Savant Alara Deathbane vs. Seer Kordath Bleu

Savant Alara Deathbane

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Female Sephi, Force Disciple, Marauder
vs.

Seer Kordath Bleu

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Ryn, Force Disciple, Arcanist, Krath
Comment

Thank you for ACCing with us, and I hope you both enjoyed your experience. This was a good match with a great venue that you both definitely made your own in unique ways. Although the premise for the conflict could have been more elaborate, it was one that I have not yet seen, and so it was a refreshing change of pace for once. I was also pleasantly surprised to see so few utterly glaring syntax errors. So good job to you both on all those counts.

Alara, you had first post, so you're first in the chute. The biggest issue I found was that, once you had your baseline set for the story, you seemed to just go off in your own direction and forgot that you were writing with someone (even if it is a versus match). Not only did you heavily spotlight your own character, you did so unrealistically, failing to follow not only the respective character sheets but the venue details itself. The story only needs some refinement, so my primary recommendation is that in future matches you spend a good deal more scrutiny on the realism details. Perhaps open up the DJB wiki and the CS guides therein for skills and Force powers.

Kordath, your posts were (in my eyes) rather phenomenal. Not only did you have a mere pittance of syntax issues, but it went hand in hand with an engaging story that quite surprised me. I am more disappointed as a reader than as a grader that the match ended the way it did. I was invested in the characters and was left on the edge of my seat for most of the action. The second post definitely improved on the first in terms of "speed" of the action as portrayed in the writing.

With all commentary concluded, I declare Kordath the winner by points. Please take all comments in stride, learn from the victories and defeats alike, and please do come back to fight with us again.

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Savant Alara Deathbane, Seer Kordath Bleu
Winner Seer Kordath Bleu
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Savant Alara Deathbane's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Seer Kordath Bleu's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Felucia: Rancor Graveyard
Last Post 6 June, 2017 7:16 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Alara Deathbane General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Multiple repetitive errors in syntax, though none detracted from the overall readability. See notes for further details. Rationale: Several errors spotted throughout both posts. See notes for further details.
Story - 40%
Alara Deathbane General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 3 Score: 5
Rationale: The plot was simplistic, save for an awkward "one-eighty" in the second post concerning character morals. Other unexplained discrepancies made for awkward reading. See notes for further details. Rationale: The story was pleasantly unpredictable, dynamically using the setting in support of the characters' conflict. See notes for further details.
Realism - 25%
Alara Deathbane General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 2 Score: 5
Rationale: One major and several minor detractors spotted throughout the posts. See notes for further details. Rationale: No detractors spotted.
Continuity - 20%
Alara Deathbane General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: One error spotted. See notes for further details. Rationale: No errors noted.
Alara Deathbane's Score: 3.1 General Stres'tron'garmis's Score: 4.85
Posts

Felucia Rancor Graveyard

Hidden in Felucia’s jungle lies a two hundred meter expanse marking the ancient burial site of this world’s deadliest creatures and the location of innumerable remnants of hundreds, if not thousands of rancors. A circular enclosure of sun-bleached bones are arranged in the center of the cemetery—no doubt the former dwelling of a powerful practitioner of the Force. Cobwebs cling to the fallen beasts, a testament to the primordial age of some of the creatures.

Somewhat obscured by surrounding cliffs and the luminescent jungle, the dusted bones and carcasses are cast in a faint shadow, leaving just enough light to see by. The atmosphere is thick and stifling, with a strong overtone of dust and bone suspended in the still air. The taint of the Dark Side's influence has polluted the landmark over time, giving form to a dreadful aura that has scared off scavengers determined to sell off a rancor tusk or two. Unlike most of Felucia, the area is nearly devoid of life aside from ravenous predators dwelling within the hollowed-out husks of dead rancors.

Alara stepped into the hazy graveyard. She called upon the Force to help her see a bit better through the fog that circled around. It responded with further focus. With this, she could just barely make out a figure a few feet away, standing next to what appeared to be the rib cage of a fallen Rancor. She was assigned to meet with a Ryn called Kordath Bleu; a messenger of Arcona. Apparently this fellow had some news to share with the clan.

