Augur Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar vs. Seer Uji Tameike

Augur Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Human, Force Disciple, Defender, Sentinel
vs.

Seer Uji Tameike

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Human, Force Disciple, Defender
Comment

Thank you both for participating in the first phase of the ACC portion of the GJW!

I thought this match was a great example of a fairly straight-forward match that nonetheless had some nice elements to elevate it. Sang, you in particular did some great work setting the scene at the beginning of your opening post. You both had some good action in all of your posts, even Sang's shorter final post. :)

This was an extremely clean battle in terms of detractors. You each only had one - Sang, the minor issue with tenses in your opening post and Uji, the minor realism detractor. As you can tell from the score, it came down to the wire. Unfortunately, as realism is weighted more heavily than syntax, that proved to be the deciding factor. I want to thank you both for a good match, and wish you luck going forward.

The winner of this match is Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar.

Hall Phase I: Winds of Change [GJWXII]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [GJW XII Event Long] Combat Writing - ACC Ladder
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Augur Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar, Seer Uji Tameike
Winner Augur Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Augur Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Seer Uji Tameike's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Nal Hutta: Winter Palace
Last Post 6 July, 2017 9:45 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar Fist Uji Tameike
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: One minor issue noted in the opening post. Rationale: No issues noted.
Story - 40%
Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar Fist Uji Tameike
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: I felt like your opening post setup a good story and provided some nice characterization. If that would have continued in your final post, it likely would have bumped you up to a five here. Rationale: This felt like a step up from a normal ACC battle.
Realism - 25%
Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar Fist Uji Tameike
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issues noted. Rationale: It's only a minor detractor, but the noted issue with Endurance in your opening post still cost you a point here.
Continuity - 20%
Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar Fist Uji Tameike
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues noted. Rationale: No issues noted.
Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar's Score: 4.45 Fist Uji Tameike's Score: 4.35
Posts

Nal Hutta Winter Palace

Seated within the Glorious Jewel of the Hutts, the Winter Palace is situated on a remote island near the planet’s equator. Although blanketed with the pollution from Hutt industry, its location makes the climate hot and humid. Surrounded with trees and vines, it could be considered to be a paradise, even among the barren wasteland of Nal Hutta. Outside of the Winter Palace, a network of sewer pipes transfer the waste from the palace to wherever seems far enough to dump into the oceans surrounding the island. Flora and fauna that have adapted to the Hutt’s environmental changes thrive in the polluted forests surrounding the Winter Palace.

Stepping through its gilded gates, the lavish interior serves as the main audience chamber. Once belonging to the wealth of Jiliac Desilijic Tiron, the gleaming stone of the main aisle leads up to a Hutt’s dais lined with an expensive carpet. Beautiful tapestries line the high walls, telling of the sordid histories of those who woven them, awaiting execution in Jiliac’s dungeons.

Finally, the antechamber to the "throne" room is illuminated from above with high-skylighted ceilings. Constructed from lightly colored stone, the antechamber might have been where the late Hutt entertained his guests before an audience with spice and exotic dancers. In the hands of the Hutt Kajidics, however, these traditions have continued as the Winter Palace now serves as a front for criminal and business ventures that come and go.

The smell of stale sweat, exotic spices and scintillating perfume swirled, combining into a whirlwind of sensation that merged with the bright lights and slightly off-key music. The once infamous Winter Palace was still a den of sin where a man could come to hide.

Sanguinius Entar was such a man. The Jedi, for he was one, despite his maintained cover as a Grey Jedi, was here to make contact with one of his fellow Lotus agents. The Consul of Naga Sadow found it hard to move around unnoticed, thanks to his office. He often wished for the simpler days, back before the madman Pravus had decided to enact his pogrom on the Brotherhood. Thousands of innocents had perished, guilty only of existing. He couldn’t stand aside and let these innocents suffer.

