Ranger Tisto Kingang vs. Battlemaster Evelynn Wyrm

Ranger Tisto Kingang

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Kiffar, Jedi, Juggernaut, Sentinel
vs.

Battlemaster Evelynn Wyrm

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Female Human, Sith, Sorcerer
Comment

This was a short but fun to read match. I'm impressed with how both of you worked off of one another's posts to shape the story. That said, it was pretty standard storyplay, and I did feel that Evelynn did a better job of making the interactions more organic. Character Sheet usage was really well done as far as ACC mechanics go. The combat and action was short but read well and wasn't confusing. While there was a headscratching moment from Evelynn's description of Tisto grabbing and using a Blaster, I didn't mark down for it because it wasn't too jarring. The deciding factor here comes down to a continuity error that threw me off with Eveylnn's lightsabers.

Great job with this fight. Look forwarding to reading more from each of you.

-W

Hall Phase I: Winds of Change [GJWXII]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [GJW XII Event Long] Combat Writing - ACC Ladder
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Ranger Tisto Kingang, Battlemaster Evelynn Wyrm
Winner Ranger Tisto Kingang
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Ranger Tisto Kingang's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Battlemaster Evelynn Wyrm's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Godless Matron: Chute Town
Last Post 1 July, 2017 3:02 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Padawan Tisto Kingang Evelynn Wyrm
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: A few small errors. Rationale: A few small errors.
Story - 40%
Padawan Tisto Kingang Evelynn Wyrm
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: The dialogue was a bit painful to read, and I never really got a sense for what you were trying to do with the story. However, you did work the venue in very well. Rationale: You did a good job of working with what you were given, and I'm impressed with how you told a straight forward, clean, and easy to follow story with not so many words. Still, there was nothing really making me feel like there was a stake to the conflict.
Realism - 25%
Padawan Tisto Kingang Evelynn Wyrm
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: None that I observed. Good use of the CS's and mechanics. Rationale: I'm not sure why Tisto grabbed the Blaster, of all things. It threw me off, because everything else was very well written/done. Not marking it down as a point, but it was something that could have come to bear if the match was closer to a tie.
Continuity - 20%
Padawan Tisto Kingang Evelynn Wyrm
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: None that I found. Rationale: Tisto has Evelynn wielding her lightsabers before she gets pushed at the end of his post. She either would have dropped them (and needed to pick them up) or have had to put them away since she is open-handed where we pick up with her on the chase, and then in the final post where she unclips them from her belt.
Padawan Tisto Kingang's Score: 4.05 Evelynn Wyrm's Score: 3.85
Posts

Matron_ChuteTown

The Godless Matron is home to many, resembling a micro-society for those who wish to live outside the typical 'rule' of the galaxy. The Lucrehulk-class battleship's massive hangars have been converted into dwellings as a result. Chute Town is the most notable of these makeshift towns. Many shops and storefronts have been constructed to take advantage of the higher volume of foot traffic. In addition, many ships and crews arrive into Chute Town to sell their "well-earned" commodities, weapons, or artifacts. It is commonplace to find the best and the worst gear the galaxy has to offer, it is only a matter of how big your pocket book is. The 'streets' are patrolled regularly by the crew of the Matron itself, leaving would-be miscreants to be more wary, lest they find themselves on the receiving end of a pirate's sense of justice.

It is built mostly out of spare durasteel panels from derelict ships, dismantled machinery, or any other source or material the pirates could scavenge. It spans the length of the massive portside hangar of the Matron, reaching from it's heavily protected reactor — hidden behind triple-reinforced blast doors and a guard retinue — all the way to the hangar entrance where the many incoming ships unload their cargo. It is more than a mile long, over five hundred feet wide and up to three stories tall, covering most of the floor. Chute Town's streets are a miniature maze, weaving in between buildings on several levels. Verticality is key for the masses of shops and bars to operate without interfering with one another. The main street is nicknamed Murder alley, mostly because all the weapon shops are prominently opened there.

Matron_HangarZerek

Illumination banks are staggered along the walkways and buildings to provide enough light for the society to function. Still, the 'streets' are left dim with a low hanging fog built up from the collective humidity of so many people in one space. For those calling it their home, there is no such thing as 'off hours'. A large crowd bustles along at all hours, an exotic assortment of individuals from countless planets and the warring gangs that divvy up the territory within. It's the perfect place for those looking to disappear in the crowd.

Tisto smiled as he walked through the streets of Chute Town. The make shift town was certifiably one of the best places to buy a gift for Bell. After all they had blasters of all kinds, and with the way she seemed to be carrying blasters around she may want another one. It had been a year since they had met, and well, she didn't know exactly when she was born so the Kiffar decided today would be a good day to celebrate. If only I hadn't waited until now. It seems like all the shops are restocking, he thought to himself. And I don't want to check out Murder Alley unless I have to. With all the competing shops the prices tend to be rather high.

