Savant Alara Deathbane vs. Warlord Legorii Arconae

Savant Alara Deathbane

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Female Sephi, Force Disciple, Marauder
vs.

Warlord Legorii Arconae

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Anzati, Sith, Marauder, Krath
Comment

Legorii demonstrated his control of the "board" across the match. His storytelling was dynamic, fluid, and action filled. It worked the venue in as a third character itself and made for an engaging fight with stakes and a creative resolution/conclusion. Alara has some good description and interaction, but her story seemed to be a bit rushed, and had very little actual combat. The sparse combat had a few errors that added up, whereas Legorii's technical writing drew no issues. In the end, story is king, and paired with solid mechanics, Legorii takes the win.

Congratulations to both of you. Thank you for completing this match, even though it was a repeat of your earlier one. I certainly appreciate it, and wish you both luck in your future matches.

-W

Hall Phase I: Winds of Change [GJWXII]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [GJW XII Event Long] Combat Writing - ACC Ladder
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Savant Alara Deathbane, Warlord Legorii Arconae
Winner Warlord Legorii Arconae
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Savant Alara Deathbane's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Warlord Legorii Arconae's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Ilum: Crystal Cave
Last Post 8 July, 2017 5:38 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Legorii Arconae Alara Deathbane
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Few minor errors. Rationale: Few minor errors.
Story - 40%
Legorii Arconae Alara Deathbane
Score: 5 Score: 3
Rationale: I don't give out 5's very often, but this is one of them. It was the small details like working the venue in as a third character, almost. The action never let up, but had moments of introspection into what Legorii was feeling and thinking against his foe. There was no unbalance in two very similar fighters, and the finale was clever and ended very decisively. Rationale: Straightforward set up, and a bit of a rushed finish and then a bunch of exposition prior to her execution of Legorii. Nothing really stood out, but nothing was terribly off.
Realism - 25%
Legorii Arconae Alara Deathbane
Score: 5 Score: 3
Rationale: Nothing I spotted. Rationale: Few dings here that add up: 1.Legorii pledging his loyalty to Pravus, which is pretty contradictory to his Asepect "One Clan" that covers where his loyalties are. 2. Legorii having +4 LS, and forgoing it to enter into a fist fight. It did not seem in line to his combat aspects or personality to be always want to "win". He would know he's not a hand-to-hand fighter and it seems odd for him to want to drop his saber in that situation. 3. The groin hit was...a bit overzealous. Especially because it allows her to seemingly effortlessly execute him.
Continuity - 20%
Legorii Arconae Alara Deathbane
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues I saw. Rationale: No issues I saw.
Legorii Arconae's Score: 4.85 Alara Deathbane's Score: 3.55
Posts

Ilum Crystal Cave

On the planet of dangerous myths, shocking fables and unspoken legends, there is also beauty. Dispersed around the untamed world are flaws; cracks formed through thousands of years. Glacial rivers rushing and destroying cliffs, racing and scooping away the soil and digging crevices untouched by all but a handful of explorers from ages long past. Isolated at the southern tip of Ilum, this particular ravine is close to the planet’s core. No-one ever dared to dive directly down into the darkness of the ravine, instead opting for laser drills that bore a tunnel into the nearby glacier. Uncharted and unexplored, this passageway is a place of nightmares for those who venture to its depths. The half-eaten carcasses of explorers who have met an untimely end litter the ravine’s descent—a warning to those who might choose to venture too far. Whether these men and women fell to their deaths, or had been murdered remains lost to the long-forgotten histories of the ravine.

The antechamber of the Crystal Cave is wide and cavernous with a winding walkway carved out of the stone itself and smoothed over with glacial elegance. The pathway ascending upwards to the top of the cave where a resilient sheet of ancient stone weathers against the raging winds from Ilum’s winter skies. At the base of the walkway is a platform of old stone used for meditation in times past.

Ilum Crystal Cave

Leaving the main antechamber leads to other tunnels carved and abandoned by miners and treasure hunters. Glinting like candlelight against the unforgiving darkness of the deep and untrodden cave, translucent clusters of kyber crystals crystals reflect the light. Untouched for a millennia, the value in this chamber once sparked an entire battle between the Galactic Republic and the Sith Empire. The sides of the cavern stretch vertically, terminating in a vaulted arch that was carved with embellishments some time ago. On each side of the walls, various ports and alcoves distinguish in the light. Some are known to be rivers of purified water, as displayed by the translucent sheets of ice glistening along the alcove walls.

