A loud guffawing laughter echoed in a burnt out room in the shell of a disused building.
“Forgive me, Miss,” uttered the senior male, trying to compose himself.
“That's the daftest theory I ever heard!”
“Silence!” barked the undercover female.
“Make with the pleasantries, and tell me where I will find him!”
The officer was still trying not to burst into laughter again.
“Right...so to make sure I have this straight...you think the person you’re looking for is part of the reason why this ‘Jac’ you speak of became a traitor?” He queried.
“Yes,” Kooki sighed and nodded.
“Because ‘Jac’ wanted inside information on a former Arconan working for him? And wanted to test her loyalty or hurt her as badly as he could if necessary?” questioned the stranger.
“Yes,” Kooki sighed and nodded, starting to lose her patience.
“And ‘Jac’ has heard rumours that this Arconan male you seek had previously upset her by harming her chlildren?” asked the unknown male, still sniggering.
“Yes,” Kooki sighed and nodded a third time.
She leant over the small wooden desk and moved her face to be within a few inches from this rather irritating male.
“Now...WHERE IS HE?” she yelled.
“Why should I tell the likes of you?” retaliated the officer.
“Because you want to tell me,” replied a calmer Sith, moving her hand slightly.
“I want to tell you,” came a robotic reply.
“The local cantina. But not quite as you'd expect. That’s all I shall say.” The man disclosed, hoping that his undercover worker would not be discovered easily.
“Finally.” Kooki boomed, sarcastically.
She left the unusual location flicking her newly acquired red hair over her shoulders.
“Ryn. She's onto you. Let me know when you get this.” The officer whispered into his comlink.
He sat there grinning smugly, yet slightly nervous his agent wouldn’t get the message in time.
All he could do was sit and wait.
---x---
Kooki heaved a heavy sigh. She hadn't seen Kordath since her twins had been snatched when under the ironic ‘watchful eyes’ of Atyiru. Still very bitter she knew she could spot her enemy instantly and prepared to face him.
Upon entering, the bustling environment instilled doubt in the Alderaanian’s mind. She needed a drink.
“What'll it be, Miss?” mumbled a bartender.
Kooki looked up, dreading the task ahead.
Their eyes met.
“YOU!” Kooki blurted.
The barkeep-disguised Ryn began to realise.
“Out back. NOW.” He hissed.
“Oh no.” Teased Kooki.
“We are going down...way down...”
Kordath swallowed hard.
Leaning into her enemy's ear, “Level 1313 here we come,” she hissed.
---x---
Kooki looked around. She quite liked the precariousness and uncertainty of the environment her and her enemy found themselves in.
The feisty Alderaanian wasted no time and swiftly engaged her amethyst blade and held it out in front of her.
“Come on then, rat boy! Let’s see what you're capable of!” She hissed.
Syntax
I've re-read this section a couple times trying to decide if the first two dialogue are meant to be from the same person. If it is, it shouldn't have its own separate line.
Other than the typo of "children", you shouldn't have two different speakers having dialogue in the same paragraph. Should be split up.
This should be a comma and lower case on "the". You do this several times for the remainder of the dialogue.
This should have a comma after "bitter".
Story
This is where you should have been for the majority of the match, if not the entirety of it. It took you 437 words to get there.
Other than that, there isn't much story here. You have dialogue. A lot of it. Then you pop into the actual venue and draw your saber. There is no combat and barely any conflict to speak of. It's a wasted opportunity with a first post. You could have set up the motivations completely and then told the story of the fight. Instead, you just commit to a bunch of dialogue that leads into where you should have started from.
Realism
Your Loadout doesn't have any sort of disguise on it, so I can only go by your Physical Description which is very much not red hair.