Seer Mune Cinteroph vs. Prophet Halcyon Rokir Taldrya

Seer Mune Cinteroph

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Human, Force Disciple, Arcanist, Krath
vs.

Prophet Halcyon Rokir Taldrya

Elder 3, Elder tier, Unaffiliated
Male Human, Force Disciple, Sorcerer
Comment

Greetings,

Thank you both for your participation in Phase I of the GJW XII ACC Event! I enjoyed judging your battle and hope to see many more from both of you.

As is commonly the case, Story was the deciding category in this battle. While Mune wrote combat well, Halc did as well, and managed to bring the venue into the battle, and Halc also played well off of Mune's opener to develop a good story around the combat between the two characters. Both writers had syntax issues, although they were most severe for Mune in his second post to the point where it disrupted flow in a few areas, and both also had realism issues. However, despite these issues, I still found the battle fun to read. As just two examples, I enjoyed Mune attempting to play up his advantage in Athletics against Halc, and Halc's integration of the venue into his final post.

Thank you both again, and good luck in your future battles!

Hall Phase I: Winds of Change [GJWXII]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [GJW XII Event Long] Combat Writing - ACC Ladder
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Seer Mune Cinteroph, Prophet Halcyon Rokir Taldrya
Winner Prophet Halcyon Rokir Taldrya
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Seer Mune Cinteroph's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Prophet Halcyon Rokir Taldrya's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Oricon: Starship Graveyard
Last Post 7 July, 2017 7:43 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Lord Halcyon Adept Mune Cinteroph
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: A few minor errors. Rationale: Many little syntax errors that grew distracting, especially in the second post - not all errors are marked. Felt as if second post was not proof read.
Story - 40%
Lord Halcyon Adept Mune Cinteroph
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Combat integrates into story well here, with a good use of the venue, creating an engaging battle that was enjoyable to read. There were a couple instances of "show it don't say it" with regards to injuries Halc suffers, holding this back. Rationale: I enjoyed your combat writing and thought you did a decent job keeping Mune competitive against an Elder and attempting to play off his main advantage, being his higher athletics score. There were several instances where it seemed as if you were foreshadowing something that didn't come to pass, which read oddly. It was also a bit odd to have Mune continually demanding an explanation in the first post, given the character and the set up Halc seemed to pick up on.
Realism - 25%
Lord Halcyon Adept Mune Cinteroph
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: Mune is never given much of an opportunity to respond to the Force attacks used against him, ignoring his considerable evasive abilities. In a couple instances this is handled, but ignored in other places. Rationale: Minor hit in that Halc uses TK so frequently that his last usage should either suggest some element of 'fatigue' of the ability, or explain how it is he continually calls on it.
Continuity - 20%
Lord Halcyon Adept Mune Cinteroph
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues. Rationale: No issues
Lord Halcyon's Score: 3.95 Adept Mune Cinteroph's Score: 3.65
Posts

Oricon Starship Graveyard

Oricon, the base of the ancient Dread Masters and nearly lost to time is steeped in the Dark Side, echoing the influences of both the Dread Masters and Darth Vitus before them. The landscape is an unforgiving nightmarescape of lava flows and volcanic rock dotted with strange plants and starship wrecks from a battle thousands of years ago. The smoky, sulfuric air of the surface nearly chokes most humanoids as it forces their eyes to adjust to the foggy haze illuminated by the soft glow of the lava flows. Tall, luminous blood ferns adorn the landscape, surrounded by vicious predators hardy enough to survive the intense conditions. Trenches and outcroppings formed from flowing lava serve to make footing uneven, adding yet another treacherous element to this already dangerous world. In the distance, the ruins of an ancient tower call out to those that can sense its terror—the fabled fortress of the Dread Masters. Remnants of ancient cults can be seen here and there, from wrecked huts to blood-stained altars and crumbling oubliettes.

The silhouette of a figure stood among the dilapidated husks of ships long abandoned. His form stood in vivid contrast to a backdrop of brilliant orange of lava flows bubbling on its ceaseless voyage before a studious gaze. Mune exhaled the disgusting air that made his lungs ache with every breath, and his eyes sore with the effort of adjusting to the smoky atmosphere. Why had he been called to such a dark and disturbing place as this, he wondered, eyes alighting upon the ancient ruins of a tower. It was a dark mark upon the landscape.

