Redemption.
The metal was warm underneath him. He pressed his palm tight to the engine casing, quaking and hot. It almost burned, but still he held it. The touch was a comfort.
Tisto left his hand there a little longer, then forced himself to exhale, cutting the engine and dismounting. The moment he did, he felt lesser. Some part of him was always in his swoopbikes, missing when he wasn't astride one. He touched it again. The stillness was wrong, but the carriage was still hot. The sting was sweet then numb then screaming.
Sighing, he backed up, adjusted his jacket, checked Lucia at his belt. Over his shoulder, he heard the electronic chattering of his droid and turned to see the probe come floating out of the ruined temple behind him. His eyes flickered around as Do reached his side, bobbing proudly, almost preening.
The Dark Side drowned the whole place, churning his gut. He would find something here. Do had detected humanoid life signs. Someone was here, and the Kiffar was sure that that someone would be the missing Grand Master.
Tisto was going to bring Pravus to his knees.
They'll see, then, he thought. He would show his clanmates that he would make amends. It wouldn't matter then what record he had. It wouldn't matter that none of his summit knew he'd set out for Dromund Kaas, exactly. He'd planned carefully for this, followed leads, chosen his suspected target well. The Void Serpents would take care of things on their own until he got back, and then—
Redemption.
The Odanite gripped his lightsaber and strode forward, stretching out his senses, trying to parse shadow from shadow. There was just so much darkness here, he wasn't sure how much of it was the storm or the planet or...or if it was all his target.
But no, he wouldn't fear. Pravus was going to die the worst death the Kiffar could come up with. He deserved far worse.
Those thoughts resolved Tisto, a steady flame inside him like his bike under hand. He advanced, creeping through a collapsed wall, over rubble, around broken, jagged chunks of duracrete, each of his steps billowing dust. He entered the main chamber, eyes lifting high to the broken mezzanine above—
Something clattered.
The Force flooded him. He lashed out, the telekinetic blast striking from his thrown fist and blasting across the chamber, slamming into—
The Kiffar watched a womp rat sail up into the air before it plummeted back to the ground with a meaty thump. It didn't move. He frowned.
"No!" shouted a voice behind him, and the gang leader startled yet again, whirling and snapping his lightsaber to life. The scarlet blade roared, illuminating...a blindfolded woman. “OUT OF THE WAY!” her familiar voice commanded, its snap sharp enough to chill.
She pushed past Tisto, rushing forward, dropping to her knees, and skidding to a stop next to the small creature. She bowed over it, hands cupping its body.
Seconds ticked by. The rat trembled, then thrashed, chittering. “Rest, litlun. You’re safe,” the Miraluka shushed, and by some magic of the Force, it did, lolling back into twitchy sleep. Its chest rose and fell.
She stood and pivoted slowly towards Tisto. He realized why she was so recognizable, then: Atyiru, the Consul of Arcona, their ally. He'd seen and heard her several times, but never with her spoken directly. She approached.
"Atyiru...what are you doing here? I thought..." Tisto began, lowering his weapon in a friendly gesture. "How long have you been here? Have you seen anyone else? You're not who I was expecting—"
Atyiru's hand struck out and jammed a wad of...gauze? into his mouth from somewhere on her person. He gagged.
"Children, the lot of you," she scolded, tone cold. "Vengeful, angry children. I caution Turel, every time, and does he ever listen? No. He's too blinded. You all are. More violence, always violence, as if it is the first answer to every slight! You make habit of what should be the absolute last resort. Pah! You, ohhh..." She trailed off, inhaled, sighed harshly. "I can feel the Dark creeping in you, and it is no friend to you if you do not respect it. It finds your worst and it feeds if you allow it. Violence! Hmph. Look what you did to an innocent creature, and think how many more will be hurt when you start shooting where there are more people than ghosts."
Syntax
While this would be great for a sudden interruption, the flow of words (combined with the structure) leans towards an ellipsis instead. A slight pause instead of an abrupt interruption.
The second half of this is incredibly awkward. It would be alleviated as "but never spoken with her directly."
The mid-sentence question mark here resulted in much cross-referencing. It seems even the internet is quite divided on the exact current implementation of this, whereas it is far more common in what is considered "old literature". Not marking this down, but commenting that it pulled me right out.
Story
This is a heavy handed "cold open" to this story. I'm assuming this is something that Tisto was thinking about? Perhaps a theme that will become important throughout. However, it feels very out of place just off on its own here and then ignored by the paragraphs following.
I did really like the imagery and set-up at play here. Not exactly enthralled with the actual conflict between them being her shutting him up and then lecturing him. It's very one sided and lacks the give and take of actual conflict and combat. Too much focus on the build up without weighing it against the pacing of a 2+2 match.
Realism
This reads very much as an application of Beast Control, especially with the "some magic of the Force" reference. That isn't an ability on Atyiru's sheet. Different word choice may have played this into her Empathy but, after discussion, the missing Force Power was the strongest thought.