“Kordath?” Alara called out into the fog. Humidity began to leave sweat on her brow. She brushed it off quickly in efforts to keep her eyes gazed on the Arcanist. The figure turned, spotted the half-Sephi, and walked forward with a tired sort of imbalance to his step. Drunk? Alara thought to herself. Tired? Maybe both.

“I’m a-comin. I’m a-comin.” Kordath reassured her. The grey-skinned cohort grew closer in the fog, which made Alara realize that she towered over him by several inches. She avoided smiling at this fact.

“Hello, Alara. I’m Kordath Bleu of Arcona with a message to give yer clan.” Kordath spoke professionally, despite the slight slurring of his speech.

“A pleasure, Kordath,” Alara gave a bow of respect. “I am ready to receive this message.”

“Well, uh.” Kordath paused, he placed his dominant hand on his chin to help him find his thoughts. “Basically, we’re sorry…? Yeah. We’re sorry.”

“Umm. What?” the Marauder furrowed her brow in confusion.

“Yeah. We heard about what happened with the Grand Master, and how he blew up your system. Really sucks. Sorry to hear that. Just know there are clans out there that disagree with what he did.” the Ryn spoke with an honest, awkward sort of speech.

“Really? Is that it? That’s all Arcona has to say?” Alara interrogated.

“Well. Yeah. That’s the jist of it. We aren’t all on his side. That’s all.” he shrugged.

“So… I literally wasted all this time to get here for the clan only to hear that Arcona is sorry, but otherwise apathetic towards us? Am I getting this right?” Alara snapped back. That flicker of anger’s flame that she knew so well began to spark inside her gut.

“Well… Yeah? What do ya expect from me? I’m not Arcona.” Kordath placed his hands on his hips.

“You’re one of them!” Alara growled over him. “You have a voice that speaks and a pair of hands that can fight. Or do you?! Do you even care at all about what happened?”

“Hey, watch it mate. I do care. I feel bad about what happened. I disagree with the Grand Master’s plan. But I’ve got my own kark to deal with, mkay?” Kordath responded with an aggravated tone.

“Your own shit?!” Alara yelled, “REALLY?! That’s all you have to say!?”

“I’ll tell anyone that asks me what I think, and I’ll stand up for what I believe. But I’ve got other things on my mind right now besides relocatin’ an entire clan.” Kordath barked.

“I don’t see what you’re good for if you’re not willing to help those in need.” Alara scoffed. She turned away and headed towards her ship.

“Whatever mate, you’re crazy. We get that you’re having issues, but seriously. Go get some help or somethin’.” the Seer scorned.

“You’re gonna pay for that!” Alara roared. She immediately began charging towards her opponent, clicked her sabers from her belt, and ignited them.

“Ohhhh Kark...” Kordath sighed. He dropped what seemed to be a sand bomb which instantly filled the half-Sephi’s vision with puffs of granules.

Qyreia Arronen, 13 June, 2017 5:56 AM UTC

Syntax

Drunk? Alara thought to herself. Tired? Maybe both.

Typically thoughts are italicized to separate them from the narration, although apostrophes or quotation marks suffice so long as the thoughts are dictated as thoughts. Try to follow one of these methods in the future.

“Hello, Alara. I’m Kordath Bleu of Arcona[...]

The paragraph preceding this is Kordath's dialogue, and thus this line of speech should be paired with it. A minor formatting error.

[...]Go get some help or somethin’.” the Seer scorned.

When transitioning from dialogue to narration in this manner, a comma should be used instead of a period. This happens several times throughout the post.

Story

“REALLY?! That’s all you have to say!?”

This line gets reused a little excessively here and points out, in its use, that there was not much thought put into the purpose behind this encounter nor for the impending conflict that ensues. I would hazard to say that this exchange was also rather unrealistic given that such a message could be easily given via holocall or some such messaging devices, and that a member of Arconan leadership would not go all the way to Felucia for something so trivial.

Realism

She called upon the Force to help her see a bit better through the fog that circled around. It responded with further focus.

This is technically feasible through Amplification with the related Feat, Enhanced Sight. As is, none of your abilities support this use of the Force. Minor detractor.

“Your own shit?!”

“Shit” does not fall into the Star Wars profanity roster; druk, poodoo, and Sithspit do. “Damn” is about the only real-world curse that transfers over. Minor ding here.