Naga Sadow offered an opportunity to oppose the madness. The home to Darth Ashen, the Clan had the potential to act as a beacon to rally around. Unfortunately, the Jedi had found it more difficult than he had expected. The Sadowans had been apathetic to getting involved in the struggle, choosing to hide away and ride out the storm.

Their decision had been the wrong one, as the Iron Throne wanted no allies, only subjugated Clans. That censure had come in the form of the Iron Throne’s fleet, smashing Naga Sadow’s ships aside and sending a message that no one was safe, no one could remain neutral and oppose the plans of the Grand Master.

Getting to Nal Hutta had been a difficult journey. His Proconsul had demanded that he take a protection detail. Losing that detail had involved a crash on Nar Shaddaa.

The Consul lounged amongst a group of what he assumed were smugglers. Of course, they were a little too loud to be successful smugglers. Experience told him that those who boasted the most often had the least to boast about. His badges of office and any identifying garb were stored on his ship, several miles away. Sang had affected the look of an itinerant spacer, here to score some drinks, spice and girls, in order to blend in with those who the Hutts fleeced, overcharging those who sought entertainment and patronage.

Sanguinius felt eyes on him and directed his gaze at a man who seemed vaguely familiar. His mind raced, skipping through faces of people he had met in the past. The man approached the Entar, raising a tumbler filled with golden amber liquid in greeting.

Recognition dawned as the stranger sat down at the table. “Uji...” Sanguinius hissed, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to inform you that you won’t be meeting your contact,” Uji crossed his legs, relaxing back in the chair. “Additionally, your security detail isn’t doing too well after that little accident on Nar Shaddaa.”

Sanguinius bristled, but his eyes darted around the room, checking his prepared exits. The Jedi had planned for the worst possible situations, marking out his potential escape routes and had hidden his lightsabers nearby, as they would have been discovered and confiscated by the Winter Palace’s guards.

Uji watched the Entar, clearly amused at his fellow Defender’s panic. “You’ll find the exits aren’t so accommodating either, old friend.”

“What do you want, Tameike?” Sang demanded, his eyes boring into the Seer’s, the looks clearly threatening violence in response to the intimidating words.

“Why, I want you,” Uji replied, smiling. “The Consul of Naga Sadow, all alone? You’re too valuable a target to pass up.”

The Augur’s quick mind put two and two together and logically assumed the Inquisitorius had sent Uji as their agent to apprehend him.

“Over my dead body.” Sanguinius snarled, he had no interest in becoming a prisoner of the Inquisitorius. .

The Sadowan sprang up from his chair, catching the edge of the table with his right hand. The movement flipped the table onto its side, sending the drinks on it tumbling to the floor. The Entar’s left hand unholstered one of his Westar-35s in order to blast Uji away.

Uji’s foot lashed out and kicked the table, pushing his chair backwards, knocking it over and tumbled out of it. Sanguinius unleashed a torrent of blaster fire, punching holes through the chair. Pandemonium erupted as the patrons scattered and the guards started making their way through the crowd towards the Entar.

“I’m nobody’s fool, Tameike!” Sanguinius shouted over the noise.

Adept Farrin Xies Tarentae, 8 July, 2017 6:49 PM UTC

Uji’s foot lashed out and kicked the table, pushing his chair backwards, knocking it over and tumbled out of it.

I'm struggling with this sentence a bit. I feel as if you're trying to put too many actions into it, and there's a switch in tenses at the end.

“I would beg to differ!” Uji’s shout in return was lost amid the hail of blaster fire as he scrambled to avoid Sanguinius’ view.

The room exploded in movement, many of the patrons either drawing their own weapons or panicking in the chaos, moving to the nearest exit. Uji made his way into a larger group of fleeing customers, knowing Sanguinius would avoid firing into the crowd if possible.

”Idiot!” thought the former Proconsul. His intention to rattle Sanguinius before beginning negotiations had been a risk, but he had never expected the tension within the Brotherhood to drive the Jedi to such an extreme response. He knew he only had moments before the crowd would clear enough that, should the Sadowan choose, he could easily gun him down without Uji ever drawing a weapon.