He brushed past someone in a dark cloak and dark clothing that could have grabbed the attention of anyone not on a mission. "Excuse me," he said, noting that his lightsaber had fallen on the impact. He casually bent to pick it up and saw the person hadn't moved. "Well hello," he said cautiously but with a friendly tone. "Can I help you with anything?"

"You have a lightsaber," the woman replied smoothly, not missing a beat. "Who are you?"

"The names Tisto," the biker replied, clipping his lightsaber back to his belt. "And you are?"

"Why does that matter?" she replied, her hands disappearing under her cloak. She hesitated for a second, as if deciding on exactly what to do. "I'd rather not take any risks."

Tisto got the feeling something was going to happen, and leaped back, his back softly touching a wall as twin crimson sabers slashed where he had stood. "What the frak woman!" he shouted, grabbing his lightsaber and igniting it. "I don't even know who you are! This seems all too sudden. Shouldn't I have had a one night stand with you first?"

"And I don't think you need to know," she said, ignoring his quip. "I would rather kill you than make the mistake of letting a possible enemy leave!"

"How can I be your enemy if I don't know who you are?!" Tisto called out before she could strike.

"I am not going to fall for that one! How dumb do you think I am?! There aren't that many lightsabers around the galaxy," she said, before starting to move again.

Tisto rolled to the side as another set of swings attacked where he had been. As he did he called on the Force, gathering it in his left hand. As his roll ended, he pushed out, catching the woman as she turned, catching her mid movement. She was pushed back several meters, crashing into another person. Tisto deactivated his saber and ran in the opposite direction. Why does she have to use two sabers!

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 2 July, 2017 7:49 PM UTC

After all they had blasters of all kinds, and with the way she seemed to be carrying blasters around she may want another one.

Comma is needed after "after all".

"I don't even know who you are! This seems all too sudden. Shouldn't I have had a one night stand with you first?"

I cringed/groaned. :P

As his roll ended, he pushed out, catching the woman as she turned, catching her mid movement.

Repetitious use of "catch". Try and vary action verbs.

Why does this always have to happen, Evelynn thought as she stood up and started running in the direction of the Kiffar. He was still in sight, it was hard to miss the red dreadlocks on his head.

The Jedi was fast, faster than the Battlemaster, but leading the way came with the unfortunate struggle of moving past bystanders. Tisto clawed his way through some of the people occupying the narrow corridors of Chute Town, either pushing them out of the way or narrowly avoiding direct collision. Meanwhile, Evelynn had a fairly open path left by her opponent, and she was catching up.

Looking over his shoulder, the Odanite realized he could not escape simply by running. In front of him to the right he noticed a kiosk selling blasters packed in wooden crates. Headfirst, he leapt over one of the open crates, extending his hand mid-air and picking up one of the blasters, then proceeding to perform a perfect front roll, continuing his run.

“Hey, you gonna pay for that?!” the salesman yelled at the thief.

“Sorry, matter of life and death!” Tisto replied, turning his head once more to see how close his pursuer was. Still running, he flipped the safety off and pointed his newly acquired blaster over his shoulder, firing in the general direction of the Sith. The shots were not even remotely close to his target.

Evelynn was getting sick of the chase. After seeing the acrobatics the Juggernaut was capable of, she knew she wouldn’t be able to catch up to him in a race. The Quaestor drew upon her frustration, channelling it through her body. She extended her right hand, aimed at Tisto, and let loose a barrage of lightning from her fingertips. The bolts hit the Jedi in the back, making him lose his footing as he tumbled a few metres before coming to a full stop on the ground, twitching as his nervous system overloaded.

With his body rebelling against his control, Tisto struggled to turn towards the Dakhani. Kingang sunk into the reservoir of calm that was the Light Side, and extended both of his arms forward, signaling the Sith to stop. The warm sensation of the Force washed over him, helping to control the twitching.

“What has gotten into you? I don’t want to fight you,” he started, using his legs to back off slowly while Evelynn stalked closer to him. “I haven’t even done anything!”

“I know who you are, Jedi,” she replied, extending her hands once again, prepared to attack. Once again, lightning left her fingertips and started in the direction of her opponent, only to be met with his outstretched hand before disappearing into thin air.

“Then you know what I am capable of,” the Odanite replied. The Force was with the Ranger as he stood up, and affected his reliable fighting stance. The Jedi’s lightsaber was a pillar of strength, waiting for the impending assault from the Sith. “I didn’t want it to come to this. You’ve forced my hand.”

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 2 July, 2017 7:58 PM UTC

He was still in sight, it was hard to miss the red dreadlocks on his head.

Comma splice.

Headfirst, he leapt over one of the open crates, extending his hand mid-air and picking up one of the blasters, then proceeding to perform a perfect front roll, continuing his run.