Synopsis

A bit of proofing and this post would have been mechanically sound. The story was severely lacking in that the setting was given only a perfunctory mention, and the remainder consisted of a lackluster verbal exchange that forced in the background and lead-in to the fight which reduced the overall quality.

Kordath Bleu scuttled through a musty old ribcage, hating that he knew what he was doing could be called running away. This wasn't a fight he'd come looking for; it wasn't' why he'd found himself ordered to karkin' Felucia! It was warm, humid and full of creepy as all hell skeletons. Not the place the Ryn wanted to vacation, and certainly not where he wanted to be hunted by a shouting Sephi-hybrid.

"Come out here and face me like a man!"

"Thankfully, I'm a Ryn, luv. And have ye never heard of 'do nae shoot tha messenger!?" he screamed back at her, having given up on his diplomatic presentability. Who cares if she didn't understand a bloody word he said, he had no concern for politeness at this point.

The diminutive Ryn darted around a skull that was near twice his height, trying to sort out where in the graveyard he'd found himself. The Bleusmobile was parked on the northern edge of the barren, bone-strewn wasteland, his way out of this if he could reach it. Alarms, driven by the Force, began screaming in his head and prompted him to dive away from where he stood. He rolled and came up to a kneeling position in time to see Alara come down from the top of the skull; sabers angled down to spear into the ground where he'd been standing.

"Are ya bleedin' crazy!? Stupid karkin' schutta," he grumbled. The flash of anger in the woman's amber eyes caused him to grimace, already gathering Force energy to his hands as he stood. She rose as well, her blades hissing as they slid out of the ground, scorching it.

"I will make you care about my Clan's situation, even if I have to take your head back with me so you can see it for yourself!"

"That...wait, what? That does nae--OI!" Kordath found himself cut off as she attacked, her blades whirling and buzzing at the spry little Ryn.

Deciding that enough was bloody enough, he ducked back and lifted both hands as if surrendering. It bought him scant seconds, used to release the built up energy as he lowered both hands and pushed them forward, the bright flash of power erupting from the palms. His face was twisted away with his eyes squeezed shut. He'd caught himself in the blinding light enough times to have learned to regret it.

When he opened his gray eyes he saw her recoiled, one saber wielding arm held over her eyes, face distorted with pain and annoyance. Slipping his right hand into his jacket, he wrapped his fingers through one of his brass knucklers and gathered the Force to the muscles of his right arm and shoulder. Driven through the focused powered, he stepped to his foe's left, avoiding the lightsaber she was trying to defend her blinded self with and fired a single punch into her midsection.

He was rewarded with a cry of pain and a rush of air as the woman doubled over, though he didn't stay to see her face flush red with anger. Bleu was already running, in the direction of where he thought his ship lay. Part of him cursed his poor forethought, leaving the ship without a comlink to let the pilot know he was in trouble. This had been a diplomatic mission, not to contact an ally per say, but a fellow group that stood in defiance of the mad bastard sitting on the throne. He'd not anticipated this kind of trouble, though he supposed he should have. Life loved to kark with him.

Rounding a femur longer than he was tall, he spotted his XS-800 Freighter sitting on a rise overlooking the graveyard and grinned. Casting his mental senses back towards where he'd left his would-be assailant, he swallowed, smirk fading. She was closing fast and moving in a straight line despite the terrain. He climbed the femur to gain a few feet and looked back, watching as twin sabers cut through the dust and gloom, the hybrid's tall and lean form clearing many obstacles with a single bound. Or cutting her way through them with great abandon.

"Kark me; she's pissed. Right, get ta tha ship, Bleu, just get ta tha rise and use yer hook, skip tryin' ta find a way up," he muttered to himself, hopping down the other side of the bone and taking to running once more. He stopped short, the Force again sending him a sign of trouble, one that became more apparent as the sound of claws scratching across the ancient bone. Something was nearby, it was hungry, it was toothy, and it probably thought, despite the hair, that the Ryn would make an excellent meal.

More like a snack, by the size of him, but predators and scavengers weren't a picky lot.

"Do nae have time fer this," he growled, pulling a flash grenade from his belt and trying to pinpoint where the creature lay. He could sense Alara closing in from behind, as well. Dealing with both would result in a very dead Bleu, he knew. "I hate this planet."

Qyreia Arronen, 13 June, 2017 5:57 AM UTC

Syntax

[...]creepy as all hell skeletons.

