The descent to the damnable ice cave had been a trying one for the Sith. How she'd pulled this mission she still wasn't sure; maybe it was her newly minted Knight status, maybe it was the trust her Master had in her skill and ability. Being the Consul's student wasn't all it was cracked up to be, at times, nor the 'sister-apprentice' to the recently raised Aedile of Qel-Droma.
She didn't know why the man she sought had taken refuge in such a place, or how Zujenia had learned of where he was hiding. Likely the pilot who'd dropped him off had been persuaded to sell him out. Water dripped from melting icicles and snow, threatening to dampen her vibrant hair and her spirits. The glow coming off the lichen patches on the walls of the cave provided ample illumination for her to pick her way through, over the bones of less fortunate or capable creatures as she made her way in deeper.
Somewhere ahead she could just sense another person, the Force presence flickering like a candle in the dark. Other signs of life could be felt as well, more bestial in nature, but the one she was headed for was probably her target. She took a deep breath, pulling her cloak closer around her to ward off the cold, and plunged further into the darkness.
Kordath yawned and stretched, working his muscles as he leaned against the ice wall behind him, his cloak keeping him from getting completely soaked. The cave was damp, but at least it was warmer than outside, and the pool provided ample fresh water. As long as he kept the noise down when the Wampas came through, concealing his scent with illusions when they got too near, he was mostly safe. He had no desire to do battle with the hulking, furred beasts; he just wanted to settle himself till it was time to be picked back up.
Not that that was going to happen anytime soon, he thought with a wry grin, lifting the bottle of amber liquid to his lips. The whiskey burned down the back of his throat, helping to chase away some of the anxieties of life, for a time. His mind was a wreck of worry and half-formed paranoid thoughts lately, the closer he got to the date set by the Consul. A high pitched whistle of amusement escaped his fluted nose at that thought; even though it was he and Zujenia's engagement, the Miraluka woman had taken over nearly all aspects of the wedding. Even the when and where.
He took another pull from the whiskey and froze, the bottle having just left his lips. Gray eyes sought through the darkness, squinting slightly and reaching out with his mental senses. Someone was here, not a Wampa but a person, he was sure of it. They were doing a fine job of hiding themselves, physically, and a fair job of concealing their presence in the Force. He felt no ill intent, yet, which meant either they didn't know he was here or...or...
"Aw bugger," he growled, levering himself up unsteadily to his feet and glaring at nothing. "Alright! Who sent ya? Does nae feel like yer here ta kill me, which means somebody sent ya ta drag me back home! Well tough luck, mate, I ain't headin' back till its time ta tie tha knot. So ya may as well turn around and head back," he finished, grumbling aloud.
A shimmer of movement marked his watcher as she dropped the obscuring cloak of Force energy. Despite his status as a soon to be married man, the Ryn let out a low, appreciative whistle.
Blinky musta sent her, she knows me weakness for tha redheads. Clever, will nae work though.
"Kordath Bleu? I'm afraid you have little choice, my Mistress, the Shadow Lady, summons you back to Selen. So how about you come along quietly, I'd hate to break a nail dragging you out of this hole you've moved into."
Her tone was flippant, superior, and the way she presented herself spoke of a deep confidence.
"Tough luck, luv," stated the Ryn, trying to not follow the curves of her dark outfit. He'd not been down here that bleedin' long. "Safer fer me ta be hidin' out from tha Galaxy down here, it is; away from everyone important. Will nae put me lady luv in jeopardy, ya see?"
"No, I do not see. You're speaking gibberish and sound like a paranoid fool. Now come along," she rolled her green eyes and waved a hand at him, prompting him to take several steps unbidden towards her.
His hands felt slack, his legs as if they weren't his to command, and when the bottle slipped from his hand and clattered across the icy surface below his eyes followed it. Whiskey dribbled from the open top, leaving a trail of amber across the blue and white ground. As he watched it stop and pool, something struck him as off about the whole situation. Lazily he looked up, his vision covered with a haze as the red-haired woman reached out to grasp the front of his coat as if to lead him along towards the nearby tunnel.
Fighting his way up from the depths, through the haze, he shook it off and blinked a few times. Realization as to the woman's action, his mind finally tossing up a name to go with that figure, Lucine, brought a rare flash of anger to the forefront. He reached up, grabbing her by the wrist and twisting her hand from his coat and kicking out with a foot, tripping the woman.
"No means no, luv, I'll be goin' home when tha proper time has come!"
From the slick, wet ground, he caught a flash of angry green eyes glaring up at him.
She's gonna get loud, isn't she? Grand, bet that won't attract anythin' bad.
Syntax:
These two sentences were fairly awkwardly phrased and I consulted with Atra about it.
Atra's rewrite:
Kordism:
Atra's rewrite:
This one was more straightforward. You just need to replace that comma with something more severe. I just made it two sentences.
Story:
You wrote a first post that roped in both character's overall personalities and situations and then clearly set out the reasoning for the conflict. This is why you're our favorite. Well, that and the panty incident.
Realism:
So Kord detects Lucine, which makes sense: he's got Perception +2 and Sense +4. The thing is, presumably he picks her up as she's approaching. But she can only use Force Cloak while stationary. Moreover, you mention two paragraphs earlier that she's using Concealment. Doing both at +2 isn't impossible, but it's going to be overly draining to the point where, if you'd done it intentionally, it would be a dick move.
Continuity:
No errors. I would be kind of impressed if there were.