathomarians and their settlements. The desolation was claimed by the Confederacy of Independent Systems after the last Nightsiser fell.
Now, the planet known as Dathomir is a haunted skeleton of its former greatness. A perpetual crimson glow coats the planet. The bleak world has become an amalgamation of ruined forest, decrepit swamplands, and withered mountains worn to the sands of time.
In the desolate swamps, faint echoes haunt the graves of the long-dead witches, infusing the green fog that spreads above the damp ground. Dreadful whispers rumoured to be lingering incantations defend the world from intruders. Tall tales and rumors of zombies and ritual sacrifice alluding to grisly flashes of imagery.
The trees, large and misshapen, promise misery to those who touch their tortured bark and open themselves to the memories of the place. Eerie as the voices over the wind, the water beneath the fog appears red and bubbling, as if the land itself were pockmarked in cauldrons of blood to keep the incantations alive.
Creatures unaffected by the purge of the Nightsisters still remain. Snakes, reptiles and insects of varying lethality wander the wasteland. Reports have even said that rancor still roam freely.
This is Dathomir.
Syntax
Your opening paragraph had the potential to really enrich the setting and provide a great backdrop, but you didn’t take the time to develop it carefully. The first issue is that you capitalized “Hypnotic” in the middle of a sentence for no reason. Secondly, the words “planet,” “trees,” “landscape,” and “sky” were used over and over again. You don’t want to keep providing the same information with the same words. Descriptions become really interesting and textured through the use of varied language. Take more time to paint the scene with your words, and get extra proofers to give you feedback on it.
"Adorn" does not mean "to wear." Adorning something means you are decorating or embellishing it.
Did you mean "eerily?" Early doesn't fit here.
There needs to be a paragraph break between the dialogue, which comes from another source, and the sentence about the laughing Sith, who is Kylex. The sources of information are different, but are paired so closely here that it is not immediately obvious what is going on. For example:
”Death comes for you,” said the voice. ”You will die!”
The Sith laughed, turning towards the voice and yelling.
A simple description, but a potent one. Be direct like this. Dense and colorful. Good job.
Onomatopoeias/sound effects require either quotations or italics. Just choose one and keep formatting consistent!
"Figure" x 3 in two sentences. This language is repetitive, and you will hook more readers by using varied, colorful language. Don’t be afraid to get creative with describing things.