This is a minor issue that might require further review, because I’m not sure how (in)correct this is. Generally if an adjective is qualified by additional words, they are hyphenated to create one mass term. In this case: creepy-as-all-hell skeletons.

"Kark me; she's pissed.

This should probably be a comma and not a semicolon.

Synopsis

There were several points where I had to do a double-take, but the story and realism thereof was solid according to the CSs and preceding characterization. Further, there was great use and description of the setting; good action sequences; and a good balance of dialogue with an actual progression of the plot as opposed to a bland fight sequence that was nothing but combat. My only suggestion would be to tinker with your portrayal of the fights: they read as much slower than they would actually be (and than you are likely trying to portray them as).

Alara saw the Ryn’s ears perk up as he picked up what the Force was putting down. She could sense it too. Way to go, Alara, she growled at her stupidity, Way to wake up the only live beast in a mile radius.

Instead of continuing to follow Kordath, Alara chose an ulterior motive of survival and took to the trees. Her nimbleness and acrobatic skills were a little rusty from no longer living in a jungle biome, but memories came back to her which refueled her passion in it.

“Oy! Wheya yah goin?!” Kordath called from the ground.

“Where does it look like? Away from the giant beast that’s on his way over here. My battle isn’t through with you, though.” Alara shouted, trying to keep her focus on reaching and swinging from branch to branch, vine to vine.

“Kark! Don’t leave me heyah!” the Ryn attempted to chase after her by scrambling over a tree trunk, but scoffed in frustration at his lack of time and gave up in order to keep running to safety.

“Why shouldn’t I?” Alara hollered down while swinging on another vine. “You and Arcona don’t want to help us at Scholae Palatinae, so why shouldn’t I just leave you there?”

“I get it, okay?! You’re upset! That’s obvious! But it’s no reason for me to die!” Kordath bellowed while he ran and attempted to stay low in the bushes.

“Hmm, reason enough for me! And if you survive, we will finish our fight!” Alara laughed and continued flying through the sky.

A heinous roar thundered through the jungle and shook leaves off of the alien atmosphere’s trees. The two combatants gulped and continued in their frenzy to get away from the scene. Sure enough, the rancor made its way into focus and immediately spotted the large amazon woman monkey-mimicker as well as the running blue elder-nymph running at the ground.

The creature’s first move was to cut Alara down to the ground. Its sharp claws pierced through the wind and began to yank down branch after branch. Alara continued to flurry through leaves and vines to escape the rancor’s clutches, but her attempts unfortunately failed. The rancor’s right claws managed to grab hold of the last trailing vine she clung to. He reached for the half-Sephi with his other hand, but Alara jumped for it and hardly managed to roll into a landing on the ground behind a tree.

“Kordath! Throw the damn grenade!” Alara hollered.

“Wha?!” Bleu looked over his shoulder in confusion.

“IT’S IN YOUR HAND, SITHSPIT!” Alara shouted angrily. The rancor leaned down for another shot at seizing the Aedile, but she rolled out of the way to another stump and picked herself up to continue running.

“Ohhhh... Right! Got it!” Kordath looked down on his hand and spotted the grenade he had already forgotten about. He lifted it to his teeth, ripped off the clip, and chucked it behind him as hard as he could. An explosion threw all three of the characters backwards, but Alara and Ryn tied in getting up first. Another roar reverberated through the ground as the rancor furiously clambered to gain footing.

“Where’s the ship?!” Alara called from the Seer’s right.

“It’s just ahead! Oy! You’re not coming!” Kordath growled.

“Wanna bet? Let’s see who’s in shape enough to outrun a rancor!” Alara called upon the Force and focused her strength as much as she could into her legs. She could practically see the extra speed she was given as she stared down at the ground to keep her footing. Her half-Sephi eyes managed to spot the shuttle successfully. She began to head towards it until a pulling feeling in the Force began to nag her gut.

Alara, why are you doing this now of all times?! the Marauder scoffed to herself, Why do you let the Light bother you when there’s a damn rancor behind you!?

Despite her efforts, she couldn’t shake off the feeling and ended up turning around to help the Ryn. She found him making his way up some other tall tree with the rancor not far behind. With quick thinking, Alara channeled the Force to crackle through her fingertips and sent a flash of lightning towards the beast. The creature howled and stomped in pain. The distraction worked. It began to head towards her. She inhaled deeply to prepare herself for another attack, but before she could another grenade fell from the tree towards the rancor.