“They say, it was the fortress of the Dread Masters.” Spoke a man from behind.

Mune noted, the matter of fact tone, and knew well whomever the voice belonged to would not go any further in detail upon the fable. The Hybrid had not heard him, or sensed him, so lost was he in the nightmarish environs that were Oricon. He turned to face the stranger only to stop short the motion. Though the man’s appearance was striking at first glance, it was the man’s identity that had the Seer caught off guard.

“Halcyon,” the Palatinae rollmaster uttered.

Halcyon appeared unmoved by the eerie world they found themselves upon. His eyes were all for the Seer before him, the younger man and his off-human features. Leave it to the other to state the obvious in that moment, “You called me here.” The Prophet offered only a subtle smile in response. “Why?” Mune questioned.

Halcyon lifted his right hand, the Hybrid’s eye drawn to the hilt of the lightsaber that rested within before the saber crackled to life in a brilliant wash of silver light. “Does it matter, Seer?” He said, levelling his lightsaber at the other man. He approached, his movements relaxed, unworried, even unhurried.

Mune could only think him bored. “You can at least feign interest.”

The hybrid drew a single lightsaber from its holster on his left upper arm. He ignited the purple blade in a cascading wash of light. The constant hum filled his ears, but even the familiarity of the weapon could do nothing to still the wild thumping of his heart.

“Which side are you on, I wonder.” Halcyon spoke before he struck.

Mune nearly yelped at the suddenness of the movement. He caught the saber slash upon his own, the air filled with the sound of the clashing sabers. Silver and purple plasma blades flashed and bathed both in a viciously brilliant light. Mune’s ruby eyes flicked about, his brain tried desperately to calculate and strategize some way out. His thinking was interrupted, as again, he had to move when Halcyon’s saber disengaged from his own and once more he was forced to parry a blow set to take him in the left hip. The Prophet was in no hurry, else Mune knew his sorely practiced defensive style would have been no match for the expertly learned skills of the elder he found himself faced with.

“What…” Mune grunted, managing (though only just), to repel a third blow. “What do you mean, side?”

Halcyon made to stab at the younger man, the silver saber crackling with the promise of death. The Palatinaean twisted sideways, the saber strike missing its mark by naught but a hair’s width. Mune pivoted on his left foot and drove his own saber towards his opponent only to have it graze the elder’s cloak when Halcyon likewise dodged. The more experienced man shifted his weight, then struck out with a foot. The kick took Mune in the back of his right knee, dropping the Hybrid with a grunt to the knee. It was only thanks to the boy’s reflexes and the Force that he had his saber up in time to block the saber strike intended to take him from above in the awkward position. So close, the saber hissed and snarled in Mune’s ears, sweat broke out across his brow.

“Explain!” Mune demanded.

Halcyon had no intention of explaining himself, Mune knew full well. The Seer realized, too, Halcyon lacked any true intent to kill. What is this about then, Mune wondered. His thoughts and calculations were a frenzied mess, he only had to survive, and escape, he reminded himself.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 10 July, 2017 9:43 PM UTC

“They say, it was the fortress of the Dread Masters.” Spoke a man from behind.

Comma after say here is out of place, but moreover a period at the end of this dialogue would require a complete sentence afterwards.

Mune noted, the matter of fact tone,

No comma after noted - the clause should include what Mune noted.

The Hybrid had ...

No need to capitalize hybrid, as it is not a proper noun.

Though the man’s appearance was striking at first glance, it was the man’s identity that had the Seer caught off guard.

Story here - This sentence is a little odd because it seems it would be Halcyon’s appearance that would reveal his identity.

The Prophet was in no hurry, else Mune knew his sorely practiced defensive style would have been no match for the expertly learned skills of the elder he found himself faced with.

As Elder here is used as a title, it should be capitalized.

“Explain!” Mune demanded.

A little surprised Mune didn't realize what was going on, assuming you were going for what Halc picked up on.