Parkour!

The shots were not even remotely close to his target.

While this is a good user of having 0 in Blasters, I'm not really sure why Tisto would pick one up and use it. It doesn't fit any of his character's Aspects. Other than wanting to buy one for his friend, he doesn't have any on his loadout and the act seems a bit reckless for a street-raised kid.

“I know who you are, Jedi,” she replied, extending her hands once again, prepared to attack. Once again, lightning left her fingertips and started in the direction of her opponent, only to be met with his outstretched hand before disappearing into thin air.

Great use of Dispersion feat.

Why am I doing this?! the biker asked himself as waited. The ridiculousness of the situation hit him. "Wait just a second. How do you know me?" he asked. "And just who do you think I am?"

Evelynn paused, though didn't lower her sabers. "What are you on about Jedi?"

"I mean," Tisto replied slowly. "You said you know who I am. So how? I have never seen you before. Is it my jacket? No that can't be it either, we haven't gotten out that far."

"You are an Odanite, correct?" the Human replied, suddenly confused, her sabers lowering slightly. "Why are you asking this?"

Tisto shrugged. "I mean, this just seems too much like a holovid. Way too much for my taste. That's why I said 'then you know what I am capable of'. It seemed like the right reply. So, if you want to try and kill me, tell me who I am."

Evelynn scowled, leaping in for a strike. Tisto barely sidestepped the attack shaking his head. Can't let her know that was uncomfortably close. Hopefully, I can keep this up. Hopefully.

"You are a damned Jedi! And one who seems to like dressing up like a gang member," the Dakhani replied angrily. "What else is there to know?"

"So that's it?" Tisto asked in an annoyed tone. "You would try to kill someone just for that? You could have at least said that you had heard of my gang before. You got my hopes up. Just for that, I won't let you try to kill me. Now get out of my way, I need to go pay for this blaster."

There was a cheer in the direction of the shop owner. Several bystanders also cheered, one even starting to laugh. Tisto half bowed to them, then made a shooing motion displaying his worry. "Seriously guys," he hissed. "She attacked me for no reason, just run for it."

Evelynn snapped, swinging wildly at Tisto. The biker ducked under one, sidestepped two more and was lightly grazed across the arm by a fourth. He gathered the Force in his hand as he ducked under another strike, then pushing out. Evelynn flew back, crashing into the crates full of blasters, her sabers leaving her hands upon impact. She pushed herself up, feeling splinters and numerous bruises. Tisto walked forward methodically, calling on the Force and slowly curling his left hand up. The human froze as she felt something press against her throat. The biker slowly lifted his hand, lifting Evelynn off the ground. He held her there, cutting off her ability to breathe, and watched her struggle, releasing her when her eyes closed.

"Sorry about the creates," he said to the shop owner, reaching into a pouch on his belt. "Hopefully this helps."

The biker dropped a handful of credits into the man's hand, not bothering to count, before walking away.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 2 July, 2017 8:01 PM UTC

Tisto barely sidestepped the attack shaking his head.

Comma needed.

Evelynn watched as the Ranger gripped his lightsaber with both hands, taking up the familiar stance she used when she was an apprentice. The corridor, once filled with innocent shoppers who were now frantically running away from the threatening hums of the lightsabers, quickly emptied, leaving the two alone to finish their battle.

"You sure you know how to use that thing?" the Quaestor asked, a smug smile on her face. She unclipped the two shoto lightsabers off her belt and activated them. Putting her left foot forward, she spun the crimson blades ominously, bending her knees slightly and spreading her arms to either side of her body.

The Odanite reacted immediately as he jumped forward and came down on the Sith, delivering a two-handed overhead blow. Wyrm crossed her lightsabers above her head, easily parrying the strike. Allowing momentum to guide him, Tisto released the grip on his lightsaber with his left hand, grabbing Evelynn's elbow and pulling it toward him as he delivered his right knee into her stomach. As the Sadowan gasped for breath, Kingang continued his assault with a well placed elbow shot to her head, sending her flying backwards.

The continuous use of lightning had an effect on Evelynn. Her reflexes were off, and she couldn’t dull the pain as easily as she usually would. Above her, the Kiffar extended his right hand, pointing it toward a small kiosk to their side. Concentrating on it, he let the Force flow through him and toppled the kiosk, watching it land directly over Wyrm’s body.

Taking a step over one of the bars holding the kiosk together, he kicked the lightsaber out of Evelynn’s right hand. “I think it served me well enough, wouldn’t you say?”

With a broad smile on his face, the Jedi smashed his right heel into Evelynn’s forearm, crushing her bones as she let out a scream of pain.

“The authorities should be able to take care of you now,” he said over his shoulder, making his way toward a group of guards running toward the scene of the battle.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 2 July, 2017 8:04 PM UTC

Not bad for a short post. Really impressed actually.