Alara immediately leapt up the tree as she watched the explosion land on the rancor’s face. It’s blood and skull pieces began to litter the ground around their tree which was also turning into splinters below their feet.

“Hop on my back!” Alara yelled.

“I’m fine, I don’t need yah help!” Kordath growled.

With aggravation, Alara huffed and grabbed the Ryn anyway while she spun to leap towards another tree before they were squished by the ground quickly coming towards them. The Gray Jedi held on as she reached for another vine and managed to bring them to safety. After a few pants of breathing, the pair finally began to speak once more.

“Well, that was crazy.” Alara chuckled, adrenaline still pumping through her veins.

“Not as crazy as you are, Deathbane.” Kordath laughed.

“Truce?” Alara offered her hand.

“The Seer looked down in disbelief, but nodded and took the pale figure’s hand. Alara squeezed until she felt the crack of his knuckles.

“Owch! What was that for?”

“Sorry, had to.” Alara chuckled, “I get that our problems are not your own though.” With that, she began to climb down the tree.

“Well, if you ever need anything persuhnuhhly,” Kordath placed a small hand on her shoulder. “Gimme a call.”

Alara looked up, smiled at the curious Ryn, and nodded in acceptance of his offer. She climbed down, kicked the Rancor to ensure herself of its death, and headed towards the shuttle he left so far behind.

Qyreia Arronen, 13 June, 2017 5:58 AM UTC

Syntax

My battle isn’t through with you, though.” Alara shouted[...]

As before, a transition between dialogue and narration needs to be done with a comma, save in cases with question or exclamation marks. Likewise, this mistake is repeated throughout the post.

“The Seer looked down in disbelief[...]

The quotation marks here are just a typo, but still a detractor.

Story

She found him making his way up some other tall tree with the rancor not far behind.

Kordath had just seen this rancor tear down the trees that Jane of the Jungle had been swinging on. Why in his right mind would he — someone who clearly specializes in avoiding conflict and/or running away — do the one thing that would be a bad idea when he was already running away at a good clip? Not only is this not explained later, but it also seems to be just another way to show your character’s apparent superiority.

Realism

Instead of continuing to follow Kordath, Alara chose an ulterior motive of survival and took to the trees.

If you re-read the venue details, the Rancor graveyard is a two hundred meter clearing in the Felucian jungle, flanked by cliffs and the forest atop them. Minor detractor.

Alara laughed and continued flying through the sky.

With just +3 in Athletics, this whole Tarzan-esque scene is pushing the limits of your Parkour! Feat. This is especially poignant given that not only does the venue distinctly lack abundant foliage, but Felucia in general does not have a jungle that resembles Earth’s. Minor detractor overall.

“Why shouldn’t I?” Alara hollered down while swinging on another vine.

This is some weird bending of physics. Alara, who is running away from the fight, has a rather lengthy discussion with Kordath that is all perfectly audible and comprehensible. Given the terrain, per the actual venue or your jungle portrayal, and the other circumstances (direction of voice, physical exertion, etc.), this is a rather unrealistic conversation. Minor detractor.

He lifted it to his teeth, ripped off the clip, and chucked it behind him as hard as he could. An explosion threw all three of the characters backwards[...]

I’m throwing these two pieces together for simplicity’s sake. Firstly — and this is more for your information than for a detractor — unless you have exceptionally strong teeth and/or don’t mind losing a few, you will never pull the pin on a grenade with your teeth. That said, not only is there a big red button on the item image in Kordath’s loadout (negating the whole pin/clip issue), but it is a flash grenade. Not only was this mentioned in his preceding post, but it’s clearly listed in his Loadout. Major detractor.

Continuity

Alara saw the Ryn’s ears perk up as he picked up what the Force was putting down.

Not only is it in the venue details, but also mentioned in Kordath’s preceding post, there is a heavy fog blocking Alara’s vision, given that she is not in his immediate vicinity. This comes up again later on when she tells him to throw the grenade that she knew nothing about.

Synopsis

This post came off as a spotlight for your character; one that rather ignored the venue, character sheets, and continuity. Aside from the dialogue transition and the occasional typo, your syntax is solid. This post should have been much more heavily reviewed against the available reference material though.

