Seer Qor Palpatine vs. Warlord Selika Roh di Plagia

Seer Qor Palpatine

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Quarren, Force Disciple, Arcanist
vs.

Warlord Selika Roh di Plagia

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Female Human, Sith, Seeker, Krath
Comment

The notes and scorecards speak pretty clearly for this match. Selika was the stronger writer in story and technical writing. Both writers made small mechanical errors but the difference really came in how clear and concise Selika's posts were in contrast to some of the more confusing and stale elements of Lexic's posts played out.

Nice work, both of you.

-W

Hall Phase I: Winds of Change [GJWXII]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [GJW XII Event Long] Combat Writing - ACC Ladder
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Seer Qor Palpatine, Warlord Selika Roh di Plagia
Winner Warlord Selika Roh di Plagia
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Seer Qor Palpatine's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Warlord Selika Roh di Plagia's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Ilum: Crystal Cave
Last Post 5 July, 2017 9:28 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Master Selika Roh di Plagia Qor Kith
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Small typos. Rationale: Repeated and distracting issues with comma usage and general syntax.
Story - 40%
Master Selika Roh di Plagia Qor Kith
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Great work with the set up, and great work with the ending. A solid post with good drive and clever writing. Lacked the "wow" moment or punch to get a 5 out of me. Rationale: Straight forward story. Didn't do much to drive or twist the narrative. Odd dialogue choices that felt off, and in general there was nothing bad but nothing that stood out in any way to me as a reader.
Realism - 25%
Master Selika Roh di Plagia Qor Kith
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: See comments. Rationale: See comments.
Continuity - 20%
Master Selika Roh di Plagia Qor Kith
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues I saw Rationale: No issues I saw
Master Selika Roh di Plagia's Score: 4.2 Qor Kith's Score: 3.65
Posts

Ilum Crystal Cave

On the planet of dangerous myths, shocking fables and unspoken legends, there is also beauty. Dispersed around the untamed world are flaws; cracks formed through thousands of years. Glacial rivers rushing and destroying cliffs, racing and scooping away the soil and digging crevices untouched by all but a handful of explorers from ages long past. Isolated at the southern tip of Ilum, this particular ravine is close to the planet’s core. No-one ever dared to dive directly down into the darkness of the ravine, instead opting for laser drills that bore a tunnel into the nearby glacier. Uncharted and unexplored, this passageway is a place of nightmares for those who venture to its depths. The half-eaten carcasses of explorers who have met an untimely end litter the ravine’s descent—a warning to those who might choose to venture too far. Whether these men and women fell to their deaths, or had been murdered remains lost to the long-forgotten histories of the ravine.

The antechamber of the Crystal Cave is wide and cavernous with a winding walkway carved out of the stone itself and smoothed over with glacial elegance. The pathway ascending upwards to the top of the cave where a resilient sheet of ancient stone weathers against the raging winds from Ilum’s winter skies. At the base of the walkway is a platform of old stone used for meditation in times past.

Ilum Crystal Cave

Leaving the main antechamber leads to other tunnels carved and abandoned by miners and treasure hunters. Glinting like candlelight against the unforgiving darkness of the deep and untrodden cave, translucent clusters of kyber crystals crystals reflect the light. Untouched for a millennia, the value in this chamber once sparked an entire battle between the Galactic Republic and the Sith Empire. The sides of the cavern stretch vertically, terminating in a vaulted arch that was carved with embellishments some time ago. On each side of the walls, various ports and alcoves distinguish in the light. Some are known to be rivers of purified water, as displayed by the translucent sheets of ice glistening along the alcove walls.

Selika studied the sheet of flimsiplast she held in her hands. The hastily scrawled notes, written down on the flimsy to prevent leaving any electronic record, had been pieced together from various holocrons under her care. The clues and hints sprinkled throughout the stores of the Holocron Center implied the possible existence of an artifact of great power that had once lain hidden within the depths of Ilum, so Selika had journeyed deep into the Unknown Regions to discover if it still remained.

Never one to shy away from using whatever advantage she could seize upon in order to give herself a leg up, Selika had shown no shame in exploiting her access to the Brotherhood's holocrons for her own use and the use of her clan. Pravus, Grand Master of the Brotherhood, had become increasingly unstable and any chance at finding a weapon to wield against him had to be investigated. His rumored absence had offered the perfect opportunity for Selika to slip away and commence her search. Having played the part of loyal Inquisitor, even to the point of keeping the Iron Throne informed of the activities of her predecessor, Selika had avoided the focused attention of the Inquisitorius that others faced.