Halcyon’s attacks were currently meant to keep his opponent off-balance, but the next few moments would serve to determine whether this battle ended, or if he would be unleashing his full power on the Palatinaen Rollmaster.

“That is a nice comlink you have there,” Halcyon idly stated, seeming to ignore Mune’s call for an explanation. Mune automatically glanced at the comlink on his wrist, the device having been given to him by the Inquisitorius. Mune’s eyes shot open as the connections were made. The Inquisitorius were the spear of the Grand Master. The same Grand Master who had nearly destroyed the other man’s Clan. And that man was not someone who shrank from challenging a Grand Master.

Another small smile played across Halcyon’s lips as he saw the man across from him suddenly put the pieces together. His lightsaber was pointed down at the ground, ignited, but waiting for its opportunity. Mune now looked back at him, eyes now full of realization.

“What side?” Halcyon asked again, calmly, eyes never wavering.

Mune hesitated only a second, his mind throwing up projections and possibilities and discarding them all at the same time.

“You know the answer,” Mune responded, his feet adjusting at the same moment as he prepared for what was to come.

Halcyon’s head moved ever so slightly in acceptance, but rather than bringing his blade up he instead threw his left hand up and pushed the air in front of him. There was only time fo Mune to grunt in pain as he felt what amounted to a sledgehammer slam into his chest and send him reeling backwards.

Mune tried to right himself, but the uneven ground tripped him up, causing him to stumble to his side. He knew instinctively that the Elder was almost on top of him, his body already rolling out of the way as a silver blade split through the hardened lava that he had just been on. Mune quickly rolled to his feet, hand outstretched and sending his own strike outwards from his palm. The grunt he heard from the older man told him his attack had found its mark, but it did nothing to truly slow Halcyon down.

Halcyon shrugged off the telekinetic strike, focused on the man in front of him. He had vowed to bring Pravus down for everything he had caused to both Taldryan and the Brotherhood, including anyone allied with him. The Inquisitorius were key to the chaos being sown, and were Halcyon’s current focus. The man in front of him would be a good first lesson to everyone else in the organization.

Mune had taken a second lightsaber hilt out of its holster on his right-arm, the brilliant blue blade now shining next to its purple twin. Halcyon had seen a multitude of varying lightsaber combinations. Facing down two lightsabers were second-nature to him. His silver blade made a probing slash, bringing Mune into the fray, before quickly sweeping low. Mune easily side-stepped the downward slash, using his momentum to bring his own blade around. Halcyon leaned back ever so slightly, the blue blade running through the air only inches from his chest.

Halcyon leaned forward again, palm facing outwards as he unleashed another Force-assisted attack. There was nowhere for Mune to go as another invisible object slammed into his chest again, his legs fumbling with the ground enough to bring him down to one knee. A small growl escaped Mune’s lip as his left hand rose up, fingers only lightly hold his hilt as he returned the favour to the Elder. However, Halcyon was expecting something as a translucent field absorbed whatever it was that Mune had sent his way.

“You’re not leaving here,” Halcyon calmly stated, as he began to stride towards the fallen Palatinean.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 10 July, 2017 9:48 PM UTC

There was only time fo Mune to grunt in pain as he felt what amounted to a sledgehammer slam into his chest and send him reeling backwards.

Syntax issue (fo ), but also, Mune seemingly should have been able to avoid this given his Force powers and Feats.

Halcyon shrugged off the telekinetic strike, focused on the man in front of him.

While it is plausible Halc did shrug off the blow, how did he do so?

Facing down two lightsabers were second-nature to him.

Here, the verb refers to “facing down” rather than the “two lightsabers”, and so should be ‘was’

... fingers only lightly hold his hilt as he returned the favour...

Holding his hilt.

Good combat and nice job resolving any confusing that might still have existed about what was going on here.

Mune exhaled slowly, calculations flashed before his mind’s eye as he worked diligently to find a way out of his current predicament. He watched the man stride forth, counted the man’s steps as he closed the distance between them. Halcyon was not undefeatable, no one was undefeatable, he reminded himself. I have no desire to kill him though, he thought in dismay. The man had yet to use his full array of powers, Mune well knew. He tested his knee, no damage, he noted; though he yet did not rise. He held his position and attempted reason against the older man.

