Seer Kordath Bleu vs. Battlelord Taranae Rhode

Seer Kordath Bleu

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Ryn, Force Disciple, Arcanist, Krath
vs.

Battlelord Taranae Rhode

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Female Human, Sith, Juggernaut
Comment

This was a straight forward but fun Battle to read. Kordath started things off without skipping much of a beat, and got us right into the action and conflict. Taranae picked it right up and dove in with her first post, and as far as storytelling goes I think both writers did an excellent job. Both writers made good use of the terrain to tell their story, and the back and forth between the two characters felt organic. Unfortunately, while story is pretty even here for both writers, Taranae ran into a few technical issues that held her score back. In the end, Kordath's lack of technical errors gives him the edge in an otherwise "tie" in the storytelling department.

Great work.

-W

Hall Phase I: Winds of Change [GJWXII]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [GJW XII Event Long] Combat Writing - ACC Ladder
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Seer Kordath Bleu, Battlelord Taranae Rhode
Winner Seer Kordath Bleu
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Seer Kordath Bleu's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Battlelord Taranae Rhode's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Ahch-To: Ancient Islands
Last Post 30 June, 2017 9:43 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
General Stres'tron'garmis Envoy Taranae Rhode
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: One or two small errors noted. Rationale: Repeated errors, including not capitalizing the Force, some awkward sentences, and more a few typos.
Story - 40%
General Stres'tron'garmis Envoy Taranae Rhode
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: You set up the fight well. There was some good moments that told an interesting narrative between the two writers, but the drama seemed very flat. Great writing, just missing that extra "IT" factor to get me to throw out a 5 in story. Rationale: I think you actually did a great job with the way you told your side of the story. It was clever and well thought out, and kept pace evenly with what your opponent was laying out for you.
Realism - 25%
General Stres'tron'garmis Envoy Taranae Rhode
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issues that I saw with CS adherence to the Character Sheets. Rationale: The Force Power usage highlighted in my notes in regards to Blackness. Great use of the Character Sheets otherwise.
Continuity - 20%
General Stres'tron'garmis Envoy Taranae Rhode
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issues that I saw. Rationale: There was a confusing moment where I was unable to figure out what Taranae was brandishing weapon wise. Was not sure how you could draw three weapons with only two hands, so I am counting this as continuity with your own post instead of Realism.
General Stres'tron'garmis's Score: 4.45 Envoy Taranae Rhode's Score: 3.85
Posts

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The ocean world of Ahch-To looks to be nothing but blue seas from the distance of space. Dotting the oceans, however, are chains of rocky island that jut upwards to form shallow, sloping mountain ranges with small, flattened plateaus. Rich green trees and other small flora grow along the sedimentary stone, untouched by anything more than small avian creatures looking for a place to nest.Carved into the stones of the various Island’s are sets of winding, ascending and man made pathways.

The crisp, clean, air that wisps off the water planet help cool and maintain a fairly even tropical temperature during the day, with a healthy chill at sunset. Storms have been reported to flare up from time to time, leaving only the highest points of the islands safe from a rising tide.

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The Islands themselves remain a mystery to this day. The oceans themselves are still uncharted and unexplored. No one knows how the stairs, statutes, and other sporadic architecture came to be on the Islands. It was rumored, however, that they were indeed the home of first Jedi Temple back when the ancient order was first formed.

An easy, simple karking mission is what he'd signed on for. The Ryn had used his Quaestor position to help swing the locale he'd be investigating. It was a quiet world, uninhabited and peaceful. It was supposed to be a shot in the dark that he'd even find info on the missing Grandmaster, and he'd been fine with that. He had viewed it more as a vacation.

Until the blaster fire and karking lightning had begun raining down on him from above while he'd been walking one of the paths. Bleu didn't have a clue who the crazy schutta was, having only gotten near enough to catch redhair, usually a plus in his mind, and a pair of symbols he recognized. A cloak with Plagueis’s heraldry upon it and markings that suggested this one was a loyalist to the Iron Throne. Both of these far outweighed anything else the crazy broad had going for her, he felt, not to mention the shooting at him.

An easy, relaxin’ stroll in the tropics, was that too much ta bleedin’ ask for!?