The cold of the caves seeped through the thermal body glove that Selika wore under her robes, serving to momentarily distract her away from the task at hand. With her focus now fractured, she was also able to sense the presence someone else within the shadowy reaches of the cave. The being shone in the Force with the dull glow of one who had embraced neither the dark or light sides, and what hints she felt of his mind were distinctly alien. Obviously the intermittent sensor echo that she had detected on her way to Ilum had been no echo.

"You might as well come out," Selika called out to her shadow.

The other being revealed himself by stepping out from the dark tunnel, his mouth tentacles moving in the telltale motions that approximated the Quarren version of a smirk.

"Imagine," Qor Palpatine quipped, "finding the Dread Lord skulking about in a cave. Who would have thought?"

"So, I take it the Inquisitorius was watching me more closely than I thought?" Selika mused.

"Who mentioned the Inquisitors?" Qor scoffed. "You think that the Emperor doesn't keep tabs on what the other Consuls are doing? The leader of Plagueis and keeper of the Holocron Center just snuck out in the dead of night to a world full of buried Jedi secrets."

"So Xen'mordin sent you out to see if there was anything worth finding," Selika concluded.

"Got it in one," Qor replied.

"Then you will leave here with nothing, Palpatine," Selika said, the last word dripping with the disdain Selika felt for Imperials and their Palatinaen emulators. "And, if you inconvenience me, you can join the bodies you passed on your way in."

The Quarrens brow furrowed, suggestion a frown. "I had hoped that violence would not have been necessary," he said with a resigned tone, "but if you insist…"

The thunderous report of a slugthrower echoed down from the walkways above. It was only a flash of impending danger she sensed through the Force that allowed Selika to raise a defensive barrier to stop the projectile. Pushing out with her Force senses, Selika realized that the two of them were not alone. Crouched atop one of the walkways was some type of combat droid wielding a nasty looking slugthrower pistol.

"I sent my HK droid on ahead, trusting that he would make it down here before either of us could," Qor explained.

Another shot rang out, followed by a third. Selika's barrier was able to shrug off their impacts, but it couldn't last forever.

"You could save us all some time and trouble by just surrendering now," Qor suggested. "I'm only here to take whatever it is you find."

"Surrender? When you've brought me this adorable tin soldier to play with?" Selika said, a grin on her face as dark amusement shone in her eyes. "I recently battled an entire army of droids, and you only thought to bring one?"

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 8 July, 2017 5:01 AM UTC

Pushing out with her Force senses, Selika realized that the two of them were not alone. Crouched atop one of the walkways was some type of combat droid wielding a nasty looking slugthrower pistol.

Droids can't be sensed through the Force. Selika is Intelligent and Perceptive, she'd probably be able to know that they are "not a lone" by the fact that someone shot at her.

Crouching behind a lip in the walkway, the HK series droid fired a couple more shots towards Selika. The echo of the shots rang through the crystals and ice as her hand tightened and the translucent cornea in front of her shimmered in the crystal light.

With the aid of the Force, the Sith danced across the cavern floor. Her boots a-blur across the floor, the Plagueian deflected the slugs with relative ease. As she flanked the droid and closed the gap, it calculated his position was breached. The HK leapt from the cover and walked backwards, ascending the walkway.

“Impossible! How can such a frail meatbag miss my mark every time?” The droid’s voice box broke into high volume, the pressure was getting him.

“This one seems new, I wonder if the model still uses the roll and shoot maneuver,” Selika purred as a cold smirk grew. Her blurred boots criss-crossed and hopped up the walkway. With a sharp hiss, Selika’s dominant hand came up to her and her fingers tightened as the Force gripped the droid’s slugthrower, and pointed it away. She directed the bolts away with her invisible shield, but time was beating her. Flakes of the translucent cornea began to glide like snow petals, as the slugthrower did more and more damage.

“Boo,” The Sith laughed. She hopped into the air and twisted as her body arced over the droid’s aim with relative ease despite the tight body glove.

As it formulated the probability of this attack, HK dropped to his knees, it dove aside and into a roll.

Like fish to the worm, Selika thought.

Simultaneously dropping her barrier and her lightsaber, she coiled her free hand back into a fist. Selika threw her fist around and forward as the Force imitated her movement, then planted a crushing blow onto the HK’s head. Metal and lights broke and bent as the droid stumbled across the walkway. Seizing the moment, Selika raced forward and slammed her palm into the HK unit’s chest, sparks crawled and whipped from her fingers while the dark side ignited lightning penetrated and destroyed his circuits. She then pushed it off the edge.