“I do not want to fight you,” Mune exclaimed.

The Elder snorted and frowned down at the Hybrid. “Only because you are about to die.”

“I do not want to fight you because it is without purpose,” Mune argued.

“Only as much purpose as there was in Taldryan’s near destruction,” Halcyon shot back.

They locked eyes, “Do I look like I would blindly do Pravus’ work? I may as well wear a sign reading ‘undesirable’.”

“You talk too much, boy.”

The Force gathered at Halcyon’s command and he thrust it forward to throw Mune off balance once again. The Arcanist, however, saw through the attack and had thrown himself sideway. The Hybrid somersaulted and was back on his feet in time to react to the Force’s warning of the saber about to shear him from the side. Halcyon had closed the distance between them and gone for a finishing strike. His mind calculated quickly, his body reacted quicker, he caught the saber upon his own in a cacophony of snarling plasma.

Their lightsabers separated. Mune brought his second lightsaber to bare in a low strike, shifting his weight to straighten up. Their sabers flashed, light that bathed both in eerie colour. Every breath was harsh, the acrid air difficult to breathe, even Halcyon began to feel its effects.The two wove around each other, Mune’s strikes coming in rapid succession. He spun and slashed and cut in a brilliant spiral of death. Halcyon found himself hard pressed as the Seer pressed his advantage of speed. Sweat ran down their faces.

“People will think what they want to think,” Mune spoke between deep pants of air.

Halcyon blinked, a deep frown lining his face. Mune saw the man’s age in those features for a moment. The Sorcerer drew upon the Force near effortlessly and struck outwards. The Seer was already weaving the Force through his own muscles in those milliseconds before he jerked sideways and the scraggly plants and dirt behind him burst into so much debris. His reflexes thus enhanced, he focused on keeping the Prophet from having too many chances at using the Force against him.

“People will think what they want to think. I can talk until I am blue in the face, but words mean nothing to one who has their mind made up!” Mune explained, breathing hard.

“I said you talk too much!” Halcyon roared, again he made to blast the Hybrid back with telekinesis, but the boy was already adjusting and making to dodge. He hurled the power forth, a corner of Mune’s cloak whipped wildly as the sledgehammer blow missed though barely.

Mune was behind him, the Force fueling his movements. A saber came up, levelled at a point between the man’s shoulder blades but he did not strike. The Force likewise did not cry for Halcyon to move, there was no attack coming. Mune’s breathing was harsh, as was Halcyon’s own, their eyes stung with the acrid air their lungs laboured to use to keep their bodies going.

“My loyalty, first and foremost, is to my clan, Scholae Palatinae, in building a new home,” Mune explained slowly, making sure his sincerity was made clear in his voice. He was terrible at lying, so he chose not to lie.

“Your duty is to the Iron Throne.”

“According to you? To some unknown command? Pravus? Who?”

Halcyon hesitated. Both men were drawn with fatigue.

“You can kill me, Halcyon, if I prove false; but I am far too intelligent to follow orders blindly.” Mune lowered his weapons and deactivated them. “If my actions do not prove me sincere, then come find me when all's said and done, and end me.”

Halcyon’s weapon deactivated, though grudgingly. “Leave me, before I think twice.”

Mune bolted. He had a clan to think of.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 10 July, 2017 9:49 PM UTC

He watched the man stride forth, counted the man’s steps as he closed the distance between them.

This feels like a setup that is unrealized.

Halcyon was not undefeatable, no one was undefeatable, he reminded himself. I have no desire to kill him though, he thought in dismay. The man had yet to use his full array of powers, Mune well knew. He tested his knee, no damage, he noted; though he yet did not rise.

Be consistent with your usage of italics for internal thoughts.

“I do not want to fight you,” Mune exclaimed.

Exclamation points for exclamations!

..and had thrown himself sideway ..

Sideways

.. its effects.The ...

Missing space and the instead of they.

Halcyon found himself hard pressed as the Seer pressed his advantage of speed.

This is repetitive

Halcyon blinked, a deep frown lining his face.

Unclear why Halc is frowning here - I was expecting some kind of revelation or the like, but it really isn't clear.