As soon as Alara Deathbane entered the cave, an eerily familiar sense of déjà vu flooded her bones. For some reason, despite how often she had previously visited this cavern she knew this feeling was caused by something else. That’s when she saw him: the blasted Arconan Legorii that had haunted her nightmares for months. His cloak blew slightly in the cave’s trapped wind while his creepish black hair draped beautifully yet dramatically down his back. Alara immediately grew concerned with what could potentially be in that ghastly pale head of his. The Anzat had his piercing red eyes closed, as if taunting her to believe the pretense that he didn’t yet sense her presence. The Sephi knew better, however, and carefully tugged at her saber hilts hidden underneath her own evergreen colored-cloak. Why was she facing him again? Or had she truly ever faced him in the first place? Whatever the notion, she knew the Force didn’t kid around with such spectacles.

The Krath stood, unmoving. He must have been waiting for her to make the first move. A gulp slid down the Aedile’s throat as her hair stood on end while imagining what horrid circumstance would follow any movement she could make.

“You didn’t learn your first lesson properly, I suppose?” Legorii asked. He didn’t open his eyes, instead he only turned his sharply chiseled jawline to smirk at Alara from behind him.

“The first lesson…?” The She-marauder swallowed harshly once more with the realization her suspicions could be true.

“Yes. Pravus blew up your system to shut you down, and yet instead of sticking to the shadows you foolish Palatineans think you can remain unseen in a distant system…” The man paused, let out a laugh, spun around to lose distance between he and his enemy, and flashed open his violently crimson eyes down at her, “Pravus sees all. Pravus knows all. And Pravus has me.”

A shock of fear shivered down Alara’s spine. What is it with this guy and his power to cripple me with anxiety?

The Savant bit her lips pensively in attempt to tear fear away from her expression. “Pravus does not know the war he has started with Palpatine’s warriors…” the woman stepped forward and peered further into her combatant’s pupils, “If I were him, and if I were you, I’d watch my back.”

At first she thought her threat was expressed successfully, but then she was disproved by further chuckling from her joker of an opponent. “Tell me, dear. What exactly will you do about this impending war?”

With that, a fiery passion kindled in her veins. She quickly snapped her sabers off of her belt, shoved them into Legorii’s face, then proceeded to drop her trusted weaponry to the ground. “If it’s a war you want, then you’ll first have to go through me to get to my clan.”

The Anzat smiled wider and dropped his own saber hilt as well. “Alright little lady, let’s begin.”

Alara immediately hoisted herself in Palpatine’s famous battle stance and struck at Legorii with her right fist.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 10 July, 2017 12:32 AM UTC

She-marauder

not sure why she would be capitalized here.

So, the set up for this fight was okay, but there is quite literally no action until the last sentence, pretty much. Also, I found it a bit odd that Legorii would say that he's serving the Inquisitorious (which you could assume based on his Inq Comlink, I guess) but looking at his Aspects, they all speak of dedication to Arcona, and Arcona alone. On top of that, I don't see why Legorii would just drop his saber here and engage in a fist fight.

Alara’s right fist cut through the frigid air but did not make solid contact. Legorii twisted, sweeping his leg in the direction of the young woman’s knees. She spun away with ease. It was clear from the outset that Alara was a capable hand-to-hand combatant. From the beginning, she had chosen to engage, launching herself with a primal aggression that was uncommon even among Dark Jedi. In the close quarters of the crystal cavern, the Arconan found himself struggling to deflect forceful knees and sharp elbows.

Ilum was a gem full of gems, but every treasure chest had its crown jewel. Ilum’s was no crystal. It was its promise. Though generation upon generation had sought its secrets, and it had been crawling with Jedi for longer than Legorii dared concede, its bottomless ravines and glacial rivers promised still more. But the Arconan was no mere treasure hunter, and he suspected Alara was not, either. In fact, he suspected that her assignment mirrored his own.

Contrary to what many believed, Legorii was no servant of the Iron Throne. These days, he was no servant of the Serpentine Throne, either. He served a greater cause: the Shadow Clan itself. War had torn through the Clans for as long as he could remember, and it was not war that would sound Arcona’s deathknell. The number of true Arconan scions had dwindled of late. Their clandestine operations, simultaneously within and without the formalities of Arcona’s great Houses, grew increasingly dangerous.

This was why he had come to Ilum. Not to serve Pravus. Not to serve Atyiru. Legorii was the vanguard of Arcona’s splinter organization, nestled in the outer reaches of the galaxy, away from the prying eyes of the Dark Council and the Clans themselves. That is what the crystal caves offered: promise.

Of course, Alara could know nothing of this. Perhaps she had been sent to find Pravus, or at least some word of him, but Legorii doubted it. She was too junior for such an assignment, even in Scholae Palatinae’s depleted stables. More likely she had been sent to establish a foothold for her House, if it were to fall in the impending crisis. It was inopportune for the young woman that Legorii had arrived first.