“No…” Qor remained silent and focused, while the droid fell.

Splash!

It’s body clapped against the cavern’s river, frightening a flock of bats into fleeing.

“Take this as a message, Palpatine. This holocron is mine!” Selika laughed out and swaggered down the walkway.

Qor, unnerved by her display of dominance, gripped the hilt of his saberstaff and yanked the weapon free.

“Yes, I can feel your anger, Quarren,” her hand extended and she focused on him intensely.

Pushing and creeping into his memories, Qor felt a wash of the dark side as he focused harder. Memories of his mistakes and past family cropped up in his thoughts, soldiers dead at his command, and failed experiments he spent countless hours perfecting. Visions of his parents shouting at him, pointing fingers, spittle firing to his face; the constant shouting and noise flooded his attention.

“Your tricks and magic do not elude me, Sith. You’ll have to try-” Qor fell silent as something shimmered before him.

Robed in white and gold, holding a golden and black lightsaber, a vision of the powerful and manipulative being came to light. His golden-red eyes glared viciously at Qor, as his breathing invaded the Quarren’s ears.

“Pravus!? What are you-”

“Undesirable Palpatine! You will assist me in my assault on the Sith woman, or die!” The Grandmaster’s voice turned mechanical and cloned. Qor frowned, that voice was familiar.

“What is it going to be, Palpatine? Kill him or kill me?” Selika cackled as she observed Qor hesitantly backing away, while the broken HK droid limped to his owner.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 8 July, 2017 5:13 AM UTC

cavern floor. Her boots a-blur across the floor,

repetitive language here with floor and floor.

The droid’s voice box broke into high volume, the pressure was getting him.

comma splice.

With a sharp hiss, Selika’s dominant hand came up to her and her fingers tightened as the Force gripped the droid’s slugthrower, and pointed it away. She directed the bolts away with her invisible shield, but time was beating her.

It seems like she's using TK here to point the gun away, and then uses a shield on top of that? It's confusing. Selika also has her saber gripped in one hand so it doubly confuses.

“Boo,” The Sith laughed.

Odd dialogue choice.

As it formulated the probability of this attack, HK dropped to his knees, it dove aside and into a roll

Syntax again.

Selika admitted to herself that an illusion of a crazed Grand Master was not terribly inspired, but it had more impact than more subtle manipulations of the Quarren's fears. As Qor shook his head and pushed out with his Force senses to probe her illusion, Selika was already moving. She reached out with the Force and felt its grip tighten around the damaged droid's midsection. Raising her free hand slightly, the droid rose a few feet off the ground and a slight movement of her hand sent the droid flying towards its owner. With Qor so focused on the distraction before him, he was taken completely by surprise as the improvized projectile slammed into him. Knocked to the ground with skull rattling force, Qor pushed himself back to his feet and thumbed on his lightsaber as Selika's illusion faded.

"You really should learn to take better care of your toys," Selika chided him as she pulled the droid back towards its owner.

This time the alien was ready as a shimmering barrier interposed itself between him and the onrushing droid. Crashing against it, sparks flew from the droid's already damaged systems as they absorbed more punishment. Static issued forth from a vocoder that was no longer capable of forming speech.

"If a tool is no longer useful, it should be discarded and replaced," Qor replied. "Be it a simple scalpel or something more complex."

Qor's Force energy wove itself around the droid, ripping it from Selika's telekinetic grip. A violent gesture from the Quarren sent it towards the cavern wall where it wedged itself into a fissure. After a few experimental tugs, Selika realized it was too tightly held there for her to free it again.

"I guess we'll have to resolve this the old fashioned way," Selika said with a sigh.

Raising her own weapon into a guard position, she started to circle around towards Qor's left side. Qor moved as well, his form a distorted, alien mirror of her own. Selika allowed the Palatinaean the first strike, confident in her ability to counter the limited attacks common to the form they shared. Focused only on defense, Selika worked to blocked her opponent's blows. Some strikes she deflected upward while others she parried and spun away from, careful to move laterally instead of retreat towards the cavern walls. She could sense frustration bubbling just below Qor's surface as he failed to breach her defenses.

"Keep trying," Selika said with amusement. "You have to succeed at some point."

"Mock all you like, Plagueian," Qor responded, the last word dripping with contempt. "You can't even manage a single strike."