Letting the fleeing mob pull him along, he hoped to blend in as well as he could, pushing and shoving his way towards the woods in the hopes of getting to where he had hidden his lightsaber. With the fool Consul drawing so much attention towards them, it was only a matter of time until one or both ended up dead as security arrived, let alone the Inquisition agents that Uji had intended to use as leverage in convincing Sang to work with him.

Finally breaking through an exit and managing to escape the bustle of bodies left the Arconan fleeing instead into the forests surrounding the Palace and away from the main host. Uji found himself already growing tired, the strain of the situation already causing him to draw on the Force. Stopping monetarily to catch his breath, a few gulps of the night air helping to draw his mind into focus, he reached out, his awareness extending until he felt the presence of his target.

Within the complex, Sanguinius had made his way out of the main room, having driven his would-be assassin away. He wondered as to why the Galeran hadn’t put up more of a fight. If his intent had been to capture him, he’d have expected an escort or a trap, but instead had found only an unarmed man. Curious as it was, he knew his plans here were at an end and it was time to go.

As he stooped to recover his lightsabers, extending his senses to warn him of any incoming threat, an image appeared briefly in his mind: the gardens outside, hidden from view but distinct enough for him to pick out the location. While he could briefly sense Tameike’s irritation, the invitation was clear enough and without implied threat.

It only took the Consul a moment to estimate the time they had before the Palace would be swarming with men searching for them. The wise course would be to leave, but his curiosity and desire to keep this entire effort from being wasted got the better of him as he headed into the forest.

It didn’t take long to navigate, still receiving the vaguest of impressions from his fellow Jedi as he made his way closer. A small clearing came into view where the Arconan stood with his lightsaber at his feet, hands displayed to each side in a passive stance.

“What are you up to, Tameike?” Sang drew his Westar-35 and leveled it as he entered the clearing, his other hand holding a lightsaber.

“I see now my mistake, Lord Consul. I had assumed you a man of intellect and possessing even the slightest hint of the Jedi’s patience. Instead, I see you are far too much like the current Consul of Odan-Urr: brash and prone to making decisions without taking a moment to think!” Uji hissed the words, his annoyance clear in his tone.

It wasn’t much of a surprise that the former Proconsul of Odan-Urr’s closest allies knew of the Sadowan's continued allegiance to the cause. As he thought about it, Sang realized that Uji had always been close to Atyiru and Turel both, that whether he was an agent of the Lotus or not, Tameike was likely at least sympathetic to their efforts.

“I came here to offer a deal, Lord Consul, and whether you realized it yet or not, I saved your life tonight. The Lotus agent you were intending to meet had been compromised. In short order, we’re going to find ourselves surrounded by Inquisition agents, so either put the blaster down and hear my offer or be on your way.”

Adept Farrin Xies Tarentae, 8 July, 2017 6:57 PM UTC

Uji found himself already growing tired, the strain of the situation already causing him to draw on the Force.

With +2 in Endurance, how is Uji already winded?

As he thought about it, Sang realized that Uji had always been close to Atyiru and Turel both, that whether he was an agent of the Lotus or not, Tameike was likely at least sympathetic to their efforts.

I'll be honest and say I'm not 100% sure whether this is grammatically correct. I'm not going to mark you down for it, obviously, but I think the use of "and" here (after "both" and before "that") would have made my head hurt less.

The blaster wavered as Sanguinius studied his former Clanmate, the Seer was right in one regard, he had assumed too much. His eyes twinkled with amusement and a slight smile played on the lips of the Entar.

“You’re right, Tameike,” Sanguinius winked at the Arconan as his blaster steadied. “I can be brash at times, but it’s all part of the plan.”

Uji raised an eyebrow at the wink, not expecting the Sadowan to have responded so, “My offer?”

The Westar-35 fired, sending an orange bolt of plasma screaming across the gap between the two Jedi to impact upon the torso of a black-clad figure approaching Uji from behind.

Uji turned to look as the stranger fell to the ground, the wound smoking from the heat of the plasma.

