He motioned to a member of the wait staff with a raised finger. The enticingly-attired Twi'lek woman gave the slightest nod of her head, placing another glass of viridescent fluid glittered as light passed through the clear container. Taking a sip, Bentre took careful note of the room's occupants. The task was easier, given the volume of the music and the way that alcohol seemed to flow more freely here.
Drawing a cautious, deep breath, the Shadow shifted Pazaak cards between his hands. A pair of guards, one human and one Quarren male, stood by the exit, watching the palace's patrons as they caroused. Thankfully the pair were a different set from the guards from his last trip here. The dancers were certainly a sight, but they were of little threat. Somehow, whenever he found himself away from Sepros, they always seemed to.
"Hey, are you going to play a card or did you just plan to sit there with your mouth hanging ajar?" The words of his opponent drew Bentre back to the task at hand. Looking from his cards back to his opponent, the Corellian Sith crinkled his nose in irritation. "What," the woman waved her hand in front of his face, "did I interrupt your daydream? Maybe you would like to go ahead and just stand if you are going to leave me waiting?"
The Shadow considered his cards thoughtfully for a moment. He had fifteen on the table, with two negative fives and a negative six, he was sitting in a pretty decent position. Smiling smugly, the man tapped the table, signifying his desire to stand. The droid turned from Stahoes to the woman, placing another card down on the table. Lucine smiled back at Bentre as she tapped her finger on the table, standing on a natural sixteen.
Nothing but a bit of luck, Stahoes groused to himself as the droid began to shuffle the cards between metallic fingers before placing the deck back on the table. The droid dealt the Battlelord a ten card, before dealing his opponent a five. A sense of ease brought a smile to the Shadow's face for just a moment. As he relished in the feeling, Bentre realized that something was off. A realization slowly dawned on the Sadowan Equite. Why would I stand on a fifteen with a negative five in hand? I take bigger risks than that while playing back at the bar on Sepros.
As he watched his opponent, the Battlelord could feel a tickle in the Force. She is trying to pull a fast one over on you, Benny. The dark voice burbled from his self-conscience with a hungry whisper. Don't tell me you are going to take that sitting down.
"Noah, sleemo," Bentre's words were low, barely audible over the ambient noise as he stood up, "Yoka to Bantha poodoo." He didn't know if the woman understood Huttese, but his tone seemed to get the point across as he lowered a hand to the blaster hanging at his side.
"I bet you would like that," the woman gave a half-smile, before throwing her own hand up from below the table. A flash of yellow sand was all that Stahoes could see before he felt a sharp burning sensation in his eyes. Shaking his head, the Corellian Sith loosed bellow of rage. Finally, after several moments of rubbing at his teary eyes, the Shadow managed to clear his vision enough to see that his opponent had vanished.
"Come on out! If you have guts enough to do that, you should have guts enough to take the whooping you earned for it." His words had garnered the attention of the other patrons of the Winter Palace.
From the corner of his eye, Stahoes saw the red-headed figure running toward the bar, toward a doorway out. Visualizing his rage as a ball, Bentre threw his hand out, slinging a lance of white-hot energy at the woman who had gained his ire. Bottles exploded as the attack missed its target and struck the shelf behind, showering the Rodian barkeeper in a shower of glittering glass. In desperation, the woman dove behind a sabaac table. The Shadow began to stalk toward the table, his anger fully stoked.
Suddenly, a fork of energy struck him in the chest, similar to the one that he had just used. The woman stood there for a moment, her hand outstretched.
"Fancy illusion. Let's see you outrun my blaster," Bentre growled.
Syntax
This is an incomplete sentence. They always seemed to what? The last sentence said they dancers were cute but were of little threat. It doesn't play into this sentence, so it is left muddled.
Should be careful not to repeat words and actions in close proximity. In this case, "opponent" should have been changed up to keep the flow.
Since this is denoting an action, it should be its own sentences rather than a continuous sentence. You do this in a couple instances.
Another area where it should be split.
Missed a word here to complete the structure.
Repetitious use of "shower".
Realism
Mind Trick requires a focusing gesture at all ranks in order to implant the suggestion or otherwise manipulate the target. Someone of his Perception would have spotted such a gesture, so this all plays together into a minor hit.
Continuity
This was confusing to both myself and the Voice. We weren't quite sure the order of operations. Was this an Illusion from the beginning or was the attempt at Lightning the sole Illusion? This ambiguity creates the following error: when did she go from diving behind the table to standing.