"Perhaps," Selika said, focusing her attention on the faint glow of force energy around one of the two fingers of his left hand. "Something different, then?"

A sudden surge of Force energy wrapped itself around the Palpatine ring on Qor's finger. Before he could react, Selika use the Force to twist the ring in a direction that his finger was not meant to go, snapping the bone with a sharp crack.

"That's why I never wear mine," Selika chided as the Quarren screamed out in agony.

Unable to focus on healing his injury, it was all Qor could do to push the pain out of his mind. He failed, however, to banish his boiling anger with such ease. Unable to grip his weapon with his injured hand, Qor was forced into using a clumsy, one handed grip on his saber staff. He roared as he launched an awkward attack at his tormenter, swinging his blade wildly. Selika smiled as she raised her weapon to parry it, but instead deactivated her blade for a split second as it was about to meet her enemy's strike. Moving to her left, she sidestepped his emerald green blade as he stumbled forward when her expected block never materialized.

Now moving behind Qor as his momentum carried him to his knees, Selika exposed his neck as she pulled his head up via telekinetic grip on his mouth tentacles.

"Deactivate your saber," she said, sidling her glowing blade into place a hairsbreadth from his throat.

Qor did as he was told.

"Now, go back to your master and tell him to stay out of my concerns," Selika ordered with a smirk, not wanting to kill the Palatinaean for fear of causing strife between their Clans that Selika could ill afford. "And look at it his way, your heart was never really in this fight."

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 8 July, 2017 5:20 AM UTC

Focused only on defense, Selika worked to blocked her opponent's blows.

to block.

A sudden surge of Force energy wrapped itself around the Palpatine ring on Qor's finger. Before he could react, Selika use the Force to twist the ring in a direction that his finger was not meant to go, snapping the bone with a sharp crack.

Nice.

Astonishment and shock washed over the Quarren, his eyes darted across the white-robed man with dread. His knees buckled slightly, but Qor kept his stoic appearance and straightened his back. He kept his ground and stared at the Grand Master, while the clunking of his metallic boots brought him closer.

“Help me, mortal fleshbag!” The voice echoed on itself and fuzzed, while Pravus came within arm’s length. With his saberstaff firmly in grip, Qor ignited the emerald blades and sliced forward. The dual-blades ripped and sparked through the body of the Grand Master, who tumbled and collapsed onto Qor. Tackled to the ground and in a pool of icy water, the Seer felt a small snap of electricity run through him. As if like a mist was lifted, the white-robed man dissipated from his vision and Qor’s HK droid appeared on top of him. Jolting and sparking, the unit shut itself down in order to begin repairs. Spittle in Qor’s throat was hard to swallow, as he believed the worst had come for his droid companion.

“Ha! And the Consul sent you to collect this treasure? Kell Dante would have been the better option!” Selika cackled out as she approached the pinned Quarren, her deep violet eyes ignited with a sparkle.

As he tugged and pushed at the heavy metal of the droid, Qor attempted to remove himself from the wrath of the Sith. Selika stalked her way to the trapped Quarren, her tongue tracing her upper lip. She couldn’t wait to dig in. As she planted her foot onto the back of the HK droid, Qor groaned out and became trapped under the mass.

“And now, Palpatine. You will die.” Selika nodded in assurance as her hands extended, ready to suffocate the air from his lungs.

“Wait, Consul! Please wait! What if we go together, collect the treasure. You take it home, and I grab the kyber crystals. It’s a win-win for you. You never see me again!” Qor pleaded, but he sensed it fell on deaf ears.

“Sorry, Quarren. I am afraid that this will be painful,” a cold grin rose across her face as she spoke.

The dark side snatched and coiled around his throat, cutting off his neck and bloodstream. His face began to turn red, then purple as Selika’s fingers tightened, her murderous eyes widened as she gave her widest and most horrendous grin. The snapping of cartilage and blood vessels filled his ears, as his eyesight blurred from the tears. He struggled more and more to breathe, as his legs jolted and kicked for release. But it was too late. Selika’s second hand gripped onto him and tightened as hard as she could until the Quarren buckled and fell limp.

“Ah, now then,” she sighed with delight and slowly rubbed her tense hands, as her eyes darted around. “Where did they put that treasure?”

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 8 July, 2017 5:28 AM UTC

Astonishment and shock washed over the Quarren, his eyes darted across the white-robed man with dread.

Comma splice.

As if like a mist was lifted,

Double similes = incredibly awkward to read.

She couldn’t wait to dig in.

Selika is..hungry? Didn't know she was big on calamari.