“That took you long enough, Jedi.” Uji shook his head in disappointment.

Sang holstered the blaster and walked towards the Seer. “I’ll hear you out, but first, let’s get out of here.” He offered his hand to his fellow Defender. “Sorry about the confusion by the way, just can’t trust anyone out here.”

Uji grasped the outstretched hand and shook it, “The Inquisitorius will not have sent just one agent against you.”

“Well then, grab your lightsaber, Tameike,” Sang broke contact and turned to look around the clearing. “I have the feeling you’ll be needing it soon.”

The words had hardly left the Augur’s mouth as several palace guards appeared and charged the duo.

Sanguinius grabbed his lightsaber from his belt and ignited it, standing in front of Uji to protect him as the Arcona bent down to pick up his blade.

“I’ll see you on the other side, Tameike,” Sang chuckled, before charging into the approaching guards.

Adept Farrin Xies Tarentae, 8 July, 2017 7:10 PM UTC

I was surprised at how short this post is. There's nothing wrong with it, per se, I just think you could have expanded on it a bit more - after all, you set yourself up for some perfect action at the end.

Uji watched Sanguinius for any reaction and prepared to protect himself if necessary, though it would not matter much at this range; if the Consul chose to end his life, he would have scant seconds to try and get to safety. He was gambling on the man's interest and relying on the Jedi’s selflessness. The former Proconsul knew that if he could put the right spin on things, he could play Sanguinius into helping him.

“Tell me your offer and then I’ll decide if we’re both getting out of here tonight.” Sang’s response came with the lowering of his blaster, though his opposite hand still gripped his lightsaber, prepared at any moment to strike.

“Let me be clear: I have no particular desire to assist the Inquisition or the Lotus. Both groups have a tendency of placing their agents in far more danger than is necessary. What I do know is that both organizations have caused massive numbers of casualties to civilian populations.” Uji twisted his face into a grimace, having seen firsthand the effect the Brotherhood could have on those uninvolved in their schemes but caught in the crossfire nonetheless.

“Get on with it, Tameike. What is it you’re offering?” Sang glanced around them again, concerned that they would be discovered.

“Simply put, Lord Consul, I want your assistance in transport and delivery of cargo to worlds that have been devastated by the growing conflict. We both know that this will only grow worse and people will need a group to turn to when they can’t find help elsewhere.” Uji couldn’t read the Consul’s response. He cursed inwardly as he felt Sang’s emotions and thoughts closed off, even within the Force, as he concealed his presence.

“And you intend to manage this how?”

“The details can come later. What is important, Sanguinius, is that we can assist those in need. And if along the way, we can turn a profit on the supplies provided...all the better to benefit our Clans.” Uji raised his eyes and his expression grew dark as the Consul lifted the Westar-35 and leveled it at him.

“War profiteering is your offer? You almost had me believing your altruism for a moment, Uji. Leave it to an Arconan to think only of themselves.” Sang snorted and shook his head. The Consul seemed to reconsider the use of the blaster, holstering it and changing which hand held his lightsaber. In that moment, Uji took the chance and dove for the saber at his feet. His fingers wrapped around the handle as he rolled, coming back to his feet.

The hiss of Sanguinius’ saber met him before he ever had a chance to activate the weapon. The brilliant white aura of the blade hovered directly below his chin, an inch from dealing death as both men locked gaze with one another.

“I will give Atyiru my thanks for the loss of her clansman. I’ll inform her of how you gave your life to ensure my safety and let them at least remember you with dignity, rather than as scum who would seek to gain profit from suffering. I would consider letting you go. But I won’t let you take advantage of the war that’s coming, Tameike.”

Uji began to respond, a biting retort on the tip of his tongue, and in an instant he found he couldn’t speak, the warmth near his throat growing cold in moments as the plasma of the lightsaber slipped through the flesh. There was no pain; no scream could escape his lips. The only sound was his weapon dropping from his fingertips moments before he fell beside it, his vision fading.