Apparently so, answered the universe when his assailant, seemingly tired of trying to hit his nimble form at range, stopped firing. The telltale sound of a saber igniting caused him to sigh and dig into his pocket for a small baggy. When she came at him with a spinning staff, hissing and leaving burnt, gouged earth behind it, he threw it at her while backpedaling. The dust scattered towards her, the fine granules irritating and blurring her vision--he hoped, anyways.

“Bugger off! Karkin’ up me vacation, woman, whatdya want!?”

“Your pelt if you keep that up,” came the snarling reply

Kord gauged the downslope of the path, working over the angle in his mind and debating how fast he could slide down versus the pain it would would cause him.

Just get back to the ship, be home free, yeah, Bleu? Yeah, sounds great.

“Ya know, I think I'll just be goin’, eh? Not much ta see here anyway, just ya know, water, rocks, some grass…’ he trailed off as he began to scuttle away. Behind him the woman was running fiercely at her eyes and cursing.

Kordath was brought up short as the path was blocked by a small, round astromech unit, twittering at him in a threatening manner.

“Got no time fer this, mate, move it or lose it, eh?”

The droid advanced, one of its compartments opening. Bleu didn't wait to see what the metal ball had inside that could threaten him, instead lining up his shot and gathering the Force to his leg. He reared back, hearing his would-be assassin start moving behind him once more, and lashed out with a booted foot. The kick connected, caused the BB unit to screech as it sailed down the path, hitting the edge of the switch-back and going right over it, the sound of metal bouncing on rock echoing throughout the island.

“BB-3!? You...you monster! I'll have your tail for this too!”

The Arconan didn't bother looking back at the screaming woman, instead running as quickly as he could towards the edge of the path, trusting his feet and the Force, to keep his skin intact.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 2 July, 2017 5:07 PM UTC

“Your pelt if you keep that up,” came the snarling reply

Missed the period at the end.

Behind him the woman was running fiercely at her eyes and cursing.

rubbing at her eyes?

The kick connected, caused the BB unit to screech as it sailed down the path, hitting the edge of the switch-back and going right over it, the sound of metal bouncing on rock echoing throughout the island.

...Kick the baby? Savage.

Taranae had watched the figure approach and weighed up her options. She needed to gather intelligence, but this one seemed as if he had very little to spare. After a moment’s thought, she decided on intimidation and set out to frighten her opponent into surrendering and divulging any information he had about the Grand Master. Her Force attacks and blaster fire seemed to have little effect, so as she dropped to the ground with her cloak billowing around her, he had turned tail and fled. She followed at a small distance; short enough to catch him if needed, but long enough that it wouldn’t make him even more jittery and cause him to move faster or try to lose her.

She should have seen the dust coming, she knew that. She screamed at her senses inwardly for not warning her and berated herself for getting too caught up in her chase instincts. If someone runs, you chase. That’s what she’d been taught. This time it got her in trouble as she hastily rubbed at her stinging eyes. Her hair didn’t want to cooperate either, swinging in front of her face as she ran after the grey-skinned Ryn. His cloak flapped behind him as he ran, his nerf skin jacket noticeable underneath. Boy could he curse. She had heard some expletives in use in her time, but he used them as if they were about to be removed from every language in the known universe. She hadn’t seen many of his race around and it raised her curiosity.

Reaching out with her mind, she focused on an area in front of the fleeing Ryn and as he stopped abruptly at the sight of a sheer drop, she grinned. Taranae had wanted information and knew she had approached it the wrong way when she ignited her saberstaff and drew her blasters, but hindsight had always been an enemy to her, and now the chase was on. The use of the dust set Taranae’s anger ablaze and now she had no plans for information gathering. She wanted this man dead. Initially she had no sense of the man being force sensitive, but something in that kick aimed at her droid set her senses afire. This was no ordinary Ryn; he had force connections and she needed to be wary.

Her eyes now clear, she gestured at her foe and he rose a couple of feet into the air. The Sith smiled as she heard a gasp of disbelief and she continued towards the man now floating on his back a few feet away with his tail touching the floor. Suddenly she found herself in complete darkness, obviously another trick from her floating friend. She reached out and his signature stood out like a beacon as she continued towards him. As daylight returned she blinked in confusion. Where her enemy had floated shortly before was nothing. Her nemesis was nowhere to be seen. Glancing around and brandishing her saberstaff nervously, she knew she had been tricked.