Legorii kept his fists churning, but he was unable to pin down his opponent. He could not keep his efforts up for long. She danced around him, landing blows sporadically. The Arconan knew it had been foolish to drop his blade. Alara brought a knee up into his gut, forcing the air from his lungs and doubling him over. The right side of his face blossomed in pain as the half-Sephi dragged a fist across his cheek. Stumbling backward, the Anzat flung his right hand in the direction of his lightsaber hilt. Its cool steel snapped back into his palm with a burst of Dark Side energy. The chamber was suddenly awash in verdant light, reflected a thousand times over by the crystal clusters that lined the walls.

“I always found Teras Kasi to be a waste of time,” Legorii mused aloud, as if to himself. His chest heaved, but he managed to steady his breathing. “In all my years, I’ve never seen a man with fists beat a man with a lightsaber.”

Alara swallowed, wiping sweat from her brow and flipping her long braid behind her. “A man? Maybe not,” she replied.

The two opponents stood ten meters apart, but the young woman could have been a thousand kilometers away. Her mind ticked with a frantic urgency. Her eyes flicked toward the dark path which led upward in the antechamber, then toward the gaping ravine that she’d thus far avoided. A grin spread across the Anzat’s face. Alara had to know that she would not last long against Soulflayer.

Before she could scheme any further, Legorii charged. His first two steps, his boots gripped the cavern floor and propelled him forward. The third step, he found a slick patch of ice. Losing all traction, the Arconan skidded forward. While he managed to stay on his feet, the few seconds that it took the Anzat to regain his balance gave Alara the opening she needed. Snatching her lightsaber hilts from the ground, the Aedile depressed both activation knobs and spun to face her assailant.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 10 July, 2017 1:11 AM UTC

Of course, Alara could know nothing of this.

"would" makes more sense here in the context/flow of your imagery.

More likely she had been sent to establish a foothold for her House, if it were to fall in the impending crisis.

Bit awkward comma here.

Before she could scheme any further, Legorii charged. His first two steps, his boots gripped the cavern floor and propelled him forward. The third step, he found a slick patch of ice. Losing all traction, the Arconan skidded forward. While he managed to stay on his feet, the few seconds that it took the Anzat to regain his balance gave Alara the opening she needed. Snatching her lightsaber hilts from the ground, the Aedile depressed both activation knobs and spun to face her assailant.

This was awesome. You set up the menace, and then he slips. Great use of the venue, this is a really cool moment.

This was her chance. Alara could not fail in her mission for House Excidium. Failure wasn't an option. Any chance of claiming or regaining power that Clan Scholae Palatinae could take was exponentially necessary. The Aedile could not let this overpowered Arconan get in the way of that. So she summed up all her strength, her courage, and charged.

With a holler, Alara lifted her sabers above her head and brought them down crashing towards her opponent. Fiery crackles and snaps resounded from her citron colored blades as they smashed against Legorii’s own green defense. She pushed harder against his barrage which pushed him into further imbalance and caused him to stumble closer to the cavern’s wet, cool ground. This was definitely in the half-Sephi’s favor. She took advantage of the situation and lifted her right, currently angled leg to kick the Anzat onto the ground properly. Her foot succeeded in its aim and was thrust upwards into the male’s inner thighs. His saber crashed to the ground as he let out an exasperated cry, and crumbled into the dirt while he cradled himself. Alara let out a rather malicious chuckle and began to circle the poor fellow, analyzing from which angle she would destroy her prey.

Legorii was obviously fighting back tears and screams from the look of his face churning in all exhibits of sheer pain. His already pale skin appeared to be growing even whiter. His red eyes appeared to be almost bloodshot. He bit onto his lips with his canines to prevent any further saliva from dripping all over himself. Before he could give any opposition, Alara lifted her amber-colored saber and let its blade fall onto the crest of Legorii’s vertebrae. The body’s arteries spouted blood for a moment before the plasma sealed the wound on its way through the remaining flesh. Hisses and snarls echoed throughout the Anzat’s transfiguring corpse. His crimson eyes filled with blood and rolled into the back of his skull.

With a satisfactory nod, Alara deactivated her sabers and clipped them to her belt. She lifted her right wrist to her face and dialed her Quaestor’s line on her datapad. A quick hum ushered Braecen Kaeth’s hologram over the datapad’s screen.

“Any trouble?” the Elder’s voice was transmitted through the small machine.

“Just an Arconan who landed here first, but he's been dealt with.” Alara responded with a sense of pride.

“Ah. Good. Begin harvesting as much as you can. I've sent reinforcements to aid you in leaving that hunk of rock safely with the goods. With the war on the horizon, we need as many weapons built as possible.”

“Understood, my Lord. I will arrive with the crystals shortly as you've requested. Over and out.” With that, Alara hung up the call and immediately went to work.

