The bright lights illuminating the bustling streets of Nar Shaddaa were an annoyance to the Umbaran making his way through the crowds. The general hubbub of the populace was interspersed with the raised voices of vendors hawking their wares.
Armad recoiled slightly from the poignant stench of a passerby who smelled like they hadn’t washed in days. The Sadowan found himself on this wretched moon simply because his target wanted some time away from the ‘hustle and bustle’ of life on Sepros. Why on earth they came here was beyond the Battlemaster’s understanding, yet that didn’t stop Armad from muttering a few choice words under his breath about the general intelligence of his target.
The Umbaran had spent the last couple of days tracking his target, speaking to several individuals of varying dubiousness. The last one, a Rodian by the name of Naweel had told him a person matching the target’s description had been seen frequenting a cantina of ill repute. The den of inequity was named The Piper’s Daughter. Obviously, it was a location picked for its relative safety. Someone wouldn’t go charging in guns blazing, because they’d have several angry customers firing back.
This would require some delicacy and tact. Armad came to a brief stop and looked up at the signage advertising the entrance to the sordid cantina. The sign pulsated, making the Umbaran rub his eyes in an effort to stop the afterimage in his sight. The Sadowan redirected his attention to the building housing The Piper’s Daughter, noting the alleyway that would possibly have an entrance into the cantina that could be utilised by his target to escape.
Armad smiled, and began to push his way through the crowd towards the alleyway. He had decided to scope it out first before heading into the cantina. The alleyway was filthy, rubbish scattered across the floor while the walls were decorated with several faded posters advertising the girls that could be found inside.
Kicking a crumpled box out of his way, the Techweaver stepped over some discarded needles. It was clear that the alleyway had been used as a place to shoot up in the past. Movement in Armad’s periphery drew his attention to a hooded beggar sat huddled up against the wall, partially hidden behind a mound of rubbish. The Umbaran continued forward, ignoring the pleas of the beggar for spare credits. Armad smiled thinly as he neared the door and went to test the handle to see if it was locked, before pausing.
There...a faint tug in the Force, something hidden, seeking to avoid his attention. Armad cleared his mind and focussed, the faint presence slowly became brighter. It was close, too close. The Battlemaster spoke.
“Hello, Sanguinius,” Armad smiled. “I’m here to bring you back to Sepros.”
The comment elicited a chuckle from the beggar sat on the ground in the alleyway. “Strange to see you outside of your workshop, Armad,” The beggar stood up and removed his hood, “I’m surprised you didn’t know it was me when you first arrived.”
“I wasn’t expecting you to hide in plain sight, but that’s beside the point. You’ll be returning with me.”
“Returning with you?” Sanguinius questioned.
“Your place is on Sepros. The Consul is a figurehead all must be able to see, especially after you issued the call for the Sword of Sadow.” Armad replied in a monotone voice.
“I’m afraid that it won’t be quite so easy.” Sang replied, a wry smile upon his lips.
“We’ll see.”
The blaster was out of his holster and firing in milliseconds, as Armad unleashed several stun bolts at the Augur. Sanguinius dived out of the way, rolling through the garbage and covering his already disgusting disguise in more waste. The sound of the blaster caught the attention of the crowd passing the alleyway, causing them to flee. It wasn’t out of fear that they did so, but out of common sense. The seedy area had many such occurrences and they were used to things like this.
“Well, that wasn’t so friendly.” Sanguinius quipped as he pushed himself up from his forward roll. His clothes were soaked in what could only be described as a mixture of piss, spilt drinks and rotting waste. He sniffed and waved his hand in front of his face. “God, I stink.”
Sanguinius turned to Armad and gestured towards his clothing. “Do you mind?”
The Sadowan shrugged in response, “Go ahead.”
The Augur divulged himself of the disguise and threw it to one side. “Ahh, that’s much better.” Sanguinius now stood there in his usual garb and bowed slightly in thanks.
“Now comes the part where we fight?” Sang asked.
Armad’s response was to unleash several more blaster bolts, aiming to stun the uncooperative Consul.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
Syntax
The aside here needs to be completed by the second comma. Without it you've fragmented the structure.
This comma usage is unnecessary, fracturing the flow.
This should be broken into two sentences to better control the flow.
It's easy to misstep and use verbs that aren't related to speaking when using "he said/she said" structure, but you don't "smile" words. That makes this an action and it is separate from the dialogue.
Similar deal as above. This is an action and is separate from the dialogue.
Comma here, it's part of the same full sentence.
No comma here. It creates a fragment. "as" isn't the proper word to follow a comma.
Realism
This is a very minor Realism tick, but it's similar to not allowing real life slang or curse words. "Why on earth" wouldn't be a saying in this fictional world, so the narrative voice shouldn't be using it either.
Be careful with this kind of stuff. Sanguinius has +0 Subterfuge so this could easily become a misstep, especially if anyone plied a little more than a passing glance.