As Taranae became nervous, her concentration had broken. Her enemy now had his feet on the floor and was invisible to the Sith, crouching a few metres to her rear. He knew that if he moved, he would be seen and began to search his mind for a way out of this situation. His attempt at tricking her seemed to have worked, but for how long? Slowly, he drew his inquisitorius dagger from its sheath and mentally reached out.

The Sith caught the minute movement from the corner of her eye as the Ryn was revealed. She leapt, brandishing her saberstaff and brought it across the man’s neck. The blade stopped as it struck a solid wall of nothing and her foe grinned. He knelt with a dagger in his hand that Taranae recognised as an inquisitor’s blade and the shock must have registered on her face as the man leapt at her with the blade pointed towards her throat. Her senses screamed and she somersaulted backwards as the dagger slashed through the air where she had stood, missing her as she landed in a crouch with her arm outstretched, her staff parallel to the floor. She grinned as she noticed his look of alarm.

“Missed me,” she grinned, “Want to try that again?”

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 2 July, 2017 5:21 PM UTC

he had turned tail and fled

Hah, I see what you did there. Tail puns.

Reaching out with her mind, she focused on an area in front of the fleeing Ryn and as he stopped abruptly at the sight of a sheer drop, she grinned.

Syntax is off here.

Taranae had wanted information and knew she had approached it the wrong way when she ignited her saberstaff and drew her blasters

How can you draw a lightsaber and two blasters at the same time...with two arms?

Initially she had no sense of the man being force sensitive, but something in that kick aimed at her droid set her senses afire

Always capitalize the Force. This happened twice.

Suddenly she found herself in complete darkness, obviously another trick from her floating friend.

Kord has +3 Blinding. It would make sense for him to blind her in a situation where he's being held by the Force, which I'm assuming was Taranae's +3 TK suspending him in midair. Kord only has a +1 in Blackness, though, so it seems like a labored task for him to so easily throw that power at her while under duress.

As Taranae became nervous, her concentration had broken.

Careful with the sudden POV shift here. It is jarring to the reader.

Her senses screamed and she somersaulted backwards as the dagger slashed through the air where she had stood, missing her as she landed in a crouch with her arm outstretched, her staff parallel to the floor. She grinned as she noticed his look of alarm.

“Missed me,” she grinned, “Want to try that again?”

This is absolutely lovely action writing.

Ah well, knifing a lass ain't really me style anyways.

While his attack had been ineffective in causing the woman any harm, the maneuver had given him a better position. He wondered if she realized how close her backward dodge had taken her to the same edge that had brought him up short previously. His mind raced as the Plagian regained her feet, her blade spinning threateningly before setting a guarded stance. He didn't have a hope of taking her head on, but that wasn't the only option he had. It was apparent by her attitude and actions, that she didn't view him as a physical threat. All of which gave him some ideas as well. A nearby bit of rock, an old path marker most likely, caught his eye as well.

She was taunting him, and he used the lull to pull energy from the Force itself, reenergizing his reserves while she prattled on. He'd need the power, he decided, if he was going to pull this trick off.

With a flourish the Ryn tossed his dagger up and back over his shoulder, catching it nimbly with his tail in a show of dexterity. Mostly this was to hide the motion of his offhand which dipped to the small of his back and palmed a flash grenade. His dagger returned to his right hand and he feinted forward, shuffling his feet and trying to look intimidating. This got a laugh from the red haired woman, who lifted a hand and made several small rocks begin to spin.

Kark.

The rocks spun faster and faster before zipping towards Bleu, who fell into a Force-guided rhythm as so not get pelted. When the last rock spun past him, drawing a line of blood across his face, he gestured at her with his dagger anew.

“Cute, I can throw things too, eh?” he said flippantly, trying to ignore the burning sensation on his cheek as he tossed the flash grenade her way. When he saw her eyes widen and weapon dropping to the ground so as to cover her ears from the obvious threat, he dived towards the nearby outcropping of rock.