“I said you talk too much!” Halcyon roared, again he made to blast the Hybrid back with telekinesis, but the boy was already adjusting and making to dodge. He hurled the power forth, a corner of Mune’s cloak whipped wildly as the sledgehammer blow missed though barely.

While Halc clearly likes his TK, this is a little repetitive – how is Halc able to continue to use this ability without any indication that it is taxing?

Overall, I enjoyed your combat and thought you reflected both characters well in fighting. At times it was hard to follow what was going on, as noted above, and several times you seemed to foreshadow things that never came. Lots of really minor issues in this post, but a good job all the same.

Mune fought to calm himself, trying to utilize the one weapon he had honed to its sharpest: his mind. Yet each breath he took only let in more and more of the sulfuric air that filled the air of this world. The world seeped itself into him in other ways, the ancient energies that had been unleashed on this world slowly turning his fears and indecision into the purest form of unbridled anger. For a moment he looked past the older man in front of him and instead saw the great spire of the Dread Fortress in the distance. It conjured images of great power being unleashed. The dark side filled him in that instant, his mind turning itself over to its primal urges.

It had been only a handful of seconds, but Halcyon could sense the change coming over the Palatinaen. While he could feel a similar urge to give over to the dark side, he still managed to keep his mind clear of influence. He felt Mune succumb to the temptation, but he did not appreciate what that change meant for a hybrid such as him. A feral growl from Mune’s throat was the only warning of what that change fully entailed before he was suddenly leaping at Halcyon with Force-assisted velocity.

It was only instinct that kept Halcyon from being bisected as his body automatically contorted itself around the two slashing blades of the hybrid. One of the blades still managed to partially find its mark, running along Halcyon’s chest and searing an angry red line into his skin. Halcyon grunted in pain, but he had been injured worse in the past. He glanced down briefly at the line that had been etched into his skin. It appeared harsh, but he could feel it wasn't very deep.

He could do nothing else with the injury as Mune quickly reared around, lightsabers flashing erratically as he flew back at Halcyon once more. There was no training or skill in the attacks, but the ferociousness of it, coupled with the Force being used in ample amounts, was more than enough to keep Halcyon fully on the defensive. His own blade was a blur of motion as it fought to hold back the incoming tide.

Fine, Halcyon told himself, two can play at this.

Although no longer a servant of the dark side, it did not mean he had forgotten how to tap into its power and bring it under his control. He had earned the title of Sith Lord many years ago, and the dark side was still his to command.

With a though he opened himself to the energies of the world, the same ones that had taken hold of Mune. He felt the will of the world fight to control him, but countless years of utilizing these powers helped him manage the power, infusing his body with it. His arms found renewed strength as he slapped Mune’s lightsabers away with a powerful Force-assisted swing of his own blade. He followed up with an outstretched palm, a powerful force exploding out of it and slamming into Mune’s chest.

There was an audible crack as ribs bent under the pressure, but Mune’s mind was still too far gone to fully realize what had occurred. Halcyon, nearly snarling as he contained his power, slammed that same palm onto the ground and unleashed a torrent of invisible force that swept outwards in all directions. Mune was only a few feet away as the force hit him with all its might, taking him off his feet and throwing his body backwards.

Mune landed hard on the uneven surface, the jolt jarring his mind and bringing him back to full cognition. He groaned in pain, the trauma of the last two attacks crashing down around him. A shadow fell over him as Halcyon glared down.

“You are just an example,” Halcyon stated, finally giving Mune his explanation before the emerald blade came down and cleanly cut through his neck. Halcyon knelt down beside the dead body, still feeling the effects of this world, as he took Mune’s comlink out and recorded a brief message.

“He was the first. The rest of you are next.”

He left the comlink on top of the body, knowing someone would eventually come and investigate as he walked away.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 10 July, 2017 10:14 PM UTC

He followed up with an outstretched palm, a powerful force exploding out of it and slamming into Mune’s chest.

Here we have much the same issue as earlier - although there are reasons that Mune might not react in time, they aren't really given so this seems to be ignoring his considerable evasive abilities.

All the same, a good final post and a good conclusion to the battle.