Something came stalking out from a half-buried skull. A long haired, and clawed, a beast that moved with a predatory grace. This close, Kordath could see how thin the creature was, as well as how dangerous its saliva dripping teeth looked. He heard the sound of boots scraping across bone behind him and felt his tail grow still.

And I thought I was already tense.

"Look, luv, beasty here is gonna get a wee bit nasty if we start tryin' ta pound on one another, yeah? How's bout we both just go our separate way, I'll put in a good word for you lot when I get home, and we don't get eaten? How's that sound?"

Bleu waited a few moments, eyes locked on the bloodshot, yellow eyes that were staring at him before tearing his gaze away to glance back at Alara. What he saw didn't inspire confidence. The woman's right hand, still holding the hilt of her weapon, was held before her. He could just make out through slitted eyelids the amber stare, though he realized it wasn't directed at him. Her lips curled in a wicked smile as her eyes opened, blinking before turning to him.

"You should have started polite, Arconan."

He began to retort before the Force suggested, loudly in the back of his brain, that he should instead move. A quick roll to his right saw claws, hair, and teeth flash past him. When he stood, slowly as to not provoke the beast, noticed the paradigm before him. The hungry looking creature stood between him and the Marauder, yet it paid no attention to the woman. He could feel a connection between the two, and groaned aloud.

Outnumbered, too, eh?

The beast began to circle, and Kordath watched Alara engage her twin blades anew. He swallowed and flexed his sweaty right hand inside the grip of the knuckler adorning it, and recalled the flash grenade in his left. Eyes darting this way and that, he tried to work up the math in his head. Where to throw the grenade, how long it would take him to get to the steep bluff that his ship sat upon. How much he trusted his ability with the grappling hook and how quickly he could climb with its aid.

"Bugger it," he snarled, arming and tossing the grenade at the beast. He turned tail and started to run, ears ringing as the explosive went off. The Ryn only made it a few feet before he received another warning through the Force, this time too late and unexpected. With a shout he was knocked feet overhead as the creature bowled through his feet, landing on his back with a dull thud. He arched off the ground as the impact tried to dislocate his tail, causing him to gasp in pain.

Staring up at the sky, he groaned and tried to catch his breath, waiting for the beast to finish him off. When the teeth didn't come, he pushed himself up to a sitting position and sucked in air. In front of him, staring with a hungry gaze, sat the scrawny creature. Alongside it stood the Marauder, one hand resting lightly on the predator's head.

"How..." he tried, still feeling as if the wind was knocked out of him.

"I gave the hungry little guy a bit of direction despite your trickery."

"Cute. So how about what I said, eh? I go back, put in a good word, yeah? Sure yer homeless, but yer still pretty bloody fierce," he groaned, trying to stand. A growl from the beast made him pause, crouching.

She cocked her head to the side, her eyes narrowing to amber slits. "Respect, Arconan, that's what I expected when I came here. Instead, you insulted my Clan and I. You belittled the hardships we've suffered and people who died for it. Why should I need your word for anything?"

Alara's hand left the creature's head, and it charged forward.

Kordath had enough time to let out a strangled cursed before the hungry beast was upon him. It was hungry, it was desperate, and it had a really angry woman urging it on. He never stood a chance.

Qyreia Arronen, 14 June, 2017 3:31 AM UTC

Syntax

A long haired, and clawed, a beast that moved with a predatory grace.

This sentence is awkward only because of one of your uses of “a,” be it “a long haired” or “a beast.” Removing one of these A’s would fix the awkwardness here.

"Look, luv, beasty here is gonna get a wee bit nasty[...]

Your comma use here is a bit excessive. Dropping the one after “look” would make this more or less perfect.

Realism

He could feel a connection between the two, and groaned aloud.

If not for her double-up on the Friend of Rancors Feat and her Beast Control Force power, I’d say this was a bit of a stretch. As is, it makes for a rather intriguing use of the character sheets, and a power that isn’t seen used as much as it could. Good job.

Synopsis

Well… that took a turn I outright wasn’t expecting. I’m not generally a fan of the death-matches, but I have offered up some slow clapping to the fiction gods. Great post overall, and only close scrutiny revealed those syntax errors that I did see.