She'd been, possibly, too cautious in dealing with the annoying little Ryn. Her uncertainty in what he was capable of had left her open to his unconventional tricks instead of just ending him when she'd had the chance. Tarnae’s ears rang despite her efforts to cover them, and her head spun from the concussive shockwave that the flash bomb had hit her with. Still, she heard a mixture of footsteps running past her and a low chuckle. He was taunting her!

If someone runs, you chase, she thought with a snarl, her vision clearing well enough to spot a white tufted tail rounding the path ahead of her. She was still disoriented from the grenade, but her target was clear, she just had to catch up. Ending him would be a pleasure at this rate.

Kordath kept his eyes closed as he focused, huddled behind the rock as he took advantage of his foe's temporary ailments to weave sight and sounds through the Force. He was banking a lot on her being turned around at the sound of phantom footsteps and laughter, hoping she didn't realize that the path before her was an illusion, that the sheer drop was before her. Sweat poured down his face from the effort, and he knew he'd be worthless if this didn't work.

A strangled cry of shock, quickly fading and cut off by the wet sound of a body smashing against rocks gave him a sense of elation. He wasn't sure if the fall would kill her and he wasn't going to stick around to find out.

Time ta get off this rock, she might have friends, he thought grimly.

At the bottom of the cliff lay Tarnae, her body broken and bleeding despite the armor she wore. Anger kept her focused enough to begin the healing process, and she swore to herself that she'd find and kill that blasted Ryn.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 2 July, 2017 5:27 PM UTC

Plagian

Plagueian

He was taunting her!

Groan :P

She barely noticed the movement as the Ryn reached to his belt and unclipped a small cannister. He made a quick arm movement from the hip, tossing it in Taranae’s direction. With a hiss and a pop, the flash grenade exploded and the man ran as fast as his force-fuelled legs could carry him. He had been in enough difficult situations to know that when your fight or flight instincts kicked in, the best choice was flight. At least he would maybe live to fight another day instead of being impaled on a lightsaber or blade.

Behind him, Taranae had thrown up her hands to shield her eyes as the cannister left her foe’s hand. She had felt that an attack like this was incoming after the powder, but she had no idea that it would have had so much impact on her eyesight as the flash grenade did. She lowered her hands and squinted, trying to ascertain the man’s position but could not see past the nearest rocks to the side of the path. As her vision cleared, she caught a movement near one of the walls as her enemy climbed it using a grappling hook. He was almost to the top as she holstered her staff and grabbed her blasters from her hip and she opened fire on the figure who was by now hooking his feet onto the ledge above.

Kordath winced as the first bolt exploded by his upraised leg as he scrabbled for purchase on the lip of the rock face.

“Blast it,” he muttered, “Almost karkin’ made it, too.”

Using his other foot to push him upwards, he rolled onto the rock plateau as blaster fire struck the area where he had been hanging.

“Missed me!” he mocked, “Wanna try that again?”

Standing, he turned and ran for the ship. It was not far now and he was sure that he could make it before the Sith reached him. The Bleusmobile lay just in front of him a short distance away as he heard blaster fire again. A force-fuelled climb had propelled Taranae quickly up the rocky face and she now gave chase with her blasters still drawn.

How the karkin’ hell did she get up here so fast? He wondered as his legs carried him swiftly along. Reaching his destination he jumped, landing on the access ramp and climbed in as a blaster bolt hit the side of the ship. The Sith was close now and he acted swiftly, raising the ramp and scuttling into the pilot’s seat. He fired the thrusters and angled the ship from the planet’s surface to the sight of blaster bolts hitting the viewscreen.

“Whatever’s down there, you can karkin’ well keep it!” he shouted, as the ship rose from the surface.

Taranae let off a few more rounds in frustration, then slowly lowered her blasters. She couldn’t believe he had gotten away. She angrily stomped a foot on the ground, her temper rising. She had failed again. One of these days she would accomplish the mission she had been assigned without failure. But for now, she had to be content with looking for clues elsewhere. She holstered her Relbys and turned on her heel, searching once more.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 2 July, 2017 5:30 PM UTC

force-fuelled legs could carry him.

Force-fueled.

as he scrabbled for purchase on the lip of the rock face.

Scrambled? Unless he's playing a board game in the middle of the fight...

“Missed me!” he mocked, “Wanna try that again?”

I like the parallel structure used here.