She reached for her first extraction and eyed the crystal closely. Its hue immediately squealed and cracked into a red distortion, as if implying some inner change to come for the woman.

Alara’s fiery eyes glittered with her devilish smile, Well, well, well. It appears my sister may have been right. My anger is far too strong for a Dark Jedi.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 10 July, 2017 1:22 AM UTC

Legorii was obviously fighting back tears and screams from the look of his face churning in all exhibits of sheer pain. His already pale skin appeared to be growing even whiter. His red eyes appeared to be almost bloodshot. He bit onto his lips with his canines to prevent any further saliva from dripping all over himself.

I feel like this is a bit exaggerated for a reaction to being kicked in the groin...also in general, Alara and Legorii are pretty evenly matched as saber-fighters, with Legorii having a slight edge in athletics. It also disregards any of his feats like "The Force Is With Me".

Legorii swept his emerald lightsaber forward, careening into Alara Deathbane’s defenses. While she deflected the blow without difficulty, the Arconan’s broad frame blocked the most viable escape route—the dark passageway leading out of the antechamber. Gritting her teeth, the half-Sephi countered, thrusting both of her weapons toward the Anzat’s gut. The thrusts were battered away. Alara caught herself taking a step backward toward the looming ravine.

Their breath hot in the icy air, Legorii and Alara traded blows. In the silent darkness of the crystal cavern, the broader conflicts of the war had no place. While the hell-bent opponents had filled the cavern with violence—and weren’t the first to do so—it was an almost honorable sort of violence. Untouched by the treachery and broken alliances that dictated affairs among their Clans. Here there was no deception. Neither intended to let the other live.

Painfully cognizant of his limited stamina, Legorii redoubled his assault. The Force stirred in the depths of the crystal cavern, lending him renewed strength. Under the relentless blows, Alara’s retreat to the ravine resumed in earnest. The certainty of her steps, and the nonchalance with which the young woman took them, gave the Arconan pause. He was a hunter, but in that moment, he felt like prey.

Once they’d nearly reached the edge of the precipice, Alara sprang into action. Summoning the Dark Side with as much difficulty as one summoning the willpower to get out of bed on a rainy morning, the Aedile vaulted into the air. Legorii slashed at her feet as she sailed past him. He was too slow. Spinning, the Arconan suddenly found that he was the one with his back to the ravine. Even for a scion of the Shadow Clan, a man dark of cloak and of soul, the blackness below was unsettling.

But Alara was not finished. The Dark Side continued to coarse through her. Her blood ran hot, tinging her pointed ears with color despite the cold. Crackling energy leapt from her fingertips, arcing through the cavern’s empty space. But the Force served more than one master. Though his muscles may have been slowed by fatigue, Legorii’s senses were not. The Force supplied him just enough advanced warning of the impending lightning. He dove to the side, sliding head-first across a patch of ice.

Alara’s lightning exploded against the cavern wall, dislodging a cluster of kyber crystals and showering both fighters in dirty ice and fragmented stone. Legorii briefly shielded his face with his left arm. When he turned his gaze back toward the spot that the young woman had previously occupied, she was gone. The Anzat’s crimson gaze found her almost immediately, sprinting back the way she’d come in. Not fleeing, surely. Merely executing the next step of some half-baked scheme.

Immediately, Legorii pursued her. He unslung his BlasTech A280 rifle, knowing that he had only a few seconds before she’d turn a corner. He depressed the trigger, squeezing off a volley of searing bolts while on the run. They sizzled against the far wall of the cavern, boring halls in the ice and generating small clouds of steam. He squeezed the trigger again. This time, one of the bolts found its target, slamming into Alara’s shoulder. The force of it propelled her forward. She lost her footing, throwing her hands out to break her fall. One of her lightsaber hilts was knocked out of her hand, sliding across another patch of ice.

Discarding his rifle, Legorii rushed toward her. Soulflayer lead the way, its green light battling the shadows that blanketed the corners and crevices of the cavern. As Alara struggled to her feet, Legorii felt his anger mounting. He hated when his opponents did not know when they were beaten. Hated when they had the gall to continue to face him. He gave himself over to the Dark Side. His rage boiled forth, fiery in an icy tomb.

With her uninjured shoulder, Alara was able to parry the first of the powerful uppercuts she was subjected to. The second, however, was ferocious enough to knock her remaining lightsaber from her hand. Barely short of feral, the Anzat wasted no time in toying with the woman. His lightsaber screamed through her torso, cleaving her from hip to breast and depositing burnt organs and severed intestines onto the cavern floor.

There would be no foothold for Clan Scholae Palatinae on Ilum.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 10 July, 2017 1:29 AM UTC

Untouched by the treachery and broken alliances that dictated affairs among their Clans.

It's part of the style you're going for, but did throw me off because it's such a stark fragment.